Funny That Way
by LuvaGoodMrE
Summary: Tony Stark had long ago accepted that his life was weird. Charmed and amazing – often terrifying – but weird. Still, this took the cake. It's not every day that he loaned out a guest room to a funny girl who got herself knocked up by the God of Mischief.
1. Chapter 1

I stuck the Author's Note at the bottom because it's so damn long. Look at it if you're feeling confused.

Disclaimer: If I owned _anything _involved in this story, I obviously wouldn't be living in a studio apartment next to a very loud nightclub.

Summary: Tony Stark had long ago accepted that his life was weird. Charmed and extraordinary – sometimes terrifying – but always weird. Still, this took the cake. It's not every day that he loaned out a guest room to a funny girl who got herself knocked up by the God of Mischief.

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><p>Thor appeared in Heimdall's observatory with a flash and a bang. He barely heard the surprisingly warm greeting from Heimdall himself before he was running across the prismatic bridge to his father's palace. The citizens of Asgard froze in shock at the image of their future king sprinting down the pathway. Some shouted and cheered, spreading the news that Thor had come home, but his step never faltered or slowed and he reached the palace before the gossip. He burst into the throne room, startling his mother and father.<p>

"Thor!" Frigga shouted, her voice filled with pleasant surprise. Odin rose to greet him, his lips starting to form a smile before he caught the expression on Thor's face.

"What is wrong, my son?"

Frigga turned startled eyes to her husband before shifting her gaze back to Thor, realizing that Odin was right – something was troubling her boy.

"Father, where is Loki?"

That was obviously not what either the king or queen had anticipated falling from their son's lips. They shared a brief look of confusion.

Frigga's voice was puzzled, "Loki? Why do you ask?"

Odin answered slowly, "It is midday. He is in the courtyard receiving his punishment."

Thor looked directly at his father, "He is needed on Midgard."

Before either of his parents could respond, he took off running yet again in the direction of the courtyard. Lady Sif and the Warriors Three emerged from a doorway to his left, having apparently been informed of Thor's return. They joyously shouted their greetings, but Thor did not slow down.

He shouted as he passed, "Sorry, my friends, but I must speak with my brother!"

There was a brief silence before he heard the pounding of his friends' footsteps behind him. Sif had always been wickedly fast and had nearly caught up to Thor before he stopped suddenly at the gate to the courtyard, causing her to crash into his back. Thor stumbled forward a step but otherwise didn't react to the unexpected contact. He was frozen at the sight of his brother.

Loki stood perfectly still on a raised pedestal in the middle of the courtyard, arms crossed over his chest. His mouth had been sewn shut – black thread crisscrossing from one side of his lips to the other. He was also staring straight at Thor, his eyes wide. With his pale complexion and the sun behind him, he looked like a macabre statue depicting suffering and humiliation.

"Thor, what is going on?" It was his father's voice and Thor realized that his parents must have followed him in his mad dash. He regained his composure and looked back at Odin.

Raising his voice so that Loki would hear, he answered, "As I said, my brother is needed on Midgard." He looked back at Loki, whose face had turned curious. "It is a matter of life and death."

Suddenly Loki was standing in front of him. Loki waved his hand over his face and the thread was gone, leaving no trace that it had ever been there.

Frigga's voice rang out, "Loki! How did you…? That was the thread of Bestla!" She seemed amazed that he had removed his punishment so easily. "Have you always had the ability to unlace the thread?"

Loki turned his gaze to his mother and spoke softly, "It is not atonement if it is involuntary." He returned his eyes to Thor. "Brother, what is the matter?"

Thor took a deep breath and shook his head. "I am not sure where to begin. There is something I must tell you, but I do not know how." His lips quirked a bit. "You are the one with the silver tongue."

Thor's eyes slid up to the now empty pedestal as if to acknowledge where Loki's silver tongue had led him.

A deep voice broke through the momentary silence, "Loki is not allowed to leave. He is being punished for his crimes against his king and the Nine Realms." Everyone turned to stare at Odin. "Whatever urgent matter you believe requires his attention will have to wait."

"Sorry Father, but this cannot wait." Thor grabbed Loki's arm. "You need to go back to Midgard. At Tony's place you will find…"

Odin's voice rang out again, louder and angrier, "This is not up for negotiation, Thor. Loki has committed grave crimes and must bear his punishment. I have decreed it so."

Thor laughed, startling everyone. "Father, calm down. You do not want to fall into Odinsleep now. Trust me. You are about to become a grandfather."

Everyone froze at Thor's words. After a long moment of stillness, Frigga broke the silence, "Grandfather? Thor! Is Jane with child?" Her voice was high and slightly shrill with happiness.

Again Thor laughed, "No. Jane is not pregnant."

More silence. This time, it was Fandral who broke it, "You impregnated another female? I don't know whether to scold you or congratulate you." He paused, looking thoughtful. "Do you need Loki to talk Jane out of killing you?"

"No." Thor looked directly at Loki, his eyes full of meaning. "_I_ did not impregnate anyone."

Apparently Thor had a hidden talent for rendering everyone into silence. Loki could feel the eyes on him, but he was trying too hard to wrap his mind around his brother's words to care.

"Loki? What is Thor talking about?" Odin's voice was quieter, the anger gone. Loki didn't even glance at his father.

With an unsteady voice, Loki asked, "Is she alright?" Thor had never heard his brother sound so shaken. Even dangling over an endless abyss, Loki had sounded confident. "Thor…is she alright?"

Thor was still holding one of Loki's arms and he raised his free hand to grasp the other.

"For the moment. She is staying with Tony. Apparently he had a spare room and very discrete doctors. But those doctors are a bit baffled at her inability to regulate her body temperature. Apparently they do not have much experience with mortal women carrying the child of a Frost Giant."

"_Frost Giant_?" Thor could hear Sif's incredulous whisper behind him and realized that he had inadvertently outed his brother. Loki didn't seem to either notice or care - he appeared to be in some sort of shock, his eyes wide and unfocused, his body unnaturally still.

"I must…," Loki's voice faltered, and that fact alone was enough to make Thor realize just how much he had taken his brother by surprise.

Patiently – like the big brother that he had once been – he finished Loki's words for him, "You must go to her. Tony is the only one who knows. I only just found out and I came directly here. She is going to need your help."

That seemed to wake Loki up and he shook his head a bit, eyes coming back into focus.

"Yes, you are right. I must go to her. Now." He stepped back and looked at his parents in turn. "Mother, Father, I am sorry but I am needed on Midgard. But know that in my heart, I am ever your faithful son."

He looked back at Thor and seemed to hesitate before asking, "On a scale of one to ten, just how angry with me do you think she is going to be?"

Thor laughed again, knowing now that it would be alright, "Eleven. Sorry, brother. You might want to hide the taser before she sees you. And protect your manhood – your girl fights dirty."

Loki grimaced, "That is what I figured, but hope springs eternal." He disappeared without a sound.

"Loki!" Frigga shouted, turning to Thor. "Where did he go?"

"Back to Midgard I would imagine." Thor's voice was amused. "It is not like he actually needs to use the Bifrost."

"What do you mean?" Odin's voice was strange and Thor turned to look at him.

He gave his father an almost sympathetic look, "Father, Loki has always possessed more power than should be contained in one man. I doubt he has any difficulty getting from one realm to the next."

Odin seemed about to respond before he pulled back his words. The look between father and son was charged.

Thor continued, "That is why, now that he has returned to Midgard, I shall tell him every day that I love him. That I am proud of him. Because if he ever decided to embrace the darkness again, to _truly_ embrace that side of himself – no one, not even you, could stand against him."

Odin nodded, eyes troubled. His voice was nearly humble when he asked Thor, "Is he truly to become a father?"

Thor chuckled without much humor, "Apparently. Shocked the hell out of me. They were either the most discrete individuals alive or this was the result of a single night of drunken debauchery." He paused, thoughtful. "Since it is Loki, I would normally be inclined to think it the former. But knowing Darcy, it is equally possible that it was the latter."

"Darcy? Is that her name?" Frigga's voice was soft and tinged with the vestiges of shock. "Is that the mother of my grandchild?"

"Lady Darcy!" Fandral shouted. "You mean, your Lady Jane's friend? The girl with the unusual sense of humor and the enormous set of-," he cut himself off as he realized that his queen was staring at him with an arched brow. He finished rather lamely, "Eyes. _Very_ big eyes."

"That would be the one."

"I see." Odin's voice seemed to have regained its strength. "Then Loki is free to go. From my experience, fatherhood will be punishment enough for any of his crimes."

The words startled a laugh out of Thor, "Quite true, Father."

Frigga addressed her son, "Thor, what is she like? This Darcy."

He had to think a moment, "Well, I would normally say that she is quite intelligent, but seeing as how she somehow ended up carrying my brother's child, I am going to have to amend that assessment. She does have an odd sense of humor – though come to think of it, Loki did seem to find her jokes amusing. She is very kind in her own way and fiercely loyal. Young, too – even by Midgardian standards. I suppose she is rather pretty, though I rarely see her outside of Jane's presence and so I am usually quite distracted."

"She's pretty," Fandral cut in with a smile. "Trust me. Dark hair, blue eyes, _very_ kissable lips. And I believe I mentioned her other attributes. Loki truly must have employed every bit of his skill to have sweet-talked his way into her bed."

"Is she strong?" Odin's voice held far more gravity.

"Yes," Thor answered without hesitation.

"Good. She will need to be. Both in mind and body."

That seemed to sober everyone up. This was a _mortal_ girl they were talking about. They each pondered the ramifications of this astonishing turn of events.

Sif's voice was curious, "Thor, what was that about Frost Giants?"

* * *

><p>Very (Very) Long Author's Note: This is going to be a very odd story – I should warn you all now.<p>

Just to set the stage, the events from "Thor" happened exactly as shown. Then (as per the trailer and my own odd mind), Loki goes off gallivanting about the universe gaining power, building up an army, finding cool toys, and fostering a well of hatred for Thor and all things virtuous. He comes back as the Big Bad and really does a number on Earth – causing the Avengers to form and try to fight him. While this is going on, some other baddie enters the scene (Thanos, maybe? Sorry, I've only seen the movies, so my comic book lore is Google-based). Some sort of confrontation occurs and Loki realizes just how close he is to seeing Thor die in front of him and decides that he loves him just _slightly_ more than he hates him, switches sides at the last possible moment and wipes the floor with aforementioned villain. It should be noted that in my mind, Loki is a serious, serious threat – I mean, he _is_ playing the main villain in the Avengers, so he has to be a real badass mofo - but I am probably going to be overestimating his abilities. Also, he doesn't have kids in my version even though mythologically he does (Hel, right? And the 8-legged horse…which was actually in the movie. I don't think that was supposed to be his kid though. I mean _I _wouldn't let my father ride my son, just saying.) And I know that this isn't why his lips were sewn shut, but I couldn't shake the image of Tom Hiddleston with his lips sewn up Tim Burton style, so I threw it in.

Anyway…this chapter picks up a few months after the events of my hypothetical Avengers, however it will immediately jump back to how the hell Darcy wound up preggers.

And for the record, this Loki is still a naughty boy. Very much so.


	2. Chapter 2

_Seven months ago…_

The battle was over, the good guys had won, and Tony Stark was throwing a wicked victory party. All in all, Darcy considered it a good day. She adjusted the neckline of her dress as her eyes slid from one corner of the room to the other, watching the mating rituals of superheroes. It looked a lot like ordinary macking, except there was significantly more concealed weaponry. Her eyes paused on the lone figure on the balcony. It was Loki, God of Lies and Mischief and Other Bad Things. She had woken up that morning to the fact that he was the biggest threat to the lives of the people she cared about, yet here she was - less than 24 hours later - and he was a guest at the victory party. Granted, a not-altogether-welcome guest, but still – he was there. From what she had heard, the only reason any of them were still alive to have a party at all was because he was fickle and flipped sides – and then exploded the new bad guy all over innocent bystanders.

And the only reason he would give for the change of heart? Because he 'felt like it'.

As she wasn't a superhero and therefore wasn't around for the big fight, she only understood what happened in the abstract - the news cameras were shaky and no one who was actually there would stick around long enough to give her a detailed explanation. She knew that everyone had been fighting Loki and his army (where did _they_ go anyway?), and then they were suddenly fighting someone (something?) with a plan that was more straightforward than Loki's – kill everyone. Thor got hurt, Loki got pissed, and the bad guy got dead. Brutally. As in pieces of him were probably still being washed out of the hair of random New Yorkers.

Now Thor was healing nicely and Loki was here at Tony's place. But she knew it wouldn't be that simple. Loki had done some crazy bad stuff – lives were ruined (some quite literally) because of him. They weren't just going to forgive and forget because he pulled a Darth Vader and switched sides at the last minute to save the day. She had a feeling tonight was a one-off. Tomorrow, they'd have to deal with the consequences of the past few months.

But as she stared at Loki's back, silhouetted against the stars, she couldn't help feeling a little sympathy for the devil. While it seemed like having a fucked up family was a necessity for joining the little superhero club, Loki's backstory was a bit more harsh than the norm. Not that she could condone his little reign of terror. But still. Putting aside the whole god thing, she was probably the only one here who _really_ got where he was coming from. Well, sorta. She'd been sixteen and about to do blood-typing in science class. She had to ask her parents for their blood-type so she could see how she inherited her own. When she asked them, her mother just looked at her father and sighed. Then she explained that Darcy was adopted. It seriously came out of fucking nowhere. She didn't look adopted. She never remembered a pre-Lewis family Oliver Twist childhood. It didn't compute.

She remembered the fallout from that night – the sneaking out, the copious underage drinking, the ill-advised fooling around. Looking back on it now, she cringed at how painfully clichéd it all was. But still, rational or not, she remembered the rage. It was uncontrollable and it was aimed at her parents, at herself, at the world in general. And she remembered how betrayed she felt – by her parents, by her _other_ parents, by herself for being so naive that she never even suspected. Her family just let her deal with it - constantly telling her they loved her, but otherwise letting her screw up her life however she wanted. Then, one night as she crawled back in her window smelling of cheap beer and tobacco, she found her mom waiting on her bed. She didn't yell or lecture, she simply handed her an old photo and said, "This was the best day of my life."

In the picture, her mom was holding a mini-Darcy - she'd guess she was about a year old. They were standing in front of their old house with two balloons – 'Welcome Home' and 'It's a Girl'. The look on her mom's face was so fucking _happy_. And Darcy just held that picture while she cried and cried until she thought she would choke to death on her own tears in a dramatic and awesome exit to the world.

In the morning, she actually spoke to her parents for the first time in weeks. And that was that. She was (still) really ticked off and hurt that they hadn't confided sooner, but she got that they loved her – _really_ loved her. She could ignore the rest.

So looking at Loki now, she could kinda see where he'd been coming from. She remembered feeling so betrayed that they'd kept it from her for so long – almost sixteen years – but Loki had been in the dark for _centuries_. Multiplying her own anger by such a freaking massive amount of time and she could see why he might be angry enough to destroy worlds. Add to that the fact that he was an entirely different _species_. Double mind-fuck. And then today, when his brother almost died, he probably had his 'picture' moment where he realized love was stronger than blood.

Or she could be completely wrong. Maybe he tried to enslave Earth because it seemed like a good idea at the time, then he'd simply said 'fuck it' and became the good guy just to throw people off balance. That sounded like something a God of Mischief would do.

She looked down at the empty beer bottle in her hands and then back up at the lone figure on the balcony. Whatever his motives, he _did_ kinda save the day. The hell with it; no one had ever accused her of being a coward. She headed toward the bar, smiling at Tony flirting shamelessly with an unamused Pepper, before grabbing two fresh beers. She took a quick look around and, deciding no one was watching, slid out the door onto the balcony.

He had to know she was there – hello, god powers - but he didn't acknowledge her presence. Well, okay then. Maybe he wanted some alone time? Whatever, she wasn't a genie, so he was getting company instead.

"Want one? It's the good stuff - imported." She held a bottle out to Loki.

His eyes slid over to her slowly and looked her up and down in a way that made her only slightly uncomfortable – it was more like he was sizing her up than checking her out. She wiggled the bottle in her outstretched hand.

"Don't tell me the God of Mischief is afraid of a hangover. Or are you a weepy drunk? Cause that shit would be funny." She tried on a smile to see how he would react.

He just kept staring at her, which was starting to get weird. And scary. This was probably a really bad idea. But, just as she was about to pull her hand back and make a quiet getaway, he reached out and took the bottle from her slowly. Giving her a slight nod to acknowledge his thanks, he brought the bottle to his lips and took a long sip. She couldn't help staring at his mouth and throat as he swallowed – whatever, she was a woman and he was pretty. So sue her.

Up close, he really had an interesting face. She had been expecting harsh lines and sharp angles - and yeah, his jaw was chiseled and his cheekbones were rocking - but on the whole, his face was surprisingly soft. Gentle. _This_ was the dude who made all the badasses inside shake in their spandex? She guessed looks really _could_ be deceiving.

"Not bad." His voice was smooth and soft and vaguely alluring – she could see why people would listen whenever he opened his mouth. "But not as good as Asgardian ale."

"You mean Thor's been holding out on us? What an ass-monkey!"

She was genuinely annoyed. She'd bought Thor a nice single-malt for a welcome-back-to-earth gift (and on her nonexistent salary, that was the equivalent of buying liquid gold) and he brought bupkis back for her from the motherplanet. Nice. She wondered if he brought anything back for Jane – except, you know, his penis.

She was startled by the quiet laugh next to her. She'd never heard Loki laugh before. She had assumed it would be cutting and kinda evil, like a horror movie villain – all bwahaha and shit. However, it was soft and melodious and weirdly…enthralling. Huh. She was definitely enthralled. Weird. She realized that she must have been staring at him with a somewhat gobsmacked expression because he raised his eyebrow at her in a questioning manner.

Feeling brave (hooray liquid courage!), she just smiled and answered honestly, "Sorry, it's just that you have a pretty laugh."

Well, he did. It wasn't like she was gonna lie to the God of Lies. Exercises in futility were not her thing. Anyway, she thought it might be kinda fun to throw _him_ for once. She was right. His eyes widened slightly and he quickly looked down at the drink in his hand with vague suspicion. She had to laugh at that.

"Dude, do I look stupid enough to drug a god?"

He smirked, "Not quite. Which is exactly why they would send you."

"Not _quite_?"

He seemed to ignore her peeved tone and redirected the conversation by asking, "Why did you come out here?"

She wasn't sure how he would respond if she told him she had braved his wrath because she had her own daddy issues. Instead, she just replied, "You looked thirsty."

"Try again."

Right. God of Lies. Hmm, "I was curious."

"Closer, but not quite. You are not a skillful liar."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It must be rather inconvenient considering your involvement in a secret organization."

Her smile was a bit self-deprecating, "That would imply that there are people I speak to who aren't already at this party."

"And yet most of them are not your friends. I wonder if you came to speak with me because you thought I looked as lonely out here as you felt in there."

That was a little too insightful for her comfort, "Are you psychoanalyzing me?"

"No. I am afraid I have too many of my own problems to care about yours."

That was certainly true. Dude had serious issues.

"Well, at least you seem to have made your peace with Thor. That's good."

His smile wasn't pleasant, "Thor. He forgives too easily."

"What about you? Do you forgive easily?"

He gave her a measuring look, "No. I do not forgive at all."

She huffed, "Pity. That would have been convenient a while ago. You know, before you sent that big robot thing to bitchsmack your brother?"

He leaned in towards her and it took everything she had not to flinch or step back. His voice was a whisper, "You should be more afraid of me, little girl. I could stop your heart from worlds away."

She could tell he was serious. She tried not to think that the next words she spoke could be her last – but hell, she wanted to die wittily if she couldn't go painlessly. "Well, now you're just bragging."

He invaded her personal space even more and gave her a naughty smirk. She wondered what would happen if someone looked outside right now. Were they flirting? No. Did it probably look like it? Yes. She wasn't even sure what they actually _were_ doing. Something weird, obviously. Her heart was racing from a combination of fear and...something else. She felt like she might actually understand why people jumped out of planes or chased tornadoes – talking to Loki was very dangerous, but strangely fun. Enticingly fun.

"I have far more impressive talents to brag about than killing mortals without due fuss."

"Yeah? Can you juggle?"

He gave her an appraising look, "I do believe you are _teasing_ me."

She just nodded, somewhat distracted. She'd just noticed that her beer was empty and she was talking to an only-possibly reformed supervillain. Alone. She needed another drink. But if she went back in, someone would notice and then there would be questions. Dilemma.

Suddenly, a pale hand with long, slender fingers held a weird mug thing in front of her face. Was it a _tankard_? Seriously? How very Norse God chic.

Loki just smirked and echoed her previous statement, "You looked thirsty."

She slowly took the mystery beverage, "Touché. And thanks."

She looked down at the liquid in the mug, giving it an experimental swirl. It _looked_ normal. But taking a drink from the God of Mischief was about a 9.5 on the 'Really Fucking Stupid Things To Do' list.

Fuck it. She saluted Loki with her mug and took a big chug.

Oh.

_Yum_.

She turned to Loki to find him staring at her intently, gauging her reaction. "Like that, did you?"

She nodded like a bobble-head doll, "What is this stuff?"

"Asgardian ale. I told you it was better."

Well, damn. She wanted to bathe in it. Talk about _imported_ – this shit came from another planet. She wondered if he could just conjure stuff up whenever he wanted or if he'd somehow traveled to Asgard to fetch it in the few seconds she'd been distracted. Both seemed equally likely. And equally impressive.

Speaking of impressive, "No helmet tonight?"

He quirked a brow, "I thought I would attempt a more casual look."

And he _was_ dressed pretty casually for a guy she'd never seen in anything other than leather or metal. Asgardian fashion seemed to channel Kiss via a Renaissance Faire. In comparison, his current clothing would have been boring if not for the odd monochromatic color scheme. Dude sure liked his green. And she couldn't help but notice that it did bring out his eyes. Should villains have pretty eyes? That seemed like cheating.

And should she have cut herself off two beers ago? Probably. Still, she missed the helmet. For some reason, she felt like he should be aware of that fact.

"Just FYI, I like the helmet. It's pretty badass. Way cooler than Thor's. He said his pinches, though. Does yours hurt? It looks even more painful."

He looked somewhat flattered that she liked his choice in headgear, "The discomfort is negligible. I suppose I am not as delicate as my brother. Thor and his feathers – both soft."

She smiled at the idea of a _soft_ Thor, "Yeah. Yours makes more of a statement too. Kind of a 'Don't Fuck With Me' meets a 'Mess with a Bull, You Get the Horns' thing."

He raised an eyebrow, "You are an unusual mortal, but I find your candor strangely amusing."

Darcy couldn't help noticing that his diction was really amazing - which was a random observation - but true nonetheless. He emphasized every word, like actors in a Shakespearean play where they spoke in such a way that you could almost make sense of the nonsense just by their tone and the way they stressed certain words. She suddenly wanted to hear Loki recite the "To Be or Not to Be" speech. Maybe then she'd finally understand what the hell Hamlet was talking about.

"Although I guess you'd be Macbeth," she said aloud. She realized the non sequitur would probably throw him and so she followed that up with, "You know, as opposed to Hamlet. Regrets over cowardice. You strike me as a better to ask forgiveness than permission kind of guy."

He was looking at her oddly.

"Macbeth? You know, Shakespeare? The playwright?"

Still looking at her oddly. And quietly.

"No? Well, that's ok. I think I have a copy of 'Romeo and Juliet' somewhere in my apartment that I can loan you. It's kinda depressing – ok, no, it's _morbidly_ depressing – but I think it's his most popular play. Or you could just watch the movie version. The DiCaprio one is actually pretty good, in an intentionally anachronistic way."

Still nothing. Well, apparently he wasn't feeling very social all of a sudden. She wondered if she'd said something wrong. Maybe talking about regrets was a bad idea.

Just when she was about to apologize, he responded, "I prefer 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'. I find Puck…relatable. And my brother, like Bottom, can be somewhat of an ass."

She had to laugh at that one.

"Are you saying Thor's a Bottom?" She couldn't contain an immature snicker and added, "Yeah, he was a total Neanderthal when he got here. It was funny. _Hammer_! _Hammer_! Jane found it endearing, but I'm pretty sure someone dropped her on her head as a child, so…," she trailed off. He just chuckled quietly, smiling at her in a way that made her feel like she might actually live through this whole encounter. And she felt like they might actually be building rapport. How weird was that? She felt vaguely triumphant about it.

"I still have not decided if you were very brave or very stupid to come out here alone." His face never lost the smile, but she caught the hint of a threat laced in his words. Maybe she was wrong about the rapport. There was still a chance that Tony would need to use a power washer to get the little pieces of her out from between the tiling - or worse. Loki was creative.

She answered, "Oh, I'm both. But I also carry a taser, so it's all good. Ask Thor. I laid his ass out the first time we met. Knocked him out - put him in the hospital. Well, ok, Jane had kinda run him over first, but the taser was the finishing touch! It's my signature weapon, you know."

He looked oddly delighted, "Are you telling me that _you_ rendered my big brother unconscious?"

Yup, he was _totally_ delighted.

She couldn't help the proud smile, "Sure did! Down for the count."

"Well done, Darcy Lewis. You are a formidable woman."

She didn't react to him knowing her name even though they hadn't been formally introduced. He was uber-smart. He probably had a dossier memorized for everyone at the party. Hell, she wouldn't be surprised if he knew where she got her take-out from.

Although, speaking of take-out - and considering his status as supergenius – she figured it couldn't hurt to ask, "You wouldn't happen to know where I can get decent Thai food that delivers to my place, would you?"

This time, he rolled with her randomness and answered immediately, "Siam Basil on 11th and Cooper has a very decent Massaman Curry. You reside within their delivery zone."

Sweet! He was like Ask Jeeves except she kinda wanted to do him. You know, if he weren't a scary alien-god. Maybe she should be freaked out that he knew where she lived? Eh.

"Thanks! I've been striking out lately. And Massaman Curry is my fav."

He nodded as if he knew that. Well, sure he probably did. Again, she wasn't going to underestimate the brain on this dude. He was always ten steps ahead, waiting for everyone else to catch up.

She mused aloud, "I bet you're awesome at chess."

He smiled again, a strange light in his eyes, as if he completely understood her weird jumps in logic.

"I must admit I am a rather formidable player. However, it has been a while since I have had the chance to play. No one in Asgard has been able to provide me with a challenge in quite some time."

Yeah, she could see how that would be. She couldn't really see _Thor_ playing chess. For some reason, she was reminded of the beginning of '2001: A Space Odyssey' where the monkeys learn to use tools. Poor Thor. So pretty, so dumb. Ok, he wasn't really _dumb_, but he was…uncomplicated. If Thor was happy, he laughed – sad, he pouted – angry, he broke something – confused, he asked questions. And he asked a _lot_ of questions. Still, chess was a mental game of subtlety and strategy. Thor was more of an action man. Dodgeball – that was more Thor's game.

Darcy nodded at Loki, "Yeah. It must suck being the smartest person in the realm. You know Tony might be a decent opponent, he's super smart but unpredictable. Two rare qualities in one inebriated, man-whoring package."

Loki seemed to consider her suggestion before nodding. "Perhaps one day he would accept my challenge."

Oh yeah, she'd kinda forgotten Loki was still persona non grata around here. Ah well.

She added, "Well, I play a mean Texas Hold'em. And beer pong. I am the undisputed master at beer pong."

He smiled again – she was on a freaking roll – and arched his brow, "I am afraid that I will have to take your word on that. I have seen the game played at one of your dens of inebriation and I do not think I have the correct temperament for such sport."

"What the hell are you talking about? You'd rock at beer pong! I bet you could confuse everyone with your big words and then smoke them with your awesome eye-hand coordination. I saw you throw that knife on TV. It was epic. I bet you'd give Clint a run for his money. Not to mention the evil sorcerer powers. Well, morally-ambiguous sorcerer powers. And the whole godly constitution thing. You're probably a real tank."

She could see him puzzle over her words before he nodded, "Or I could turn my opponents' beverages into something decidedly more unpleasant than beer."

_There_ was the smile she expected from a God of Mischief.

"Yeah! That would be awesome. You totally have to be my partner next time I play. We'd be unstoppable." Her enthusiasm seemed to amuse him.

"Perhaps. Though I do not believe I am the kind of man who would frequent such…keggers." The way he said keggers - and the fact he actually said it at all - made her snort. Whatever, she wasn't a delicate feminine flower - she could snort if she wanted to. Anyway, he didn't call her out on it.

She thought about how decent he was being right now. She wasn't one of the super, awesometastic Avengers. She was Darcy Lewis, a girl who was involved only because she knew too much. She wasn't important in the grand scheme of things. Hell, she wasn't important in the not-so-grand scheme of things. But Loki? Really fucking important. Loki was the Villain with a capital V. He was the bad guy - ok. He did bad things - ok. He changed his mind - ok. He saved them all – ok. She wasn't sure where he stood on the good-to-evil scale right now, but she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. From what she gathered, friends had never been in abundance in the God of Mischief's life. She could relate to that. And hell, she already drank something he made appear out of thin air. She could at least extend the olive branch a little further and hope for the best. And if it went wrong, there was an entire house full of scary people with cool weapons who would be there to protect her. For some reason, she didn't think that would be necessary.

"You know, Loki – I can call you Loki right? I mean God of Mischief is kinda pretentious – but whatever, you know what? You're alright. Seriously. I'm relatively certain that I think you're pretty cool. Just try not to kill anyone else and I think we could be friends. Or something."

She wanted to bang her head against the wall after that awesome display of eloquence.

There was a long pause and his voice sounded strange when he replied, "To clarify, you want to be my _friend_?"

"I guess. Like you so tactfully pointed out before, I'm not exactly Miss Popularity in S.H.I.E.L.D. Besides, you've got the hook-up with this fuckawesome ale."

Loki turned to look out at the night and answered with far more gravity than she'd been anticipating, "I would not make a very good friend. But thank you, Miss Lewis."

"Darcy, please."

His voice was still a touch too serious, "Darcy."

She wasn't really daunted by his mood swings and was about to ask him about the whole Frost Giant thing since they were now on a first-name basis, but Nick Fury's voice sounded out behind her.

"Darcy? Could you come here? Jane's looking for you."

Darcy didn't have to be the God of Lies to know that was one.

"I'll be right there, Nick."

Fury didn't move, just kept staring at her with that look on his face that made her want to slap him. Or poke him in his one good eye. She was _not_ the damsel in distress. She didn't need saving. Not from Loki. Well, at least not right now. But whatever, she didn't want to make a scene. She looked at Loki, who was still pensively gazing out at the night.

Crapballs.

And she had spent all that time loosening him up. Fine, she didn't mind making a _little_ scene.

She turned back to Fury, "I just need to get Loki's digits. We were just talking about dinner and a movie."

Well, they _did_ mention Thai food and DiCaprio, so that technically wasn't a lie. Maybe it was too much though? Fury's eye bulged out and the vein in his forehead started pulsing. She caught Loki looking at her and decided - nope, it was just the right amount of mischief. It wasn't her fault Fury didn't have a sense of humor.

And the vein thing was gross.

"You alright there, Nick? I think you may have had too much to drink, you're looking a little peaky."

She was smiling a bit too widely, but this shit was funny.

"Darcy, I-" Fury broke off. Then he turned and walked away without a word.

"Well played," Loki's soft voice said from beside her.

"Why, thank you. If he pressed, I was going to start waxing poetic on that silver tongue of yours – but you know, in a kinky way. He gets flustered easily. I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks I'm hot and feels like a creeper about it since he's old enough to be my grandpa."

She looked at Loki appraisingly, "And he, you know, actually _looks_ like he's old enough to be my grandpa."

"Are you telling me that you think me _old_?" Luckily, he seemed more amused than insulted.

"Yeah, I guess so. But you're still hot, so it's all good." Well, he was, so it was. Although Asgardian ale might be a bit more potent than she thought. "You're also a gentleman. You're the only guy here who I haven't caught staring at my boobs tonight. You should've seen how red Steve got. Hilarious."

His voice was curious, "Do you really think you could catch me in the act if I did not want you to?"

Good point.

"I suppose not. You're a pretty sneaky bastard. Natasha has it worse though – with her freaking Britney Spears catsuit and her ridiculous body. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a bionic ass." She realized that came off a little bit like jealousy, but that woman gave her serious self-esteem issues.

"No need to be catty. Your body is proportioned in an above-average manner. I believe if you were to buy yourself a similar garment, there would be much speculation about the natural composition of your body as well." His voice was deceptively neutral.

In her buzzed (ok, more than buzzed) state, it took her a moment to puzzle out his words.

"Is that your way of saying I have a nice ass and would look good in spandex?"

Innocently, "Perhaps. I suppose you can take it that way if you wish."

Fuck, was she _blushing_? How embarrassing.

"Well executed ego stroking. Thanks."

"You are welcome. Though I must reiterate that you are an unusual woman."

"Eh. You know what they say – normal is a dryer setting."

He opened his mouth again, and she was waiting with far too much anticipation when Nick-Fucking-Fury's voice rang out again.

"Darcy."

Just her name, in _that_ tone. She was enjoying herself dammit! This dude was freaking entertaining for an ex-agent of chaos and doom.

She replied with just enough innuendo to make Nick uncomfortable, "Yes, Daddy?"

She heard Loki snicker beside her.

Fury wasn't pleased, "Come inside now. People are looking for you."

She looked up at Loki briefly before turning back to Fury, "Well, apparently people already found me."

She could see from the look on Fury's face that this wasn't going to go over well. And Loki still wasn't saying anything – she understood why. Fine.

"Alright, Pops. I'm coming." She looked back up at Loki and added in a comically sultry voice, "I'm _coming_ very soon."

Loki raised his eyebrow and smirked, obviously enjoying her little game. At least _someone_ could roll with the innuendo.

"_Darcy,_" Fury was using his 'don't-make-me-choke-a-bitch' voice. Damn. Seriously, he needed some fucking Xanax.

She sighed, "I'll talk to you later, Loki. Beer pong. I'm considering that a promise."

She turned her back on the God of Mischief and started walking into the house.

"Darcy?"

At the sound of her name on Loki's lips, she turned back to look at him despite the clenching of Fury's jaw.

"Tell my brother I will speak with him tomorrow."

She nodded and gaped a bit as he disappeared. Like _poof_. That was cool. She went to go back inside and realized something else had disappeared along with him. From the increased ventilation under her dress, she could tell that she was no longer wearing any panties.

Fucking God of Mischief.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well this is awkward." Everyone turned to look at the man who had broken the tense silence, but Tony just shrugged it off. "What? Everyone was thinking it."

Loki had to agree. This _was_ awkward. And boring. Loki hated being bored. He had known it would be a grim meeting, but he hadn't counted on it being so quiet and uninteresting. He was also over-prepared. He'd assumed that since he had been somewhat...troublesome...to this little group of late, they would be more cautious about his presence in their headquarters. Granted, he had been there many times before, but they didn't know that. And while he had - technically - saved them all, he was still the reason they had formed in the first place.

His vanity was only slightly flattered that they had to gather the most powerful beings in this realm (and beyond) just to take him on – but only slightly. While the people before him were the best Midgard had to offer, that wasn't saying much. The woman, while quick and lithe for a mortal, was more impressive in a bathing suit than a battle; the cocky fool was a good tinkerer but useless without his armor; the sullen one gave off an aura of medicine and magic - borrowed power; the shoddy dresser with anger management issues was only truly powerful (and he _was_ truly powerful) when he lost his control - and there is no point in power, however limitless, without control of it. He'd learned that lesson the hard way. The one with the bow was interesting - relatable even. Whenever Loki had to resort to physical confrontation, he preferred the precision and advantage of a ranged weapon. Thor, Mjolnir in hand, would laugh at Loki's little daggers, but he could use them and maintain his distance from the enemy. No matter how large your sword, you cannot kill a target you cannot reach. Still, looking back at the woman, he acknowledged that even the archer had his weaknesses.

And then there was Thor. But that was another matter altogether.

If they weren't going to amuse him, then he'd have to make do on his own. He conjured a few pebbles and threw them onto the table in front of him. Then he reconsidered and transformed the pebbles into diamond - his target was quite dense after all. He pulled a swath of purple fabric from a hidden pocket and started to fiddle with the shape of it.

Hands still busy, he noticed the air had gone still. Looking up he saw that everyone was staring at him with various degrees of discomfort on their faces. He almost sighed at the oddity of mortals. The absent-minded professor turned into a rage demon and they didn't blink, but he conjures a few stones and they panic.

Ignoring them, he focused back on his task. He adjusted the fabric in his hand one last time and placed a diamond carefully in the appropriate place. Then he pulled back and let it fly. It hit Thor directly between the eyes. Thor didn't so much as blink, which was somewhat disappointing. Still, Loki smiled - pleased at the surprising amount of control he was able to exert with his makeshift weapon. He went to reload, but his brother's voice halted his movement.

"What is that?"

"A slingshot," he replied without taking his eyes off his task.

"The fabric, brother. What is the fabric?"

Ah, he understood why Thor was so bothered now. "Oh. Darcy Lewis's panties."

Seeing his brother's mouth gape open, he used his advantage to let fly another diamond at his new target. Another direct hit. Thor immediately started choking on the diamond before spitting it out and giving Loki an irritated look. Loki just shrugged it off, pleasantly surprised that the elasticity of the fabric allowed for such precision. He wanted to applaud his own ingenuity. Had anyone else used panties as a weapon before - at least once they were _off_ an attractive woman? Doubtful.

"Why do you-" Natasha had started to ask, before Thor cut her off with a firm, "No, do not ask. It is better if we do not know."

Loki smiled at his brother, thinking of better times.

"Do not fret, brother. There is no sinister reason. This time."

He looked around for another target. Perhaps if he made the angry one's eye-patch disappear, he could aim for his empty eye socket? That thought, morbid and amusing, reminded him of his father. Of _Odin_, he mentally corrected. The game was no longer any fun.

An awkward silence once again descended. This was getting old. He addressed the group at large, "Are we going to talk about why I am here, or will you all just continue to stare at me? While I am sure that you find me quite fascinating, I have better things to do with my time."

The mortal in the badly tailored suit – Coulson, his mind supplied– took that as his cue to start speaking. He began to offer him some sort of pardon if he was willing to cease hostilities. Boring. Loki quickly tuned the little man out. Prior to his "arrival" at the facility today, he had sent out doubles to various nooks and crannies that were to stay alert and hidden, should the need arise for him to make a quick getaway. He scanned each double and found that one of them was quite entertained. It was spying on a pair of spies.

Hmm…he wondered what would happen were he to reveal that there were two silly mortal women listening at the keyholes. Metaphorical keyholes, of course – the door to the meeting room was made of an uncommonly hard metal and guarded by no less than nine armed guards. As if that would stop him. The mortals were listening in on the meeting via a little camera and technical skill. Clever girls.

Tuning back into the meeting, he found Patches was talking now about something or other – treaties or trust or treason – so he threw his consciousness into the body currently standing scant inches from Thor's new woman.

He had been somewhat startled when he first started observing Jane Foster. She was intelligent, sweet, demure, slender. Beautiful, yes - but not Thor's usual type. In truth, Loki was surprised that Thor hadn't made his move on the pretty Darcy instead. Darcy was loud, bawdy, funny, busty -everything Thor had traditionally sought in his previous romantic companions. Still, Thor had befriended the younger girl and courted the elder. That, more than anything, confirmed Loki's suspicions that Thor had grown up. Finally. Part of Loki was almost proud for him - of him. The rest of Loki was just resentful. Thor was correcting his flaws and Loki was creating new ones to revel in. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Still, this had the potential to be fun.

He leaned over Jane's shoulder to get a better view of the monitor, "See anything interesting, ladies?"

Jane turned around, and Loki could see the lies forming on her tongue to explain her little naughtiness, but she froze at the sight of her lover's brother instead of military personnel. In his periphery, he could see Darcy jump and spin around to face him silently, but he kept his eyes on Jane. He waited for her reaction and was almost disappointed (and oddly offended) that she paled and then screamed his brother's name loud enough to make him grimace. He scanned the double he'd left in his place and found Thor already running toward the door – the others without godly hearing staring after him in confusion. His double held out a hand to halt his brother, but Thor passed straight through as if it were a ghost. Corporeality was trickier to maintain in multiple forms.

Damn, he had been interested in what Jane would say to him without the distracting presence of his brother's mammoth person.

A voice shouted to his right, "Motherfucker! What the Hello Kitty are you screaming at, woman? I think I'm deaf in this ear now. Didn't your mother ever teach you to use your freaking inside voice?"

He'd forgotten Darcy was there until her diatribe reached his own ringing ears. He turned to find her looking at him earnestly

"Loki, dude, be honest - is my ear bleeding?"

She turned her head sideways as if she were genuinely concerned that Jane had punctured her eardrum. When she didn't crack a smile, he realized that she was actually being serious. Blinking at the absurdity of what he was about to do, he leaned closer and looked at her ear.

"No blood. You shall live to eavesdrop another day. Any lingering damage sustained appears to be simply emotional."

She huffed, "Emotional. Yeah, that seems to be the trend these days."

While her words were offhand, he found them strangely poignant. Emotional wounds - festering and frustrating - were what had spurred him on these past few months.

As Jane was still sitting in her chair staring at him like he was about to bite the head off her kitten (ah, the good old days), Loki was about to address the only other mentally cognizant person in the room. He paused, words caught midway between his mind and his mouth, as he heard Thor's heavy footsteps heading toward them at a godly rate. The facility was quite massive and labyrinthine, but apparently Thor could manage to find his way if the need was great enough. He careened around the corner, hammer in hand, and headed straight toward Jane. Loki realized that Thor would simply run straight at him, thinking him but a double again, so he sidestepped quickly and then had to watch as his brother swept the still-frozen woman into his arms in a laughably heroic manner.

"My love, what is wrong? Are you hurt? Please, speak!" He began running his hands along her body, checking for injury. Feeling vaguely discomfited that his brother had his hands on a woman's ass and wasn't pinching it, Loki decided to end his brother's desperation.

"She is fine, Thor. I merely startled her. But she gave as well as she got - ask Darcy if you doubt my words."

Thor gave him a brief glance before looking back at Jane, concern still etched into the very lines of his person. Loki understood that Thor would be less likely to take his words at face value now, but still found it somewhat rude to be ignored. As he watched his brother press a gentle kiss to the mortal woman's forehead, he felt vaguely nauseated as well. If he ever became that soft over a woman, he hoped someone would have the common decency to kill him quickly and be done with it. He turned to look at the least sickening thing in the room, but she was still grimacing and fiddling with her ear.

The woman - Natasha, he amended - rounded the corner with her gun drawn. Her eyes scanned the area and then the nozzle was pointed in the general direction of Loki's forehead. Lovely. And what kind of hero used a gun anyway? It didn't take much finesse or skill to pull a trigger.

The rest of the little band of crusaders followed into the room except for the Professor. Loki wondered if it was because he was out of shape or had more to do with maintaining an iron grip on his control. Can't raise your heart rate or you turn into a monster? Must be tough to get a woman.

Coulson's voice shouted breathlessly, "Thor, sitrep!"

Voices started answering but it was Darcy - loud Darcy – who gave the only audible answer.

"Jane threw a hissy because Loki was being Loki. She deafened me."

Even though she was being helpful, Loki couldn't help but correct, "She did not deafen you, though she does have exceptional lung capacity for a mortal. And the ability to reach a decibel range not often heard outside of kennels."

Darcy just turned to give him an annoyed glare, "How do you know I'm not deaf? Are you a doctor as well as a god? I could be bleeding internally."

He wasn't sure whether to sigh at her ridiculousness or smile at her audacity, "You are not bleeding internally."

"Yeah? How do you know? Can you look inside my head?"

"Yes."

She blinked. "Oh. Wow. _Cool_. Wait a minute, can you see through my clothes, too?"

He just raised an eyebrow.

"What a perve!" Her words were angry, but her lips quirked upward into a slight smile.

"I hate to interrupt, but what the fuck just happened?"

Everyone turned to look at Tony again. Loki had to admit that the man certainly had a gift for getting to the point. Maybe he _would_ challenge him to a game of chess.

Loki answered, "The fact that I came here was proof enough that I am done with my…campaign. The rest was mere formality. And you were talking and talking without imparting any additional information, so I decided to pay a little visit to two beautiful women who looked as bored as I felt. Apparently, my effect on mortal women is not as positive as I had imagined."

The Professor, arriving last but comprehending first, said, "But you were still in the room with us."

"Part of me was still in the room, I suppose. But to discuss whether or not that was truly _me_ would require a deep discussion of philosophy and existentialism. And I prefer to have such discussions after a few servings of ale."

Tony answered with a sly smile, "So was that the you or the not-you that made a slingshot out of Darcy's panties?"

The woman in question turned to Loki with a comically shocked look on her face, "You did _what_?"

"The others were boring me. Truly it was for the best. Bad things tend to happen to the people around me whenever I get bored. Ask Thor."

Since Thor was still too busy making cow eyes at Jane, Darcy didn't even bother.

"You turned my undies into a _slingshot_?"

It occurred to Loki that she might not be pleased with him, "Does that offend you?"

"Not really. I'm actually kinda impressed. You're my new desert island guy."

Loki blinked, unsure of what she meant by that. "Desert island?"

"Yeah, or you know, like a zombie apocalypse. You're my new go-to guy."

Loki shook his head. Apparently her odd babble last night hadn't been the sole product of the alcohol she'd consumed. She was just naturally incomprehensible.

He said slowly, "I understand the words you are using, but the way you have ordered them has robbed them of all coherence."

"What? Oh. Sorry. It's just that you made a weapon out of my _panties_. That's MacGyver level resourceful. So I want you to be my partner if I'm stuck in a situation where a resourceful guy is needed – like on a desert island or in a zombie apocalypse. Get it?"

He did. She was insane, but he understood her unusual logic.

"While it is unlikely that there exists an island, deserted or not, that I would be unable to escape from – should you find yourself in such a situation, I shall endeavor to assist you."

She smiled at him in a way that made him uncomfortable. They weren't friends – she should not be smiling at him like that.

"Really? Sweet! How about the zombie apocalypse?"

"I shall kill you quickly and painlessly should you become infected."

Her smile fell. "Woah. That was not where I was going with that. I was hoping more along the lines of a scenario where I live."

She truly was bizarre. "Then I shall kill all of the infected and you can wander alone for the rest of your days. I do not see why that would be the preferable option."

"Oh. Good point."

Fury's voice broke into their conversation, "While this is both highly disturbing and completely pointless, could we head back to the meeting room so we can sign the damn papers, call a truce, and get the hell out of here sometime soon? Before _I _start killing people."

Loki mused, "Fury is furious. I wonder why you constantly feel the need to live up to your surname. Had you been born Nicholas Serenity, would you even be here right now?"

Loki was truly curious – destiny by birth was an interest of his. From the blank expressions on the faces around him, no one else shared his interest. Except perhaps Darcy. She had raised an eyebrow and made a little "huh" noise at Loki's words. He wasn't sure that having the strange mortal follow his thought pattern boded well for his own mental stability. He sighed.

"Nevermind. Alright, Coulson. I shall be leaving now."

Coulson raised his hand, as if that would actually do something to stop Loki, "Hold on! You have to sign the treaty first."

Loki gave the little man a condescending smile, "I just did."

He turned to his brother who seemed to have finally realized that his woman was perfectly fine and other people actually existed. "Thor. I take my leave of you."

Thor immediately released Jane and stepped toward his brother, which pleased Loki in a way that almost embarrassed him. The fact that Thor still cared was inconceivable – but strangely wonderful. Brotherhood was a tricky thing.

Thor held his arm out to his brother and Loki grasped it tightly, locking their forearms. He squeezed Loki's arm a bit too tightly, as he always did, and gave him a lopsided smile.

"Thank you for coming, brother. We belong on the same side. We have always belonged on the same side."

Loki smiled around the odd emotions bubbling in his throat. "Not always. But for now, we are no longer adversaries. I will be in touch, brother."

Loki recalled all of his doubles, and with a quick nod to Coulson, he disappeared.


	4. Chapter 4

Darcy kept staring at the piece of paper in her hand as if waiting for it to burst into flames or bite her or something strange and scary like that. But it just stared back at her mockingly, the writing on it unchanging. She had come home from work (or whatever you wanted to call that place she went to ten hours a days where she pretended to do paperwork while actually playing Angry Birds on her phone) and found a piece of paper on her pillow that most definitely had _not_ been there before. It was thick and expensive-looking…_parchment_, maybe? Even before looking at what was written on it, her heart had double-thumped knowing exactly who would leave such an ostentatious note in such an inappropriate place. But just to check, she had picked it up and read the text written there in emerald ink, handwriting ornate but slanted in a way that seemed incongruously threatening.

'In the event of zombie apocalypse.'

Beneath that little line of text were ten numbers. It was unsigned, but that didn't matter. Half of her mind understood exactly what the paper was trying to convey to her, but the other half needed to sit down.

Apparently the God of Mischief had a cellphone.

No matter how many times she tried to grasp the idea, it failed to compute. She wasn't sure if it was because Thor was not allowed to use cellphones (you can only break so many before someone deems it a bad idea), or simply that she couldn't imagine Loki actually using one. Who would the God of Mischief call? Would he use it just to prank the stupid mortals? Possibly.

And she was apparently one of those stupid mortals.

Putting aside the fact that Loki had been in her bedroom, she just couldn't understand _why_ he was giving _her_ his number. They'd spoken to each other a grand total of twice and no one in S.H.I.E.L.D. had seen him since he had signed the treaty almost two weeks ago.

Knowing it was a bad idea, but unable to help herself, she reached for the phone in her back pocket and entered in the numbers on the paper. Steeling herself, she pressed the send button and held the phone up to her ear quickly before she lost her nerve.

One ring…she knew it wasn't going to be his actual number, it was probably going to be a phone-sex service or suicide prevention hotline…two rings…he probably didn't even have a phone, or he stole it off a guy he killed and now the police would be looking for _her_ - oh she shouldn't have dialed…three rings…she was gonna hang up…

"Traditional or modern?"

Darcy blinked. That was Loki's voice (which her girl-parts would recognize anywhere), but the words made zero sense. Complete bewilderment seemed to be par for the course today.

"What?"

"The zombies. Traditional or modern? I have found that the more modern the zombie, the faster they can move. I am somewhat busy at the moment, so unless there are modern, sprinting undead beating down your door, you will have to manage on your own for a little while."

She was so very confused. Just to be safe, she whispered into the phone, "Am I on drugs?"

She wasn't sure how he would know that, but he seemed to know everything else.

Suddenly, the God of Mischief was standing in front of her. She stifled a scream and froze as he leaned very, very far into her personal space. For a moment, she was absolutely sure he would kiss her. It made no sense, but then again nothing about him was making sense to her today. Should she let him kiss her? He would probably do something bad to her if she refused. That was a good reason to let him, and the one she would use if anyone ever found out about it.

To her relief (or everlasting shame and disappointment) he just looked in her eyes, then pulled back and disappeared.

His voice was in her ear, "You do not seem to be drugged."

She blinked at the empty space in front of her. Dazed, she spoke into the phone, "You were in my room again."

"No, I was not. I told you that I am busy at the moment."

"But-," her voice cut off as she remembered his ability to be in two places at once. Or twenty places at once. Handy. Terrifying.

"Oh. Right." She decided that there was no way to mentally recover from all of this, so she would just pretend that everything was normal – that her calling Loki was just something that happened sometimes. "So…whatcha up to?"

There. That was normal.

"Mischief, of course."

Ah, right. He _was_ the god of it. Right now all she felt like _she_ was the god of was awkward situations.

"Cool. Just don't do anything that'll require an alibi. I don't think I could help you there. I'm feeling pretty useless right now."

"I do not believe I would wish to continue living in a world where I required _your_ assistance. But I suppose convention dictates that I thank you for the concern."

_Was_ she concerned? She wasn't sure. This was way too weird.

"So, can I ask why you felt the need to give me your number?" A thought occurred to her, "Wait…there isn't something that I should know about, is there? The world isn't actually going to end anytime soon. Right?"

He sounded impatient, "Not that I am aware. Apocalypse-level events tend not to come on the heels of one another. You should have at least another year before such a worry. There is a cyclical nature to these things. Now if you merely called me out of curiosity, I am afraid I must hang up now."

She went to respond, but the sound of a click and a dial tone indicated that the bastard apparently didn't know how to say goodbye properly. Whatever.

She put the phone down on her nightstand slowly and stared at it for a few moments. That actually happened, right? She quickly picked it back up and scrolled to the recent calls list. The number was there, staring back at her. She moved her thumb over to the save button and then debated on how exactly to label it. 'Loki' would raise too many red flags if S.H.I.E.L.D. got a hold of her phone. 'God of Mischief' wasn't any better. Maybe she could abbreviate it? 'GOM', it is.

She threw herself onto the bed, mind whirling. Loki gave her his number. Why? An idea occurred to her. She pulled the phone up to her face again and scrolled through it looking for Jane. She pressed send quickly and waited impatiently for her friend to answer.

"Hey, Darcy. What's up?"

That was a very good question. "Jane, you didn't happen to hear from Loki lately, did you?"

There was a brief pause on the other end, "Loki? Um, noooo. Why?"

So it _was_ only her. She had thought that Loki might have reached out to a few people close to his brother so that they could contact him if Thor ever needed his help. Or something. Apparently, she was wrong.

"Oh, no reason. I'm just nervous that we haven't heard from him in a while. God of Mischief and all that."

She hoped Jane bought her half-assed excuse. Luck was on her side, "Yeah, I know what you mean. But I think he's actually done with…all of that. Thor seems to think so anyway."

Darcy certainly hoped so, considering the man in question was leaving things on her pillow. She had to stop thinking about that.

"Yeah, probably. Hey, you wanna grab a drink tonight?" Darcy definitely needed alcohol.

"Oh, sorry. Thor and I are going out. We haven't had any alone time lately."

Damn. She was disappointed, but Darcy couldn't begrudge the two of them some sexytimes. They deserved it. Still, Darcy could have really used a drink and someone else's perspective on the whole Loki thing. Jane and (to a lesser extent) Thor were about the closest things Darcy had to friends these days. It sucked being a part of a secret organization. Ah well.

"No problem. Make sure he wraps his hammer before he pillages your villages - I'm too young to be an auntie!"

Jane made a slight choking noise, "Darcy! You're so crude."

Eh. She'd been called worse.

"Call me later, chica."

"Bye, Darcy." Another click followed by another dial tone.

Darcy picked up the note that was still lying next to her on the bed and studied the handwriting. Loki had actually taken the time to _write_ her something. And he sent a doppelgänger to see if she was high. That was almost sweet. Objectively, Darcy realized that Loki had to have some sort of ulterior motive for reaching out to her. And it must have something to do with Thor. But that was as far as Darcy could get.

She couldn't believe she actually thought he was going to _kiss_ her. She was such a spazz sometimes.

And she was _not_ disappointed that he was only checking the dilation of her eyes or whatever. She did _not_ want the homicidal megalomaniac who had terrorized her friends to kiss her. That would be weird and wrong. So, so wrong.

She rolled over and screamed into her pillow. The pillow Loki had put a note on, her mind unhelpfully supplied. She unconsciously breathed it in, trying to locate his scent on the fabric. Catching herself, she screamed again.

She was an idiot.

She thought about contacting S.H.I.E.L.D. They would probably be pissed if they found out Undesirable No. 1 had been leaving notes on her pillow. (Get over the damn pillow already, Darcy!). The safe thing to do would be to call Agent Coulson and tell him what had happened. She reached for the phone again and scrolled through it. She froze with her finger on the send button.

What if Loki…what if…fuck. She wasn't even sure what to think about it all. She hit cancel and put the phone down. She closed her eyes, pulling the bedspread around her.

Later. She would figure everything out later.

* * *

><p>Loki shimmered the phone away and focused back on the task at hand. As amusing as he found Darcy Lewis, negotiating with the disappointed and angry leaders of another race truly required all of one's attention. He had promised much to the Skrulls for their assistance in his plan to subjugate the Midgardians under his rule, and they were not pleased that he had done an about-face at the last moment. Defeat is one matter, but Loki had simply changed his mind. Making them understand why he had done it was proving more difficult than he had imagined. Making them agree not to complete the task without him was proving damn near impossible. For the seventy-third time since he had seen his brother's blood staining the concrete beneath his limp form, Loki wondered if he was doing the right thing.<p>

He still had difficulty understanding why his plan to rule Midgard was viewed as such a bad thing. The Midgardians were the most self-destructive people he had come across in all of his travels. While many races were warmongers by trade, Midgardians fought only amongst themselves and received no profit for doing so. It was baffling. Having a ruler who could channel that hatred and violence and force them to turn it outwards could only be beneficial to them. And Loki was already a prince twice-over - he would have handled the responsibility of the throne with delicacy and respect.

Not to mention that it would have been fun to see the look on Odin's face when the people of Midgard bowed to him as their king. Worshipped him. _Thanked_ him.

But alas, life changes with every breath. He had turned around and there was Thor – his _brother_ – wounded, possibly dying. And someone was going to pay for that. Loki, for all of his anger, had never really wanted to _kill_ Thor. Hurt him – possibly. Censure him – probably. Humiliate him – definitely. Someone had needed to teach Thor a lesson in how to put the needs of others before his own impulsive desires, and their father was too busy napping. So Loki had stepped up. He could have blasted him to dust with the Destroyer, but he didn't. He hit him, true. Hard, also true. But it wasn't a fatal wound. Well, not immediately so. He lived long enough to redeem himself and play the hero the way he was meant to from the beginning. The way Odin had always hoped he would. But nobody ever thanked Loki for his part in that. If Loki hadn't sent the Destroyer to Midgard to hasten Thor's little transformation from selfish child into honorable king, he would still be mortal and wandering about like a scolded puppy.

But Thor _had_ gotten hurt, and it had jolted Loki. Disregarding his first days on Midgard, Thor had never been truly injured before. Loki had seen him laugh off injuries that would have put Fandral in the infirmary for weeks. And so Loki had lost a bit of control over his emotions, and devastated the creature who thought it wise to attack his brother. And then he looked around at the chaos playing out at his feet. While it was amusing creating it, the victory had seemed hollow at that moment. So he had stepped in front of a Skrull with a sword at Steve Roger's throat and called it off.

Midgardians may have been made to be ruled, but they did not want to be ruled. Fools. The lot of them.

And now he was forced to talk circles around a bitter band of former allies. The Skrulls had never been truly necessary to Loki's plan – he could enslave Midgard without any assistance. He could probably enslave the Nine Realms if he put his mind to it. But they had been useful from a strategic point of view. Alien invasion, full-scale and unexpected – that was something liable to throw Midgardians off-balance. Nothing like a common enemy to bring people together. Though in the end, it had been Loki himself who was painted as that enemy. His bad luck was truly astounding. Still, part of him realized that he had brought this on himself.

His words were failing him again. The Skrulls would not back down. Fine.

Loki turned to the one that presented the most opposition. Loki's voice was sharp as a razor, "You will leave the Nine Realms. And you will do so immediately."

The creature had the audacity to laugh at him, "You think to order me around! How da-," his words were cut off as he disintegrated. Loki moved his eyes back to the one in charge, affecting an air of boredom and menace.

"You will leave. Now. I will not ask again. I have no qualms with annihilating your race."

For the first time in their presence, Loki let his power coil around him like a snake, crackling the air with electric bursts of energy. The Skrulls looked nervously from the pile of ashes on the floor to the slender man standing before them with cold eyes.

Their leader, Zedrao, addressed Loki with more deference than he had ever previously afforded him, "Yes. We will leave. Now."

Loki's answering smile was chilling. "Good. I _will_ be watching."

And again, with his threat still lingering in the air, Loki disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

Darcy trudged into S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, expecting nothing but another boring day at work. Instead, she found herself in the middle of utter pandemonium. Military personnel were running around, looking panicked and yelling at each other in that soldier-jargon she still hadn't picked up on. Freaked out, Darcy started jogging towards Jane's office. If anyone would be able to explain to Darcy what was going on in a way that she could understand, it was probably Jane.

To her dismay, Jane's office was both locked and empty when she got there. And the people around her were still running around like chickens with their heads cut off. This wasn't good.

Darcy grabbed the arm of a woman running by, but she underestimated the surprising strength of the she-beast and found herself nearly face-planting when she got pulled along with her. The woman turned to her with a seriously pissed-off look on her face. Great.

She preempted whatever angry words the woman was going to throw at her by shouting, "What the hell is going on?"

The woman looked her over, reaching for the badge hanging around Darcy's neck to check her security clearance. Satisfied, she answered, "One of our main satellites has been taken out. There was a magical signature. They think Loki has turned again. I knew we shouldn't have trusted that bastard!"

The woman turned and sprinted away, leaving Darcy staring after her with a stupid expression on her face.

Satellite? _Loki_? No. That was…no.

She wished Jane was there. Because if Jane was there, then Thor would also be there. And if Thor was there, then maybe someone else would believe her if she said that she didn't think Loki did whatever they thought he did. Why would he be messing with a _satellite_? That seemed kinda pointless for someone with his über-scary abilities. Although he might have done it just to freak people out.

There was only one way to check. She backed herself into the nearest corner (mostly to avoid being trampled to death) and dropped to her knees, digging through her bag like a madwoman. Finding her phone, she quickly scrolled down to the weirdest contact she had – and considering her phone also had the number of a man who had been frozen in a block of ice for 70 years and a man who turned into a giant green monster of death – that was certainly saying something.

He answered on the second ring, "Have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? One day you will truly need my assistance and I-."

She cut him off, "You didn't trash a satellite." It was more statement than question.

There was an extended pause on the other end. She could picture his smile as he answered, "No. Did you want me to?"

Darcy let out a little sigh of relief. She tried to tell herself that she was happy for Thor's sake, so he wouldn't have to fight his brother again – seeing what that did to him the first time around was pretty brutal. But she had to admit that part of her was relieved for purely selfish reasons. Having a crush on a reformed bad guy was a bit more socially acceptable than a reoccurring villain. Not that she had a _crush_ on him – it was just that he was nice to look at and strangely fascinating to talk to. And maybe she wanted to lick him, but that was so very beside the point.

He must have picked up on her relief because his voice lost its amused tone, "Darcy…why did you call me?"

She'd called him because apparently everyone thought he went all evil again. But she knew there was no way she could explain that to him without somehow offending him. She felt obligated to try though.

"There's been some sort of incident with a satellite. There was magic involved. I don't really know much right now. It would probably be a good idea to come tell people that you didn't do it, because they all seem to think you did."

"Except you." There was a strange tone in his voice.

"Yeah, except me. Although I can't speak for Jane or Thor. I can't actually find them."

She heard him exhale deeply into the phone, his frustration audible. It bothered her for some reason. She knew that she shouldn't be feeling sympathetic toward him right now. It was only logical that people assumed it was him. He was the bad guy. Still, if he had been standing in front of her, there was a dangerous possibility that she would have given him a hug.

He suddenly sounded tired, "I will handle this, alright?"

Darcy nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. Or, well, maybe he _could_. She wouldn't be surprised.

"Good," he added.

They both fell silent and she watched as people continued to scamper around. She wondered if they were following some sort of protocol. It certainly didn't look like there was any method to their madness. Were any of them actually doing anything other than spreading the panic?

Loki's voice was low and she had to strain to hear it over the clamor, "Thank you for informing me."

Darcy couldn't stop a strange smile from materializing, "You're welcome. Did you know that's the second time you've thanked me? I feel special."

"It is the third actually. And you should. I have never thanked a mortal before. Nor do I foresee doing such a senseless action again."

He really had a superiority complex when it came to mortals. She shouldn't be amused by that - but she was.

"I won't tell anyone you were polite to a lesser being. I wouldn't want to ruin your image." Her smile dropped quickly and she knew she was about to embarrass herself, but she had to add, "Be careful, Loki. Truce or not, they've probably set their phasers to kill."

A soft chuckle met her ear, "You _are_ concerned about me. Do not be. And get off the floor, you are wrinkling your pretty skirt."

The click that immediately followed let Darcy know that he'd hung up on her. Her head shot up, looking around to find the God of Mischief - but her eyes found another super-powered man instead.

"I assume _you_ called _him_? Or was it the other way around?"

Steve Rogers waited for Darcy's response with an odd expression on his face. She felt her heart leap up into her throat. Steve was a total boy scout – he would tell Coulson. And then she would get in trouble. She had signed away her ability to have secrets the moment Thor blew into her life. S.H.I.E.L.D. just made her put it down on paper. She tried to effect an air of nonchalance. She didn't want to look any more suspicious than necessary - she was already the creeper in the corner making phone calls to a supervillain. Well, reformed supervillain. Whatever.

It seemed kinda pointless to lie though, "I called him. He didn't do it - the satellite. Whatever happened, he didn't do it."

Steve just nodded.

"So you have Loki's phone number?"

"Yeah…," she drawled, waiting for the inevitable backlash.

"And I'm going to assume no one knows that you do."

"Your assumption wouldn't be incorrect."

He nodded again, "Why _you_?"

That was the million dollar question. She answered with the first thing that popped into her head, "Well I'm the only person in the building who hasn't actively tried to kill him. So he gave me his cell. But don't worry, I've never had any reason to call him before."

Which was true – his number was supposed to be for a zombie apocalypse which hadn't happened yet – so she technically had no _reason_ to call him. That didn't mean she _hadn't_ called him. The difference between semantics and lies was a grey area - and her little interactions with Loki were teaching her all about grey areas.

Steve continued, "I must admit it's hard to picture that guy with a cellphone. They are useful inventions though."

When was he going to start yelling at her? The suspense was making her antsy. She tried to sound as pathetic as possible in an effort to appeal to his chivalrous side, "Are you gonna tell on me?"

"Is there something to tell?"

"Not really. I have Loki's number. I called him when I found out about this and he said he didn't do it. I believe him. That's about it, I promise."

Steve looked around at the panicking crowd, "Ok, then. But you should tell Thor at least."

That was it? She had thought for sure that she would need to use a few tears to get him to cave. She had been ready to pull out the big guns - sad eyes, pouty lips, possibly even some cleavage. Something fishy was going on with the Captain.

She decided not to question her good luck. She had been going to tell Thor anyway – eventually – but she'd let Steve think he won something here.

"Ok, I will."

"Good. This whole incident has made people edgy. I guess I should go make sure Natasha doesn't shoot anyone - like Tony. He's in rare form today."

Darcy's lips curled up involuntarily at the thought of the Mad Mr. Stark, "Isn't he always?"

Steve smiled back and turned to walk away. He paused and then turned around to face her again, "Be careful, Darcy. Loki shouldn't be trusted. I know he's Thor's brother, but…just be careful."

She knew that. But _knowing_ that she shouldn't trust him and _not_ trusting him were two different things.

"I'm always careful."

Steve just smiled a sad little smile and turned to jog away.

* * *

><p>Darcy never actually saw Loki at the facility, though she heard from Jane (who <em>had<em> seen him) that he had been there at some point. He'd confirmed that he had no part in the melted satellite and even offered to find out who had actually done it. So he'd been able to push himself back onto the positive side of the trust/distrust scale when it came to S.H.I.E.L.D. That was good.

The rest of Darcy's day had been pretty shitastic though. Apparently, they'd lost a lot of data and so she had spent hours punching little numbers into a fuzzy screen underneath fluorescent lights that were trying to suck all of the joy out of her life through her eyeballs. Now she just wanted a hot bath, a pint of Cherry Garcia, and a bit of mindless television.

Focused on her plans for the night, she screamed when she walked into her bedroom and found Loki lying on her bed reading a book with an amused smile hovering about his lips. He didn't even look at her, despite the dramatic entrance she had just made.

Without taking his eyes from the page, he said to the breathless girl, "And I thought Rome had been decadent. This novel is absolutely sinful."

Darcy found the presence of mind to notice that he was currently engrossed in one of her smutty paranormal romance books. One of her _very_ smutty ones. How embarrassing…wait, no. He couldn't just keep popping up like this.

She realized that fear was the more appropriate reaction for this situation. Or anger. "What the hell are you doing here? You scared the everloving piss out of me!"

He raised an eyebrow and finally looked over at her. "You do not appear to have soiled yourself. And I am obviously reading. You were taking too long to get home and I became bored."

She took a deep breath to calm herself. "That's not what I meant. You know it wasn't. I'm not in the mood to play games with you tonight."

He turned on his side to face her and smiled at her in a way that made her ladyparts become embarrassingly invested in whatever he was about to say, "What night _will_ you be in the mood to play games with me?"

He wasn't flirting with her. He was toying with her. She had to remember that.

"I repeat, what are you doing here?"

"I had a question to ask you, and it called for some privacy. Therefore, I waited here for your return."

"On my _bed_?"

"I wished to recline and your couch is not long enough to accommodate my form. And I was not going to subject myself to the torture device that mortals refer to as a _futon_. However, for the substandard quality of the surrounding furniture in this little hovel you call home, your mattress is surprisingly comfortable."

"I splurged. I saw it on an infomercial and…wait, no, you're distracting me. Why are you here?"

"Hmm…that is a very deep question, little girl. Why is anyone here?"

Why was it that every experience she had with Loki made her feel like she'd fallen into the Twilight Zone? Part of her wanted to hit him, but the rest of her said that would probably not be a good idea. She practically grunted at him, "Loki, c'mon. You know what I mean."

"You really _are_ in a terrible mood tonight. Pity. Fine, I simply wanted to ask you a question." He sat up on the bed, placing the book beside him and stared Darcy down in a way she found annoyingly intimidating. "What do you want from me?"

Darcy blinked. That was not at all what she had anticipated coming out of his mouth.

"What do I want from you?"

He just nodded.

Feeling stupid, she had to repeat, "What do _I_ want from _you_?"

He cocked his head, "Is there an echo in here? Hmm…_hello_!" His greeting ricocheted off the walls and seemed to bounce back at her from every angle – bellows and whispers. Stupid magician was trying to freak her out.

"Stop that! I have neighbors!"

"They cannot hear anything. And neither can S.H.I.E.L.D. Well, not anymore at least."

Wait a minute.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He smirked, "You really think the government does not have an eye on you at all times? And an ear? The word naïve comes to mind."

She turned his words over in her head, "They're spying on me?"

He laughed, "Of course."

"But...but _why_?"

"You are neither a scientist nor a soldier. They do not trust civilians. Especially ones with loose lips. I am not sure if you are aware, but you give off an aura of one not accustomed to keeping secrets."

The government was spying on her. Actually _spying_. That was way more shocking to her than it probably should be.

Feeling off-balance, she muttered, "Oh my god!"

"Yes?"

She blinked. "No, not you. I mean, how are they…_where_ are they…?"

"There is a visual surveillance device trained upon the door to your dwelling. And audio recording devices near your bed and couch. And in your phone of course."

There was a _camera_ in her place. They were watching her. How fucking creepy was that? Seriously! Her voice betrayed her shock, "Fuck me!"

Loki's smile was naughty, "_Now_? I have underestimated you, Miss Lewis. You learn that you are being monitored and then demand I pleasure you. Kinky."

She ignored him (ok, maybe her ladyparts were slightly less dry than they had been a second ago, but again – completely beside the point), "Have they seen me…you know, doing anything I wouldn't want them to?"

He smiled like she'd said something hilarious, "How would I know what you would or would not want others to see?"

She felt like crying. She should have known shady government types would be watching her, but it was still shocking and devastating and she felt like she'd been violated in some way. They were supposed to be the good guys. _She_ was supposed to be a good guy.

Her voice was embarrassingly distressed, "Loki, stop. Please."

He seemed startled by her pathetic entreaty. She had a feeling he truly hadn't realized that her emotional state was so fragile all of a sudden. She supposed that she _was_ acting a bit bipolar tonight.

"Darcy, calm yourself. Unless you are regularly pleasured in your doorway, I doubt they were able to see anything of interest. And if you _are_ in the habit of such exhibitionism, I doubt you would care so much about their voyeurism. As for hearing things that you would not wish them to, that is unfortunately much more likely. But there is no point in worrying about it now. I am certain that you made the day of whatever little unimportant mortal was assigned to listen in every time you touched yourself. Your breathy moans were likely the most exciting sexual occurrence in his miserable little life."

"Oh, man…you are _so_ not helping right now." She hadn't actually connected the hidden mics next to her bed with someone listening to her masturbate. That was sick and weird and so embarrassing. And she was pretty sure she might have called out a certain highly inappropriate name the last time she had ya-ya'd her sisterhood. (Whatever, she was drunk on Asgardian ale and he'd been all smoldery and smirky and broody and funny...and he stole her panties!). Fuck you, S.H.I.E.L.D.!

He let out a little incredulous laugh, "You are genuinely distressed by this. Fascinating."

She couldn't figure out why he was so surprised– just because she talked a little slutty, didn't mean she acted that way. _She_ was only human after all.

"Yeah, well maybe you're used to people watching you every minute of the damn day, but not me! I did _not_ give the government permission to go all Truman Show on my ass!"

He sighed, "Fine. But ask me nicely."

"What?"

"Ask me nicely."

Ask him _what_ nicely? She decided it didn't matter. The man was fluent in crazy talk – she would just play along. She embraced the lost little girl feeling and pouted out a soft, "Please, Loki?"

He smiled and disappeared from her bed, only to reappear a few moments later standing in front of her. Very close to her. What the hell?

"You are welcome."

"What the hell did you just do?"

"Destroyed all audio and visual recordings made from this apartment. The overcautious mortals had backed the data up to seven different substations, so you should thank me properly." He took another step further into her personal space. The air around him felt oddly chilled – which was strange. Although…Frost Giant, right?

His voice lowered, "In fact, I am not opposed to a physical demonstration of your gratitude. In the doorway, perhaps, since apparently you have yet to utilize the location and it is no longer under surveillance. I could assure you that no one would see - unless you wanted them to, of course."

She blinked. Thought about it. Blinked again. Thought about it some more. Swallowed. Told herself she was an idiot. Stepped back. Told herself she was a damn idiot for stepping back.

He just stood there smirking at her, as if she existed solely for his amusement. Hell, maybe she did.

"Umm, thanks. For the…whatever you did. Wait, I'm not gonna get in trouble, right?"

He looked offended, "Do I appear to be a man who does not know how to cover my trail? Trust me; no one will discover anything amiss."

Trust me, he says. _Trust him_. What the hell had she gotten herself into?

"Ok, right. Thanks."

"You are welcome. And do not worry, all future recordings will be nothing but static. No one will notice. Magic will always defeat technology."

Gratitude washed over her and she couldn't stop a happy grin from spreading across her lips.

"Wow, really? Thank you. That was…nice of you."

That _was_ nice of him. Should she hug him? She wanted to hug him. But she had a feeling if she tried, he would make the parts of her that came in contact with him fall off. That would be unpleasant.

Wait, he was here because he thought she wanted something from him. That's what he'd said, right? Before they got so distracted.

She finally answered the question he'd thrown out ages ago, "Oh, and I don't want anything from you."

He took a step back and sat down on her bed again. His voice was skeptical, "_Truly_?"

"Yeah. I mean what could I possibly want from _you_?" She hoped that didn't sound rude.

"I will assume that was rhetorical, or else you are dreadfully repetitious. But if you truly do not want anything from me, then why am I here?"

How the hell would she know why he was here? He was talking in riddles again, the bastard.

"Uh, _you_ were the one who came to me. You were Mr. In-My-Bed and everything."

"Yes, but only because you contacted me today."

What the…?

"Because people thought you turned to the dark side again!"

"And you felt the need to tell me that…why?" Something about the calm tone of his voice was making her nervous.

"Because you didn't do it! Because…Thor would be devastated. And Jane. And I…well, it's just…you didn't do it. People were saying you did. I just thought you should know."

His face was unreadable, "You just thought I should know. Out of the goodness of your heart, yes? No expectations of remuneration. No favors that you would call in somewhere down the line."

"Of course not! Do I look like the kind of girl who could plan that far ahead? I didn't want anything from you. I _don't_ want anything from you. That's not why I called." She paused to take a deep breath and try to put her thoughts into some sort of coherent answer. "You've just been…nice to me. Sorta. At least I think you've been. Nicer than I'd imagined the God of Mischief to be, especially after the whole invasion thing."

He stood up, and for the first time Darcy really noticed how _tall_ he was. Wow.

"You think I have been _nice_ to you? And that is why you assisted me. No ulterior motives?"

"None." She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to stare him down despite her vertical handicap. "Can you say the same?"

He raised a brow, "Pardon?"

"What do _you_ want from _me_? That's the better question. I've been trying to figure it out since you left me your number and the only thing I can come up with is that you wanted to be able to keep in touch with Thor without, you know, keeping in touch with Thor."

He seemed taken aback, "You think I waste my precious time speaking with you because of my _brother_?"

Now _she_ was the one taken aback, "Umm, yeah. Why else would you bother with me?"

He studied her face as if it were some sort of anomaly. Then he threw his head back and started laughing. It was borderline manic and Darcy felt more than a little uncomfortable. She had the surreal realization that a god truly _was_ laughing at her. She'd felt that way before, but now there was actual proof. How karmic.

"Oh, Darcy. You are too much. I 'bother' with you for many reasons. None of which have anything to do with Thor. But I shall let you figure them out for yourself." He reached his right hand out toward her and she froze as his skin made contact with her own for the first time. He gripped her shoulder loosely and his thumb began to slide back and forth along the upper portion of her collarbone. His hand was cool even through her shirt, and the thumb on her flesh felt icy. She was mortified to find that she trembled a little bit – and it had nothing to do with the cold.

He spoke again in a soothing tone, "Now I hope you do not mind, but I would appreciate the set. I was thinking about constructing a trebuchet this time."

Without a word of goodbye, he disappeared - his touch leaving a phantom chill on her shoulder. She held her breath, but he didn't return after a few moments and she exhaled slowly. Dazed, she lowered herself down onto her bed with shaky legs. Then she laid back and rested her head on the pillow. If it weren't for Loki's faint scent clinging to her sheets (sweet baby Jesus, he smelled good), she would have written the whole encounter off as a really vivid hallucination brought on by stress and sleep deprivation.

She rolled onto her side and felt a distinct lack of upper-body support. Raising a hand to confirm her theory, she realized he _had_ taken something from her again. That sneaky bastard! She now understood what he meant by wanting the set.

Although how he could make a trebuchet out of her bra was still a mystery.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki understood loneliness in a way few beings ever would. He had been abandoned by the world that birthed him, and betrayed by the world that raised him. That beautiful moment, hanging from the Bifrost Bridge – father holding son, brother holding brother – had brought a clarity to Loki that he had never experienced before. He had to let himself fall. He could not cling to the past that had made him a monster and then scorned him for it. But death had not been his goal when he released his grip on Gungnir and embraced the ecstasy of freefall.

Freedom – _that_ had been his aim.

The actions he'd taken after his fall were merely those of a man on a journey to true self-discovery. He was not the hero that his station in life had dictated he be. Nor was he the villain that his heritage demanded he become. But he refused to pretend to be anything less than what he was – powerful, cunning and resolute. Letting go of all the reasons that had held him back before, he tested himself mentally, physically, and spiritually. And he found that he was so much _more_ than anyone had given him credit for. He was done bowing to those who were not worthy of his respect.

Odin spoke true when he had said that both his sons had been born to rule. Loki knew now that no one could prevent him from becoming a king. No, not just _a_ king, but _the _king. Odin could not stop him. The best of the mortal realm could not stop him. Even that foolish being from beyond the Nine Realms who had hurt Thor – who had possessed power Loki had never before encountered – not even _he_ could stop him. Loki found a strange contentment in the realization that he was nigh on invincible. But he had no desire to rule the Nine Realms – the simple knowledge that he _could_ was enough. For now.

Odin had never understood Loki. Loki now realized that was less of a personal fault within the man, and more of a cultural one within the people. Asgardians were transparent in their thoughts and their deeds – unable to fathom the benefits of artifice. That was why they would fear, but never truly respect, his magic. Odin truly did not understand that deceiving Loki had been akin to sinning against him – betrayal beyond comprehension. He did not realize the foolishness of wasting all of his energy trying to mold Loki into Thor – an impossible task on many levels – and then being disappointed with the results.

And Odin would never realize that in those final moments – with Thor acting as the link between them, as he always had – that Loki had been testing him. Loki's crime had been no worse than Thor's, but Odin could not see that. His voice had been tinged with pity as he denied him. _Pity_! Had Odin just tried to understand him, for once in his life…but he didn't. He _couldn't_. The poor old fool. Simply telling Loki 'no' like a bad pet, and letting him fall – never realizing that he himself had just failed the test he had been taking since he found a baby on the battlefield. And he had failed _spectacularly_.

Odin may have been a great king, but he was a fucking terrible excuse for a father - Thor had been an egomaniacal buffoon and Loki had nearly lost himself to the darkness.

Loki had discovered a simplicity in allowing himself to be consumed by rage. And causing fear was so very seductive. There was something about watching people run from him screaming in terror that filled him with a maniacal glee. Now _that_ was a sign of respect. And if Loki could just cut out the parts of his psyche that felt any connection to the world around him, he would still be laughing at the weakness of others.

But he couldn't. To his chagrin, Loki still had the ability to care. About his brother. About his mother.

About his father.

It shamed him to know that, even now, he longed for Odin's approval. Just once.

When he saw Thor fall – flesh and armor torn, blood cascading to the ground in a truly staggering volume – the parts of Loki that he had deliberately silenced suddenly started screaming. _This_ was the result if Loki continued his plan. There was no way Thor would simply let him rule, and so Loki was going to have to kill him if he wanted to win. He'd always known it would come to that eventually, but it had been a vague notion. The reality of watching his brother die was more difficult to bear. He found that he could not allow it to happen, by his own hand or by another's. Blood aside, Thor _was_ his brother. He would save him if it were within his abilities to do so.

Loki refused to call that weakness.

But now he was back where he started. Well, almost. He couldn't go back to Asgard. And the people of this realm were now more wary of him – more afraid of him. Except now the fear was less fun. It is one thing to be alone at the top, but another to be segregated in the middle.

Even gods longed for a bit of decent conversation every once in a while.

Hence his overtures to Darcy Lewis – strange creature that she was. She feared him, obviously, but he had an odd feeling that she also _liked_ him. And she had only seen him at his darkest. Though even she must have noticed how hard he had been trying lately. There was always going to be a part of him that wanted to destroy all the good he encountered, whether it be in the form of intentions, dreams, or deeds. But he was intelligent enough to know he could not have it all, and so he had made a choice as he had done when he let himself fall. This time, he chose not to let go of his brother.

He still missed the screaming, though. And the running. Concentrated chaos was underrated.

He needed a hobby again. Once, he had found solace in studying magic. Now there was no more for him to learn. He had tested his boundaries – what few he had – and knew his capabilities. He needed something new to occupy his time. Since he refused to completely surrender himself and spend his time protecting Midgard with his brother, he needed to find amusement elsewhere. Darcy would probably entertain him, but he was leery of spending too much time with her. It would do no good for him to become too dependent on one little mortal. And it was fun to leave her in suspense, waiting for him to pop up at any moment. Whenever he startled her, she would lose her breath and her chest would heave in a way that even a eunuch would find inspiring. Not that he would ever act upon any carnal desires the girl brought out in him. Unlike his weak brother, Loki knew the danger of the seducer becoming the seduced. _He_ would never give anyone the ability to have that kind of power over him.

So…other options. Hmm. Jane Foster would scream when she saw him, which was a plus – but then she would call his brother, which was a definite minus. Or…damn. His pool of acquaintances on this rock were few and dull. For the first time in his life, Loki actually missed Fandral. The man had certainly known how to have a good time. He couldn't believe he was nostalgic for the good old days with the Warriors Three. They could be trying at times, but he'd enjoyed their company. For the most part. He would always think Sif was a Hydra-level bitch.

He suddenly remembered that Darcy had mentioned Stark as being a man worth a second look. He doubted it, but it _had_ been a long time since he had played chess. Or attempted any sort of manly bonding. And Stark did seem to wield a great deal of power within this realm – which was reason enough to make nice. Or to appear to, at least. Politics and all that.

Decision made, Loki sent himself to Stark's residence. He appeared in his study and purposefully allowed the motion detector to notice him and send a siren out into the halls. He then poured himself a glass of truly excellent liquor and waited to be discovered. Security guards rushed into the room a few moments later and demanded he put his hands up. Loki tried not to laugh as he turned their guns into snakes and watched as the grown men screamed and scrambled and whimpered. Hilarious.

"Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?" Stark's voice drawled at him from the doorway.

Loki waved a hand and the serpents became weapons once more. "Because I am quite fond of them."

To his surprise, Stark just laughed and called off his guards. "Pop-culture references are gonna fly right over your head, aren't they?"

He was already annoyed. This was probably going to be a disaster. He should have known better than to take the advice of such an odd mortal. "Most likely. Though I am willing to take suggestions if there are some aspects of modern Midgardian culture that you feel I should familiarize myself with."

"Three words, my friend. Star. Wars. Trilogy. The original ones. Han shot first and I won't believe otherwise."

Loki hadn't thought it possible, but perhaps there _was_ someone even more incomprehensible than Darcy Lewis.

"I shall look into it."

"You do that. And, by all means, help yourself to my 60 year-old scotch."

Loki looked down at the nearly empty glass in his hand, shrugged and summoned the bottle over to him for a refill. The mortal should learn never to play the sarcasm game with the God of Mischief.

Stark shook his head in disbelief. "I know you're a prince and everything, but would it kill you to pour me a glass while you're at it?"

Loki just raised an eyebrow, "Doubtful, I have never heard of anyone actually dying from bad manners."

"Right. So, are you here to assassinate me or just change all my locks? Steal my left socks? Put plastic wrap on my toilet? Or whatever Gods of Mischief do in their leisure time."

"They play chess." Loki waived a hand and a checkered board appeared on the table in front of him. "Darcy tells me you play as well."

Stark stared at him for a moment and then walked over to pour himself a glass of scotch. A _big_ glass. Then he sat down opposite Loki and tried his best to look nonchalant. He spent his time flying around in a tin can fighting crime with the God of Thunder – this was not the weirdest thing that had ever happened to him. This wasn't even the weirdest thing that had happened to him _today_.

"Darcy, huh." He filed that away in his mind. "Alright, you're black I assume."

"Naturally."

Stark reached down to move the little, white pawn but jumped a bit when it suddenly moved the two spaces for him. Ok, maybe this _was_ the weirdest thing that had happened to him today.

Loki smiled at his little jolt, "The pieces are attuned to your desires."

Stark raised a brow, "Just the pieces, or you too? I don't think it's fair to play chess with a mind-reader."

"I have no need to cheat to defeat you, Mr. Stark."

Stark took a large swig of his drink and shook his head with a bemused smile on his face. "Call me Tony."

Loki was correct – he didn't need to cheat to win. But it was a true challenge. He had never met someone who could keep up with both his stratagem and his banter. They even made tentative plans for a rematch, which Loki was genuinely looking forward to. Apparently, good scotch and a little mutual respect made for a decent beginning. Neither would dare to use the term 'friend,' but 'enemy' no longer seemed all that applicable.

Loki decided that he would stop by Darcy's residence to thank her (for the _fourth_ time, his mind cautioned) for the suggestion that he challenge Tony. Perhaps, to show his appreciation, he would even knock first. Then again, where was the fun in that?

Later that night, Tony Stark would regret his earlier, glib words to the God of Mischief as he found himself locked out of his bedroom and wearing only one sock. And while he'd personally escaped the plastic-wrapped toilet, Tony knew that Pepper would never, never, _never_ forgive Loki for that one.


	7. Chapter 7

Though the hour was late, Loki decided to first check up on his brother before heading to Darcy's apartment. He had not spoken to Thor in several days and there was still a level of distrust on both sides of the sibling relationship that forced suspicion to arise if they went without communication for too long. But, as he no longer had to disguise his every move, he had fallen out of the habit of sending a double ahead to scout the area for any threats - and so was unprepared for the sight that greeted him on his arrival at his brother's residence.

While Jane Foster was not particularly unpleasing to look at naked, Thor was another matter. Loki was quite certain that the image of his brother's naked ass clenching and unclenching would be useful to recall in the event that he was ever poisoned and needed to immediately empty the contents of his stomach. While tempted to stick around and offer commentary on his brother's subpar performance, the knowledge that he once sat upon that very couch was too much to endure. He disappeared silently, leaving the two rutting beasts none the wiser.

Now he had no other choice but to visit Darcy. He had already spent too much time that night with Tony and trying to play nice with yet _another_ mortal would be exhausting. He sent himself to her (hopefully less sullied) couch. Ah, she was making a meal. He watched as she pulled something from a bag on the counter and popped it in her mouth, crunching on it noisily. Then she grabbed a truly hideous looking fruit and began to cut it in half.

"Do not tell me that is edible."

She jumped, chest heaving nicely, and spun to face him. That was all well and good. However, the grimace on her face and the droplet of crimson slowly winding a ribbon down from her finger to her wrist was not so well and good. Perhaps startling her while she was holding a knife was not his best idea.

"Fuck! Loki, you bastard." She put her finger in her mouth – dreadfully unsanitary – and cringed at what he could only imagine was the delightful metallic taste of her own blood. She pulled her finger out of her mouth with an audible pop and gave him a glare which would have quelled a mortal man. Loki just sighed and reappeared directly in front of her, making her jump again.

She yelled at him, "Stop that!"

She put her finger _back_ in her mouth. Apparently, tonight was the night when Loki would be forced to endure the most disgusting things imaginable. Lovely.

He reached for her wrist and pulled her hand away from her mouth with a disapproving look. Then he lowered his own mouth to her hand and blew on it ever so slightly, watching as her flesh knit itself back together. Much better. A whimper caught him off guard and he raised his eyes slightly to meet the shocked gaze of the girl in front of him. She was _whimpering_ at him now? Why? He knew that healing her wasn't the most disturbing thing he'd done in her presence and he knew he hadn't hurt her. He released her wrist quickly, and she pulled it up to her chest with a shiver.

Why was she so perplexing?

"Are you alright?"

She looked dazed. He had popped in on her before, so he knew she couldn't be _that_ shocked at his presence. And there was no way she had lost enough blood to justify this kind of reaction.

She blinked, "Oh. Nothing. I just…you blew on me. Why did you blow on me?"

"The more appropriate response is to say thank you."

She seemed confused, "Thank you?"

"You are welcome."

"No, I mean…why am I thanking you?"

Loki just shook his head. "And Tony accused _me_ of bad manners. Look at your wound, little girl."

"Tony? As in Tony _Stark?"_ The rest of his statement finally seemed to register and she looked down at her unblemished skin. "Oh. Oh! Thanks. That's a handy trick."

"That is not a _trick_ at all. Merely a spell – simple but effective."

"Ok, whatever. Thanks. Now go back to the part about Tony."

Loki sighed, turning to poke at the unusual food products littering her counter. "He accepted my challenge."

Darcy blinked, trying to figure out what the hell he was…oh, wait. She remembered a brief moment of clarity in her somewhat boozy fog the night she met Loki, "Chess? You played chess with him?"

"Yes. It was…gratifying."

She smiled, bouncing on her toes a bit. "That's so good! You're, like, bonding with people! Did you win?"

He rolled his eyes, "Of course."

She tried to picture it – the God of Mischief and Iron Man hunched over little pawns and castles. How surreal was _that_ image?

"Did you use one of those timer things like the old guys in the park?"

Pulling a strange flattened triangle from the bag on the counter, Loki responded, "No. But Tony was amused that the pieces moved on their own."

Darcy gestured to the item in his hand, "It's a tortilla chip. You eat it. Or, like me, you dip it in guacamole. It's super delicious. How do you know about Massaman Curry if you've never had _nachos?_ That's so weird. Nevermind, what were you saying about the pieces moving?"

He delicately placed a chip in his mouth and bit down. Salty. He hoped the green goop she was mixing tasted better, "The pieces I am wont to use are semi-intuitive, and move via your thoughts. One may not always have the luxury of free hands when playing such a game."

Darcy figured that it was just like Loki to multi-task during the hardest game in the world. Wait a minute...the pieces moved on their own. They moved on their own!

"You played _Wizard's Chess_ with Tony Stark? Like, seriously! That's the coolest thing you've ever done. You're like Harry-Fucking-Potter, man! I'm so jealous."

He just stared at her like she was insane, "I assure you that it was most certainly _not_ the 'coolest' thing I have ever done. And I prefer the term sorcerer to wizard, but that is mere semantics. And why do I remind you of this Potter?"

She still seemed inordinately excited, "No! It's...wait, you really don't know Harry Potter?"

"Is he famous in this realm?"

Darcy held back a giggle, "Yeah. Very. Powerful, too. He can do some pretty impressive spell-casting."

Loki hadn't realized Midgardians could wield magic. Interesting. He caught the smile hidden in the corner of her lips.

"Ah, you are teasing me again."

She let the giggles break free, "Somebody has to. Harry Potter is a character in a book. He doesn't really exist. Then again, _you're_ a character in a book - and here you are. Wow. Do you think he could exist somewhere? That would be amazing. And Snape! I _love_ Snape."

He tried not to be amused by her enthusiasm, "Another character I presume?"

"Not just _a_ character, but _the_ character. I cried like a bitch when he died. Buckets, man. You really have to read those books. Or watch the movies - they're, like, fucking _epic_."

"I shall endeavor to do so, but I promised Tony that I would watch something called the Star Wars Trilogy first."

That caught Darcy off-guard.

"Tony Stark is a _Stars Wars_ geek? Seriously! Oh, I'm gonna have to anonymously twitter that shit. People need to know."

She grabbed the bowl of questionable green sludge and the bag of tortilla chips off the counter and headed toward the couch. She plopped down with a startling lack of grace and patted the space next to her with her free hand. Bemused, he appeared beside her, making her jump and nearly upend her guacamole.

"You really have to stop doing that. Can't you just walk like a normal person?" Despite her angry words, she held the bowl out to him.

Summoning up all of his godly courage, he plucked a chip from the bag and scooped up some of the mush. He threw it into his mouth quickly and paused, waiting to see if he would feel the need to gag yet again tonight. It wasn't _that_ bad – sweet and citrusy, which helped to counteract the abhorrent salt content of the little triangles. It wasn't that _good_ though either. He attempted to give her a polite smile, but she must have read his distaste, and so she shrugged.

"More for me. What _do_ you like to eat?"

"Food." The way he said it implied that her current snack didn't constitute as such.

"Snob. At least Thor eats pancakes."

"I have particular taste. And I am not surprised Thor would eat a dish with the word 'cake' in it. He has always had quite the sweet tooth."

She shook her head and explained, "Pancakes aren't really like a cake. Not the way I think you mean it, at least. They're flat and not too sweet. I mean, you put syrup on them – and butter – and I guess that makes them sweet…huh. Ok, nevermind. They're really yummy though. Even gods approve."

"Well, I shall simply have to try them for myself one night."

"They're more of a breakfast thing. I'll make them for you though. With chocolate chips, if you want."

It suddenly occurred to Darcy that she had invited the man for breakfast. And it was currently pretty late at night. Certain people would take that as an invitation.

She blurted out, "That wasn't a line. I didn't mean we could…_you know_…I just meant breakfast."

She wanted to smack herself for the pile of awkward she had just walked into. She was constantly embarrassing herself in front of this guy. Which was really par for the course with the way her life worked – hot guy equals foot-in-mouth Darcy.

And she really had to stop thinking he was hot until she confirmed that he couldn't actually read her mind. He was looking at her strangely – oh, god – he _could_ read her mind. Awkward. And just like when someone tells you not to look down and so you _have_ to look down, she tried to tell herself to stop thinking embarrassing things about Loki like some sort of creeper. She failed. He was pretty. And she couldn't help noticing that he had really nice hands. Big. Long fingers like a pianist. And the word 'pianist' sounds like…oh, fuck her. She willed herself to stop thinking like a perve, but her face was starting to heat up. _Please, please don't be reading my mind_, she mentally begged him.

Loki just watched in confusion as the discomfort on her face shifted into obvious embarrassment. She was so very odd. And what was she thinking about that caused her to blush? He had only seen this reaction from her once before and it was after he had given her a compliment. He most certainly had not complimented her tonight. In the interest of maintaining his sanity, Loki touched her mind with his own. He pulled back immediately, as if mentally scalded.

The whimpering.

The shivering.

The way she looked at him.

Suddenly, everything clicked into place in Loki's mind.

"Darcy, I am afraid I must go."

He disappeared before she had even processed the words. But he didn't leave her apartment. He watched from across the room, invisible, as she stared with wide eyes at the place where he had just been sitting.

"Umm...goodbye?"

She shook her head and turned on the television, but did not seem to pay much attention to the drama playing out onscreen. She continued eating the chips absently, looking deep in thought. Loki knew his face held a similar expression.

She was..._attracted_...to him.

Darcy Lewis _lusted_ after him.

How in the realms did _this_ happen?

He knew that he should not find her attraction to him so surprising. He was a perfectly acceptable specimen of man. It was just that on Asgard - he stood out. And not in a positive way. There was a certain similarity of physique to the average Asgardian male. And when your brother (your elder, heir-to-the-throne brother) was the embodiment of the Asgardian ideal...well, it was painfully easy to get overlooked.

Not that it had ever really bothered him. Truly. Thor was the one who craved attention from the ladies at court - Loki was the one who would picture what their brain matter would look like decorating the walls. Excepting Sif, all the women of court ever spoke about was idle gossip and other completely useless matters. And Sif had never liked him anyway, which was a wonderfully mutual feeling. Though he had to admit, he respected a woman who would choose to do more with her life than destiny generally allowed - perhaps the fact that his mother had been a fearsome warrior in her day influenced that opinion. But Sif had always been distrustful of him, as if she had known that he didn't belong. At the time, he had simply assumed that she was infatuated with his brother and resentful of anyone who could divert his attention. Now he couldn't help but wonder whether she had a touch of the seer in her. But just remembering the tightening of her jaw when he made her kneel before him...ah, that was the stuff pleasant dreams were made of. He genuinely disliked that woman.

But enough about women he didn't like, _Darcy_ was attracted to him. What was he supposed to do with that? A million different ways he could use it to his advantage drifted in and out of his head, but he dismissed them all. She was not lying when she said she wanted nothing from him. He would extend her the same courtesy.

This could become very awkward though. He had never been very good at ignoring the elephant in the room. And when said elephant was pretty and curvy and..._kind_...to him. Dilemma, dilemma.

Mortals were strange. On the whole, they were less attractive as a species than Asgardians. They were quite a bit more appealing than Frost Giants, but that wasn't saying much. Though Darcy _was _beautiful. But it was hard to concentrate on her physical person when she started with the incoherent babbling. However, her inane chatter was somehow less offensive than any he had previously encountered. He almost enjoyed it. Almost.

He could bed her. There was an instinctual appeal in the idea. But haste had been Thor's flaw - Loki knew better. Still...

And he had a pair of her undergarments. Lacy things. Purple panties and a pale pink bra. They still held her scent - not that he _smelled_ them. He liked to think he had yet to reach that level of perversion. But he could feel her essence in the fabric, as if her body left a sense memory in the fibers.

He had taken her panties from her because...well, because he could. It had been a harmless bit of mischief - a whim of the moment. She was a physically appealing, moderately amusing, completely baffling mortal girl who had braved his not inconsiderable fury to bring him a drink. It would be a bit of a lesson to her, and a bit of fun for him. It had been an act as close to innocent as he'd performed in months. But now it felt loaded. He wondered if she had taken that in the wrong context - like a little boy pulling a girl's hair because he liked her and didn't know how to say it. He also wondered if some part of him had _meant_ it in the wrong context.

He thought about the other night when he brushed his fingers along her shoulder. He had only touched her so that she would not notice immediately that he had taken her bra as well (the slingshot panties had been such a success, he simply _had_ to repeat the experiment - unfortunately the trebuchet bra was still under construction). Her skin had been warm and soft and she had frozen in what he'd assumed was fear. Looking back on it now - did she...even then?

He tried to find the humor in the situation. A silly little mortal girl fancied herself attracted to a creature such as himself. If she only truly knew him. He wasn't so handsome when he brought his birthright to the surface - every blue inch of it.

But this changed things. Knowledge _always_ changed things - that was why he held such stock in it. He could use her physically. He could exploit her position in S.H.I.E.L.D. In truth, there was no one better for him to attach himself to. She was the least important member of their little group, but she was still privy to every detail. And they underestimated her. They would never suspect her - not truly. Not of being with _him_ - helping _him_. Had this little alteration in her perception of him occurred but a few weeks ago...oh, how wonderful that would have been. But things were different now. He'd made his bed and he needed to lie in it - not light the damn thing on fire.

She shifted, tucking her legs underneath her – Loki was riveted. Looking at her now, it was like she had dipped herself in mercury. He had never really wanted to touch her before, but now that he couldn't - he simply _needed_ to. And she had no idea that he knew. He wondered if even _she_ truly accepted her desire for him.

For the God of Mischief.

He watched her tongue reach out to sweep a bit of green off her lip. _He_ could lick those lips. He could lick whatever he wanted. She would let him - no, she would _beg_ him. He would see to it that she did.

He wanted her. Not because he couldn't have her - amazingly, he _could_ - but because he shouldn't. It would be very naughty, and he was trying so hard to be good.

But he certainly wouldn't be bored. And there was very little danger of her getting the upper hand. She was amusing, but insignificant. Mostly. He supposed he was...fond...of her. If pressed, he would admit that she was likely the closest thing he had to a friend since he'd left Asgard. Granted, he'd never wanted to taste the lips of any of the Warriors Three...but...hmm. Friendship, he would admit to, but his emotions extended no further. And they never would. That softness he'd witnessed come over men - the one that had come over Thor when he fell into his pretty mortal's lap - was not an emotion he was capable of.

He truly shouldn't touch her. But looking into her mind was like opening Pandora's box. It had released an idea that could not be recaptured. This was simply too tempting to resist. _She_ was too tempting to resist. And she would make for an excellent diversion. The excitement of a new plan in motion started creeping up Loki's spine. Had he allowed himself to be seen now, Darcy likely would have been terrified by his smile. Loki was about to be a very bad boy. Mother would be so disappointed in him. He couldn't stop a laugh and he watched as her head shot up, looking in his direction with wide eyes.

"Loki?"

He didn't make another sound. Nor did he reveal himself.

Poor little Darcy had no idea just how far in over her head she was about to get.

This was going to be deliciously fun.


	8. Chapter 8

Letting the music wind around her like a lover, Darcy laughed and spun and felt herself relax. After Loki had scared, healed and bailed on her, she hadn't seen a trace of him in almost a week.

_Seen _being the operative word.

Even though it seemed crazy, Darcy could swear that the God of Mischief was playing with her. She had heard phantom laughing, felt something brush the back of her neck when she lay in bed at night, smelled the scent of him lingering in the corners – it was fucking creepy. Either she had a ridiculously yummy smelling poltergeist, or Loki was messing with her head. Stalking her.

_Why_?

She had thought they were friends…well, sorta. They shared a drink, exchanged numbers, had some nice conversation – hell, he'd helped her out with the little hidden camera situation. And he'd seen how much that had bothered her, so the fact that he was doing virtually the same thing didn't make sense.

And she kinda missed him. Which also made no sense, since he was still _there_. Possibly. Or else she was just going insane. There was such a thin line between naughty and evil and she wasn't sure just which side he was on sometimes.

So when Jane had asked her if she wanted to go out with her and Thor that night, Darcy had jumped at the chance. And she had been having a damn good time knocking back a few shots and hitting the dance floor with Jane.

As Thor wasn't much of a dancer, he just sat at a close table watching the two of them bump and grind with an expression on his face that was half-dazed and half-smug. She couldn't blame him – they were some hot looking chicks and Thor was the lucky bastard who got to take them home. Granted, that was more in the literal sense with Darcy – but he _was_ bumping uglies with the superhot, supersmart Jane, so it was doubtful anyone would pity him the lack of threesome.

The music ended and Jane leaned close to Darcy's ear, "I have to take a break. I'm starting to get all hot and sweaty."

Darcy laughed, "That's my cue to hand you over to the big guy."

Jane just bumped her shoulder and weaved her way over to Thor, kissing his smiling lips. They were so cute it made her want to vomit sometimes. While she theoretically wanted to find her own hot guy who she could do naughty things to whenever she wanted, she was still looking for someone who she wouldn't want to stab in the eye with a spork every time he opened his mouth. And there was the whole secret organization thing. Having to run a background check on prospective dates really puts a damper on one's social life.

Not that she was bitter or anything. She liked the fact that she was a part – granted, a very _small_ part – of something important like S.H.I.E.L.D. Still, a girl needs more than Harlequin novels and batteries. And if she went home to an empty apartment that smelled like Loki, she might actually die of sexual frustration. It wasn't like she could do anything about it. She was currently single, she didn't do one-night stands, and knowing that Loki could be there watching as she double-clicked her mouse was a bit _too_ kinky for her.

But only a bit. He scared her and pissed her off – but she still wanted to lick him. She was such a freak. She wondered if her government health plan covered therapy.

Both girls laughed as Thor offered them each an arm as they walked Darcy home. The night was cool and the air felt refreshing. By the time the schmaltzy duo left her at her apartment, Darcy's head felt clearer and her mind was made up. She would confront her phantom.

Closing the door behind her, she braced herself and spun around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but she still felt anxious and pissed. And more than a little tipsy. Liquid courage bolstered her on. How dare he keep her on edge for days? Who the hell did he think he is? (The _God_ of _Mischief_, her mind tried to tell her – she ignored it).

She looked around at the empty space, "Loki?"

She felt stupid, but if he wasn't there, then no one would ever know of her little breakdown.

"LOKI!"

"Yes?"

She spun around quickly and met the gaze of the man sitting nonchalantly on her couch. The nerve!

"What the hell do you think you've been doing?"

He just raised an eyebrow, "Pardon?"

"You've been…spying on me."

He smiled, "Have I?"

"No, you don't get to play that game. I was nice to you. I actually _liked_ you. Hell, I think I even _trusted_ you. And what the hell do you do? Stalk me like a weirdo creeper!"

He seemed unaffected, "I do believe you have issues with privacy. We will work on that."

Feeling her anger hit the boiling point, she nearly screamed at him, "Why are you doing this to me?"

He sighed, "Spying is a harsh word. As is stalking. I was merely observing you. You are a fascinating creature, Darcy Lewis."

"Well, you can observe my foot up your ass if you ever try that shit on me again. I'm serious."

He just smiled, looking amused by her anger.

She continued, liquor having that awful effect on her where she spoke truths she'd never admit sober, "If you want to be a creeper and stare at me all day – fine – just allow me the courtesy of staring back."

For the first time that night, Loki looked a little less poised, "So you would prefer to silently stare at each other all day? I did not realize I was so interesting to look at."

"You're hotter than the average stalker, so I would…yeah. And who knows? Maybe we could do that thing where one person asks questions and the other person answers and then they switch – conversation, I think it's called. We were doing pretty alright with it before. What happened?"

A thought occurred to Darcy, "Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Cause I feel like you're punishing me for something and I don't know why."

Suddenly, Loki was in front of her. She stumbled backwards, her back smacking against the door somewhat painfully. Loki followed her and she found herself trapped between two immoveable objects.

She should be scared.

Now would be a very good time to get scared.

It would be highly appropriate for her to get scared.

So why wasn't she getting scared?

"You desire me, Darcy Lewis." The words were soft and she felt them drift into her ears, run down her spine, and settle somewhere just below her bellybutton.

"I…I don't know what you're talking about."

He smiled like the cat that just fucking _devoured_ the canary. "Oh my lovely little girl, you are still such a bad liar."

He knew. Darcy realized that she shouldn't be surprised – the man knew everything. But she didn't understand why he was doing this to her. Was this a seduction scene or was he just playing with her? She wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly appeared on the other side of the room laughing at her for being such a stupid hormonal mortal, actually thinking she had a chance with him. That would suck.

Or maybe he _was_ seducing her. But why? She certainly was nothing special – and Loki was many things, special just being one of the most innocuous ones. Shouldn't he be backing someone like Natasha into the door and boxing _her_ in with his long arms and filling _her_ nose with his fuckawesome scent?

_He's using you_, her mind supplied.

He was. She knew it. The problem was that she kinda didn't care.

No. No! She couldn't do this until she knew what he wanted. He was an expert chess player and she didn't want to be another one of his pawns. She slid underneath his arm and was vaguely surprised that he let her go. He simply turned around and rested his own back against the door, giving her an unreadable look.

"Second thoughts?"

She bit out a harsh laugh, "How do you even know I had _first_ thoughts?"

He just raised his eyebrow and she suddenly knew without a doubt that he _had_ read her mind. Well, she hoped he was reading it now because she was currently flipping him off in her head.

"Right. Ask a stupid question, huh?"

He smiled, "You are only human."

She blinked, "Yeah, and what the hell does that make you?"

His jaw clenched and his face lost its amusement, "A monster. You should not have ingratiated yourself into any aspect of my life. You should not have made me notice you. Silly little mortal."

While everything he said was probably true, she was sick and tired of the 'weakness of mortals' thing he had going on. Superiority complex, anyone? (He's a _GOD_ her mind kept trying to tell her – she kept ignoring it).

"Yeah, well at least us silly little mortals know how to live."

His face found a smile again, "Oh really? Do explain."

"Well, you immortals think you're so special. If watching Buffy taught me one thing, it's that living forever is overrated. You don't respect something if you can't lose it – and _you_ can't lose your life. Or at least not without some serious fucking effort. But mortals? Hell, I could fall in the street and _bam_, roadkill. So we know how to live, dude. And we fight and love and feel and create and all sorts of shit. Maybe we fuck up sometimes, but c'mon – you've made your own share of big mistakes. So don't get all judgmental on us silly little mortals. Gods in glass houses and all that."

He just raised a brow, "You are _lecturing_ me? See what I told you – you are fascinating. You think mortals have more respect for life because their own is finite? That they see the beauty and potential in every day because it could be their last? Oh, I had almost forgotten how naïve you are. Somehow I find that one of your best qualities. Parts of you are so jaded, but others are as innocent as a child."

She wanted to smack his smug face and then lick away the sting, "I'm not a child. I wasn't the one who threw a hissy and almost destroyed the whole universe."

He was suddenly in front of her again - chest pressed tightly to hers - holding her by the back of the neck so that she had to look up into his face. He was so tall and he wasn't wearing that wicked armor, so she could feel the lines of his body against her own. She was in trouble.

His voice was a taunt and a promise and a plea, "I have made enough mistakes for a hundred men. More. But I have learned from them. And I know that mortals have their merits. I know _you_ have merit. And I know you are not a child."

She trembled against him and hated herself for it, "Why are you doing this? Why _me_?"

He tilted his head and answered her in a voice that sounded more honest than she'd expected, "Because you want me and you are beautiful. And interesting. I know that I have informed you of the bad things that can happen when I become bored. And do you not think it wise to give me an incentive to be good?"

He leaned down toward her and whispered, "I would promise to be so good."

She wasn't sure if he meant that he'd be a good man or simply good in bed. She wasn't sure of anything. She couldn't think.

_Run! Run! Don't look back!_, her mind chimed in one last time. But he was leaning down and his lips were so close and she just wanted to see what he tasted like. So much. Even though she knew - she _knew_ – that she would live to regret it.

His lips paused a hairsbreadth from her own, as if waiting for her to make the final move.

For some reason, she was reminded of the time when she dropped her keys down the grating in the sidewalk. They had fallen out of her purse and hung there, teetering on the little strip of metal. She had frozen, instinctively knowing that she wouldn't be able to grab them before they fell. Time had seemed to stand still and she watched, helpless, as those vitally important little bits of metal dropped into a rat-infested abyss.

Now she was reliving that moment all over again. Except this time _she_ was the keys. Breathless and panicked and resigned, she was waiting for the inevitable. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. Gravity had taken hold of her and she was falling, falling - hard and fast - and in a blink she would be lost completely. And there was so much to lose. What she was doing was dangerous – _he_ was dangerous. He was the bad guy, wasn't he? She didn't really trust that he wouldn't hurt her.

Because he _could_.

He could destroy her so easily, and not just by killing her outright. There were other ways to make a person suffer. But she just couldn't bring herself to care. Lust was a real bitch.

Breathless with resignation and excitement, she closed her eyes and leaned forward, closing the distance between their lips.

He tasted like providence. And freedom. And ruin.

She was _so_ fucked.

She felt a mattress beneath her as he lowered her backwards and she didn't know or care how they'd ended up in her bedroom. Nor did she care that he was apparently able to just make all her clothes disappear – because he did the same thing to his own. Now _that_ was a nifty party trick. As he gave her a smile, part-naughty and part-menacing, she let go of her reservations completely. While he kissed and licked his way down her body – so _that's_ why they called him silver-tongued – she whimpered and moaned and couldn't fight her own naughty grin.

If this was what meeting your doom felt like, then she really didn't care. Fuck it.

His tongue dipped into her navel and her body gave an involuntary jerk. She could feel his answering smile against her heated flesh.

This was such a bad, bad idea.

But she just plunged her fingers into his inky hair and held on tight, knowing she was in for one hell of a ride.


	9. Chapter 9

She hadn't expected to wake up on top of the God of Mischief.

With his penchant for popping in and out without notice, nail and bail seemed the obvious course of action. But morning found Darcy sprawled across Loki's chest, clinging to him like a disheveled barnacle. Past experiences and numerous pop culture sources hadn't prepared her for something like this. Traditionally, you would poke the guy and then pretend to sleep while he grabs his pants and vanishes. Right? That slutty roommate she had during her only year of dorm living taught her that much.

She felt Loki's hand slide from its relatively innocent place at the curve of her hip down to somewhere a bit naughtier. Involuntarily, her mind flashed on images of the night before like some sort of kinky strobe light. They didn't just have sex – no, that would be an understatement of truly epic proportions. They broke the fucking headboard. Ok, _he_ broke it when she tried that spin move that he seemed to like so very much (well, when you're banging a god, you have to bring your A-game). Thankfully, he fixed it and then reinforced it – which was useful as she ended up holding on to it for dear life a few moments later.

She'd never really thought about what sex with Loki would be like – well, ok she _thought_ about it. But not in any sort of detail. She would think about his hands and his lips and his eyes, not whether he was a missionary position kind of guy. And she had assumed it would be dark and quiet, nothing but breathy moans and candlelight – half-romance novel and half-horror movie. Instead, there was naughty laughter from both sides and loud approval of certain ingenious actions and every light in the damn room was on. Was there supposed to be laughter when you banged the bad guy? Wasn't it supposed to be all angsty and torrid and remorseful? Well, it _was_ pretty torrid. When your bedpartner didn't have to obey the laws of gravity…suffice it to say, ceiling-burn on her shins was something she never thought would be a problem.

And Jane had not been exaggerating about the godly stamina thing. Loki was like the Energizer Bunny of porn – wait, that sounded wrong. He had serious staying power – that sounded better.

He was also every inch a prince in bed – issuing her little commands ('lean forward,' 'grip harder,' or her personal favorite - 'put your thigh on my shoulder'). Not that she really minded being his little servant girl since he listened to her slightly-less-commanding requests. Ok, maybe there had been some begging involved. Whatever. The point was that he listened. And he listened _well_. The man put the edible in incredible. And his tongue…fuck.

So, it had been an amazing night. One of those memories you lock up in your mind and don't tell anyone about until you're on your deathbed and want to shock the hell out of your grandchildren with what a kinky bitch you were in your youth – like that old lady in 'Titanic' (seriously, that movie was three hours' worth of TMI). But it wasn't planned and unlikely to be repeated - which was devastating to her ladyparts (like giving them a taste of filet mignon and then taking it all away and saying they had to make do with high school cafeteria sloppy joes). Stupid God of Mischief and his fingers of awesome and his tongue of wonder and his envied-by-all-Viagra-users pe-…NO! She had to stop digressing. Focus, Darcy! So why was he still here? She felt well-rested and since they hadn't fallen asleep until almost dawn, it had to be pretty late.

His hand shifted again.

She didn't move – she hardly breathed. Of all the absurd morning-after conversations people must have had throughout the ages, saying 'hey, sexy-alien-god-stalker, do you want some Cheerios?' seemed to rank pretty high on the list.

She eased her head off his chest very, very slowly and chanced a look at his face.

He was watching her with a badly concealed smirk.

His voice was deep and amused, "Good morning, Miss Lewis."

She groaned, head falling back onto his chest. "You're such an ass. How long have you been watching me?"

She could hear his smile, "Days."

She tried not to laugh because it was true and weird and creepy and definitely NOT funny. Still, her voice betrayed some of her own amusement, "Loki…"

"Yes?"

Darcy just decided to go with it – every interaction she had with this man threw her off-balance, so why bother even trying to figure things out now.

"Good morning, Loki."

"That is much better. One must not forget one's manners, even in such interesting situations."

Great, he was in a playful mood. She supposed it was better than any of the alternatives. Using more willpower than she would ever admit to, she pulled herself up into a sitting position. She looked around for the bedspread to cover herself with, but couldn't see it anywhere. A quick glance at a smirking Loki confirmed that her bedspread was likely a goner. She tried not to feel shy – there wasn't an inch of her that he hadn't seen/touched/tasted last night. Still…it was hard for her not to cross her arms over her chest.

"Hey, where did you throw my panties?"

Loki seemed to pick up on her discomfort and a pair of her panties materialized in his hand – granted, not the pair she'd worn last night. He handed them over to her with a smile that was more kind than any she could remember him giving her before – hell, it was almost gentle. This man was an enigma's even more inexplicable cousin. She'd never understand him. She wanted to try though.

She slid the panties on and stood up. Then she immediately sat back down. Ok. That was more uncomfortable than she was expecting. Suddenly, Loki was kneeling in front of her. Naked. Kneeling. He eased her knees apart. As sore as she was, she suddenly found herself game for whatever he was about to do. One night with the man and she was a superslut – awesome.

To her surprise (and confusion), Loki just gave her an apologetic look and then the hands on her thighs heated and sent a wave of pure bliss into all of her sore places.

"I am sorry, Darcy. I know that you are mortal and I should have tempered my strength."

Darcy couldn't help a giggle and Loki looked at her slightly askance. "Sorry, it's just rare that a guy apologizes for being _good_ in bed. 'I'm sorry I'm such a sex-god beast, Darcy. I didn't mean to rock your world so hard that you couldn't walk the next day. It won't happen again.' Yeah…that's a first."

A sly smile slid across Loki's lips, "A sex-god beast?"

Darcy gave him a look, "Don't play coy."

"If I cannot play coy, what other games can I play?"

He was smirking. And he was still kneeling between her legs. Naked. Why oh why did she put her panties back on?

She cleared her throat, "Well, ok then. Thanks. I need to go be mortal for a moment."

He stood up, watching her carefully as she followed suit – as if to confirm that she was truly alright. She looked around for the other half of her clothing.

"Where's my bra?"

"In Steve Roger's bedroom."

Darcy turned to look at Loki so fast, she almost gave herself whiplash, "What! _Why_?"

Loki just smiled innocently, "Well, I doubt the man has ever seen one before. I thought it would be beneficial for him to practice opening the clasp should the need ever arise for him to do so. And since you were not using it at that moment…well, I assumed you would not mind. Think of it as charity, if you will."

She tried not to yell at the man in front of her. He was the God of Mischief. He was always going to steal her panties and give her bra to 90 year-old virgins and other juvenile shit. She would just have to learn to deal.

"Alright then. Fine. But you owe me a new one."

Loki seemed somewhat surprised and oddly pleased, "Fair enough." The look on his face made Darcy want to roll with his naughtiness more often. She doubted anyone else did.

She started to walk toward the bathroom, "I'll be out in a minute. Help yourself to the contents of my fridge. I'm not sure what I have in the way of breakfast food."

"Pancakes?"

She paused in the doorway to the bathroom, "What?"

"I want pancakes. You mentioned them before. You said you would make them for me for breakfast."

Darcy blinked, "Oh, yeah. I need milk though."

"That is fine. Any particular type? Apparently milk comes in varieties in this realm."

Was this conversation happening?

"Yeah, it does. Just get whole milk. We burned off enough calories last night to splurge on the good stuff."

He smiled, looking her over in a way that made her remember she was only wearing panties, "Indeed we did."

Then he disappeared.

To go buy (steal?) milk.

So she could make him pancakes.

After they slept together.

Holy shit.

Darcy went through the motions in the bathroom – peeing, brushing, flossing, deodorizing – but her mind was a million miles away. Shouldn't the world be ending? Shouldn't she be in the corner crying over what a bad girl she was (and she was a very, _very_ bad girl)?

Pancakes. Seriously.

She threw an old t-shirt on and headed into the kitchen to find the God of Mischief sitting at her counter. He was wearing what looked like the Asgardian equivalent of underwear, but nothing else. She could get used to this – not that she would be able to. Because this was a one-time thing, right? She wanted to ask him, but wasn't sure how to broach the topic.

Instead she pulled the Bisquick from the cabinet and started making breakfast. Loki just watched her silently, a small smile on his face. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore.

"Shouldn't this be more awkward?"

Loki raised an eyebrow, "Awkward? Well, considering that _you_ are involved – yes, it probably should be more awkward. You have a true talent for turning perfectly normal situations into farce."

She ignored the insult, recognizing that he was deflecting, "It's just that I thought this would be more awkward. I mean...shouldn't it be?"

"If you prefer, I can stammer out some excuse and then a blatantly untrue 'I will call you later' as I stumble out the door. That seems to be the protocol for these types of situations."

Flipping the last of the pancakes over, she gave him an unamused look, "Funny. Although I _would_ feel strangely gratified to see your graceful ass stumble."

She finished piling the pancakes and turned to place them on the table (which had been conveniently and bafflingly set by the man sitting at it).

"Bon appétit!"

He watched as she stacked a few pancakes, buttered and syruped them – then he followed suit. He made a pleased noise after his first bite.

"Good?"

He nodded and swallowed, "Yes, quite."

Darcy felt inordinately pleased that he liked her food. Then it occurred to her that she was barefoot in the kitchen, cooking a man food and feeling proud about it. Feminism was dying a quick death, apparently. She decided to read a book about the Women's Suffrage Movement later to make up for it.

Loki casually asked her, "What do you have planned for the day?"

Darcy just stared at him, completely weirded out. This whole morning was starting to feel way too…domestic or something.

"Ok, um, what the hell are you doing?"

Loki just gave her a small smile, "Conversation. I ask a question. You answer. And then we switch. You seemed quite invested in such a thing last night." He took another bite of pancake.

He had her there. "Right. Yeah. Today? Not much. Lazy Sunday – maybe watch a movie or something. Take a hot bath. Relax. How about you?"

For some reason, she had the absurd idea that he'd say he was going to do 'the same thing I do every night – try and take over the world!' Although, that would make her Pinky, wouldn't it?

Luckily, he disrupted her weird musing, "I thought I might pay my brother a visit. And Jane of course."

"That sounds…fun."

"Thor has been generous – if a bit foolish – to forgive and forget the past. Jane is a more difficult mark. I suppose it must be easier to forgive someone who has hurt you than it is to forgive someone who has hurt the one you love."

Darcy understood where both Loki and Jane were coming from, so she couldn't take his side here. But she could offer suggestions. "Just stick it out. Wear her down. You've got Thor in your corner, so that'll help. And she's a scientist - she'll believe it when she sees it. So make her see it. Be less of an asshole around her, maybe try to…I don't know…save the world or something. That would help. Just give it some time."

"Time I have. She can take as much of it as she needs. But I will endeavor to be more polite around her. She is just so easily startled, and I find it quite amusing. I suppose I should stop purposefully frightening her."

"That would probably be a good idea."

They continued eating. Darcy couldn't stop thinking about what exactly was going on between them. They were almost back to where they had been before, except the fact that they were in their underwear.

"You look troubled."

Darcy looked at Loki, debating with herself. She decided to just ask, "What are we now?"

Loki smiled widely, "What _are_ we? Have we undergone some sort of metamorphosis during the night?"

Darcy didn't smile back, "No, I'm serious. I thought we were heading one way and now we've made a sharp left turn into uncharted waters. What's really going on here?"

He gave her a patronizing look, "We are adding a sexual component to our acquaintance. Unless you found last night unsatisfactory."

A loud laugh escaped her involuntarily and she actually covered her mouth in embarrassment. She couldn't help it though - _unsatisfactory_?

Her voice was droll, "Yeah...last night was a complete disappointment. I was obviously faking - all four times. It was about as interesting as watching paint dry. I was doing the times tables in my head just to keep myself awake."

Loki looked exceedingly pleased with her sarcasm, "My apologies, pretty girl. I shall endeavor to perform better next time. You can feel free to speak the multiplication out loud so that I will know when your attention is drifting elsewhere." He gave her a very naughty wink. "Though I feel quite confident that I can keep your mathematical abilities somewhere near infant level."

She didn't doubt that. She'd had to remind herself to breathe several times last night. She had a feeling if someone asked her what three times two had been, she would've answered 'Loki'.

Then something he said registered. He said 'next time'. _Next time_. As in there would actually be one. And now they were back to the quasi-normal friendly state they'd been in a week ago. Which meant…

Oh holy shit! She was fuck-buddies with the God of Mischief.

That was so wrong. So _so_ wrong. Why was she feeling giddy? Well, other than the obvious multiple orgasms that were in her future.

She started to gather the dishes when she noticed that he was looking at her oddly. She got the feeling he was reading her mind again. Not cool. She was going to have to put an end to that. Later. She put the dishes in the sink.

"Well, Miss Lewis. I must thank you for a most pleasant evening and a delicious breakfast. You have been an excellent hostess. My compliments."

She turned around at the sound of his voice so close to her ear and found herself pressed up against the sink. She held her breath as he leaned down toward her, but he paused just before their lips met.

"I think it best that we not inform anyone of the alteration our association has undergone. Secrecy seems the most prudent course of action. I will call on you later."

He disappeared, and she stumbled forward lips-first. She hated when he did that!

Although he had a point about not telling anyone. She didn't want to picture the look on Jane's face when she told her she was banging the God of Mischief. And Nick Fury! Man, would _that_ conversation not go over well.

Caught somewhere between dazed and frustrated, Darcy made her way to her shower. Stripping down, she turned the water to hot and waited for the old pipes in her building to get the memo. While she waited, she turned to give herself a little pep talk in the mirror about how she was _not_ going to behave like a slutty tart the next time she saw Loki.

Something caught her eye as she turned. What the hell was _that_?

Green ink in familiar handwriting was emblazoned along the curve of her left hipbone. That was new. When did she...? She didn't drink alone and she never hung out with anyone who'd let her get drunk inked. Well ok, Tony would - but it was never just the two of them. So when did she get a…?

She contorted her body to get a better look. It was...oh that bastard! Jumping in the shower, she grabbed the soap and started scrubbing. It wouldn't wash off.

See, this was why you shouldn't sleep with the God of Mischief.

He tattooed his damn name on her hip.

Why didn't he just stake a damn flag on her ladyparts while he was at it? (Part of her mind conceded that he pretty much owned them now anyway, especially after he did that thing with his tongue where he...digressing). She should be angry. He branded her like cattle!

She'd make him get rid of it the next time she saw him.

No. An idea.

She'd write _her_ name on his ass in permanent marker. That was much more fair.


	10. Chapter 10

After Loki left, Darcy spent a terrifying hour looking him up on the internet (what a truly bad idea _that_ turned out to be). Traumatized, she decided to ignore everything she had learned about her enigmatic lover and hope that most of it wasn't true. Scratch that, she would hope that _all_ of it wasn't true.

She tried to find her happy place, but nerves and a strange sense of restlessness kept stealing over her. Now that their almost-friendship had turned into the 'with benefits' variety, well…what happened now? Would he just show up whenever he felt horny, like the alien-god version of a booty call? That felt somewhat degrading.

And she couldn't shake the feeling that somehow this was going to bite her in the ass – and not in the fun, kinky way. Loki wasn't a nice guy. He was complicated and though he obviously wasn't as evil as everyone had assumed, he was still _kinda_ evil. Or, at the very least, completely socially handicapped. He stalked her for crying out loud! And then she slept with him. Damn, her life was like a bad soap opera.

But no matter how hot she found him, she had to remember that he _wasn't_ a nice guy. Little tricks she could deal with, but what if he did something she just couldn't handle? He'd killed people before, he could do it again. Hell, the reason Jane was the Goddess of Sexual Frustration for those long months Thor was gone was because Loki had tried to destroy a whole realm (not just enslave it like he planned to do to Earth, which wasn't all that much better come to think of it).

She knew this would end badly. There really wasn't any other way for it to end. She just hoped she lived through it. Because she wasn't going to stop doing…whatever it was she was doing with Loki. There had been a glaring neon "Point of No Return" sign that had popped up earlier that morning and she had just ignored it and made him breakfast instead – turning a potential one-night stand of minimal consequence into something way more dangerous. But exciting. Too exciting.

Because she _liked_ Loki. He was funny. And he was oddly charming. And she was always fascinated by whatever he said, even when he was being a snarky asshole – no, especially when he was being a snarky asshole. Not to mention that the sex was revelatory. She was simply drawn to him in a way that didn't make any sense.

But she wasn't stupid enough to become that clichéd girl who thought she could reform the bad boy. Loki wasn't a _boy_ and she wasn't anywhere near that naïve. If he was going to change (and that was a big _if_), it was something he would have to do on his own. She wasn't foolish enough to think that treaties with mortals and promises to his brother were enough to stop him if he got pissed. Nor did she believe herself capable of helping him grow a conscience, like some sort of Jiminy Cricket (well, if Jiminy Cricket had banged Pinocchio, which would have been a bit questionable for a kid's movie).

Loki had issues she probably couldn't even _comprehend_, let alone try to help him with. Not that she was in a position to even offer that kind of help - they were secret friends with even more secret benefits.

Although his only-possibly reformed nature was a good reason for her to keep sleeping with him, if you really thought about it. Orgasms make you happy and reduce stress. Happy and stress-free people were less likely to bring about the apocalypse. Therefore, the world was probably a safer place if she kept giving Loki stress-relieving orgasms. And if for every one she gave him, he gave her at least three more in return – well, that was just the perks of the job, right? S.H.I.E.L.D. was all about saving the world and she was nothing if not their dedicated employee. She wondered if it could even count as overtime.

Darcy glanced at the clock and panicked. It was already evening and she had spent the entire day worrying about Loki like the Debbie Downer that she was. What if he was coming over tonight? He hadn't indicated that he was, but Loki never gave her any warning anyway.

She was wearing sweats and a t-shirt, for fuck's sake! That wasn't the femme fatale image she wanted to project. She spent the next hour alternating between making herself into the closest facsimile of a sex kitten that she was capable of being and telling herself off in the mirror for being the most ridiculous person in the world. Her current slutty attire had been a recent purchase that was somewhat mortifying considering she had bought it with Loki in mind before last night's debauchery ever happened. Hell, before it was even a vague possibility. She was such an idiot. He probably wouldn't even show up that night - and if he did, he'd laugh at her paltry attempts to look sexy for him. Mocking might even be involved.

Feeling like a silly woman anyway, she plopped on the couch and allowed her channel-surfing to stop at 'The Notebook'. While she would normally belittle anyone who liked such sentimental crap, no one was there to judge her. Well, at least she didn't think anyone was. (Hopefully, Loki was over the whole stalking phase.)

It was just her luck that an hour later she was half-buried in a mound of tissues, sobbing like a loon. Stupid Ryan Gosling and stupid Alzheimer's and stupid overly sappy movie.

So of course that was how Loki found her.

Crying like a bitch.

* * *

><p>After leaving Darcy, Loki had spent the day with Thor and his woman. He had even knocked on their front door as both an attempt at civility and a precautionary measure (though it was a bit late for that – what had been seen could never be unseen no matter how much one might wish it so). Thor had been genuinely pleased that he had visited, and the brothers had taken a few more modest steps in repairing the damage that had been done to their relationship.<p>

And he had taken Darcy's advice with Jane – he was polite to her and fought against the temptation to make her jump. He even asked about her research and then offered some (probably not wanted) suggestions in a tone that wasn't even a tad condescending. It was a truly heroic effort on Loki's part, but the look on his brother's face made it feel somewhat worth the sacrifice. Jane had just seemed confused by his new demeanor – though he supposed that was an improvement over the frosty bitch she usually was to him.

A few hours later, Loki was alone again and found himself having an internal debate. He had told himself that he would not spend too much time with Darcy, but he couldn't help anticipating the possibility of a repeat of last night's shockingly satisfying sexual encounter.

He'd never been with a mortal before, but she had certainly surprised him with her genuine enthusiasm for his touch and willingness to go along with his whims. He had given her a few commands that he knew must have sounded odd, but she had just shrugged and acquiesced. The fact that she bedded him for no reason other than the pleasure he could give her was as unsettling as it was gratifying. And there had been a lightness in the experience which he found incongruous with his past encounters. Sex had always been a means to an end - but this time sex _was_ the end. It was unusual, but not unpleasant. Quite the opposite, really. For the moment, he was glad he had given in to the temptation.

As all other possible plans for the night involved significantly less chance of sexual gratification, he decided to visit Darcy despite his reservations. Even if sex wasn't forthcoming, she would doubtless entertain him. Her mind was the least linear of any mortal he had come across – it was fascinating. And she seemed to handle his games better than most.

He appeared in her living room and was met with a rather unpleasant surprise. Darcy was crying in the manner of one who has been truly overwhelmed by sorrow. What could have happened in the hours he had been away from her?

"Darcy?"

She jumped a bit and turned to him with a chagrined look on her tearstained face, "Of course you're here. That's the way my life works."

He sat next to her, feeling uncertain of the appropriate course of action.

"Has something unfortunate occurred?"

She shushed him.

She _shushed_ him. Him!

"Just who do you think-," she shushed him again before he could get the words out and then gestured to the television in front of her.

An older actor was reading to an older actress while dramatic music played in the background. Darcy appeared riveted. It occurred to Loki why she was crying and he couldn't stop himself from staring at her incredulously. A _movie?_

Much more comfortable knowing that tragedy hadn't befallen the silly girl, Loki watched as the couple onscreen died in each other's arms. What a ridiculous mortal farce. Darcy just cried harder - he was vaguely concerned that _she_ would die of asphyxiation. That would be ironic.

The credits began to roll and he just watched, amused, as she composed herself and turned to him, "Don't judge me. I have ovaries. I'm a girl. I'm allowed to watch shit like this if I want to."

Shaking his head, he replied, "Just to clarify, you are crying because two _fictional_ characters in a movie died simultaneously at an old age after living mostly happy lives together?"

She sniffled pathetically, "Well when you put it like that, I sound like an idiot."

"That was your word, not mine. A bit dramatic was all I was going to say."

Giving him a look, she stood up to wash her face in the bathroom. Loki remained seated, transfixed by his latest discovery. He hadn't noticed her clothing when he arrived due to her emotional state, but he certainly noticed it now. She wore a silk negligée – short and low-cut. It was also emerald green.

She wore it for him. He _knew_ she did. He shouldn't be so pleased - but he was. The girl may be mystifying in her emotions, but she certainly deserved a reward for her stimulating attire.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, face still damp from the cool washcloth she'd pressed upon it – Loki used her distraction to lift her into his arms and then transport them quickly to her bedroom, throwing her down upon the mattress before her squeak of surprise had even ended. He enjoyed the look of disorientation on her face.

"You can't keep doing that to me!"

He didn't even try to stop his smile, "Yes I can. And I will. You simply must accept that and move on." He crawled onto the mattress and hovered over her, watching as her eyes dilated. She wore her desire for him so openly, it was intoxicating.

He reached for the little silk strap on her shoulder, "Did you wear this for me?" He knew she did. He simply wanted to hear her admit it out loud.

She blushed – unexpected – and he found himself quite curious about what her response would be. She stared resolutely at his shoulder as she whispered, "I bought it for you."

She was telling the truth, which meant she deserved an even bigger reward. A question arose in his mind and he voiced it before truly thinking it over, "When?"

She blushed even darker, but made eye contact as she whispered, "About a week ago."

Loki couldn't stop a feral grin of satisfaction. He claimed her lips swiftly and thoroughly and felt her hands immediately sink into his hair. He pulled back, reveling in the dazed look on her face. As he slithered his way down her body, she raised a questioning eyebrow.

Loki just smirked and eased her thighs apart, letting his tongue demonstrate his appreciation.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, the Avengers and assorted lesser beings were scattered about the room, impatiently waiting for Fury to show up so they could start the damn meeting. Darcy was seated at the table across from Steve Rogers, doodling in her notebook and daydreaming. Suddenly, a flash of green entered her peripheral vision and her breathing stopped being involuntary. Oh shit.<p>

Loki's arrival at the meeting seemed to confuse everyone but Darcy – she was too busy trying to act nonchalant to worry about why he was there in the first place.

After a quick greeting with his brother, Loki took the seat next to her with an air of a man with nowhere better to sit despite the multitude of options - demonstrating a thespian skill far more advanced than Darcy's. Bastard. They hadn't been together in public since the sexytimes started. And Darcy was a terrible liar – Loki _knew_ she was. Sitting next to her was just mean.

She wasn't sure what to say to him - _should_ she say anything to him? Would it be weird if she didn't? 'Hello' was neutral, right? This whole clandestine lovers thing was tricky. She was afraid that she'd go to say something like 'nice weather we're having' and end up yelling 'I love how you feel when you're inside me'.

That would be awkward.

In her intense concentration on her hands, she didn't notice that someone other than Loki was studying her. Loki's hand brushed her leg causing her to jerk her head toward him in a pathetically conspicuous manner. He just raised an eyebrow and tilted his head in Captain America's direction.

Huh. Steve Rogers was definitely looking at her funny. Well, more specifically, he was looking at her _boobs_ funny. She'd caught him ogling her before – but this wasn't the same look. It was almost like he was trying to figure out some super-complicated math problem that just happened to be written across her boobage. Weird.

She tore a piece of paper from her notebook and wrote on it quickly, then waited until Steve glanced at Loki to hold it in front of her chest as inconspicuously as possible - she must have done a good job because no one else seemed to notice. Steve returned his gaze to her chest as if magnetized and she watched as he turned boiled-lobster red.

Hahahaha! Haha! Ha. Good times.

She put the paper down and suddenly noticed that everyone was now looking at her. Maybe she should have laughed _internally_. Natasha leaned across the table and grabbed the paper from Darcy's grip with the speed of a cheetah on cocaine. She read aloud, "I know they're nice - but eyes up here, Cap."

Now it was slightly less amusing, infinitely more awkward. Great.

Darcy hazarded a look at Loki, but he was currently giving Steve the same look one would give a naughty little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Everyone else was looking at Darcy suspiciously. Then at Steve. Then back at Darcy. Awkward.

The uncomfortable moment was broken by the arrival of the man they were all waiting for - Nick Motherfucking Fury (she refused to believe he had a different middle name).

He looked around the room, gaze pausing on the occupant of the seat beside her, "Ah, Loki - how _nice_ of you to join us." There was a distinct lack of sincerity in Fury's voice and Darcy was pretty sure that was the reason behind what happened next.

Addressing the group, Fury asked, "So who has an idea on how to handle the Monteray situation?"

Everyone just stared at Fury silently, confused and disturbed. Who could formulate an answer with such a weird sight in front of them?

It was Tony who finally broached the subject, "What's with the bling?"

Fury just looked confused, "Bling?"

Tony gestured to his face, "The…patch. It's definitely a look."

Fury reached up to touch his face and then started, immediately turning toward the nearest reflective surface.

"What the fuck is this?"

Loki's voice rang out, tinged with mischief, "Most people would say thank you when given a present with as much monetary and emotional worth."

Fury turned to him with a scowl, "I should have known you would have something to do with this. Why the hell am I wearing a gold eyepatch?"

Loki looked at him innocently, "It is an adornment worthy of a king. You should feel honored."

Darcy mused aloud, "With that thing on, I can't tell if he reminds me more of a rapper or a pirate."

Loki turned to look at her, "Are the two mutually exclusive?"

Darcy began to imagine the amazingness of a rapping pirate until Fury yelled, "Change it back!"

Loki simply looked at him, "I cannot change it back. I never altered it in the first place. I told you it was an item worthy of a king. Literally. I simply borrowed it."

There was a tense silence while everyone seemed to be puzzling out Loki's words.

Then Thor spoke out slowly, "Brother, you do not mean to say that you have given him Father's eyepatch."

"He has several spares, it will not be missed."

Darcy's stomach clenched, "You gave him your dad's eyepatch? Dude, that's…_gross_."

Loki just shot her a wicked grin.

Fury reached up quickly to take the patch off, and everyone turned to stare at him. It seemed that they all were as curious as Darcy about what was going on under there…was it just empty…did he have a glass eye with something pimp written on it? To their shared disappointment, his hand paused before it was completely removed.

He leveled a one-eyed glare at an unapologetic Loki, "Switch it back. Now."

Loki did so with a sigh. As everyone was busy staring at Fury's more traditional black accessory, Loki sent a quick wink over to Darcy. She just shook her head a bit and gave him a small smile.

Neither noticed the one man watching their quiet exchange.

* * *

><p>An hour after Loki played his little game with Fury, Darcy found herself being a good little worker bee in her tiny little cell of an office. When she heard the knock on her door, she praised every diety she could think of for the very welcome distraction and shouted out a greeting.<p>

Steve Roger's uncomfortable face peeked around her door. That was unexpected, but he was always a nice guy (a little _too_ nice sometimes) and she always found it funny to make him get all uptight.

"Cap! What's shakin'?"

He closed the door behind him gently and then cleared his throat. The look on his face made Darcy wish she had a lollipop to give him, like they did with children at the doctor. The poor dude was mustering up the courage for something. Oh crap – what if he was going to ask her out? He _was_ staring at the girls today. That would be awkward. If he had asked her out a few weeks ago, she would have probably said yes (secret organization = finite dating pool). But now she was currently in a…thing…with the God of Mischief. And he was already more than she could handle.

"Hello, Darcy. I'm sorry to bother you but there was something I needed to ask."

He stopped talking. Darcy just looked at him for a minute before realizing he wasn't going to continue, "Oh! Well, ask away."

"I know this might sound crazy - and possibly disrespectful – but I found a certain…article of clothing in my room. I have no idea how it got there. It's obviously not mine, and I wasn't sure who it could belong to. And then it occurred to me that it might be yours. I mean – I have no idea how it came to be in my bedroom - honest, but…well, there weren't too many options for who it could belong to. And I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure it isn't Jane's. It could be Natasha's, but…well, it looks like it would fit more comfortably on you. Not that I was…I swear I wasn't…well, I mean I _was_ looking at….but it wasn't because I'm some sort of pervert. Oh, man. Just tell me if you left a brassiere in my room so I can give it back before I go brain myself on my shield."

Oh! She'd almost forgotten about that.

What was she supposed to say? 'Yes' would lead to questions about why it was there - the boy scout never drank, so she couldn't play the whole 'you don't remember our beautiful night of passion, you cad!' angle. But she felt so bad for him - the dude was obviously really uncomfortable (he called it a _brassiere_ for heaven's sake!) - and she didn't want him to worry that women's lingerie would just keep magically appearing in his bedroom. Poor guy would get an ulcer.

"Actually, you know that might be mine. I _am_ missing a certain boob-supporting undergarment. I have no idea how it got in your room though. That's so weird. You know, it was probably that stupid God of Mischief. Certainly sounds like something he'd do."

She could see the light go on in his head as obvious relief spread throughout his body.

"Yeah, you're probably right. He's a real jerk."

Steve was still looking at her and blushing and she was smiling perhaps a bit too widely at the thought of the sneaky bastard who got them into this situation. So of course that was how Jane found them.

"Hey, guys. Am I interrupting something?" The little smile on Jane's face made Darcy realize that she was in the process of drawing the wrong conclusion.

Trying to clarify, Darcy told her, "No! It's just that Steve has my bra, and we're negotiating its safe return."

That was probably _not_ going to help Jane come to the right conclusion.

"Oh! Well, don't let me disturb you guys. Keep…doing whatever it is you're doing."

She shot Darcy a not-even-remotely-secret thumbs up and backed out the door. Awesome.

Ah well - if everyone thought she was getting her flirt on with the Cap, no one would ever entertain the idea of her and the God of Mischief getting groiny. Loki and Steve - could there be two people more dissimilar?

Maybe she was better at this whole clandestine lovers thing than she thought.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Darcy found herself wandering the hallway, pretending to look like she was heading somewhere specific instead of mentally reenacting scenes from 'The Labyrinth'. Whatever – her job was menial. They only kept her on because they'd have to kill her otherwise – she knew too much and all that.<p>

Lost in thought, Darcy was startled when a voice rang out behind her, "So, what's going on between you and the God of Mischief?"

Darcy's heart stopped, but she willed her face to remain neutral as she turned to face Tony. "What?"

"You and Loki. What's going on there?"

She tried to look confused, "_Loki_? Um...am I supposed to understand what you're talking about?"

"You seemed...close at the meeting."

"Well duh, we _were_ sitting next to each other."

"And now you're deliberately playing dumb. Why does this worry me?"

"Because you're a crazy man?" She added as much incredulity in her voice as she could. "What do you think is going on between me and Loki?"

He seemed more serious than usual, "I don't know, that's why I'm asking _you_. Or I could ask Fury and get his take on it."

Threats. Lovely. What the hell was she supposed to do now? She decided to take a note from Loki's book and tell the truth - but not the _whole_ truth. It made everything much more believable than an outright lie.

"We...talk. Sometimes. I guess you could call us friendly. Maybe."

He cocked his head, "Well that clears things up. You talk."

"Sometimes."

"Just talk?"

"Well, we watched a movie one time. Or, well, the end of one. He didn't seem to like it."

He looked skeptical, "Talking and a movie. If it's so innocent, why were you hiding it?"

She gave him her patented you're-a-moron look, "He's still the guy that brought Earth to its knees and nobody trusts him not to do it again. Why would I tell anyone that we're on friendly terms?"

Tony seemed to let that digest, "Fair enough. He's dangerous though, Darcy. It's not that I don't trust you, but I'm still going to Fury with this."

Oh no he didn't.

"Ok, and then I'll tell him that you always open with king's pawn." Tony looked a little startled. "We _talk_. He's a god. I'm as far from a god as you can get while still being sentient. So there's a finite amount of things we have in common. The Avengers is one of those things. _You_ are therefore mentioned. Especially when he kicks your ass at chess. Have you told anyone you have weekly matches?"

"First of all, there was no ass-kicking. He got lucky - a few times. And that was a nicely executed bit of blackmail right there. Seems he's rubbing off on you."

Oh Tony had no idea just how much rubbing was going on…not the right time to be thinking about that.

Darcy sighed, "Look I know what I'm doing." Outright lie, she had to follow that up with something more believable. "Loki needs someone to trust in him. I'm not saying that I do. But I'm the only person other than Thor who seems even remotely capable of doing so." True. "And I'm being careful." Such a lie! "If he wanted something, he would just take it - he's not the type to wait around messing with someone as unimportant as me. You're the one with more leverage. I'd be more concerned about what he wants with _you_." True, but also not what she should have said. Loki seemed to like Tony, she didn't want to screw that up. "But as far as I can tell, he really enjoys playing with you – chess, I mean. And he's a big fan of your booze. He doesn't seem to have any ulterior motives there." Better, but maybe pushing it. This was hard. She needed Loki to come pretend to be her for a few minutes - he'd do a much better job.

Tony nodded at her looking thoughtful, "Yeah. He's…different."

She wouldn't argue with that.

"Look, Darcy. I like the guy. He's funny and intelligent. I've got my own issues, so I'm not going to judge him for fucking it all up. But, he's dangerous. I just don't want you to get hurt."

She hadn't realized Tony cared about her as more than part of the office furniture, "How can I get hurt from some conversation? I'll be fine. But if I feel like there's something I should tell you, I will. How's that sound?"

"Better. Not perfect though. Just be careful."

"I am! Chill out. It'll be fine."

Tony looked more like he _wanted_ to believe her than he actually _did_ believe her. But he nodded, gave her a wink, and walked off down the hallway throwing a goodbye over his shoulder.

Darcy waited until he was out of sight before releasing the breath she felt like she'd been holding since Tony opened his big mouth. He'd be watching them from now on. That could be a problem.

The only warning she had about Loki's presence was a strange chill along the back of her neck.

Wrapping around her from behind, a hand gripped her waist tightly – too tightly – and an ominous voice whispered in her ear, "Learn to lie better."

She spun, but he was gone by the time she turned around.

Heart pounding, Darcy stared vacantly at the empty hallway. She wasn't sure whether Loki's words had been a demand or a threat.

They certainly felt more like a threat.

She echoed the last words she'd said to Tony, "It'll be fine."

As her voice carried her declaration down the empty hallway, Darcy wished she could believe that was true.


	11. Chapter 11

Weeks passed and each night Loki came to her like smoke through a keyhole - silent and dangerous and intoxicating. In the darkness, he would reach for her and she would meet him halfway. Like the most compelling of addictions, he sent her mind reeling as he overwhelmed each sense in turn.

Morning would find them bickering and bantering, learning each other's quirks. But they never touched upon anything that truly mattered – their pasts, their dreams, their demons. And whenever someone was watching, they were virtual strangers once more.

They both knew they were tempting fate. So neither was truly surprised when the shit hit the fan.

* * *

><p>Darcy felt numb. She knew Loki wasn't the kind to make epic self-sacrifices, but she hadn't expected this. She sat on her couch, hunched over and tense, as she waited for Loki to show up. He always did.<p>

"Why do I get the feeling you are angry with me?"

It was a testament to the frequency of their encounters that Darcy no longer jumped when Loki popped up out of nowhere. Well, unless he was deliberately trying to make her jump. But that didn't count.

"Because you're a smart guy."

He sighed, already dreading the conversation that was about to occur.

"Darcy, you are overreacting."

Darcy lurched off the couch as if pulled by invisible strings and stood toe-to-toe with the god before her.

Her voice was livid, "No, I'm really not. You're underreacting. Hell, you're just _not_ reacting. At all. What the hell were you thinking out there?"

Taking a centering breath, he replied, "You do not truly want to know. What did you expect me to do?"

"Something! Anything. Bruce was bleeding all over the place and that guy was about to _kill_ him – and you just stood there. Smirking like it was all some sort of big show put on just for you. Like it was a joke. He was dying – and you didn't do anything."

His smile was patronizing, "Like what? _Save_ him? Is that what you thought I would do?"

She was giving him a look that he had been given many times before – but never by her.

"Yes! Loki, he's my friend. He's our colleague. I don't understand how you could find anything funny about what was happening to him. You could have snapped your fingers and saved him – saved everyone. Why didn't you?"

"He is _your_ colleague, not mine. Just because I no longer fight against S.H.I.E.L.D. does not mean that I fight for them. And simply because I _can_ do something does not mean that I _will_."

She actually looked hurt, "Loki…you have to go all in, one way or another. You can't just keep straddling the line between hero and villain."

Loki felt his hands clench into fists as a slow-burning fury started building up inside of him. This conversation was transforming from tedious into maddening. He had thought that of anyone in this godsforsaken realm, Darcy understood him. Maybe _he_ was the fool.

He kept his voice carefully neutral, "Hero or villain - are those a man's only two options?"

"A normal man - no. Most people can be a selfish asshole and still be a decent human being. But you? Someone as...scary powerful and dangerous as you? _You_ need to make a choice. I thought you already did when you saved Thor. But if I'm wrong, and you can still just drop the whole reformed thing - tell me now. Go kill kittens or enslave children or whatever you think would make you happy. But if you say you're with us - then _be_ with us."

He couldn't hold in a bitter laugh, "You want me to become the hero, I presume. If you were looking for a hero, Darcy, you should have sought passion elsewhere. That is not who I am. I find it quaint that you do not seem to mind my mercurial nature when you are sitting on my face. But outside the bedroom…"

"This isn't about me."

"If you say so. Find it hard to look in the mirror lately? To see the marks a monster leaves on your skin? The marks you beg him to leave."

She recoiled as if slapped, "Stop! Don't turn this around on me. You almost let a man die! I'm not saying you have to be some big damn hero, but you should have done _something_."

His smile was cruel, "Heroes are fools, therefore it goes against my very nature to become one."

"But you _could_. Thor is-"

Her words shattered his control. Why did everyone he cared about try to make him into something he was not nor had any desire to be?

He roared, "_I am not my brother!_"

Anger coursing through him, he felt his power seep from his skin, making the air around him pulse and crackle. He watched as Darcy took a step back, looking afraid. Afraid of _him_. He had seen her in various states, but she had never looked truly frightened of him before.

He forced himself to calm, understanding that she was not the true source of his anger and therefore did not deserve the brunt of it. He had not yelled like that since he had confronted his father. Confronted _Odin_. He knew why Darcy was angry. He supposed she even deserved to be. But he owed her no loyalty – not truly. Nor did he owe loyalty to any of the others in this realm, save Thor. Did she not understand how difficult this was for him?

Still, he shouldn't have scared her.

Giving her as gentle a look as he could muster in his current state, he explained, "I am not Thor and I never will be."

While the fear had left her face, the light reflected off the tears in her eyes and Loki truly felt like the villain. She was his friend as well as his lover - he had to remember that.

He continued, "But I am _trying_ to overcome my impulses. I will never be able to make a choice without weighing my options. And I will always want to choose the option that works to my advantage. That will too often conflict with the path of the hero."

Her voice was soft, "So make your own path. Weigh your options. Think selfish thoughts. But do the right thing in the end." She tried to smile at him, but he could see the cracks. "I know you're not Thor. I wouldn't want you to be. One God of Thunder is more than enough. I just meant that if Thor could do it, then you obviously could too. Anything."

His smile turned genuine, "Are you trying to goad me into competition with my brother over being the better man?"

Her voice was oddly sincere, "I already think you're the better man."

He laughed hollowly, "In bed, I presume."

"And other places."

What manner of nonsense was she speaking now?

He studied her face as if he'd never seen it before, "Explain."

"Thor's a good guy. He follows his impulses - which just happen to be stupidly heroic. You...aren't a very good guy. But you fight your impulses. I think that's...noble? I don't know. I just think you're a hell of a lot more decent than you think you are. But what do I know, right? You've called me crazy more times than I can count."

Mind whirling, he answered absently, "Seventeen."

"What?"

"I have implied that your mental health may require specialized assistance seventeen times. Though, in all honesty, there have been many more instances where I simply did not voice that opinion – such as at this particular moment. Though, technically, I suppose that now makes eighteen."

She smiled, looking worn, "And yet you're still doing me. What does that say about _your_ mental health?"

"Insanity is contagious."

"Now _that_ I believe."

She fell silent, wrapping her arms around her torso as if to comfort herself. Loki just watched the light play off the contours of her face, suddenly compelled to memorize her features even though he had done so ages ago. The silence stretched out between them for a long moment, until Darcy finally broke it.

Her voice was curious, "Did we just have a fight? I mean, there was yelling and everything - it sure felt like a fight."

He raised his brow, "If we did quarrel, are you certain that we are finished doing so?"

She blinked, "Oh. Well, can we make peace now? They say you should never go to bed angry. And I'm tired. And with my emotions running all high and shit, I really need to…well, there's this mortal custom of having make-up sex after you have a fight."

Loki's smile was strained, "I have no objections. But Darcy, I am _not_ a good man. Though I am endeavoring to become a better one."

She walked toward him and slowly wound her arms around his neck in the closest approximation of a hug they had ever shared.

"Well you strike me as the kind of guy who gets things done once he puts his mind to it. Just...if someone who isn't evil is dying in front of you - even if they're not your brother - save them next time. Ok? Who knows, maybe it'll be like the end of the Grinch and your heart will grow thr-...yeah, nevermind." She looked up at him through her lashes and gave him an impish little grin. "But I still think you would totally make a better hero than Thor."

He allowed himself to relax, bringing his arms around her. It felt strange to be holding each other with their clothes on. He smiled at her words, "That would not be difficult. And now I do believe we have concluded with our disagreement and can move on to the next stage."

She looked hopeful, "Make-up sex?"

A familiar smirk slid across his lips, "Indeed. Now strip for me, mortal. Slowly."

As he watched her flesh become exposed inch by delicious inch, Loki let her words linger in his mind. The better man. She was naïve, but...

The _better_ man.

* * *

><p>In the afterglow – well, <em>aftermath<em> seemed more appropriate – Darcy suddenly remembered something she had been meaning to tell Loki before they had their little lovers' spat. It would hopefully lighten the mood.

"So...I deflowered Captain America."

Loki found the rage that filled him at her words both unexpected and staggering.

He wondered just how painful that foolish Captain's death could be while still looking like an accident. Being drawn and quartered obviously required outside intervention. And people didn't just trip and behead themselves...at least not slowly and with a dull blade. But freak garbage disposal accidents were possible, surely. A man could lose a limb or two down one of those strange contraptions and bleed out over the course of several hours - days even - and be unable to get any assistance. That was a possibility.

His voice betrayed none of his internal chaos, "Pardon?"

Smiling, she explained, "Some Puckish pervert left my unmentionables in Steve's room. He was being a gentleman and returning them. Because gentlemen _return_ them as opposed to _steal_ them. See the difference?"

While registering her reference to his favorite Shakespearean character, Loki still couldn't find the humor in her words.

"What does that have to do with you fucking him?"

Darcy couldn't remember ever hearing him curse before. It wasn't as sexy as she had imagined it being - she was actually somewhat nervous. And Loki's body was starting to give off a strange chill.

"Um, nothing. Except now all of S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks I'm doing him. Jane thought she figured something out - which was obviously untrue - but she told Thor and you know he can't keep a secret. Took a little while, but I'm pretty sure everyone has heard by now. I'm kinda shocked _you_ haven't."

The words registered - Loki understood now. He refused to call the soft swell of pleasant emotion that ran through him relief.

He simply didn't like to share.

"Ah. Well I have been a bit preoccupied with matters slightly more important than office gossip. But I will assume all are in agreement that it was better for him than it was for you."

She laughed, relaxing now that the weird tension was evaporating, "Yup, they say I rocked his world. Rode him so hard, he'll have to sleep for _another_ 70 years just to recover from the Darcy Lewis Experience."

"Modesty is my favorite of your virtues."

She gave him a saucy wink, "And compassion is my favorite of yours."

He chuckled, "Touché."

He watched as Darcy appeared to get lost in thought. The small smile on her face intrigued him

"What are you thinking about?"

She blinked, looking a bit startled, "Oh! Nothing."

A bit on edge from the madness of the day, Loki brushed against her mind to find the truth. Ah – the talk of virtues had made her think of vices. She was currently tallying which of the Seven Deadly Sins she was guilty of. While her number was quite impressive, he edged her out.

He interrupted her musing, "I feel lust is the most pertinent for the moment. Although sloth is a close second."

She looked at him and Loki got the uncomfortable feeling that they were going to argue yet again that day.

"Are you _reading my mind_?"

"Yes."

She looked upset, "Stop! You can't do that!"

"I beg to differ. I obviously _can_ do it."

"Thin ice, buddy. Thin fucking ice. Do you mind-rape me often?"

Loki rolled her underneath him, pinning her to the bed, "Rape is a terrible word choice. I skim your thoughts – so it is mind _foreplay_ at most. And I only do so rarely."

"Define rarely." She didn't sound amused despite her body's reaction to their new position.

"I only do so when you are being reticent about explaining yourself and I require clarification. You are mystifying in many ways. I dislike being left in the dark."

She pushed at his shoulders and he allowed himself to fall backwards so that she could pin _him_ to the bed.

Her voice was firm, "If you _ever_ read my mind again, I will castrate you in your sleep. Seriously, I will wait all night until you're completely dead to the world. And then I will go full-on Lorena Bobbitt on you. And I don't care if you can regenerate like a starfish – it _will_ hurt. And even if it only annoys you more than anything else, I'll do it over and over again, until you learn to stay out of my fucking head. We clear?"

Loki tried not to smile. He failed.

"Clear as crystal. In truth, I find it better for my overall mental stability to stay out of your mind. A man could get lost in the chaos in there. But I will not say that I will _never_ use that little ability. Only that I will try to ask permission first. Did you know there are many useful ways to implement telepathy? Secretly mocking others in a crowded room – very amusing. Communicating your carnal desires when your mouth is otherwise occupied – extremely useful. Even in battle – it is good to know exactly when to duck."

"Go back to the second one."

He raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"Something about carnal desires. That one had some real possibility." Her position on top of him was shifting from threatening into promising.

He smirked, "In the interest of fairness, I will share with you what has been on _my_ mind."

He then sent her an image that made her blush right down to her navel. He could see her trying to sort out the image in her head.

Dazed, she asked, "Were there _two_ of you?"

"Well, there could be two of _you_ if you would prefer." His voice turned musing, "Now that I have mentioned it, that would be quite agreeable."

Shaking her head, she straddled him properly and sat up with a naughty smile, "One of me is already more than you can handle, lover."

He smirked at her audacity, "Prove it."

She did.

She was certainly…more…than he'd expected. Best not to let that thought linger. She was nothing more than a pleasant diversion.

As she flawlessly executed that little spin move he so enjoyed, Loki had to amend his previous assessment – she was an _extremely_ pleasant diversion.


	12. Chapter 12

Chess was invigorating, but there were benefits to be found in variety. Therefore, when Loki arrived at Tony's place and found him fiddling with a deck of cards, he allowed the change in games. Though poker required a certain measure of luck, there was still enough strategizing and subterfuge to keep Loki happy. And the more Tony drank, the easier it became for Loki to read the strength of Tony's hand in the lines of his face. He finally understood where the expression 'Poker Face' came from – though not why Darcy insisted on singing about it in the shower.

As money was pointless to them both – Loki could make or take whatever he wanted and Tony could simply buy it – they decided to gamble for something infinitely more important to men such as these two: bragging rights. And neither was a graceful loser.

Still, poker allowed for more conversation – which Loki found to be both good and bad. Tony was amusing and wasn't above laughing at the misfortune of others - it's always nice to find common ground. But at this moment, Loki was starting to get more than a little irritated at the topic Tony had switched to. And Tony must have picked up on his annoyance as he then latched on to it with vigor.

"I'm just saying it's about time. That boy has been so damn surly since they defrosted him, it's been pissing everyone off. Nothing like swiping the V-card to get a man to stop acting like a bitch. Three Jacks."

Tony's words were calculated, but Loki would not allow himself to be baited by a mortal who required a machine to remind him to do something before he could do _anything_. Besides, he wasn't that far off base. It was simply not Darcy that the Captain was going home to at night - some redheaded S.H.I.E.L.D. underling had that dubious honor. Loki couldn't be bothered to invest much time and effort into investigating the boy's sex-life, but Steve and his conquest weren't even being particularly discrete. However, the truth didn't seem to matter to the mortals when the gossip was so much more delicious. He wondered if the whole of S.H.I.E.L.D. would collectively orgasm at the news that _he_ was Darcy's secret lover.

"Full house, Queens over Eights." Loki gathered up the poker chips and continued, "And I am sure we are all grateful that the Captain has let go of the past and found some relaxation in the present."

Loki hoped that would end the conversation. Unfortunately, Tony seemed to be trying to make a point tonight. He – and he alone – was the only one suspicious of Loki's relationship with Darcy. Granted, the only other person who knew they even spoke to one another was Steve and he had his own distractions these days.

Tony blathered on, "I heard that all he had to do was wink at the girl and his virginity disappeared faster than you can say 'premature ejaculation'. Not that I'm judging her. I stuck up for her when that mouthy guard compared her to the Bermuda Triangle. I mean, I laughed first. But then I hit him."

"The _what_ Triangle?"

"Bermuda Triangle. It's a place where boats supposedly sink for no reason."

"And he compared such a place to Darcy?"

"You know, because they both swallowed a lot of semen."

Loki was impressed by his ability to contain his wrath and replied as casually as possible, "Shame Darcy didn't hear his slander. She would have dislocated his jaw." Pity Loki hadn't heard either – he would have dislocated his _head_.

"You're probably right. You know her better than me, though. But she seems like a girl who knows how to have a good time. Straight, Queen high."

Tony was starting to get obvious in his attempts to goad Loki into admitting something about his association with Darcy. But one cannot make the God of Lies simply blurt truth. Fool.

Raising a brow, Loki went on the offensive, "Indeed. Shame you are not still single. She seems like your type of woman."

It was Tony's turn to gape stupidly, "What's this "not single" nonsense?"

"Pepper is your betrothed, is she not? Flush of Hearts." Loki took the poker chips again.

"Be-what the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, she is constantly around you, doing your bidding, supporting you, taking care of you, humoring you, loving you…but I know she is not yet your wife. Also, neither of you are having sexual relations with anyone else. Which, from your reputation, sounds like quite the sacrifice. So I assumed she was your betrothed. Or am I simply misunderstanding mortal culture again? Because she would be labeled as such in Asgard."

"Well, you're wrong. Very. Pepper works for me. I pay her to do…all that stuff."

"You pay her to worry while you are off saving the day? Does one earn time and a half for pacing and biting one's nails, looking like her world will end the same moment your life ends? Quite the dedicated employee you have there."

Tony looked blindsided. Lovely. Doesn't feel so good, does it? But Loki kept his amusement internal and his eyes on his cards.

Tony's voice was a bit unsteady, "So…she's not seeing anybody?"

Loki resisted the urge to smile. Denial was hilarious. Though…something about this conversation sat uncomfortably with him.

"No. If she is not in a relationship with you then she is not in a relationship with anyone. Would she not tell you if she was with another man?"

Tony looked deep in thought, "No, I mean we don't talk about things like that. She's…seen…some of my past mistakes. Usually helped me kick them out. She's very calm about it, though – almost British in her unflappability. That whole country is full of chill motherfuckers. Two pair, Jacks and Fives"

_Chill_ - Loki had learned by now that such a saying had nothing to do with temperature. Midgardians were so strange.

"Well, my mistake then. You obviously do not love her the way a woman of her caliber deserves. It is good to know she is not taken. While I generally dislike all blondes, I would perhaps make an exception for one as level-headed as she. Three Kings." Loki took the poker chips again, but Tony didn't seem to notice.

"Not funny, Loki."

He just smiled benignly, "Well good. I was not aiming for a joke."

Tony was starting to look very tense and Loki could barely contain an embarrassing urge to giggle – which was truly the only appropriate response to something as amusing and nauseatingly sweet as Tony's ridiculous jealousy. As if _Pepper_ would intrigue him.

"Leave her alone."

Loki smirked at the angry man in front of him, "Why? If she is not taken - and I do mean that in every sense - then some man is not doing his job properly. Do you know that my last lover called me the God of Sex after our first encounter?" Well, Darcy's words had been 'sex-god beast', but the sentiment was the same.

"She's taken."

Pleased with himself despite the general benevolence of it all, Loki smiled, "Does she know that?"

"She will."

"Good."

Tony seemed to suddenly realize what had happened. "You played me, you bastard!"

Loki finally let out a laugh and answered in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "You are surprised? Hello, my name is Loki. I am the God of Mischief and Lies. Have we met before?"

Tony shook his head and seemed to smile in spite of himself. "You really are a bastard."

"That is very rude to point out. I _am_ adopted, you know? I might cry at your callous indifference to my familial turmoil."

Tony just gave him a look and executed a subject change even Loki had to admire, "How's Darcy?"

Feeling annoyed that they had merely circled back around, Loki answered, "Fine, last I saw her. I assume you see her more than I do."

Tony just persisted, "Maybe. When was the last time you saw her?"

He had last seen her this morning, when he awoke to find her naked in his arms. As per the usual.

So Loki lied, "Wednesday night. She insisted we watch a movie called 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets'. And then she became upset with me when I rooted for the basilisk. I do not understand why. They are beautiful creatures. She was being unreasonable."

"Riiiiight. Do you have any idea how weird I find it that you two are friends?"

"No weirder than she finds our friendship, I assure you."

Tony looked thrown again, "_Are_ we friends?"

"For my part, I suppose. Though one cannot enter these things unilaterally."

Tony smiled in an odd way, "Guess not. Huh. _Friends_. Are we supposed to braid each other's hair now? Oh, and wear one of those heart necklaces! I get the half that says 'Best', you can have the half that says 'Friends'."

Loki just stared at him for a moment before answering, "You are an idiot. I rescind my offer of friendship. Shut up and deal."

As if Loki would let anyone else wear the half that said 'Best'. Fool.

* * *

><p>Loki remained as still as possible, but he couldn't prevent the words that spilled from his lips, "Should I ask what you are doing back there, or just linger in suspense?"<p>

"Linger." He could hear the smirk in her voice.

He pressed his answering smile into the pillow, trying not to feel so damned amused by the mortal doodling on his posterior. After more than a month of Darcy unsuccessfully trying to catch him unawares, Loki had decided to take pity on her and allow her to take her little revenge for his mark upon her hip. But only on the condition she resign herself to having his mark permanently. Its presence posed no real danger as no one other than himself would see it. And he did so enjoy seeing it. And tasting it - that particular patch of flesh was one of his top five favorite places on her body to lick.

When he finally agreed to let her mark him in return, she had lit up like he had offered her a rare treasure and literally _ran_ to grab an odd black writing implement from her desk. She was wondrously naked during her mad dash for ink, and Loki promised himself to find many more reasons to make her do such an action again. Her body was enough to make the most virtuous of men beg for succor.

He felt the tickle on his skin cease.

"There. That's better."

Loki quickly made a double and sent him to inspect her handiwork, causing Darcy to yelp. He recalled it once he'd gotten a good look.

She had written 'Property of Darcy Lewis' in thick black ink across his left buttock.

He smirked at her over his shoulder, "Nice penmanship."

"Thanks! And I own your ass now. Literally. See?" She looked so damn pleased with herself that Loki forgave her the words of possession. Though he added two little words above his own name on her hip. It was only fair that she be his 'property' as well.

Chuckling, he allowed the mark to absorb into his skin, becoming as permanent as her own. Again, it was only fair. He could remove it later if the need arose.

Suddenly, he felt tension come over her. How strange. She looked as if she were warring with herself over something. He wanted to ease into her mind, but he had promised not to do so without permission. Still…

"Something wrong?"

He could hear a strange falseness in the levity of her next words, "Speaking of ownership…should I expect Sigyn to come shank my slutty ass anytime soon?"

Loki wondered where he'd heard that name before. "Who?"

"Uh, your wife."

Now Loki was dreadfully confused. "My _what_?"

"Your _wife_."

"No, I heard you clearly the first time. That was an expression of incredulity."

He watched Darcy's eyes widen, "So…she's _not_ your wife?"

He laughed, "I am not married. Not now, not ever. Do I seem the marrying type?"

"Can't really say I ever thought about it before. But I googled you and it said...nevermind. You're really not married?"

He studied her face, the slightly hopeful gleam in her eyes at his denial, "No. Why - were you jealous?"

"No!" She'd shouted that a bit too emphatically and Loki could barely contain the smug grin that wanted to break free. "I just didn't wanna be a homewrecker."

"Of course. Silly me. Well, fear not – the only home we have wrecked is your own. And that closet at Tony's place. Oh, and the empty office at Headquarters. _That_ was fun."

A dreamy smile spread across her lush lips, "Yeah…"

Amused, Loki queried, "So, was that all you wanted to know?"

Darcy shook herself back to reality and bit her lip. She seemed to be debating something in her head again. He could see the moment when she decided to speak.

"Uh. Actually, there was this thing I heard about a horse?"

* * *

><p>AN: So I'm invoking author's prerogative and not going near the whole Sigyn thing. Why? Labyrinthinemelange. How could I compare to her (I'm assuming _her_) amazing portrayal? Answer – I couldn't. So if you want Sigyn in a D/L fic done in a fuckawesome way – go read her Thrice Blood Trilogy.

Well, what are you waiting for? I said go read it!


	13. Chapter 13

Their skin was still damp with sweat as Darcy lay with her head on Loki's chest. She was absently running a finger up and down the arm that wasn't wrapped around her shoulders.

"I can't believe it's our three month sexiversary."

Loki made an amused noise, "Charming."

She pushed herself up so she could look him in the eyes, "No, seriously. Did you think we'd really be able to hide this for so long? Because I sure didn't. We're so good at being sneaky - we're like sex ninjas."

He just gave that indulgent look he was wont to give her lately, "If you say so."

She put her head back down on his chest. As silence descended once more, Darcy wondered if he realized the way he looked at her. It was as if each night he was half-afraid, half-hopeful that she was nothing more than one of his illusions. And each morning when they woke, the reality of her existence confirmed, he would look half-pleased, half-disappointed. It was enough to give a girl a complex. He didn't want to want her. Great.

Well, she didn't want to want him either and you didn't see her giving him desperate looks. Or…well, at least she didn't think she did. Did she?

Probably. Damn.

Well, to be fair – she hadn't intended to get so involved with Loki. Sexually, yes. Emotionally, no. Not just no, but _hell_ no. He was dangerous and scary and complicated – not the kind of guy who you could trust not to hurt you. Hell, something could set him off and she could end up dead. Or worse. You never knew with him.

But she couldn't help it. He made her laugh. She found herself waiting impatiently all day just so that she could see him at night. And it wasn't just about the sex – despite how fucking amazing _that_ was. She wanted to see what he did that day, and tell him little stories about _her_ day, and make fun of the silly people they worked with – damn, what she wanted from him was so simple. Had she felt this way about anyone else, she'd be calling her mother and telling her she was in love.

But she didn't love Loki. She couldn't. Talk about a death wish.

But try as she might, she found herself echoing him – she couldn't help being both hopeful _and_ afraid that he was nothing more than illusion. He seemed so unreal sometimes. He was terrifying and beautiful and broken. There was a darkness inside of him that she knew she should run from, but she couldn't. Even the scary parts drew her in.

And not being able to talk about it with anyone else was killing her. She freaking _longed_ to have a girly chat with Jane – and that was really saying something. But no one would understand. And worst of all – it would end. They were living in a bubble, and if it burst and reality set in, they would have to stop. And she didn't want it to stop. Not ever. And she wasn't content with just the nights anymore.

She wanted more – she wanted _everything_.

She was _so_ fucked.

The silence was peaceful, but as she watched the movement of her finger on his skin, she couldn't keep the question from popping out, "What do you look like when you're a Frost Giant?"

She felt the chest beneath her still for a moment before it resumed the gentle rise and fall. His voice was soft and calm when he answered, "My brother has a big mouth. You do not want to know, Darcy. Trust me. Only think of me this way."

Well, the hell with that. She propped herself up on her elbow, leaning over him again. "I'm serious. It's your Jötunn form, right? What's it like?"

He turned away from her and started to sit up, but she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back down beside her. "Loki, I promise I can handle it."

He sighed, "No, little mortal, you really cannot. I know you mean well, and I know that you are curious by nature. But this is one thing you really should leave alone."

"Why? It's a part of you, so it can't be that bad. Unless you turn into a giant spider. If not, I promise I can handle it." He didn't say anything, so she continued, "Frost Giant makes me think of the Abominable Snowman. He was cool. I could handle banging a yeti. Really, I could."

He looked at her incredulously, "I do not turn into a damned _yeti_!"

"Or a spider? Because that's the one thing I really couldn't handle."

"No, I do not become an arachnid. Well, unless I _want_ to." He looked down at her, at the sincerity in her eyes, and sighed again. "Do you truly wish to know what my birth form looks like?"

"Yes!" She nearly shouted, then continued much more quietly, "Please."

He braced himself. This would change things between them. Knowledge _always_ changed things.

"In my Jötunn form, my skin is blue." He paused, gauging her response.

"Cool. I like blue. Is that it?"

"My eyes…they turn red." He clenched his jaw and waited for her reaction to that.

"The whole eye or just the iris?" Her voice was curious, but not disgusted or scared.

"All of it." She wasn't reacting negatively, so he figured he'd let her have everything. "And my teeth elongate into fangs. Markings - sigils really - appear on various parts of my body."

"Like tribal tats?" Still, her voice only held curiosity.

"Comparable, I suppose."

Well, that didn't sound so bad. "Anything else? Horns? Tail? Extra penis?"

He gave a startled laughed, "No to all of the above, I fear."

"Damn," she sighed, "Well at least the one you already have is pretty damn nice."

He wanted to laugh again, but couldn't bring himself to do so. "Darcy, I am blue. Truly blue. Like a Midgardian ocean at midday. My eyes glow red, like a demon from a child's nightmare. I _am_ a child's nightmare."

His face was so serious, so pained, that Darcy didn't have it in her to make a joke. "Loki, I don't care. I told you. I…," her voice trailed off and suddenly she was sitting up, pulling his body with her. "Show me."

He didn't even hesitate. "No. Darcy, no. You will never see me like that. Once you have seen the monster inside, you will never look at the man the same way again. If you were to run fr-…I cannot do that to you."

She had an idea about what he had stopped himself from saying and suddenly everything became way more complicated. It was a good thing she wasn't one for choosing the easy options. He was being stubborn. There was only one way to handle this.

"Show me right now, or I'll tell everyone that you've been banging me seven ways to Sunday."

His voice was cold, "If that is your idea of blackmail, you truly need to work on your technique. I could not care less who knows of our liaison. I am quite certain _you_ would be more damaged by the reveal."

He was smirking, but she could read the pain lurking in his eyes. And the fear. She was teetering on the edge of a line she really shouldn't cross. But she needed to do this – _they_ needed to do this – if this…relationship…was ever going to move beyond a dirty little secret. And she suddenly realized just how much she really wanted it to. These were high stakes and baby wanted to play. And Loki was a master at this game, so she was going to have to hit below the belt.

"Yeah, but when I tell them that you blackmailed me into giving you sexual favors in return for your promise not to hurt my parents…well, they might be a little less amused." In the silence that followed, Darcy could see his jaw clench. His eyes flashed with anger. "Or…you could stop hiding from me, blueboy. I never pegged you for a coward."

She knew she'd taken it one step too far, but she wasn't going to back down on this – it was too important. Suddenly, he was tearing himself from the bed, wrapping the sheet around his waist in an angry jerk.

"Fine. You want to see the monster, you can see the monster."

Darcy wasn't sure what to expect. The way he made it sound, she was bracing herself for the offspring of Freddy Krueger and Smurfette. He brought his hands up to his face and slowly, pale blue coated his fingers, slipping upward as if he were being dipped in paint. Up his arms, his shoulders; raised markings appearing on his chest. Then his face changed. It…turned blue. That was it. Seriously, _that _was it? Yeah, it was freaky – the eyes were very horror movie chic – but it was still obviously Loki. His face was blue and oddly bumpy, but it was still _his_ face.

Her sigh of relief was audible. She quickly stood up and walked toward him, causing his eyes to widen and his foot to take one hasty step back. She almost giggled at the thought that the God of Mischief was retreating from little old her. She stopped inches from his chest – his still totally lickable chest. He looked confused and alarmed. Poor Loki, always assuming the very worst of himself and others. How to make him understand that she didn't care if he was blue or purple or striped like a candy cane? Perhaps she'd take a play from his book - a bit of mischief couldn't hurt. And she certainly didn't mind a little kink with her grand romantic gestures.

Her smile was pure minx, "Loki, baby, just don't bite me."

And then she threw herself at him with an unexpected ferocity, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her lips to his. Oooohhh…he was _cold_. She was going to have to experiment a little bit with this. But first, she needed him to loosen up. He had gone completely still when she started assaulting him. She pulled back just enough to look into his totally freaky, red eyes.

She whispered, "Loki, I don't know if you forgot, but you're supposed to kiss me back."

He blinked, and for a minute she almost thought he was in pain, but he simply took a deep breath (ooohhh his breath was cool).

"Darcy. Do I truly not frighten you?" His voice was more hesitant than she'd ever heard from him and that make her giggle internally despite the seriousness of the subject. She finally understood his attraction to throwing people off-balance.

"Nope. It's kinda cool. Literally. Which is giving me ideas, so you have to start participating in this little seduction scene. Loki and Darcy do naughty things, take two. Ready?"

Without waiting for a response, she kissed him again and he slowly began to kiss her back without parting his lips. She swallowed a frustrated sigh and practically raped his closed mouth with her tongue to get him to open up before she remembered the whole fangs thing. She started to pull back to apologize.

Suddenly his tongue was in _her_ mouth and it was _cold_ and that was seriously turning her on for some reason. It was like sucking on a popsicle – but in a really sexy way. All cold and yummy. This was an unexpected but awesome surprise, which really shouldn't have been so shocking considering it was _Loki_. She wondered how his tongue would feel in more interesting places on her body. Naughty places.

Well, no time like the present. I mean, she was already naked...

She pulled back abruptly, their lips making a suction noise which she would normally laugh at if she weren't so keyed up.

Her voice was breathless but serious, "Loki, your tongue is like an icicle of awesome."

He seemed unsure of how to respond, "Thank you?"

"You're welcome. And since we're being polite, any chance you would consider going down on me? Please? The cold tongue thing is, like, _really_ working for me. Like, a _lot_."

He stared at her in shock, his mouth gaping just enough for her to see that freaking amazing thing in his mouth. "L-like this?" Wow, she actually made him stutter. "You want me to…pleasure you…like this?"

She would have laughed at his priceless facial expression, but she was too busy being a horny, kinky superslut. Which was _so_ his fault in the first place.

She answered matter-of-factly, "Well, yeah. I could try to improvise some sort of sexy poetry about how your cold tongue is making me so hot, but my brain is a little fuzzy at the mo'."

He wasn't saying anything.

Or, you know, _licking_ anything.

She added, "I'll give you a BJ after."

That seemed fair. But he still wasn't freaking moving.

Frustrated, she huffed, "Loki? If some part of you, preferably your tongue, isn't inside me in about ten seconds, I may literally combust."

She was on her back before she even realized he'd moved. Well, _that_ worked.

As he slid her legs apart, and she started having flashbacks to an experimental afternoon with a tray of ice cubes, she was pretty sure she sorta, kinda, maybe…you know…loved him. Like _really_ loved him.

Fuck.

* * *

><p>Loki couldn't stop staring at his hand upon Darcy's shoulder. She lay curled against him – head on his chest, legs entwined with his, arm across his stomach, clinging to him as if she were afraid he would let go of her. Even in sleep, she projected her emotions.<p>

He supposed he should be annoyed at her impression of a comely barnacle, but he simply could not stop staring at the play of color going on before his eyes. He was still in his Jötunn form - and she was still holding tight to him. He tried not to let that affect him.

He failed.

This was not what he had planned regarding this mortal. Not even what he could have imagined. Darcy was unexpected in so many ways. She was supposed to be a bit of nightly entertainment after long days full of boredom and sacrifice for his brother. She was supposed to have blinders on – be attracted to his darkness but scared of it at the same time. She was never supposed to accept it.

She was never supposed to accept _him_. All of him.

But here she was lying in his arms. What was he supposed to do now? His head told him to run – and hurt her first so that she would not follow. But he was tired of running. And the fact that she embraced the facets of his person that he himself could not was strangely wonderful. Only a fool would give up such an offering. And he was no fool.

But this complicated matters. He was already dangerously fond of her. If he allowed himself to continue on this path with her, there was a risk that he would become too attached. He already was. But right now he only didn't _want_ to lose her. Later, he might find that he simply _couldn't_ lose her. She would have too much power over him. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't exploit it, but the past had been a cruel teacher.

The only solace he could find was in his inability to feel romantic love. He was incapable of the trust necessary for such a thing – and the generosity of self. He would never _love_ her. Because if he had been capable of such a thing, it would have occurred already. As flawed as she was, she complemented him in strange and myriad ways.

So which would it be this time: self-preservation or happiness? He'd chosen the former and it had not turned out too well. This time, he would choose happiness and see what new hell would befall him. He only regretted that there was no way for this to end well for Darcy. They would not be able to hide their relationship forever and she would be the one to bear the brunt of the disdain for their illicit affair. Everyone already believed him to be a bastard, so seducing the innocent mortal girl would be practically expected of him. But Darcy…

Well, she made her bed. She was simply going to have to lie in it. She wasn't leaving him now. And he wasn't going to let anyone else take her from him.

She shivered in his arms, and he watched as the blue faded from his skin. And people said he did not know how to be accommodating.

They would face scorn and confusion and disapproval at every turn. But Darcy was _his_. And he had always been rather possessive of what was his.

Now he just had to think of a way to keep her.


	14. Chapter 14

Loki had always been good at planning and forward thinking. It was why he was so good at chess. He could see the moves people were likely to make and then adjust his own strategy to account for those moves before his opponents even realized it was their turn. So when Loki decided that continuing his liaison with Darcy publicly and without undue contempt was to be his endgame, he immediately knew what had to be done. He didn't like it though.

While he personally didn't care how others viewed him, the fact that he was still an untrusted and treacherous man – a villain – was the main obstacle standing between the present he endured and the future he wanted. The only way to have Darcy without meeting with too much opposition was to stop being seen as the enemy.

That meant atonement. That meant sacrifice. That meant punishment.

And though he may not be a bloodson, Loki got his creativity from Odin. His punishment would be unique and horrific. Lovely.

It was time though. Darcy aside, he needed to return to Asgard. To say he had left things unsettled with his parents would be a vast understatement. There were answers he needed to find and the time and distance had offered a new perspective on the Allfather. Hopefully, Odin had also reevaluated the actions of his son. Regardless, they owed each other an explanation. Centuries of love and respect did not just vanish completely, though the passions of the moment can overshadow one's ability to remember them. He needed to look his father in the eye and make him understand why he wanted the worlds to burn. Why he thought he _had_ to be the villain. Why he felt like he was still falling through that endless abyss of time and space.

At least this time his sacrifice would have a tangible reward. Though Darcy Lewis was a strange sort of trophy. She would not appreciate the comparison, but he felt it apt. She was his reward for battling his own impulses. He would never stop being a monster. But she had unexpectedly taught him that if you wanted to stop being _viewed_ as a monster, you had to stop acting like one.

He was Laufeyson. He was also Odinson. Such dissonant identification should not exist in one man, but it did. Now he knew that he _could_ be both. And while he may not ever be able to accept that he was a part of the race that he had been taught since infancy were nothing more than savage animals, Darcy had no problem with his demons. His disgrace. Acceptance of self is easier when you are already accepted by others. Gratitude was not an emotion with which Loki had been familiar, but he felt it toward his lover.

And she was now the catalyst for the progression in the dormancy that had been his life of late. A silly mortal girl. Loki wanted to laugh at life's little ironies. He had mocked Thor for being tamed by a demure woman of science. And here Loki was, sacrificing his pride for a brash woman of nonsense. Some people might buy into the ideology that opposites attract, but Loki knew better. That was not why Thor and Jane were together, nor he and Darcy. Fate was fucking with him. Again.

He appeared in front of his brother's residence and knocked. Thor's woman opened the door with a frown on her lips and suspicion in her eyes. He would need her approval. No, _Darcy_ would need her approval.

"Jane, good morning. Is my brother here?" He kept his voice soft and sincere, willing her to stop hating him.

She nodded, "Yes, come in. Thanks for knocking."

"Of course. I have learned how much Midgardians value their privacy, therefore I shall endeavor to respect yours."

She looked confused, but gestured to the kitchen. Distracted, he felt a heavy hand come down upon his shoulder and grimaced. One would think that Thor would have learned his own strength by now. But no.

"Brother! I am most pleased that you are visiting me again. Shall I-"

He cut his brother off, "Thor, quiet. There is something of import we must speak about." He turned to the woman looking at him with questions in her eyes. "Would you mind terribly if I borrowed your man for a few minutes? This is a family matter." He reevaluated the words in his head and amended, "Not _family_. We must speak brother to brother. Had it been a family matter, you would be included. You are, after all, a sister of the heart."

The words tasted artificial on his tongue. That was the most he would ever offer Jane Foster in the way of acceptance. Though it was true enough. Thor was brother of his heart, Jane was the wife of Thor's heart – ergo, Jane was his heart's sister. Still, the woman's staunch disapproval of his entire existence was annoying. But he was grateful for Thor's firm stance on accepting Loki back into his life, especially as his behemoth of a brother catered to her whims in every other respect. So for Thor and for Darcy, he would make nice. For the moment. Surely Thor wouldn't begrudge him a little trick or two on the woman sometime down the line.

She looked startled, her eyes widening like a rabbit in a snare, "Oh! Um, yeah. Go right ahead."

He gave her the least threatening smile he could muster – oh the things he did for those he cared about – and took his brother's arm. In a blink, they were standing in the middle of a vast desert.

"Loki, what is the matter?"

The sincerity in Thor's voice reaffirmed Loki's belief that he was doing the right thing. He had to make amends with his family. With _all_ of his family. He did not presently like them, he may not ever forgive them – but he would always love them. His brother's face confirmed that the sentiment was mutual.

"Thor, I am going home."

Confusion etched lines into Thor's forehead. "Home? But you are…"

Loki could see the moment Thor understood. "_Asgard_? You are going back to Asgard?" His voice rang with disbelief.

Loki nodded, "Yes, brother. I must. Sometimes one must go back to go forward. I cannot move on to the joys of the future without facing the demons of my past. It will be alright."

Thor grabbed his shoulders and hunched so they were eye to eye. "Brother, you cannot. Father will punish you for what you have done."

"Let him."

"_No_! No. I will not. You saw the error of your ways. You saved me."

Loki shook his head, "We saved each other. I have to go back Thor. I will be punished and forgiven and then I can return."

"Return? To _Midgard_? You would come back? Why?"

"There is something here that I want. Do not worry, brother. No mischief this time. Well, not much."

Thor opened his mouth to say something, but closed it with a sigh. He gave him a hard look. "I will go with you."

Loki gave him a half-smile, "That will not be necessary. Though it has been a while, I still remember the way."

Thor gave him a surprisingly gentle look, "I would never let my little brother march into battle alone."

While 99% of the time, Loki considered Thor a useless waste of space and resources, this moment fell into that remaining 1%. Reckless, selfish, foolish Thor may be – but disloyalty had never been one of his failings.

Loki clasped Thor's own shoulders, and they stood together in a strange pantomime of a hug. "This is one battle I must face alone."

Without warning, he brought them back to the warm kitchen they had vanished from minutes ago. Jane jumped and Loki had to contain an amused smile.

He released his hold on Thor, "I will see you again, brother. One day."

"Wait!"

At the frantic cry, Loki turned to face his brother.

"Loki…I love you. And I am proud of you, brother. Always."

The words fell awkwardly from Thor's tongue, but Loki still found his heart clenching. If only he had said that to him a year ago…just once…then maybe…

"I love you, too. Farewell, my brother." He disappeared without a sound. He lingered for a moment, invisible, and watched as his most masculine brother clasped Jane to him desperately and took large, shaky breaths into her hair. Loki shook his head at the display of tender emotion he had inadvertently caused. Apparently, a flair for the dramatic ran in the family.

Speaking of dramatic, he had one more scene he had to play. Thor would explain his absence to S.H.I.E.L.D., and he had left a note for Tony next to an electronic chess set that said 'Practice while I am gone and you might actually win a game upon my return. Probably not though.'

That just left Darcy. He tried to tell himself that no matter how she reacted, going back to Asgard was the right decision for reasons that had nothing to do with her. After all, she was just a silly mortal girl.

But she was also more than that. And less. And possibly everything.

Loki braced himself and disappeared.

* * *

><p>Darcy was sorting her laundry and contemplating whether she should confront Loki about turning all of her underwear green or just let it go. Don't get her wrong, she liked green – Loki's green eyes were gorgeous – but there were limits. Sometimes a girl just wants to wear orange panties. Is that so wrong?<p>

A shadow in her peripheral vision alerted her to Loki's presence. She turned to him with a scolding on her tongue, but one look at his face made her forget all about her underwear. His body was tense and he was staring vacantly at a picture on her wall. Darcy wasn't sure how she knew, but something bad was about to happen. Chills started creeping up her spine.

She addressed him in a voice that was uncharacteristically soft, "Hey, babe. Long day?"

He didn't react in any way. Darcy felt herself starting to panic, but forced her voice to sound calm.

"Want me to start us a bath? You look tense."

Darcy started to walk toward him, but he met her eyes suddenly and she froze mid-step.

"I am going back to Asgard."

Her stomach bottomed out, like that first moment of freefall on an amusement park ride. But this wasn't amusing. Oh god. Her legs started tingling.

Stumbling back a step, she plopped her butt down on the bed, upending her laundry and sending some of it slinking to the floor. It didn't matter. _Asgard_?

She tried to say something – anything – but the words wouldn't come.

"Darcy?"

She tried to focus, but this hurt. He was breaking up with her. Can you break up with someone you aren't actually dating? Why did they call it 'breaking up' anyway? Was it because they had been one weird but wonderful whole and he was shattering that into two broken pieces? And she _knew_ this was going to happen one day – he was a god and he was fickle and he was cruel and he was heartless and he was beautiful and he was nothing she wanted and everything she needed and he was leaving and she couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, Loki was on his knees before her. He slid her own knees apart and rested his hands on her thighs. She had a weird déjà vu moment about their first morning after - when he healed her pain. Why was the room spinning?

"Darcy, breathe!"

Oh, that was why. She sucked in some air.

"That is better. Slowly. Sweet girl, you must calm down."

_Calm down_? How the hell was she supposed to do that?

"Darcy, I need to look into your mind for a moment. Is that alright?"

He sounded so anxious and she felt so numb, she just nodded absently.

She watched the emotions play across his face. It had taken her ages to read him, but she was getting pretty good at it. Not that it would matter now. Because he was…

"Oh, sweet girl. That is not it at all. This is not an end. I assure you, _we_ are not over."

Oh. Wait, what?

"Darcy, I must go back to Asgard. Tonight." _Tonight_? Ouch. Breathing was becoming difficult again.

"But I will return as soon as I am able."

Her voice was embarrassingly strangled, "Return?"

He gave her a gentle smile, "Return to _you_, you silly thing."

Oh. That sounded good. But she was still hella confused.

"Explain please?"

"Darcy, there are things that I have done that I wish I could take back. Things I have said. And there are things that I must know. Therefore, I am returning to Asgard and will throw myself upon my father's mercy. When he has forgiven me, and perhaps I him, I will return back here to you. You wanted me to be the better man. This is how such a task is accomplished. And after I return, we can let the others know that we are…together."

Darcy let the words sink in. He was leaving. But he was coming back. Alright, she could handle this maturely. Embarrassment over her total meltdown was started to trickle into her consciousness. Way to play it cool, Darcy. Having a panic attack at the first sign of being dumped really lets a guy know that you're in charge. Loki wasn't an idiot – he could put two and two together and get that she was a bit more invested in their little fling than she'd been admitting.

She let out a slow breath, "I understand. Sorry I freaked out like a crazy lady. I won't boil your bunny or anything, I promise. And you can stop reading my mind now."

His smirk seemed forced, "I do not own a bunny. Though I could turn my brother into one. In that case, boil away."

She tried and failed to give him a smile, _"Funny._ No, I get it. Actually, I _really_ get it. This is a good thing. You've needed to do this. Get some closure, make amends and all that jazz. But are you sure it's safe?"

Odin didn't sound like one of those guys who you could just hug-it-out with.

"I will be fine. Though I may be there for a while."

Right. She could handle this. Save face, be chill, don't let him see you sweat.

"Define a while."

"Years. Hopefully, it will not take that long. But time is measured differently on Asgard. As you have pointed out to me, we immortals tend to squander it."

_Years_. She might throw up.

"That's pretty long."

Loki studied her face. His hand reached up to wipe away a tear she hadn't realized had even fallen. Great, she was hyperventilating _and_ crying. No wonder he was running all the way to another realm. He studied the wetness on his finger as if it were magical.

His voice was strangely hesitant, "Darcy, I cannot ask you to wait for me. I do not know how long I will be gone."

Now _he_ was being the crazy one.

"Fuck that! Don't even. I'm waiting. I'll be like one of those people who falls for an inmate and waits for parole, except less letters and conjugal visits." Actually, that was a _really_ apt comparison. Loki was like an ex-con and…huh.

He seemed relieved, "I did not want to assume. I never like to assume anything about Midgardians, especially one as incomprehensible as yourself."

She looked at him as if he were an idiot, "I think my little meltdown is pretty clear proof that I'm not just using you for sex. So, yeah. I'll wait." She paused for a moment before adding, "Dumbass."

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a laugh that didn't sound very happy, "You could have told me that you loved me."

Oh. He'd been reading her mind and…_yeah_. Well this was awkward. Still, he probably should have picked up on it earlier.

"Loki, I had freaky blue Jötunn sex with you."

His eyes widened, "I do vaguely recall such an encounter. But I am unsure of what that has to do with you loving me."

She rolled her eyes, "Dude, I sucked off your blue penis. Happily. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Besides, I lie to everyone I care about for you. Which, let me tell you, has _not_ been easy. Dodging Tony and ducking Jane and…well, it was hard. But I want...fuck, just _you_. I want _you_. I love you. Ok? And apparently I can't stop talking. This is cathartic in a really terrible way. Please stop me before I have to commit ritual suicide to save myself from the mortification. No, seriously, I might-"

His lips silenced hers.

As he slowly stripped her, and took her with more gentleness than he ever had before – Darcy realized he hadn't said he loved her back. Because he obviously didn't. Maybe he couldn't. But he cared. He did, because they were making love for the first time. This wasn't just sex. The part of her that had been waiting for this to happen was glowing. But the rest of her only wished it didn't feel like a goodbye.

Bittersweet. That was the word she was looking for.

* * *

><p>He left as soon as Darcy drifted off, with a kiss on her brow. Then he sent himself to the desert – to that one particular spot.<p>

He could have just appeared in Asgard, but he had learned the importance of announcing your arrival beforehand. While the Bifrost was a bit more pretentious, using it was the equivalent of knocking on the front door.

He leaned backwards and shouted to the sky, "Heimdall! I beg for an audience with the Allfather! You know that I mean no harm!"

There was a flash and a familiar pull that he disliked and suddenly he was standing before the Guardian. The last time they had seen one another, he had frozen him. So this was awkward.

His otherworldly baritone spoke, "The God of Mischief has returned to Asgard. The King is on his throne, where he belongs. Go. But know that I will be watching."

Well, that went well. Auspicious start.

He kept his head held high as he slowly walked the long distance to the palace. He did not wear his helmet, but still all citizens stopped and stared as he passed. Whispers broke out among them. _Traitor. Bastard. Liar._

He let the words roll off his back. They were more factual than insulting. He was a traitor to any side who was foolish enough to think he was also on it. His parentage made him a bastard at best. And he was the damned _God_ of Lies. He wanted to turn to them all and demand they do better. Call him a monster. Call him a demon. Call him a murderer. Those would sting.

The guards tensed at the sight of him, but cleared the path for him to enter. He paused, thinking back to that moment when he had let go of his brother. He imagined what would have happened had he just held on. He pushed the doors open. There were people scattered about, talking and laughing. His eyes immediately latched on to the sight of his old friends laughing at something Sif was saying. Like Darcy, he had to remind himself to breathe. Suddenly, the hall went silent as one by one they noticed the new arrival.

He watched, bitter, as Fandral drew his sword at the sight of him. Just how far had they come? He shifted his gaze to the throne.

He noticed Odin first, hand clenched tightly around Gungnir. But a sound like a startled bird drew his eyes to his father's side.

_Mother_.

Frigga looked at Loki as if she had seen a ghost. They had to have known he was alive. Thor had to have kept them abreast of his foray into world domination. Or even Heimdall.

Odin stood, giving him an imperious look, but Loki held his ground.

The stillness was broken when Odin opened his mouth to speak, his voice reaching to the highest rafters, "You have returned at last. Are you here to start another war, or have you-" His voice was cut off as Frigga shoved at her husband's chest.

Her voice was strong, "No."

Then she was running down the stairs toward Loki. _Running_. Her arms opened wide as soon as she neared him. Instinct made Loki catch her and hold tight as she clung to him. Her face was pressed into his neck and he could feel the wetness of her tears dripping down into his collar. Oh Mother.

He held her tightly, "Hush, Mother. I have returned to seek atonement. Please do not weep."

She only cried harder, mumbling over and over, "My son, my son."

It was as if a spell had been broken as everyone in the throne room began to speak at once. Loki just tried in vain to calm his mother down. He had spent too much of that day with the women he cared about crying in his arms.

"Silence!"

Odin's voice rang throughout the hall and everyone froze. "Leave us."

As the people trickled out, Sif and the Warriors Three lingered by the doorway.

"I said leave us."

At the command of their king, they each turned and left. Hogun sent a nod in Loki's direction as he shut the doors behind him. While that wasn't the warm greeting he had received from his mother, it helped bolster Loki's flagging strength.

Odin's voice was hard, "Frigga, go rest. I must have a talk with my son."

_Son_. He still called him son.

Frigga pulled back and placed a watery kiss on Loki's cheek. She threw a beseeching glance at her husband and then walked swiftly from the room.

Loki waited for his father's words.

"So you seek atonement."

"Yes."

"Do you feel you deserve it?"

Loki felt himself shrink back down into the little boy he had been – the one who had worshipped the man before him. "No. I do not. But I ask for it nonetheless."

"I am aware of what you have done. You gathered an army. You attacked a defenseless realm. Thor had to leave his duties here to stop you."

True. But Thor was infinitely happier down on Midgard. Granted, that had more to do with Jane Foster than the realm's computers or pancakes. Still.

Odin continued, "And you let the Frost Giants into Asgard. You let Laufey into my very chamber as I slept. Your mother could have been killed."

True. Also true. But not the whole story. Would it always be like this between them? Would Odin never see that there were different perspectives than his own?

"Yes, Father. I did."

Odin's voice softened, "And then you slayed Laufey. And you saved your brother. And you ended the war you started."

Loki stared at him, confusion clear on his face.

Odin let out a long sigh, "What am I to do with you, my son?"

Loki couldn't hold his tongue, "Explain to me why you ever let me believe I was your son. Explain it again."

"You _are_ my son."

Loki swallowed heavily, "Then punish me like a wayward child. And forgive me as a father would forgive his son. And then let me go."

"Let you go? I am not now forcing you to stay. You are free to go wherever you see fit. Just as you always have done."

"No, Father. I will stay until we understand one another. Until you forgive me for my actions. And then I will return to Midgard."

Odin frowned at his words, "You wish to return to Midgard? And Thor refuses to return to Asgard. I do not understand the appeal of that realm."

Loki couldn't stop the smile, "Thor would follow his woman to Muspellheim. And gladly."

"Ah, Jane Foster. He wishes to marry the mortal woman. He will bring her soon."

Loki was curious, "And you will grant her immortality?"

"If she is worthy."

Loki wanted to laugh, "She is. Thor does not deserve her." Loki realized he would have to deal with her disapproving looks for a millennium. Lovely.

"What draws _you_ back to Midgard, my son?"

Loki deflected, "Unfinished business. Now, have you devised a punishment suitable for my crimes?"

Odin gave him a searching look, but let the matter of Loki's Midgardian business drop. "Yes, I have. Leave now, Loki. For if you agree to submit to this, you cannot leave until I give you permission to do so."

"Do you forgive me, Father?"

Odin's voice turned hard again, "No."

"Then do what you must until that answer changes."

Odin nodded gravely. "You are gifted with your words. But each one has come with a price. The God of Lies must learn the value of Truth. _Guards_!"

Loki watched as if he were out of body while four guards held him down and Odin himself sewed his lips shut with the thread of Odin's own mother. Loki allowed the indignity and the pain. In truth, he reveled in it. This was inventive and cruel – he had to give credit where it was due. Odin was as much a sadistic bastard as he was. _Odinson_, after all.

As he was marched out to the courtyard and ordered onto a tall pedestal that had not been there when he left (Odin had planned for this eventuality…they truly were alike), he found himself thinking of Darcy Lewis and her strange babble and her warm body and her love for him. She who had seen his worst. And she was waiting. He almost wanted to smile, despite how inappropriate it would be for the occasion.

He wondered if she would laugh or cry at the image he now made. Probably both. They were so well-suited for each other.

"You will remain here from sunup to sundown every day, until I have pardoned you. Do you understand, God of Mischief?" His voice was loud enough to carry out to the shocked crowd that was growing around him. He nodded to his father. Odin began to walk away, but halted at the edge of the path.

Odin did not turn to face him, but Loki could hear his voice carry, "I do love you, my son. Welcome home." He left without a backward glance.

Loki wanted to scream for him to stop, to come back – he wanted to tear Odin's black heart out with his bare hands and make him watch as it stopped beating before his eyes – he wanted to fall to his knees and beg his father to forgive him – he wanted to know _why_. But he could not move. He would not. He simply watched as his kidnapper, his tormentor, his savior, his _father_ walked away.

Silence was as much a blessing as it was a curse.


	15. Chapter 15

Six days.

He'd been gone for six days.

Not that she was counting or anything. Because that would be desperate and weird and...oh god, when did she become _that_ girl? Not cool.

But when you were used to nightly visits, six days was a _long_ time. And yet not, because he would be gone six more. Maybe 106 more. Hell, maybe 106 fucking _years_ more.

She knew why he did it. He had been living in a sort of limbo, so it was only a matter of time before he either made peace or…well, killed everyone.

But there was another reason he left. He had said it as a throwaway, but she knew that was how Loki tended to mention the most important stuff. Or at least she _hoped_ she did. Because it would be the most overtly romantic thing he had ever done for her - suffering so that they could be together without repercussions. Well, without _more_ repercussions. Because apparently (hopefully) he wanted them to be a real couple. Which was equal parts absurd and glorious. With a little dash of terrifying thrown in just for laughs.

Dating the God of Mischief sounded like something that should come with hazard pay.

But he said that he wanted them to go public. As in, tell everybody – S.H.I.E.L.D., Thor, Jane, Tony…maybe even Darcy's own mother. Hell, maybe even _Loki's_ own mother! And then they could actually acknowledge each other's presence whenever they crossed paths. A real couple. Which blew her mind because that was the one thing she wanted _so_ badly - and when you want something that badly, it never happens. Ever.

So this was the right thing for Loki to do.

But she'd never been particularly patient. And this was taking a long damn time. It had been over 144 whole _hours_ now! Six mornings of waking up to an empty bed and an empty shower and an empty life. Granted, six days to an immortal probably felt like six milliseconds - but still...

And she was getting sloppy. She spent over three months mounting the guy like an enthusiastic bull-rider and no one but Tony even vaguely suspected. It took about six hours without Loki before people started asking her what was wrong, like she had a neon sign over her head saying - "My Heart Hurts Like a Bitch, Ask Me How!"

And everyone was blaming poor Steve! Apparently, he was seeing some really sweet girl that was an assistant to an assistant to an undersecretary or something like that. And everyone still thought Darcy had popped his cherry. So people assumed she was moping like a bitch because he had dumped her for the redhead. As if such a thing would _ever_ happen (Darcy's rack was infinitely better). She really wanted to clear up that little misunderstanding, but it was sorta convenient. Tony aside, the tact level was pretty high around S.H.I.E.L.D., so no one would bring it up to her face and force her to lie. She still wasn't very good at lying, despite banging the god of it. Now people would just give her a lot of pitying looks, which she could deal with. Only Tony seemed to be giving her that scary I-think-I've-almost-figured-out-something-important-but-don't-really-wanna-be-right look. She only hoped he would hold off on confronting her about it until Loki got back. Although they both could have died from old age by that point.

Not that she was being melodramatic or anything - but the man did say years. _Years_.

And she was kinda nervous that she was becoming depressed. Like _clinically_ depressed. She found herself crying over stupid things like broken staplers and greeting card commercials. And she couldn't stop eating. Seriously, she was eating like a lonely cat lady on a Friday night. At this rate, she would be so undesirable by the time he came back that it wouldn't even matter that he actually _did_ come back because he wouldn't want her anymore.

And the cold thing was so fucking weird! At night, she would shiver like a mofo and no matter how many blankets she put on, she couldn't stop feeling cold. Psychosomatic symptoms of missing her icy bedfellow? Probably. How lame was that? She was becoming as mopey as Jane had been during those long-ass months Thor was gone. When he was in Asgard. Where Loki now was. Being punished.

Again, she felt like crying.

This was getting ridiculous. She was about two pints of Ben & Jerry's away from playing "Nothing Compares 2 U" on repeat while crying in the dark.

No way. She was _not_ that girl. She was a badass bitch and wasn't going to mope around like someone completely lovesick and pathetic and stupid. Someone like…Jane. She was _not_ turning into Jane! Oh hell no. She did _not_ need a man to complete her. She was just fine before Loki showed up and she would be just fine until he got back.

She _would_.

She would keep on trucking while she calmly waited for him to come back to her like he promised. And then they could come out of the metaphorical closet. And laugh at the looks on everyone's faces. Even though S.H.I.E.L.D. might kill her for fraternizing with the enemy, she couldn't wait to tell everybody – that would be ridiculously fun. Maybe they could just start making out on the conference table in the middle of a meeting? _That_ would certainly clue everyone in and be enjoyable at the same time. Very enjoyable. Especially when he did that thing where he sucked on her tongue and it felt sooo…

And now she was horny. And alone. _Great_.

Darcy looked up at the ceiling, feeling pathetic, and whispered, "Loki, come back soon."

* * *

><p>Loki had never paid much attention to the passage of time. Tomorrow would follow tomorrow would follow tomorrow, without end.<p>

But Midgard – and Darcy – had changed that for him.

He was now acutely aware of each second that passed. While it would bleed on endlessly for him, Darcy's life was an hourglass – the sand would only drip for so long before it was empty. While he knew objectively that each moment he spent in Asgard would ensure a dozen such moments on Midgard in safety and relative peace, Darcy only had so many more moments before her sand ran out.

He finally understood why Thor had been so pained at his forced separation from the barely tolerable Jane Foster – it wasn't merely the distance, but the knowledge that there was only a finite amount of time allocated to a mortal and it was passing. And passing _quickly_.

And yet for him, the days seemed interminable. Dawn till dusk, he would stand on the pedestal and ignore the seemingly endless parade of Asgardians that came to watch his punishment. Some jeered, but most just stared at him like he was a fascinating art installation – a conversation piece over that night's dinner. It was mildly degrading and vastly irritating. Not to mention the fact that his lips still ached…and he was starting to feel a bit peckish. While he wouldn't _die_ from hunger, it would get damn annoying after a while. But there was nothing to be done about that. Without using his magic, his lips would not open a sliver. It was actually quite impressive. In another life, his father would have made an excellent seamstress.

And the nights were becoming unbearable. While the days were frustrating, at least the crowd of gawkers would keep him distracted. But the nights…

He had gotten used to Darcy Lewis. Her body, her smell, her smile, her voice. He found himself _missing_ these things. Missing _her_.

How ridiculous. How very _human_ of him.

He hadn't even realized he was capable of missing anything. Granted, nothing had ever been taken away from him before. At least not like this. He found himself wondering what else he was capable of.

As good as Loki was at reading others, he had never been particularly self-aware. Had he been, he would have figured out his parentage ages ago. There _had_ been clues that he simply missed. Or ignored.

And once again, he had apparently missed something.

Long hours of standing on that pedestal made Loki realize that his feelings for Darcy were more complicated than he had imagined.

He missed her. Truly _missed_ her. It actually pained him.

Why?

She certainly wasn't anything special by Midgardian standards. Yes, she was physically appealing and moderately intelligent. But there were more attractive mortals and vastly more intelligent ones, even within S.H.I.E.L.D. itself.

But she was…different. He had trouble separating the way he felt about her from the way she made him feel about himself. He had assumed that he liked spending time with her because she amused him – didn't fear him – desired him – pleasured him – accepted him. But viewing her as an individual, he analyzed Darcy again.

He missed her. He wanted to be near her. He came here and endured this farce of a punishment for _her_ as much as for himself.

As he explored the reasons why this was so, he allowed himself to entertain the idea that he might…_love_ her. It was a ludicrous notion, and he had never let himself consider such a possibility before as doing so would have been nothing more than a waste of his valuable time. But even though it was an impossibility, it was the only explanation for the profound sense of loss he felt without her.

He had always prided himself on his ability to do without anyone or anything. But he was having genuine difficulty doing without her. So much so that every moment was a struggle not to return to Midgard, even though he knew that the time spent apart would ensure a smoother time spent together. He _knew_ this. He understood it. But he still balked at it.

He felt broken.

Oh.

_No_.

Allfather help him, he loved her.

What was he supposed to do now?

She could destroy him. He had let her in too far and it was much too late. Fury at his own weakness filled him. And panic. He actually _loved_ her. A ridiculous mortal with only moderately above-average talents to recommend her. And he was the damned God of Mischief. What kind of god fell in love with a useless mortal fema…oh no. Oh _no_. He was turning into _Thor_. That was simply not acceptable in any way. Jane Foster had tamed the God of Thunder – transforming him from an unconquerable warrior into a willing prisoner of war.

No fucking way was that going to happen to _him_.

For the first time since his return to Asgard, Loki broke the rules. Making a quick double and switching places, he retired to his room for a moment. He needed quiet and seclusion. He needed space. He needed a drink - which wasn't going to happen (fucking Odin sewing his fucking mouth fucking shut). How could he have been so careless? He was a godsdamned fool. He _loved_ her.

_How_ did that happen?

How _did_ that happen?

How did _that_ happen?

How did that _happen_?

All good questions.

But no answers would readily come - just images and memories of his sweet girl.

It suddenly occurred to Loki that he was not the most powerful being in the universe like he had assumed. No. There must be some higher power out there because it was laughing at him right now.

Love.

How embarrassing.

It was a weakness and he had not given either himself or Darcy permission to make such an emotion arise within him. Like a dream half-forgotten, Loki suddenly recalled a conversation he had with his mother when he had been a boy. He hadn't understood why it was called 'falling' in love. Why wasn't it called running into love? Or dancing into love? Love was a positive emotion and there was no positive connotation to _falling_. Frigga had just smiled indulgently at her youngest son and his incessant questions. Then she told him that it was simply because love, like falling, was unstoppable and unexpected and often painful. With love, you don't get to choose, you can't prevent it – you just fall. He had assumed she was being a typical Asgardian woman – oddly jaded yet disgustingly sentimental. He had also assumed he was above such a thing. But apparently even gods stumble. And stagger. And fall.

Loki ran a hand through his hair, still caught between resignation and disbelief.

Darcy Lewis had bested him.

Well, at least his mother would be pleased. He had a feeling she had given up hope long ago on ever finding a woman for Loki.

* * *

><p>AN: Fellow Loki-lovers, a moment of your time. StarTrekFanWriter is amazing. Go read her work. Please? You won't regret it.

And FYI, I have the best reviewers. Other writers may think _they_ have the best reviewers. But no. Sorry. They are very wrong. I am so thankful and humbled by the amount of positive feedback I've been getting. You guys keep me going strong.


	16. Chapter 16

Darcy was never drinking apple juice again.

She could be a bit forgetful at times, so the Depo shot had seemed like the ideal birth control method – get it every three months, no muss, no fuss, no daily pill that she would forget and then panic about. And it made her period come less often, which was awesome because tampons were fucking expensive – even the generic brand. And who actually _likes_ getting their period anyway?

Although right now, Darcy would taze an old lady right in her saggy boobs if it meant she would get hers.

Her lack of ladytime regularity had never been a problem before. It wasn't like she was easy - she could count the number of lovers she'd had on one hand with fingers to spare (like Clinton, she firmly believed oral didn't count). And since she was on the lazy-girl's version of birth control, she wasn't overly concerned when it started to approach two months since she last got her period. Stress from work and the slight emotional disturbance (or, you know, complete devastation) from Loki's departure was the likely culprit of her funny hormones.

Birth control shouldn't have even mattered anyway. Since dating was tricky when you worked for a secret organization – and had actual _standards_ – the only person she'd been with in over a year was Loki. And he was a freaky alien-god, so the likelihood he could actually knock her up seemed slim. Plus he was a supergenius, so she was pretty sure that if there actually was a risk of pregnancy then he would have known and eliminated it using his freaky alien-god/supergenius powers.

Even if he hadn't taken care of it (unlikely), she was still on birth control! So named because it _controlled birth_. It wasn't a sperm speedbump, it was a sperm brick-fucking-wall.

Ok, so 99% effective wasn't _completely_ foolproof, but still.

So when Tony not-so-quietly pointed out that she must be PMSing (which was rude but oddly helpful of him), she suddenly realized that she hadn't gotten a visit from Aunt Flow in a while. So she went out and bought her very first pregnancy test. Since it was really just a precaution, she wasn't too worried. She even amused herself by putting on a pathetic face for the cashier and wringing her hands nervously. It almost felt like a rite of passage - her first pregnancy scare!

Then she took the test and actually became scared.

No. She had obviously done it wrong. Well, ok – it was pretty hard to pee on a stick incorrectly, but it could have been defective. That happened sometimes, right? So she went back out and bought six more tests. Overkill? Perhaps. But she wasn't taking any chances. Then she grabbed a giant carton of apple juice and chugged. She figured apple juice already looked like pee, so that could only help the process along.

Way too much juice and twelve more sticks with various images of pluses and smiley faces (morbidly inappropriate considering the tears streaming down her own face) and Darcy knew she was in trouble.

Really _big_ trouble.

It wasn't that she didn't want children. She did. One day, in the very far future (say another 10-12 years), she would probably be ready for a family. But that day wasn't today. She was twenty-three for fuck's sake. And she hadn't quite obtained that whole emotional maturity and selflessness thing necessary for motherhood.

And then there was the father. Loki. The God of Mischief. The God of Lies. Thor's baby bro. A fucking _Frost Giant_.

There were three major issues she was trying to wrap her mind around concerning Loki. One: he was currently in another realm facing some sort of horrible punishment which Thor wouldn't tell her about despite her casual (but continuous) prodding.

Two: he wasn't actually human. In any sense. He was a Frost Giant. A blue, bumpy Jötunn man. And while that didn't bother her personally - oh, his cold, cold tongue - she was more than a little concerned that there would be some serious complications. She could apparently _get_ pregnant, but could she _stay_ pregnant? Would her body be able to carry a half-Jötunn baby to full term? Hell, would _Darcy_ actually live through the pregnancy? What if the baby started biting its way out of her womb with little fangs? Or made her freeze from the inside out? (The reason behind her constant chill was suddenly and terrifyingly clear). There were a variety of scary things that could happen with her little uterine parasite that all ended with Darcy dying a very painful death. Fuck. She wouldn't even care if the baby was blue, as long as both of them actually _lived_ through this.

Which led her to number three: she really doubted Loki even _wanted_ kids.

After they'd had their little discussion about the truth behind his myths (Google was a web of lies apparently, and she should have known better than to believe a guy named _Snorri Sturluson_), she'd pegged Loki as the cool uncle type. A dude as morally ambiguous and lacking in warm fuzzies as Loki wasn't exactly Father-of-the-Year material. And the man had serious Daddy Issues (capital D, capital I).

Now he was about to become a daddy himself. She really couldn't picture him as one of those guys who starts crying tears of joy and falls to his knees to immediately start cooing to her stomach. What she _could_ picture him doing is freezing and then calmly telling her to 'take care of it'. Right? It wasn't like they were that serious. She loved him - oh god, she _loved_ him - but they weren't official in any sense. At least not yet. Clandestine lovers may sound exciting, but in reality, not so much.

Which led to another, more pressing, issue. No one knew they had ever been together and so she had no one to go to for help with this. She couldn't really see Jane keeping this a secret - she was too cautious. And this was too potentially dangerous.

And potentially amazing.

Darcy looked down at her stomach. It was still sorta flat (whatever, she'd never be a model), but there was a person in there. She and Loki had made a little person…or, well, a little half-god. _Fuck_, she couldn't breathe. The part of her that was almost happy about this unexpected turn of events started peeking through. She tried to think rationally about the whole thing. She loved Loki. She wasn't sure she could ever really _have_ him, but she loved him. And the proof of that was growing inside her.

She started crying harder. At least now she could blame it on hormones instead of depression. Although with depression, you pop some happy pills and everything is cool beans. With this…it was a bit more complicated. She wondered if anyone would finally ask why she was so weepy all of a sudden? She sucked at lying. Really, _really_ sucked at it. She'd never be able to convincingly deny being knocked up if someone asked her about it point-blank.

That made something else occur to her and she suddenly felt the blood turn to ice in her veins. Her heart started pounding and she felt her legs giving out, so she slid to the floor.

What if S.H.I.E.L.D. found out she was pregnant with Loki's baby? What would they _do_?

He still wasn't exactly forgiven or trusted by them. Would they make her _kill_ it? Would they kill it for her without even giving her an option? She couldn't let that happen. She didn't plan this. She didn't even really _want_ this. But, now that it had happened, she wasn't going to just let anyone kill her baby. Because…she was gonna keep it. If she could. Even if it killed her? Well, that was a bridge she'd cross later. And who knows, maybe it would be ok. She had at least another month or two to hide this before she started showing. She'd figure out what to do about S.H.I.E.L.D. by then. She'd figure out _everything_ by then. She had to.

Looking around at the empty bathroom, Darcy took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. She failed miserably. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms tightly around her knees. Despite the strong possibility of his negative reaction, she really wished Loki was there to hold her.

* * *

><p>After almost two weeks of being equal parts careful and terrified, Darcy found herself outside Tony Stark's front door wearing clothes that were just a bit heavier than appropriate for that time of year. (Stupid Loki and his even stupider Frost Giant DNA). Fury had asked her as politely as possible - which meant he'd ordered her like the hard-ass douche that he was - to drop off a folder at Tony's place on her way home from work. A harried-looking Pepper let her in and told her to just wait outside Tony's office until whatever meeting he was in was over. After a few minutes of playing Doodle Jump on her phone, she watched as two older men in suits and fedoras left quietly. She figured it must have been a business meeting, so she was surprised when she walked in (knocking is overrated) and found Tony shirtless and flushed.<p>

Her voice was genuinely shocked, "Wow. Ok, I didn't see _that_ coming. But I promise I'm ok with it. I'm all about accepting other's sexuality. Trust me. It's probably a boredom thing too, right? I mean, you must have hit all the women in a certain mile radius, so you have to branch out either geographically or…otherwise. While those dudes wouldn't have been _my_ first choice if I was feeling experimental, I think it's great. You know what - good for you!"

She was carrying the child of the missing member of Blue Man Group, so throwing stones in the glass house that was her life right now seemed pretty hypocritical.

Tony just smiled, "Those guys? Not my type. If I was feeling experimental, I would go younger."

"Ah. Well." She still didn't know why he wasn't wearing a shirt. "Then I guess you really buy into the whole Casual Friday dress code."

He still didn't make a move to get dressed and she tried not to stare at the glowy thing in his chest. That would be tacky.

His voice was amused, "You know you could just ask me."

She leaned against the arm of the couch, "Where's the fun in that? Oh fine…who were the stylish old dudes? And why are you channeling Matthew McConaughey?"

"They were doctors. You know it's a good thing I like watching your lips move otherwise I would completely tune out everything you say."

Doctors. They were _doctors_. Wheels started turning in Darcy's head.

"I guess you have really discrete doctors considering your...medical condition." She gestured to the aforementioned glowy thing. It didn't really bother her - she'd seen weirder. Blue boyfriend's blue penis and all that. Still, this gave her an idea.

Tony gave her a look, "My _condition_? Jesus, you make me sound like I'm impotent or something. But yes, I need discrete doctors. I have enemies that would love to get their hands on my medical charts."

Darcy nodded, "That makes sense."

An idea was solidifying in Darcy's mind. _Could_ she? It was crazy! But she needed help. She was getting so tired. And cold. And scared. Fuck it. Tony was also Loki's friend, so he might be the only person in the world who wouldn't completely lose his shit over this.

Her voice was cloyingly sweet, "Hey, I've never noticed how handsome you are. And how commanding your presence is. Truly, it's..._majestic_."

Tony's eyebrows shot up, "Are you high?"

"No, but I kinda wish I was."

He crossed his arms over his still-naked chest, "So you want something?"

Darcy mirrored his pose, "You could say that. I need a small favor."

"Why does that make me nervous?"

"Because you've met me?"

"Yes. Yes, that _is_ why." He sighed and sat on the edge of his desk "Ok, lay it on me."

Darcy steeled herself and then asked as casually as possible, "Can I see your doctors?"

"You just saw them."

"Hardy har. No, I meant can I make an appointment for them to see me?"

Tony's face lost all traces of humor, "Darcy...are you alright?"

He looked really concerned. About her. That was almost sweet of him. Her heart was starting to pound, "Yeah, I just need a really good doctor."

"Ok, that's not a problem."

"And a really discrete one."

"That one is more of a problem."

Darcy blinked, "Why? You just said-"

"For me. What's wrong?" His voice was firm. Her racing heart was now accompanied by sweaty palms and vague nausea.

She aimed for blasé, "I just need a doctor."

"Are you sick?" Fuck, Darcy had never seen the man look this serious without his supersuit on.

"No. I mean, not really."

"That's not comforting."

Darcy started to regret opening her mouth, "Tony, I can't. Look, I know you mean well. But I can't really talk about this. Ok? But trust me, it's not whatever you're afraid it is."

He jumped off the desk and closed the distance between them, "How do you know?"

"Because what it actually is...is...well, _unexpected_. Lady troubles if you will."

Tony froze a few feet away from her and his face took on an odd expression, "Oh. Who's the father?"

Darcy nearly jumped out of her skin, "_What_? I mean, no...that's not even...pfft. Crazy man."

Tony just stared at her blankly, "Wow, you _really_ suck at lying. Didn't you learn anything from hanging out with Loki?"

Darcy felt her face reflexively twitch at the mention of Loki's name and watched as Tony's whole body stiffened forebodingly.

"_No_."

Oh shit. "No, what?"

"You are _not_ pregnant with Loki's child."

Oh supershit. She tried to play dumb, "Of course I'm not."

"_Liar_! Fuck, Darcy! What the hell were you thinking?"

Oh Shitty McShitterson. This was _not_ how she wanted anyone to find out.

All of the emotions Darcy had been keeping bottled up inside suddenly exploded out of her, "I _wasn't_ thinking! Ok? Are you happy? I was just...in lust or love or _something_...and I didn't think that I could even...I mean, he's not even the same _species_ as me. Aren't there, like, genetic rules that say this can't work? Although I guess there's ligers and wholphins…and Spock, right?" She felt herself spiraling into a full-on freak out, but couldn't seem to stop. "But it _did_ happen and I'm scared and you're really not helping. Loki's in Asgard being hurt in some really awful way. And I _need_ to see a doctor, but I know something weird is going to happen and then S.H.I.E.L.D. will come and they'll kill my baby and I'll just...I'll..."

She was literally (and embarrassingly) sobbing by the end of her rant and was startled to suddenly feel two warm arms wrap themselves around her. Tony Stark had never struck her as much of a hugger, but she was grateful for the step out of character. She latched on to him desperately and cried into his bare chest like a fool. A scared, pregnant, alone fool.

His voice was a gentle whisper, "Shh...it's ok. I'll get you some doctors. But we need to tell Nick."

Her head flew back, "No! He'll make me into a science experiment. Or a bargaining tool in case Loki ever...," she couldn't finish the thought.

Tony nodded looking thoughtful, "Yeah. Alright."

Darcy sagged against him in relief.

"But you're going to come stay with me."

Her head popped up again, "_What_?"

He gave her an incredulous look, "You're pregnant with the God of Mischief's child. And you live in a tiny apartment. Alone. None of this is good. I have bigger rooms and a medical staff that's on-call 24/7."

Wow. This was not how she had envisioned this particular conversation going. _Move in_ with him? Should she? They were friendly, but they weren't actually friends. Hell, Loki was closer to Tony than she was. Maybe _that_ was why he was offering. Still…

Darcy knew that she would regret this, but she was so scared and really needed an ally. And a doctor.

She tightened her arms around him, "Tony, I just…thank you. That would be really great. And I _will_ tell everyone. Thor at least. He needs to let Loki know. But, just not _now_ - I'm not even showing yet. And I don't even know if I'm - you know - _able_ to carry the baby. Loki is…not exactly human. I mean…my stupid mortal womb is probably too weak to…to…"

She hiccupped a little embarrassing sob and Tony immediately pulled her to his chest again. The tears wouldn't stop and Darcy had the vague hope that the glowy thing in his chest was waterproof – she didn't want to have to explain to Fury that she'd short-circuited (or actually _killed_) Iron Man with her unending sad-girl tears of pathetic weakness. Still, it was nice to be held like this, even if it felt too warm. Loki had always been so deliciously cool.

She felt Tony kiss the top of her head (…that was weird) and had the disconcerting realization that he would make a pretty decent father himself one day. Huh.

Tony Stark was her new second favorite person (sorry Jane). It felt so good to just let it all out. And having someone else know was a huge relief.

His voice was soothing, "Alright, we'll figure it out. Shh..."

That's how Pepper found them. She had opened the door looking distracted and then froze at the sight of Tony, still shirtless, cradling a sobbing Darcy with more care than either woman had known he was capable of. Poor Pepper's face was a study in shock. Darcy would have laughed if she hadn't been so emotionally wrecked.

Oblivious, Tony perked up at the sight of her, "Pepper, I'm glad you're here! Darcy will be moving in with me. Could you see that all of her things are boxed and transported over by tonight?"

Pepper looked dazed. Then a strange look came over her face and Darcy knew she was drawing very wrong conclusions. First Steve and now Tony – Darcy realized she'd better keep her distance from Bruce and Clint before people start assuming she was some sort of Avengers groupie. If only they knew.

Pepper's voice was flinty, "Yes, sir."

She left the room, closing the door behind her with a little more force than was necessary.

Tony mused, "Hmm...do you think she's mad?"

Darcy pulled back and gave him a wry smile, "You did promise her that you would make an effort to prove she was the only woman in your life. Objectively, this looks pretty bad. So _yeah_. She's mad."

Tony just nodded thoughtfully, "That's what I thought."


	17. Chapter 17

Somebody kill her. _Please_.

Darcy had spent the last four mornings worshipping the porcelain goddess with the devoutness and regularity of a nun. This was horrible. Since it hadn't happened right away, she thought she would escape the whole morning sickness thing – her child was half-_god_ after all. Gods probably didn't get morning sickness. She couldn't picture some fancy goddess sprawled out on the floor with vomit in her hair. Who would worship _that_ image?

A knock sounded and Tony's voice rang out, muffled by the door, "How are you holding up?"

Darcy groped behind her blindly and then threw a shampoo bottle at the door with as much strength as she could muster while letting out an animalistic scream of rage.

Silence for a moment until Tony's voice rang out again, "Not good, huh? _Yeah_. I'm gonna go get Pepper. Just…hang in there."

Darcy tried to slow down her breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Oh, god…not again. She heaved herself up off the floor and then just plain heaved. This was ridiculous. Why did people ever have children? Morning sickness couldn't always be this bad or else the human population would have died out a long time ago. It must be a Frost Giant thing.

Midway through her torment, she felt something tugging at her hair – pulling it back. She assumed it was Pepper. That was nice of her. Stomach now officially empty, Darcy leaned back on her heels and waited for the room to become stationary once again. She was startled when a masculine hand reached around her from behind.

"Sorry, courtesy flush."

Darcy spun her head around and stared at the surprising image behind her. Tony Stark was holding her hair back. On the bathroom floor. In a three-piece suit.

It was a damn good thing Darcy liked Pepper Potts – Tony was amazing and deserved the best.

"Was that _pizza_? When did you eat pizza? And why didn't I get any?"

Ok, she was taking it back. Tony was an asshole.

Darcy's voice was ragged, "I hate you."

"No you don't. I couldn't find Pepper. I think she might be mad at me again."

Darcy wasn't surprised. Tony was always saying the wrong thing and pissing Pepper off. Then he would flirt his way back into her good graces. Poor Pepper would try to play it off as being completely unruffled, but Darcy could see right through that. Someone just needed to lock those two in a tiny closet with a bottle of vodka and keep them there until they'd either killed each other or got engaged. It was a 50/50 chance.

Pepper had been really great about the whole moving-in thing once it was firmly established that the baby wasn't Tony's. Not that Pepper knew who the real father was because…well, the less people in on that, the better. From the frigid looks she'd been sending Captain America's way, Darcy had a feeling Tony told her it was Steve's. That would probably make the most sense as Pepper must have heard of their "tawdry" affair (Loki's little bra trick certainly had quite the butterfly effect). And, come to think of it, whatever poor girl Steve ever knocked up would probably need a lot of medical care too – he had been pumped full of enough magical drugs to transform him from Michael Cera into The Rock. That can't be too healthy for the dude's sperm. But still – poor Steve.

Tony's voice cut through her musing, "Glass of water?"

Darcy nodded. She took the glass from his hand and gargled with the first sip. Then she spit it into the toilet with a cough and a grimace.

Tony sounded droll, "_Classy_. No wonder you snagged yourself a god."

She was going to kill the snarky bastard.

No. _He_ wasn't the snarky bastard who got her into this mess.

Her voice was scarily resolute, "I'm gonna _kill_ Loki."

Tony had the audacity to chuckle and pat her on the head like a dog. "La petite mort?"

Darcy gave him her best stink-eye, "Fuck you."

"Normally, I'd love an invitation like that. Especially since I can't get you _more_ pregnant than you already are. But you're not really at your best right now. I prefer my bed partners to smell a bit less like vomit. I mean, it isn't a complete deal-breaker, but you know. Oh, and there's Pepper of course. She would probably hit me. Again."

Darcy went to smack him herself, but a cramp squeezed her stomach and she ended up making a noise like a wounded animal. Tony instantly looked concerned.

"Darcy, what's wrong? Are you ok? I'll go get the doctor."

Darcy grabbed his arm. "No, I'm fine. Just…hurts a bit. And I'm cold. 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' didn't have a chapter on what it means to be a Frost Giant breeder. I feel like I've swallowed a gallon of snow."

Tony looked pained, "Darcy I'm trying to be concerned here. You can't say things like that without me making a cum joke."

A sad little laugh bubbled up, "You're such an ass, Tony."

"Sticks and stones. Now what say we get off the floor before I completely ruin the Armani?"

Darcy let Tony help her up and put her back in bed like a child. He even tucked the seven hundred blankets she used under her chin. What a sweetie. If Loki ever decided to take over the world again, she'd have to convince him to spare Tony. Granted, Loki would have to get his blue ass back here for that to ever become an issue.

Tony asked, "Need anything?"

Darcy just shook her head and sent him a reassuring smile. Then she valiantly tried to ignore how worried he looked. But it was hard. He looked almost as worried as she felt.

* * *

><p>Iron Man stared at the God of Thunder with an uncomfortable look on his face.<p>

"Now, don't freak out."

"What does 'freak out' mean? I have heard Jane use such expression, but I was unable to ask her about it at the time."

"It means...don't panic."

"Panic? Well, that seems an odd expression. Telling one not to panic is the perfect way to make one panic. Why am I not panicking?"

"Well, see, there's this thing."

"Thing?"

"Yeah. Well, l suppose it's not a thing so much as a who."

"What?"

"No, _who."_

"Who?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Are you deliberately trying to confuse me?"

"Not deliberately."

"Tony, I am now panicking, or _freaking out_ if you will. Find your point before I start breaking things."

"Fuck. Right, ok. So, you know Darcy?"

"Do I know _Darcy_? Are you inebriated again?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. So, Darcy right?"

"Yes, I am obviously acquainted with the girl."

"Have you noticed anything new about her lately?"

"Is this some sort of guessing game?"

"If it were, you would lose. Ok, how about this - so Loki is a guy. Mostly, right?"

"_Loki_! Tony, are you alright?"

"No, but that's also beside the point. So, Loki..."

"My brother. Yes, he is a man. He can alter his form, but he is a man. And I know Darcy. And I am now concerned about _you._ Have I missed anything?"

"Yes, but you can join the club."

"Another club? Like the Avengers? What does this have to do with Loki being a man?"

"_So_ much. Fine, how about I do this another way. So, Thor - how would you feel about becoming an uncle?"

"An uncle! Tony, are you to be a father? I am delighted that you would confer upon me the title of uncle as we are but brothers in arms."

"You're an idiot. But it's probably my fault. Idiocy is fucking contagious these days."

"You have lost me again, my friend."

"Loki knocked up Darcy."

"Knocked up? He hit her! I cannot believe he would do such a thing. She is a defenseless woman! I will make him suffer at once."

"No, he didn't _hit_ her. I mean, maybe he spanked her or something. But she probably liked it."

"I am confused again."

"Why am I not surprised? Ok, 'knock up' is like 'freak out'."

"Loki made Darcy panic? Did he play a trick on her? He is fond of the one with the goblet full of snakes. But he is still in Asgard, so this could not have occurred recently."

"This is getting ridiculous. I just meant that 'knock up' is an expression. It means get pregnant. Bun in the oven. With child. In the family way. Procreating. Her eggo is preggo."

"Hold on a moment. You are telling me that Loki has impregnated Darcy Lewis."

"Yes. Hence the 'who' issue."

"…Is this your idea of a jest?"

"Afraid not. There's going to be a little Demigod of Mischief running around in about...I don't know, six months or so."

"_Loki_ and _Darcy_ are…they are…"

"Thor, you alright? You're turning kinda...shit! Oh man, you are so fucking heavy. I can't…Pepper! PEPPER! Where's the damn smelling salts?"

* * *

><p>After rousing the unconscious God of Thunder, Tony once again tried to explain things to him. Slowly. With small words.<p>

"Yes, with a baby. What did you think she was pregnant with? A _dog_?"

Tony suddenly remembered some of the kinkier myths he'd read about the man in question. Maybe Thor was on to something after all. That horse thing…

_Eww_.

Thor still sounded incredulous, "But it is impossible. Loki and Darcy barely spoke to one another. How could he have impregnated her?"

Tony gave the stunned god a patronizing look, "Well, when a man and a woman love each other, they take off all their clothes and then he puts his-"

"Tony! I do not wish to think of my brother…wait a moment, did you say _love_?"

For once, Tony could sympathize, "Yeah. Beats the hell out of me. I mean, don't get me wrong - I like your brother. Funny guy and a damn good poker player. But, even if I swung that way - I'd never let him catch _me_ with my pants down. Darcy must have balls of steel." Tony thought about who he was talking to and clarified, "Metaphorical balls, of course. She's a woman. Don't get confused again."

Thor was still staring at him with a frightened bunny expression on his face. It was starting to weird Tony out. "You ok there, Thor? You look…_thunderstruck_." He laughed. "Get it? Thunderstruck. Because you're the…nevermind. Tough crowd."

"Darcy _loves_ my brother?"

"Yeah. Strange but true. She told me so herself. Actually, she screamed it in my face. Pregnancy makes women a little…well, _fucking insane_ is probably the best way to describe it. And Darcy has always been a little off, so it's just multiplied."

Thor looked confused, "And Loki abandoned her here? In her delicate condition?"

"To be fair, I'm pretty sure he didn't know. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows. Well, and Doctor Finklestein. But that man is like Fort Knox. Look Thor, she's probably going to kill me for telling you, but I didn't have a choice. Loki needs to get his skinny ass back here. She's…not doing so well. Projectile vomiting is one thing, but she's got serious issues with trying to stay warm. And when a doctor uses the word 'baffled,' it's never a good thing."

Realization stole over Thor's face, "Because Loki is…oh, _Darcy_. I must go fetch my brother."

Tony wanted to do a fist-pump. Finally!

"Yes, you do that. And give him a head's up - Darcy's pissed. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to wear a cup. And don't worry about me, I'll just wait here with the crazy pregnant lady."

Thor just nodded and started running for the door.

Tony took out his cellphone and started to call Pepper. Maybe he could talk her into going away with him for a few days. Morbid curiosity aside, he didn't really want to be around for Darcy's reunion with her baby-daddy.

He just hoped his house would still be standing when he got back.


	18. Chapter 18

Darcy let out a huff as she laid there, alone in the big comfy bed. Her knees were tucked up as far as her just-starting-to-show tummy would allow, and her arms were loosely banded around them. It didn't help. No matter how small and compact she made herself - or how many freaking layers of blankets she cocooned herself in - she still felt cold. It was fucking annoying.

She tried to think happy thoughts. She loved cold things! Ice cream was cold. Loki was cold. Loki's _tongue_ was cold.

She sighed, releasing her hold on her knees and tucking her arms beneath her pillow. What did it matter? She'd always - ALWAYS - be cold.

Her body stiffened at the unexpected touch on her stomach. It was skin to skin and she suddenly realized that she was not wearing her sweatshirt anymore. She didn't move as the hand flattened against her little baby bump.

She knew that hand. She knew those fingers. Long and sinful and talented.

Loki.

He was in bed behind her, arm wrapped around her as it had been so many times before. Her heart started pounding and she wanted to cry out - to turn over and bury her face in his neck. But she was paralyzed by the idea that this was a dream. Or if it wasn't...how he would react.

Without warning, sweet blessed relief started to fill her body - warmth trickling from her head to her toes - radiating out from the hand still on her abdomen.

Oh, thank god. Or, well, thank _Loki_. Same difference.

His voice was a whisper in her ear, "Better?"

She whimpered and nodded. Then she just couldn't help it anymore and started to cry. Stupid baby hormones. She felt him tense behind her and then he was suddenly lying in front of her, cupping her cheek - damn magician with his poofing right into her face while she was red and puffy and crying like a damn fool.

"Oh Darcy, stop this. Do not cry. I am sorry."

That brought her up short, "You're _sorry_?"

Oh, fuck. He didn't want kids. He never wanted kids. He wouldn't want _their_ kid.

"I left you alone to handle this. Believe me, I did not know. I did not even think I could...but I never would have left had I known."

Oh. Relief filled her.

But just to clarify, "Wait, you're not upset that I'm pregnant?"

"Upset?" He seemed to intuit what she was thinking. "Darcy, no! I am not upset. I am... pleased. I think. Numb with shock at the moment, but pleased underneath. If you are?"

"Oh. Yes. I am. _Now_, at least. It's been hard. I was scared and I didn't know if I could handle this. Motherhood is daunting by itself, but without you and the whole Jötunn thing...I just...but I'm happy now. If...if you can stay?"

She was mortified by how stunted and weak and needy she sounded. She just needed to confirm that he was back for good. Then she could chew him out later.

His voice was resolute, "I am not leaving you. Either of you. Ever again."

His hand made gentle circle patterns on her stomach. Maybe she had been completely wrong about him.

"You're not gonna start cooing to the baby bump are you?"

His hand paused, "I do not _coo_."

"Oh, good. That would've been too weird. And thanks for the warm thing. I've been _so_ cold."

"You are carrying a half-Jötunn child, so I would assume so. But I have taken care of your discomfort."

"How?"

He whispered, "Magic."

"I hate when you say that. It means you don't want to tell me."

"No more secrets. It was a simple warming spell I have designed for your specific physiology. You are having my child, Darcy Lewis. Your comfort is my top priority. Now sleep. We will speak in the morning."

She wanted to keep talking - there were so many questions - but something strange came over her body and she found herself drifting off against her will.

Next to her, the God of Mischief stared at his hand upon the mortal girl's stomach. He could feel the child inside. Though met with opposition from the less-than-ideal host body, his child was thriving.

With an amused smile on his lips, Loki followed his mortal lover into dreams.

* * *

><p>Loki awoke to the feeling of something hitting him in the face. Hard.<p>

Darcy was looming over him with a large metal stick in her hands. It was comparable to the one mortals used in that sport on the television. What was it called…oh yes. Baseball. And the stick was…

His voice was incredulous, "Is that a baseball bat? Did you hit me in the _face_ with a baseball bat?"

She just swung again. He moved and the metal connected with the pillow instead. Then he was standing behind her and the weapon disappeared from her hands.

She was furious, "Give that back! You deserve it! And c'mon, it's only aluminum. Your face doesn't even look slightly dented. It looks…stupidly perfect. In fact, did you get a _tan_? You weren't in Asgard being punished at all, were you? You were off on some tropical island with buxom natives feeding you grapes while you laid in a hammock because you used the old 'Hey, baby - I'm a god' line."

Loki struggled to understand her ranting, "Darcy, calm down. I cannot tell if stress is making you incomprehensible again, or if you truly have some sort of dementia. Breathe, my love."

"Don't you order me around! I'm not one of your acolytes. I'm…wait. Did you call me _my love_?"

He smiled gently, "I might have."

She looked offended, "You snake! You little rat-fink bastard of a snowman! You're trying to emotionally manipulate me. Well, that ain't working buddy!"

This was not going as well as Loki had planned. And last night had been so oddly wonderful.

"In order to emotionally manipulate, one must first understand the current emotional state of the potential prey. Right now you are being irrational and incomprehensible. Therefore, it would be futile to attempt to manipulate you emotionally until you start making some sort of sense. And if you must know, I would never use your love for me against you. I would target your lust instead. That one is much more manageable. In fact…"

His voice trailed off as he appraised her from head to toe. She looked tired and drawn, but he still thought her more beautiful than any woman he'd seen. Loki almost sighed aloud with resignation. So it truly _was_ love. He had been holding out hope that he had been mistaken.

Ah well. As they say on Midgard, when life gives one lemons…

"You look tense, Darcy. Shall I run us a bath? Or would you simply like a massage? Full-body, of course. And you can choose which part of _my_ body will do the massaging. I would like to recommend my tongue, but lady's choice."

She looked equal parts aroused and furious. Gods, she was lovely in her anger. Their child would be a hellion. How genuinely delightful!

She still sounded angry, "You can't…_no_. Absolutely not! You know I've lost five pounds because of you? And not in the good way, like Jenny Craig. I'm _pregnant_, I shouldn't be losing weight. But I can't keep anything down! And I've been so fucking _cold_! And you were all the way in Asgard. I didn't know if you'd come back. Or even if you'd be mad or freaked or something. And Tony fucking Stark has seen me throw up! It was _horrible_."

Her anger was giving way to a desperate sadness and Loki refused to let that happen.

He appeared in front of her and pulled her into his arms. She only put up a token fuss before she was gripping him as tightly as he was her. She'd missed him. Her mouth could rail all it wanted, but her body couldn't lie.

His voice was as much a reprimand as a seduction, "That is in the past. Move on. I am back now and I am not going anywhere. And I am sorry for the distress you have gone through without me. But I will make it up to you." His face softened against his will. "Now kiss me, mortal. For I have thought of little else since I left this realm."

Her voice was weak, "You suck. You really, really suck. I'm not gonna just fall into bed with you at the snap of your fingers. Well, not anymore."

He smirked, "Who said anything about a _bed_? How uninspired."

He leaned in to kiss her, but her next words caught him off-guard.

"Loki…how did this _happen_?"

He pulled back and reined in his desire. That was a very serious question. It deserved a serious answer.

"It should not have. Our…biology…is so fundamentally different that procreation should have been impossible. But I am an anomaly myself."

She looked surprised, "Really?"

"I am rather _small_ for my race. Giant is not just a moniker."

"Oh! Huh. I thought…well, size only depends on who's doing the measuring. One man's giant is another man's midget. Or something. That was dumb, wasn't it?"

He'd missed her strange logic, "No, not at all."

"So…complete anomaly baby?"

He considered his words before speaking, "Possibly. I did a bit of xenobiological research when I discovered my true parentage. At the time, I had been King of Asgard and an heir would be a necessity one day. My research was not exhaustive, but I learned enough to know that this was an unlikely occurrence. It should not have happened."

"Should not have happened. But did anyway. Well, that sums up our entire relationship right there. But it was an _unlikely_ occurrence, not an _impossible_ one?"

He gave a wry smile, "No, it obviously was not entirely impossible."

"And you didn't think to plan for a not-impossible occurrence? Doesn't seem like you, Mr. My-Backup-Plans-Have-Backup-Plans."

"I was a bit distracted at the most likely time of conception. If I am correct, you do realize it was all your fault."

She balked, "_My_ fault?"

"Yes, of course. I was being quite careful. But I do believe you took me rather by surprise and I forgot myself."

She looked skeptical, "When?"

"I shall give you a hint. Think…_blue_."

"Oh…yeah. You think that's when this happened? I know I jumped you, but that's not fair. It takes two to tango, babe. Even _Thor_ always remembers to wear a condom!"

Loki suppressed a shudder of revulsion, "I really do not want to think about that. Though he is involved with a woman of science, so she likely would not let him near her without at least the illusion of protection. She is much too intelligent to want to breed with such a man – and who knows what diseases she could catch. But it is all rather pointless anyway. I do not believe there is a mortal prophylactic strong enough to prevent a _god_ from procreating."

Darcy made a little squeaking noise, "Say _prophylactic_ again. It's funny in your accent." He raised an eyebrow, so she continued, "Never mind. So Trojan doesn't come in 'god-strength'? Yeah, alright. Makes sense, I guess. You guys must be ridiculously potent. Midgardian girls should gird their loins, huh? At least I think. Wait, what does _gird_ actually mean?"

He smiled blandly, "Do you truly care?"

"Not really."

"Then focus, my love."

Darcy swallowed heavily, "Are you gonna keep calling me 'my love'?"

"Do you have a problem with my new title for you?"

"Hell no. Not at all. Just…should I ask? I mean, am I less likely to be emotionally devastated and humiliated if I just let it go without asking? You've never…you didn't say…forget it."

He watched the play of emotions on her face. Telepathy was unnecessary when she projected so clearly.

"Ask me."

She remained silent, staring somewhere over his shoulder.

His voice was teasing, "I said ask me. _Coward_."

That did it. She met his eyes boldly, "Do you love me?"

He tried not to smile, "Only a fool would love you."

Her eyes widened and she tried to pull away from him. He didn't let her go.

He continued, "Now ask me if I am a fool."

She stopped struggling and stared at him, looking frustrated and confused.

"Fine. I know you're an _asshole_. But are you also a fool?"

He finally released his smile, "Completely, and in many different ways. It is almost tragic."

She took a moment to process his words. Then she shoved his chest. "Goddammit, Loki! Can't you just say 'I love you, too' like a normal person?"

He laughed, "Of course not. Who do you think you are talking to? Normality is for peasants. That, my love, is why neither of us are particularly normal."

"Neither of us? Did I get an upgrade?"

He smirked, "I am the God of Mischief. The Prince of Asgard. And you are the mother of my child."

"So that's a yes?"

He just reached up to cup her face, running a finger over her bottom lip. Her breath became shaky.

"I am still waiting for my kiss, mortal."

She huffed, "Well you can keep on waiting. I've got questions and I'm not kissing you until I get some answers, because I'll forget and then we'll be naked and that's cheating."

He leaned down, lips ghosting against her own, "I never cheat."

A rumbling noise interrupted his seduction.

"Was that your stomach?"

Darcy just shrugged, unembarrassed, "I'm starving. Perpetually, since none of it stays down. I just keep ping-ponging between hungry and horny. Even more so than before - which is saying something. Pregnancy is a real bitch."

His lips quirked upward in a mischievous grin, "Hungry and horny? I can help with that." A ripe peach appeared in his hand. "See? Now we can both eat."

She took the fruit with a raised brow. "You don't like peaches."

He sank to his knees quickly. "I know. That was not what I wished to dine upon."

In a blink, her clothes were gone. She should be angry at his manipulation, but she figured he'd already warned her that he would use lust against her. And she'd been craving this since he left. Loki always turned her into a kinky wanton tramp.

Settling her thigh over his shoulder, the God of Mischief gave her a very naughty smile, "Brace yourself, sweet girl. Loki is back."

She rolled her eyes, "Goddammit, Loki. Stop being such a melodramatic ass…oh…wow. Never…_mind_. So glad you're back. So so _so_ glad."

She could literally _feel_ him smirk. Kinky bastard.

There was a familiar voice in her head, "_Telepathic use number two. I believe you were alright with it in theory. Although I am very committed to respecting your privacy, I wish to speak with you. However, my mouth is quite busy at the moment, so if you'd rather I stopped…_"

Reflexively, Darcy screamed, "No!"

The fact that his mouth was doing naughty things to her naughty parts while his voice still echoed in her head was weird. But they'd done weirder, so she just rolled with it happily. Damn, she missed this. The silver-tongued god, indeed.

His voice rang out again, "_I prefer when you scream 'yes'. Or my name. Scream my name, Darcy._"

A bit chagrined, she screamed, "Loki! Please. Please don't stop. I'm...please."

She could hear a sinister chuckle in her head. She would get him back for this later. He might be a very _cunning linguist_, but her own _oral dictation_ skills were quite impressive in their own right. She'd make him beg for it. Later. Because she was too busy begging for it herself at the moment.

His voice demanded, "_Tell me you love me._"

She didn't even have to think, "I love you."

"_Again._"

Panting, "I love you."

"_Louder!_"

Screaming, "I love you! Dammit, Loki. I love you. I love you. _Please_."

"_Good girl_."

And he finally found that glorious spot and just fucking _attacked_ it like an animal. She was panting and moaning, and probably begging, but he never relented until she was screaming his name into the ceiling, into the stars. She hazily wondered if they were giving that Heimdall dude a good show.

He brought her down slowly with soft, teasing kisses and slow caresses. Then he helped ease her down next to him on the floor. Which was now covered in a fuzzy rug. Huh. She hoped it wasn't some sort of dead animal, but she wouldn't have really cared at that moment.

He stood up and leaned over her with a smirk, "Now tell me you missed me."

Darcy wanted to hit him and lick him and carry his babies. Then it occurred to her that she had already done two out of three that morning. Trifecta would be nice. Plus, she was completely naked and he was completely dressed. She needed to rectify that little situation.

Without responding to his arrogant command, she scrambled to her knees and lunged for the stupid fastening on his stupid pants, trying to get them off him as quickly as possible. He just let her have at it while he watched half-confused, half-fascinated.

"Do not let me stop you, Darcy. But what are you doing?"

She was able to get his pants undone and tugged them down in one frantic jerk. His smile grew. She gripped him in her fist and then leaned back on her heels.

Then she gave him a coy smile, "Loki, baby? It's your turn."

She could see him struggling to maintain his unaffected air, "Is it now?"

She gave him a long, slow lick. Then she pulled back again, laughing as his hips bucked forward slightly in an attempt to follow her wicked mouth.

Now her smile was pure minx, "Loki? Say my name."

He stared at her for a few moments and then threw his head back and laughed.

"Oh Darcy. I _have_ missed you."

She rewarded that with another long lick, with that little swirl at the end that always made him grunt. It had always amused her to hear the normally unflappable god make such undignified noises. She fucking loved it!

She pulled back again and could see the strain on his face.

She teased, "Now tell me you love me."

Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder and then she was standing, pressed up against the wall. Loki gripped her thighs and lifted, and Darcy instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. That had all happened so fast, she was a bit confused.

Her voice was hesitant, "Loki?"

He just smiled and positioned himself, "Shh…sweet girl. I just want to be inside you when I say this."

Darcy felt her heart skip – that was borderline romantic coming from Loki's lips. Then he slid inside her - finally. They both felt a strange weight lift off their chests at the reunion of their bodies.

Eyes locked, he lowered his mouth and whispered against her lips, "I love you, too."

Then his lips were on hers and his tongue was in her mouth – she could taste herself mingled with that ridiculously yummy Loki-flavor that she'd missed so badly. His naughty tongue mimicked the slow slide of their lower bodies – in and out, in and out. Too slow. She needed…damn, she just _needed_.

Twisting her head to the side, she panted, "Faster. Please, Loki. I've needed this so bad."

His voice was a promise, "Whatever you need. Always."

And Loki was right – they never actually made it to the bed that night. The wall and the armrest of the couch and the kitchen counter and the shower – well, they were much more _inspired_.

* * *

><p>AN: Many thanks to my new beta (I actually have one of those now, so expect to see less typos!) angel17712! You are amazing!


	19. Chapter 19

Of all the sights he had prepared himself for when he returned home, Tony Stark hadn't expected the God of Mischief and Darcy Lewis to be eating breakfast at his dining room table. Death and dismemberment were possibilities. Nudity was also a possibility. Tears were almost a guarantee. But French toast? Well, that had never really occurred to him.

They both stopped talking and looked up when Tony walked in. Darcy just nodded with a smile and took another enormous bite. Tony hoped that was a sign that she was feeling better. He had always prided himself on having a strong stomach, but if she did her Exorcist impression again – sympathy vomiting was a real possibility.

Loki addressed him, "Tony, how pleasant to see you again. I should thank you for caring for Darcy in my stead. But I most likely will not. However, there is plenty of food so you are welcome to join us. It is quite delicious. Darcy has a true gift for the preparation of morning meals."

Tony just kept staring at him. Shouldn't they be…doing something? Arguing, maybe? She was pregnant, he had been tortured on another planet, and they just got back together last night. But the house looked perfectly fine (which he was infinitely grateful for), and they were just sitting there calmly like this was normal. Well, maybe it _was_ normal. For them. Tony used to wonder how they interacted with each other back when he had been clinging to the desperate hope that they were just the most unlikely friends since…well, ever. Something as ordinary as this had never occurred to him.

Tony realized that he should go. Even though it was _his_ damn house, he was probably intruding on…_something_. But tact had never been one of his strong points. Insatiable curiosity on the other hand…

Grabbing an empty seat, Tony answered, "Sounds good. So I take it you're back?"

Loki gave him a small smile, "No, I am still on Asgard."

Tony blinked. Then he thought about it. He was probably joking, but…with Loki, you never knew. Feeling stupid, he asked, "_Really_?"

Loki didn't respond, but Darcy snorted. Great. He thought he was actually in the loop when it came to these two – but apparently there were loops within loops and he was only allowed into the first level. It was too early for this. Damn, he needed coffee.

Tony stared longingly at the carafe on the table. "I'm assuming that's decaf?" Darcy had been good about following doctor's orders about staying away from caffeine and only drinking the organic crap. But Tony wasn't pregnant. Ah well. It was better than nothing. He shouldn't have asked if it was decaf though - confirmation would ruin the placebo effect.

A wave of Loki's hand and a French press appeared in front of Tony's face. Floating. He could smell the thick aroma as he stared at it in surprise. Loki had done a lot of weird shit in his presence before, but this was actually _nice_ of him. Maybe Darcy wielded some kind of power over the God of Mischief that made him less of a dick? Now _that_ was a superpower a lowly mortal could get behind.

Grabbing the pot out of the air, he turned to Loki, "Thanks. You know, now that the whole world domination thing has fallen through, you could make a killing at kids' birthday parties. Loki the Illusionist has a nice ring. And you've got that certain style. The other guys pull rabbits out of hats, but you pull hats out of rabbits."

Loki just tilted his head and smiled in a vaguely unsettling way.

There was a moment of silence. Then Loki slowly turned to look at Darcy. Her eyes widened and she stared at Tony while she burst out laughing.

Panicked, Tony demanded, "What?"

Loki just kept smiling creepily and Darcy just kept cackling crazily. This wasn't good. Tony reached up and felt his face. Nothing out of the ordinary. Really nervous now, he again demanded, "_What_?"

Loki's voice was amused, "Nothing. Just giving Darcy a pleasant visual. All illusionists need scantily clad assistants who are good at distracting the eye. I am sure you would excel at such."

Tony tried not to think too hard about anything that had just come out of Loki's mouth. "I don't want to know."

"Suit yourself."

Shrugging off the unsettling nature of this entire conversation, Tony grabbed some delicious-smelling French toast and started eating. Loki had been right - it was revelatory. Why hadn't Darcy ever cooked for _him_?

The girl in question suddenly addressed him, "So where were you last night? Loki said you weren't here."

Tony swallowed the cinnamon-laced morsel, "Oh. I figured you'd want some privacy. Tried to talk Pepper into a little getaway, but she passed. Her loss."

Darcy gave him an odd look. "Privacy? How did you know Loki was coming back last night?"

Fuck. Tony figured he'd better tread lightly.

"Lucky guess?"

Loki just gave him a benign smile and said, "He informed Thor of your pregnancy. And, as I told you, my brother came to fetch me from Asgard."

Darcy gave Tony a long look and he tried not to flinch – he was pretty sure pregnant women could smell fear. Or was that dogs? It didn't matter.

"I see." Her voice was a bit chillier than usual, but she wasn't yelling. Why wasn't she yelling? There was something seriously wrong with the whole subdued atmosphere. Tony had never met two people quite as…animated…as these two. And now _this_? What was going on here?

Loki turned back to his girl, "You were telling me about what I have missed in my absence?"

Darcy perked up and smiled, "Oh yeah! So Cuddy left. And then he went to jail for a couple months. Well, it was only one episode, but they implied it was a few months. It was so cracky. I think you would have liked it."

Unless Tony was mistaken, they were talking about House. Loki watched _House_? The guy comes back after he knocked her up and abandoned her, and she makes him breakfast and fills him in on the shows he missed? There was some serious Twilight Zone shit going on here.

Tony kept watching as they had a completely normal conversation. Which was so far outside the realm of what should be normal for these two. Finally, Tony couldn't take it anymore. He'd always known curiosity would be his eventual downfall.

"Ok, what the hell is going on here?"

The conversation ceased and two sets of eyes turned to stare at him. He continued, "You guys are just…_ok_ now? That's it? Forgive and forget? Because I'm pretty sure I remember you screaming that you were going to kill him. More than once. With very emphatic hand gestures."

Darcy answered him evenly, "Well, I _did_ hit him in the head with a baseball bat. But then we had sex. I can't stay mad at him when we have sex. He's a _god_. As in, everything he does is _god-like_. Everything. I'm only human – the will was weak and the body was willing. Plus, he apologized."

Tony realized he was gaping, but he couldn't help it. "You hit him with a _baseball bat_?"

Darcy shrugged, "Yeah. An aluminum one, anyway. But it didn't really hurt him. Dude's got the structural integrity of a Volvo. Seriously. I mean, I was gonna taze him in the balls - but he would've expected that. Gotta keep him on his toes."

Tony shot his gaze to the man in question, expecting him to look somewhere between annoyed and homicidal. Instead, he found Loki staring at Darcy like he wanted to rip all of her clothes off. Quickly. With his teeth.

Turning his head to look at Darcy, he found her staring back at Loki like she wanted him to rip all of her clothes off. Quickly. With his teeth.

Tony took a moment to process the situation.

He found his voice, "You know what? You guys are perfect for each other. This is just...weird. Really fucking weird."

They both ignored him, apparently being too busy mentally undressing each other. Seriously, who got turned on by being threatened with a taser to the balls? They were freaks – that was the only answer.

Loki's voice was pitched low, "You are unbelievably sexy right now."

As a man of experience, Tony knew when sex was about to happen on a kitchen table. Especially when it was _his_ kitchen table. He debated staying to watch – knowing these two, they probably wouldn't mind. And if anyone could actually teach _him_ a thing or two about sex, it would probably be Loki. The man certainly seemed like a kinky motherfucker. Still…

Tony quietly got up from the table and started walking quickly from the room. Neither person sitting at the table even noticed.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, he heard the sound of dishes breaking and Darcy letting out a high-pitched shriek.

How depressing was this? The two crazies in the kitchen were having what sounded like highly acrobatic pregnancy sex, but he couldn't even get to first base with Pepper.

He made his way to his workshop to reboot JARVIS – Loki must have turned him off somehow. To be honest, it was probably a good idea. He had a feeling that if anyone could traumatize an AI unit, it would be those two.

The only silver lining was that Tony supposed he could kick Darcy out now that Loki was back. He liked her – hell, he _loved_ her like the little sister he never had and never really wanted. But – unless they _really_ needed his help - they had to go.

Tony Stark was the only one allowed to christen his own kitchen.

* * *

><p>It had taken Darcy over an hour and a pretty bad case of rug burn on her knees to convince Loki to let her break the news to Jane as gently as possible. They had decided to invite Thor and Jane over to Tony's where they could all sit down and calmly discuss the situation. Pepper and Steve would also be there. Pepper, because she went where Tony went, and Steve because…well, he deserved a heads up.<p>

Loki was to wait until Darcy had a chance to explain before showing up and causing trouble. She knew he would just linger in the corner, invisible, waiting for the right moment – but it was the best she could do.

When the guests arrived, Thor had given Darcy a gentle hug and smiled at her so widely that Darcy had wanted to laugh in sheer relief – at least one member of Loki's fucked up family would approve of her. Jane kept staring back and forth between Darcy and Steve with a weird little smile on her face. Pepper kept a beady-eyed glare at the oblivious Captain and Tony just kept bouncing on his toes like a giddy kid at Christmas. This was going to be interesting.

Darcy ushered everyone into the living room where they all sat around while Pepper passed out glasses of wine.

"None for you, Darcy?" Jane's voice sounded curious, but it had a strange edge.

"No, none for me. Actually, that's a perfect segue. There's something I need to tell you guys. It's kind of a big deal. But it's not bad news, I promise."

Silence descended. And lingered.

Steve broke it. "Uh…are you going to tell us?"

Pepper just glared at him until he finally noticed and jumped a bit in his seat. Poor Steve.

Darcy took a deep breath. It was just like pulling off a band-aid - the quicker she did it, the less painful it would be.

"I'm pregnant."

Jane's eyes grew so wide, Darcy was genuinely afraid that they would pop out of her head. Thor just smiled dopily.

Tony's voice rang out. "Why, Steve Rogers! You _stud_!"

Steve's mouth dropped open. "But…but…it isn't _mine_!"

Tony answered with a sly grin, "Well, whose else could it be? We all know you two were hot and heavy for a while. For _shame_."

Darcy turned to Tony with a glare, but jerked her head back around when she heard a loud _smack_.

Pepper was pulling her hand back to her chest with a grimace, and Steve was holding his face looking bewildered.

Shaking his head frantically, Steve yelled out, "It isn't mine! I swear. I have no idea how her bra even got in my room!"

Darcy wanted to help the guy out, but she was distracted by the warm fuzzies Pepper had just induced. The woman had _slapped_ a man for her! That was so sweet!

Tony's loud guffaws shook Darcy out of her trance.

Chagrined, Darcy blurted, "No! It's not Steve's!"

Pepper turned to stare at her, "What?"

"The baby isn't Steve's. It's actually…" she paused but couldn't say Loki's name, and instead found herself finishing lamely, "not Steve's."

So close. But it might be better to get everyone to calm down a bit before dropping the baby-daddy drama into their laps. Especially since Jane was just staring at her mutely.

Pepper sounded confused, "Oh. But Tony said…"

The man himself just kept laughing. Pepper brought her hand up to her mouth and turned wide, apologetic eyes to Steve.

"I'm so sorry! I thought you…well, you know. I can't believe I hit you!"

Steve tried to give her a smile, "Eh, it's ok. You were just defending a lady's honor. No harm, no foul." Damn, he really was a boy scout. Darcy wanted to laugh. Hell, if you apologized for _shooting_ him, he'd probably forgive you because you were just asserting your Second Amendment rights.

Jane's quiet voice startled Darcy out of her musing, "Are you alright?"

Darcy turned to her, "Yeah. Well, _now_. The morning sickness phase was a real bitch and there were some temperature control issues. But that's all over, so I'm just fine."

Jane stood up, but didn't make a move to get closer to her, "No. I meant…are you _okay_? You could have told me."

Darcy sighed, "No, I really couldn't. It's a bit more complicated than you're thinking. And you might want to sit back down."

Jane looked startled, but allowed Thor to tug her back down beside him. He put his arm around her and gave Darcy a nod.

Darcy took a deep breath, "I want to preface this by saying that I love him. A lot. Like, a _whole_ lot. And he's been really great about everything. Well, he only found out yesterday, but he's been super helpful and oddly supportive about the whole thing."

Darcy paused to take another deep breath. This was hard. She heard Pepper whisper to Tony, "_Who is it_?"

Tony whispered back, "_Wait for it…._"

Darcy continued, "The father is-."

"Me."

Darcy felt a familiar body press up against her back and an arm wrapped slowly around her waist. Impatient bastard.

There was a tense silence. Darcy willed Jane to be okay with this. She really, _really_ wanted Jane to be okay with this. She needed it.

Pepper exclaimed "Loki!"

Suddenly, Steve was on his feet and crossing over to them. Darcy felt Loki's hand tighten on her stomach. Steve just stopped in front of them with a big smile that only seemed a little forced.

"Congratulations!" He stuck his hand out, waiting.

Darcy and Loki just stared at it. Then Darcy turned to whisper in Loki's ear, "He wants you to shake it."

Loki raised a startled eyebrow, but reached forward and gripped the Captain's hand nonetheless.

Loki's voice was confused, "Am I supposed to say thank you?"

Steve smiled more genuinely and pumped his hand up and down a few times before letting go. Then he grabbed Darcy's hand and placed an old-fashioned kiss on her knuckles.

Darcy's voice was just as confused as Loki's, "Uhh Steve…you're ok with this?"

"Sure!"

Darcy and Loki shared another look. Darcy turned back to face Steve. "Really? _Why_?"

He smiled guilelessly, "I like babies. I used to watch my neighbor's kids, if you two ever need someone for your little guy. Or girl. Do you know yet?"

Somehow the fact that Captain America was a former babysitter surprised no one.

Darcy had to ask, "You know this is _Loki_, right?"

"Yeah…"

Darcy nodded. "Just checking."

Loki wouldn't let it go, "Did you happen to forget that time I almost killed you? Or that _other_ time I almost killed you?"

Steve shrugged with a smile. "Yeah. But I also remember one of those alien things having a sword at my throat and thinking – oh man, I'm gonna die. And then whoosh, you're there and I'm not dead. I never really thanked you for that. So thank you. And I figure a few failed attempts to kill me doesn't compare to the one successful time actually _saving_ me. So I'm willing to let bygones be bygones… if you are?"

This was the first Darcy had heard about Loki saving Steve. It must have been when Thor got hurt. She wasn't as surprised as she probably should be. Loki did what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. And it was highly unlikely there had been any selfless motivations behind the rescue. Still, both Loki and Darcy knew better than to look a gift horse like this in the mouth. Allies were a necessity at this point.

Loki's voice was careful, "That sounds quite admirable. And you are…welcome."

Steve just smiled and went to sit back down. Pepper was whispering furiously to Tony, but she only seemed upset with _him_. It suddenly occurred to Darcy that Jane still hadn't said anything.

Darcy turned to look at her friend. Jane was even paler than usual and her hands were clenched in tight fists.

Darcy's voice was hesitant, "Jane?"

Jane still didn't say anything. She was staring at Darcy's stomach with an intensity that was borderline scary.

Darcy tried to sound calm, but her voice cracked as she asked, "Jane, are you mad at me?"

Suddenly, Jane was up on her feet and crushing Darcy in a hug. After a moment of shock, Darcy wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders and let out a deep breath.

Jane pulled back, "No, of course I'm not mad. At least not at _you_." She turned to glare at Loki, but her gaze softened as she looked back at Darcy. "But you should have told me. I can't even imagine what you've been going through. I would've helped you any way that I could. You know that."

Darcy tried not to cry. She had been so scared about how Jane would take this – especially considering how much she disliked Loki. While Jane didn't seem _happy_, she also didn't seem too mad. It looked like the worst-case scenario wouldn't actually come to pass. That was certainly a first for both Loki and Darcy.

Jane's voice was hard as she turned to face the God of Mischief. "But _you_. I'm pretty sure this is all a fever dream, but just in case it's real – how _could_ you? You magicked her or seduced her or something! And you got her pregnant! You damn well better step up and take responsibility. And if you even _think_ about hurting her…god or not, I will end you. Painfully."

Loki gave Jane the most genuine smile he'd ever given her. "You know, Miss Foster, I do believe I could actually come to like you. Well, probably not. But there is an actual _possibility_ now. And you need not worry about Darcy. I will destroy any that mean to harm the mother of my child – myself included."

Jane gave him a begrudging look of approval, "Well, alright. But, how did this _happen_? Not the logistics, because I really don't want to know about that. But – was this some sort of byproduct of a night of bad-judgment?"

Darcy felt mildly insulted, "Hey now! That's not fair. It was more like slightly-flawed-judgment. And also more like a few months."

Jane looked taken aback, "_Months_? How did you…but you barely spoke to each other!"

Loki smirked. "Speaking was not a necessity. Libidinous screaming on the other hand…"

Darcy smacked his chest, but he just gave her a wink. Darcy felt her stern face slipping – she couldn't help it if she loved his pervy side.

Jane sounded faint. "This is just disturbing. Are you _flirting_? It's almost like you guys are…I mean, are you two…dating?"

Before she could get an answer to her question, Jane was hoisted up from behind and spun around into the stupidly big arms of the God of Thunder. Said god laughed loudly at her squeal of surprise, "Jane! This is a happy day! I am to be an uncle!"

As everyone laughed at Thor's ridiculous display, Darcy shot Loki a relieved smile. That went infinitely better than they had even hoped. Now if only telling S.H.I.E.L.D. would go this smoothly.

* * *

><p>Darcy valiantly tried not to freak out as she stood in front of every member of the Avengers and almost all of the top S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives. Tony had done the favor of calling a meeting, saying it was a national emergency. And when <em>Tony Stark<em> says there's an emergency, people come running.

She cleared her throat, "Mr. Stark may have misled you all a little bit. Actually, there's something _I_ need to tell everyone. And I will start by saying that treaties and truces are more than just pieces of paper. We need to honor them. So, if someone signed one and then did something potentially…well, _troublesome_ – we should still honor the intent."

There, that was a nice opening. She wanted to remind them that Loki promised – in writing – that he wouldn't try to take over the world again. While he wasn't exactly saving kittens from trees or helping old ladies cross the street, he also wasn't actively causing destruction and chaos. Well, _large-scale_ destruction and chaos. He _was_ the God of Mischief after all.

Coulson addressed her with confusion. "_You_ called us here?" The look on his face made it very clear that Darcy didn't rank high enough to have such a big fuss just for her. Part of her wanted to stick her tongue out at him and yell 'There's a demigod inside me, bitch!', but the rest of her was too busy trying not to panic. This kind of stress couldn't be good for the baby.

Swallowing, she answered, "Yes. There's something you need to know. And I only wanted to do this once, so I needed you all to be here. I'll tell you what I'm going to tell you, and then you can ask a few questions. But then we're gonna move on and put it all behind us. No little rooms without any windows or scary interrogation tactics. Ok?"

Fury's voice was deep and menacing. "What did you do?"

Darcy opened her mouth to speak but her throat was suddenly dry and she couldn't form the words. She reached down to the table in front of her and grabbed her mug of rooibos tea - which apparently wasn't a tea at all and so it had no caffeine right from the start but it still tasted good and…she needed to focus. The spoon was still in the mug and she held it back with her forefinger as she brought it up to her mouth for a sip. Distracted and nervous, her shaking hand jerked at the last second and the spoon slipped from her finger's grasp, sliding around the rim of the cup just at the perfect moment to poke her in the eye. Shocked and in pain, Darcy jumped, spilling the entire contents of the mug down her shirt. There was a moment of stillness before the burn set in. She heard someone talking to her, but all Darcy could focus on were the dual sensations of pain.

Ow Ow Ow **Hot** _Fuck_ _Ow_ Blind Ow Ow **Hot** _Fuck_ Ow Eye Ow.

Darcy was relatively certain that she was now blind in one eye and suffering from second-degree burns on her girls. The first time she wears her contacts in over a _week_ and she freaking gouges herself. Why did shit like this keep happening to her? No, seriously – _why_?

Dammit, she couldn't go blind in one eye because then she'd have to wear an eyepatch. And Loki had _really_ bad luck with people in eyepatches – she would be jinxing everything! And her boobs were freaking _scalded_! Did they even make burn cream you can put on your nipples? Oh no! What if she'd damaged them somehow and now she wouldn't be able to breastfeed? They said that was much healthier for the baby. Crapballs, in one moment she'd ruined both her relationship with Loki and the health of her unborn baby! Stupid fucking spoon!

Someone was asking her if she was alright, but Darcy couldn't care less about whoever this idiot was. She was _not_ alright, dumbass.

Without thought, she screamed, "Loki!"

Through her good eye, she saw a blur of green and white appear in front of her. She absently noted that the formerly lively room had become eerily silent. She ignored it and told the indistinct, Loki-smelling mass in front of her, "Tea. Boobs. Spoon. Eye. _Hurts_. Help!"

She felt her hand being pulled away from her face and then a familiar touch across her brow. There was warmth and a slight tingle – and then the pain in her eye was gone. Darcy blinked and focused on the face in front of her. Loki looked like he was trying hard not to laugh.

Boobs still hurting, she just whispered to him, "Don't. Say. A. Word."

A chuckle broke though, but he reined in his amusement. Then his eyes skimmed her chest and his expression sobered a bit. He reached his hand up underneath her shirt, sliding across her skin, until his hand rested directly between her singed breasticles. Sweet, blessed coolness danced along her skin, effectively easing her severely offended nerve endings.

Her voice conveyed her gratitude, "Thanks, babe."

Loki didn't retract his hand from her chest. His smile was a bit too patronizing. "You are welcome, my love. But I simply cannot understand how you end up in such predicaments. I turned my eyes from you for less than one minute and you maim yourself. Twice. You truly have a gift. How did you accomplish such a feat?"

There was no way Darcy was going to tell him that she nearly hospitalized herself with a teaspoon, but Tony answered for her. "Don't worry. I've got it all on video."

Darcy spun her head around to look at him and he pointed to his raised phone with a nod and a satisfied grin.

Darcy turned back to Loki, "Remember when I said that I didn't want you to kill people anymore?"

Loki nodded with an amused smile.

She added, "I changed my mind. He can go."

Loki didn't respond, but the hand that was still on her chest slid a few inches to the left. His thumb started doing highly inappropriate things to a very sensitive place. Her body tensed, but she refused to let on about how much this affected her. He couldn't just think it was appropriate to grope her in public. They were in a room full of people, for fuck's sake! Speaking of…

Darcy turned to look back out at their little audience. Each facial expression varied from confused to pissed. Fury's face was definitely the latter. Not good. And Natasha had a gun pointed at Loki's head. That seemed a bit drastic. Everyone was staring at Loki – well, everyone except Clint. No, Clint was staring at _her_. But not at her face. What was he…?

Oh.

Darcy hadn't realized that her shirt had gotten caught on Loki's wrist and been pulled up when he heal-groped her. And since he was _still_ groping her - the perve - her only-noticeable-if-you're-looking-for-it baby bump was on display. Wow, that man really earned the name Hawkeye.

Dammit, this was _not_ how this little meeting was supposed to go. Being blinded, scalded and felt up kinda made you lose the upper hand. She had wanted to ease them into it. If she was honest with herself, this way was more her style – startling and absurd.

She pasted on an uneasy smile and unsuccessfully tried to push Loki's hand off her boob, "So, like I was saying. I have some news. It's a two-parter. Part one: Loki's back."

Tony snorted in amusement.

Fury answered, sounding less-than-amused. "No shit. Should I guess part two, or is the hand up your shirt a pretty clear giveaway?"

Darcy didn't want to handle this. She turned to Loki and gave him her best sad-puppy face. He just sighed.

Lowering his hand from her boob to her stomach, Loki gave everyone a pleased grin. "As you can see, I have returned from Asgard. The reason for my premature return is…"

He seemed to pause for dramatic effect. Darcy watched as Fury rapidly pulled a flask from somewhere in his coat, poured something into his coffee and took a large swig – obviously bracing himself.

"Darcy is carrying my child. Congratulate us."

Darcy had never seen an actual spit-take before, but it was pretty hilarious. Fury would be pissed, but she hoped Tony got that on his camera phone. She felt a little less embarrassed about the tea incident now – drinking hot beverages was apparently more hazardous than you'd think.

Coulson asked, "Pregnant?" He sounded like someone had just told him the moon really _was_ made out of cheese. Mmm…and now Darcy was hungry again.

Loki just kept smiling, "The proper response is 'congratulations' or some variation of such."

Natasha's voice sounded vaguely disgusted. "You _slept_ with him?"

Confused, because obviously this wasn't some sort of immaculate conception, Darcy asked, "You mean did I sleep with him _today_? Or _ever_? Well, it doesn't really matter. The answer is yes. Clearly."

Tony sounded genuinely impressed. "You've had sex already today? It's only 8:15 in the morning!"

Darcy answered "Well, there _was_ a bit of a time crunch. But I was really stressed out. And showers are good for multi-tasking."

"Stop talking!" Everyone turned to stare at Fury. He didn't sound too happy. "You're pregnant. With _his_ child." Fury pointed to the god who still had a hand on her tummy.

Fury hadn't really asked a question, but Darcy nodded.

"Well, I think we need to have a little chat. But first, you're heading down to the infirmary. _Now_. I need to know what the hell it is we're dealing with."

Loki had been unusually quiet throughout this exchange, but she figured that was about to change. She was right.

His voice was too calm. "Nicholas, there is something else you should be aware of."

Suddenly Loki was directly in front of Fury and he was giving off a strange pulsing aura. It was freaky but kinda awesome.

He continued in a voice that sent chills up Darcy's spine. "If you even so much as _think_ about touching either my lover or my child, I will make you beg for death. But I will not grant your pleas. You will be amazed at just how much pain the human body can endure before completely giving out. And this goes for your men as well. If any of them upset my family, I will be holding _you_ personally responsible. I am seeing to Darcy's welfare myself – both she and my child are in good health. Let us keep _you_ that way as well. What do you say?"

Fury put on a brave face, but Darcy could tell that Loki had scared him shitless. Fury had learned the hard way that the God of Mischief didn't make idle threats.

Steve had been quiet throughout this whole exchange – although, thinking back, it might have been _him_ who had asked if she was alright before. He spoke up, surprising everyone. "It's a baby, not a matter of national security. Let's just do what Darcy said – ask a few questions and then move on."

Darcy mentally added Steve Rogers to the list of people she would ask Loki not to enslave if he went evil again.

Coulson asked, "_Is_ it a baby? I mean, is it humanoid? It's not a wolf or a snake or something?"

Darcy added Coulson to the definitively-being-enslaved-by-Loki list. He'd look pretty in Leia's gold bikini.

Loki's voice was practically a hiss (not a good sign – the quieter Loki got, the more menacing he became), "This is not an animal. Or a monster. This is my _child_. If I find you forgetting that again, I will remove your ability to ever father a child of your own. And I will do so slowly and with a dull blade."

Every man in the room crossed his legs. Darcy grabbed the hand that was once again resting on her stomach and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

She needed to calm everyone down before Loki ending up doing something that would make things even harder for them. "Look people, I'm pregnant. It's Loki's. And yes, it's a baby – although there's a bit of a question mark when it comes to pigmentation. But no one here should care about that." She nodded her head to the sometimes-green Bruce Banner, who was the only one completely unruffled by the whole encounter – turning into a rage demon must give you a pretty unique perspective on what qualifies as wiggy. "And I'm all fine now. The baby is fine. And really, this is just a courtesy on our part – a gesture of good faith. It's none of your business. I just didn't want to have to hide it anymore. I'm not ashamed. I love Loki, and yeah – okay, this wasn't planned. But just deal with it. Now does anyone have any questions that aren't going to insult either of us?"

Silence. Well, this was awkward. And kinda rude.

"How far along are you?" Bruce Banner's voice was quiet, but it carried.

Darcy answered, "About three months or so, as far as we can tell. And it should be a normal amount of time until I pop like that dude in Alien. Did you know elephants can carry their children for up to two years? I love Loki, but that's horrifying. You have no idea how glad I am that I'm not an elephant. Or a whale."

Tony added glibly, "See how I didn't make a fat joke? I think I'm growing as a person."

Darcy turned to Loki, "Seriously, babe. Accidents happen. No one will even miss him."

Loki gave her a smile, but she could tell he was nearing the end of his patience. Her promise of sexual favors aside, she knew he had only done the big reveal to make her happy – he couldn't care less who was left in the dark.

Loki's tolerance in mind, Darcy figured they'd said enough – everyone knew she was pregnant and was sufficiently freaked out by it – their work here was done.

She turned back to Fury. "I think we're good here. My phone is on if you need me."

Before any of the others could process what she meant, Darcy and Loki disappeared.

Tony's voice broke the silence left in their wake, "Does anyone know the maximum time limit when you're uploading something on youtube? I might have to edit out the boring parts, but most of this was gold."


	20. Chapter 20

Moving is infinitely easier when you have a magical boyfriend. She couldn't really lug heavy boxes around anymore, so it would have meant either, A) having Tony pay someone to do it, B) playing the damsel card so Steve would do it, or C) ordering enough pizza to feed a small country so Thor would do it. Luckily, all she had to do was flash him and Loki magicked her stuff back where it belonged. He was both handy _and_ handsy.

Even though it was weird, she felt relieved to be back in her tiny apartment. She and Loki had fallen into a sort of routine before he left for Asgard, and Darcy found herself desperate to get back to that level of contentment. And since everyone knew now, the guilty prickles at her conscience were all gone. It was like having her cake and eating it too.

Mmm…cake.

Anyway, Loki was back, everyone knew they were together, and the world hadn't ended. All in all, her life was pretty good.

The sound of the door buzzer made Darcy jump a bit. She hurried over and pressed the button for the intercom, "S'up?"

"Hey, it's Jane. Can I come up?"

This was unexpected. And Jane never did anything unexpected. Darcy pressed the button to unlock the front door and waited impatiently for Jane to trudge up to her floor.

Darcy threw the door open as soon as she heard the first knock to find Jane standing there with her fist still raised and a flustered smile on her face. Smiling was good.

"Darcy! Loki just popped over to our place, so I figured you'd be alone today. I brought goodies!" Jane held up a plastic bag.

Stepping back to let her in, Darcy replied, "Goodies? Please say they are of the edible variety."

"Of course!" Jane walked in and handed the bag over to the unreasonably exited Darcy.

"Häagen-Dazs! YES!"

Jane laughed, "Figured I couldn't go wrong there. Are you free today?"

"For the lady who brought _ice cream_? Are you kidding?"

"It's just-" Jane cut herself off and Darcy turned her eyes away from the pints of gloriousness in her hand.

Suddenly serious, Darcy asked, "Hey. What's wrong?"

Jane smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes, "Darcy, we're friends, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

Jane continued, "Then promise you won't get mad at me?"

Darcy felt herself tensing, "I can't make any promises. When people say that, it usually means you're gonna get mad. But I can try."

Jane nodded, "Ok, I just need to ask. Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

Darcy had been expecting this conversation. She knew Jane meant well, but it still pissed her off. She tried to stay calm – she needed to show Jane she was serious and certain.

"Yeah, I am. With Loki and with the baby. I know you don't like him, but I _love_ him. And even though I'm terrified about being a mother, I'm not in it alone. Loki really is on board with the whole baby thing. It's kinda weird. Or not, I guess. If you think about it, our kid will be our actual family. Blood and stuff. That's a bit of a novelty for both of us."

Jane's smile was bittersweet, "And you really love him?"

Genuinely confused, Darcy asked, "Why does everyone find this so unbelievable? Of course I love him!"

"I told you not to get mad. It's just really unexpected. You have to admit that you and Loki together is pretty weird."

Darcy raised her brow, "Weirder then you and Thor?"

Jane seemed surprised, "Well, that's different."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Well, Thor's not a…he's a….," Jane was too flustered to find the right words.

"Good guy." Darcy finished for her. "And Loki's the bad guy, right? He's evil. And I'm the stupid girl who got herself knocked up with his kid."

Jane looked contrite, "No! Darcy, that wasn't what I was thinking at all. You're not stupid and Loki isn't evil. He's just…complicated. Really complicated. I just wanted to make sure you know what you've gotten yourself into. And we haven't spent time together in so long. I thought it was my fault for getting so caught up with Thor and neglecting you. But, thinking back on it – you were the one with the excuses for not wanting to hang out. I should've caught on sooner. You were having an affair with my boyfriend's brother and I didn't even notice! I'm a terrible friend, Darcy. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you've had anyone to talk to about all this. I understand why you didn't think you could come to me, but I would've helped you. Promise me that you'll come to me in the future anytime you need someone."

Darcy blamed the pregnancy hormones for the tears that were starting to leak out. She was so pathetic. She threw her arms around Jane.

"I'm sorry, too! I should've told you. It was just so intense and scary and perfect. It was like a dream in the beginning. At first, I just thought Loki and I were gonna be some sort of weird friends. But then there was a whole lot of naked time, and…yeah. Before I knew it, I was in too deep and not really caring. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I was just so scared that you wouldn't understand or you'd hate me. Or worse, you'd tell people and it would all be over. But I promise, I was going to tell you! Loki and I were going to tell _everyone_ as soon as he got back from Asgard. But then the bump happened and, well, plans got expedited a bit."

Jane pulled back, "Hey, calm down. It's ok. We're both sorry. And a bit on the pathetic side right now. It's just that you're my best friend and I want to make sure you're ok. I love you."

Darcy couldn't stop the tears after that little speech. "Oh, Jane. I love you too! But not in the sexy way."

Jane let out a little laugh, "Well, I'm sure that's a relief to Loki. Your boyfriend. That's still going to take a while to wrap my head around."

Wiping her nose on her sleeve like the classy dame she was, Darcy answered, "Tell me about it. Even I can't believe Loki and I are an actual couple. It seems so ordinary."

"Trust me, there's nothing ordinary about it."

Darcy gave her a little shove, "Hey, none of that sass talk. Now are you gonna help me eat this ice cream or just watch as the pregnant lady shovels calories down her throat?"

"Well…I was hoping to have some myself. But it might be hazardous to my health to try and get any of that away from you. Did you know you're actually stroking the carton?"

Darcy blinked and looked down at her hands. Would you look at that. Looking back up at Jane, she smirked, "Well, what can I say? I like stroking cold, yummy things."

Jane knew there was an innuendo in there, but she didn't want to find it.

Darcy continued, "And you know what happens now?"

Jane suddenly looked a bit scared, "Um, no."

"Girl talk!"

Darcy grabbed two spoons from the drawer and pulled Jane over to the couch.

Darcy smiled slyly, "So…what's Thor like in bed?"

Jane's eyes bugged out a bit. "Darcy!"

"What? C'mon, we're dating _brothers_. That's crazy! It's practically girl-law that we dish on the dudes. Now tell me something scandalous."

Jane shook her head emphatically, "No. I'm not talking about my sex life with you no matter how many times you ask. Just because you're with Loki now doesn't change that."

Darcy sighed, "Fine, I can see you're new at the whole girl-talk thing. So, I'll go first. Let's see…oh! Well, have you ever noticed how nice Loki's hands are? He's got the sexiest hands ever. Nimble fingers, too. Strong but flexible – well, ok that's a good way to describe his whole body. But, he's got _big_ hands, and you know what they-"

"Darcy! We're not talking about this! I don't want to hear about Loki's hands or his…whatever you were going to talk about."

Darcy cracked a mischievous grin, "You mean his _penis_?"

Jane's face was hilarious, "Darcy! Stop it!"

"Oh, Jane. If you're not old enough to say it, you shouldn't be touching it. C'mon, we're all adults here. I know you get groiny with your own Asgardian god. I'm the only other person you can talk to about this who'll actually understand!"

Jane was blushing. It was kind of adorable. "I can't."

Darcy shrugged, "Fine. I'll talk and you can listen. I'm sure eventually you'll hit that point where you feel compelled to share."

Jane just shoved a huge bite of ice cream in her mouth.

Darcy continued, "So, as I was going to say, Loki is pretty spectacularly proportioned. I mean, he's a tall guy – but still. And he's got quite the oral fixation. Seriously, people should be building a shrine to his tongue. God of Mischief, Lies and My Ladyparts."

Jane's face was so red, it looked like she might spontaneously combust. "Darcy, stop. Please. This is way too awkward."

Darcy had to laugh, "Oh, man. You think _this_ is awkward. Try sleeping with someone who thinks it's funny to shape shift mid-boink."

Jane's jaw dropped open, "He did _what_?"

"Oh, not while he was actually inside me or anything. But we'd be playing tonsil hockey and I'd pull back to be looking at completely random people. It freaked me out. He would just laugh his ass off. Luckily, I got him to stop that."

Jane looked like she didn't really want to know but had to ask anyway, "How?"

"Oh, well it was all a game to him. And he only stops playing when it's not fun anymore. I just called him out on something and he stopped."

"What did you say to him?"

"Just that he never turned into Thor. And how I certainly wouldn't mind if he decided to go beefy and blond one night."

Jane looked uncomfortable, "Um."

"Oh, no! I don't want Thor. I mean, he's pretty and everything. But Loki's ruined me for everyone else. I was just trying to piss him off. He got all angry and smoldery and '_Darcy, you are mine_' and stuff. He gets jealous over the weirdest things. But the make-up sex was hot. Like thermonuclear hot. Especially because he was proving a point. Anyway, he's usually just himself these days. Or a few selves."

Jane looked equal parts disturbed and curious, "_Selves_?"

"Oh, yeah. He says I have 'privacy issues'. Pfft. And even if I did, I would totally deserve to have them. He was a creepy invisible stalker for a little while. Not to mention all those bugs!"

"Bugs?"

Darcy caught herself before she revealed anything that would totally piss her friend off to know, like the fact that there were planted devices in her home and little men that listened to her and her boyfriend doing the dirty. "Never mind. Where was I?"

"You were telling me things I don't really want to know about Loki and you and selves. Plural."

"Oh, yeah. Well, in order to get me over my nonexistent privacy issues, sometimes he makes doubles and has them watch. Not often, but every once in a while. It used to freak me out, but now it's kinda sexy. I mean, it's nice to be able to see his face no matter our position. And we do a _lot_ of positions. You wouldn't think it to look at him, but he's pretty damn flexible. We're working our way through the Kama Sutra. I mean, we have to wait until the bump is born to do some of the more gymnast-level positions, but you know. Although I keep telling him that once the baby is born, sexytime shenanigans will probably happen less often. Did you know that newborns shouldn't go longer than four hours without breastfeeding? Four hours! Talk about needy."

Jane was still trying to process, "It's good that you're learning about the baby stuff. And…I'm sorry. I'm still stuck on the idea of more than one Loki. I've seen his doubles, but that just seems…wrong. Not that I'm judging!"

Darcy chuckled, "You? _Judge_? Never. Because that would be awful hypocritical of you after I was so supportive of your impossible love with the man who fell from the sky."

Jane bit her lip, "Right. Well, I just like sex to be sex. Me and Thor and that's it."

Darcy looked delighted, "Yes! I got you to talk about sex! You actually said the word, too! See, that wasn't so bad."

Jane gave her a begrudging smile, "Very funny. And I'm really glad he never turned into Thor while you two were…you know."

Darcy smiled, "Yeah, me too. Now he's just Loki. Or occasionally me."

Jane blinked. Her voice sounded odd, "What?"

"What, what?"

"Occasionally _you_?"

Darcy caught on, "Oh! Yeah. Sometimes he's me. And sometimes there's 'me' doubles that do naughty things to the 'him' doubles. It's pretty cool."

Jane seemed dumbfounded, "Doubles are one thing - and I don't really want to think about them anymore - but, he's _you_? As in, he turns into you and then you guys…get intimate?"

"Well, just once. I was having one of those days where I felt hideous and ended up ranting a bit. I think he was trying to cheer me up actually. It was his weird little way of showing me how 'sexy' I am by literally showing me how sexy I am. Kinda sweet."

Jane still seemed shocked, "You had sex with _yourself_?"

"Well, not technically. I mean, I don't have the right equipment for that to actually work. But I do have a tongue. And he's skilled with many tongues – like a UN interpreter. I mean, it was kinda weird and vaguely narcissistic. I wonder if it would count as masturbation? I mean, it was technically _him_ but it was still sorta me. Eh, whatever. It was fun. And I don't really get turned on by tatas, but it was Loki under there, so…yup. I'd go lesbo for Loki – but only for Loki. I guess that's how you know it's really love, right?"

Jane shook her head, "Love is patient. Love is kind. I don't remember the line about love being open to lesbian sex if your boyfriend becomes a woman."

"I think it was in the first draft, but some prude edited it out."

Jane looked like she was either going to laugh or run screaming, "Darcy, that's way too much information. I'm never going to be able to look Loki in the eye ever again!"

Darcy gave her a patronizing look, "Jane, Jane, Jane. Sex should be fun. It's fun to mess around the gender roles a little bit. Loki's _very_ secure in his masculinity, so it's all good. I think you and Thor could do with a little more kink in your lives. Although Thor does seem to have 'I'm the big, strong man' syndrome. Don't tell me he's a missionary every time kind of guy. That's so boring! Does he ever let you be on top?"

Jane's face was leaning more towards the 'run screaming' option now, "Darcy! I'm not talking about this."

Darcy nodded sagely, "Of course you're not. If my sex life was boring, I wouldn't want to talk about it either."

"It's not boring! It's amazing! Thor is amazing! You can't even-" She caught herself as she watched Darcy's grin grow wider.

Chuckling, Darcy said, "No, keep going! It was just getting to the good part!"

Jane groaned, "You goaded me into that. I can't believe I let you. Loki is such a bad influence on you – that was mean."

"Hey, you know I'm teasing. I just wanted to make sure Thor treats you right. You deserve a guy who makes you feel…the way Loki makes me feel, I guess. Now keep telling me about how good Thor is in bed. He seems like a grunter to me."

Jane dropped her face into her hands, "Darcy…there's something wrong with you."

"It's called being pregnant. All I want to do is eat and touch Loki, possibly at the same time. I've got the ice cream here, but no Loki. So I have to make do with you. Talk, woman! Or else I can start talking again. I haven't even mentioned the anti-gravity sex."

Jane sighed and gave her a calculating look. She seemed to come to some sort of internal decision. She scooped up a big bite of the melting ice cream and said, "Well mention it then."

Damn, Jane was learning how to play Darcy's game. Ah well. Darcy certainly didn't mind sharing. "Well, he's a sorcerer alien sex-god. So the laws of gravity are pretty optional as far as he's concerned. It's actually a bit more awkward than you'd think. It's hard to get a good rhythm going since you have to keep fighting against your own momentum. Still pretty fun though. Especially when-"

Loki appeared in the middle of the living room. Jane blushed beet red and Darcy started snickering. Loki stared at Jane for a few seconds before turning to Darcy.

"Hello, my love. Having a good time?"

Still laughing she replied, "Not bad. Just some girl-talk."

"I see. Would you like me to return later?"

Jane stood up quickly, "No! You should stay. I'm gonna go home."

Darcy stood up with her, "No, Jane. Please stay. Loki won't bite."

He chimed in, "Not unless you ask me to, of course."

Jane made an odd choking noise, "No, really. I think it's better for my sanity if I go home now and try to forget everything I've heard tonight."

Loki looked delighted, "Darcy! What have you been telling her?"

Darcy walked over to him and slid her arms around his neck, "Just some of the highlights."

He smiled warmly, "Hmm…you were merely telling her? You should have shown her one of the videos we have made together. You know how I believe everything is better with a visual."

Darcy leaned up to kiss him, but a throat clearing caught her attention.

Jane stood near the door looking uncomfortable. "I'm going now. But I'll call you later, Darcy. We should do this again sometime. Well, not this _exactly_ because I think I may be traumatized. But it was really good to see you." She shifted her gaze and sent a forced smile at the God of Mischief. "It was good seeing you too, Loki."

"Always a pleasure, Miss Foster."

Darcy added, "Bye, Jane. Remember what I said about letting him be the bottom for once. Girl power."

Jane just shook her head and left without another word.

Loki smirked down at Darcy, "What _were_ you telling her?"

Darcy laughed, "Just some of our kinkier encounters. I think she might be jealous. She must have already realized that I've got the hotter, smarter brother. But now she knows you're also better in bed."

Loki's smirk grew, "Favorable comparisons to my brother will get you nowhere."

Darcy's face turned a bit more serious, "Did you have a good time with Thor?"

Loki pressed a kiss to her hairline and hummed, "I suppose. Though _good_ might be stretching the truth a bit. The ease with which Thor used to interact with me is still missing. But I believe we may get it back. One day. Are you and Jane also well?"

"I think so. She brought ice cream!"

Loki rolled his eyes, "You do so love your frozen Midgardian treats."

Her smile turned cheeky, "I like things that are cold and sweet."

He didn't look flattered, "I certainly hope you did not just infer that I am _sweet_. Candy is sweet. Little girls in pink dresses are sweet. Kittens are sweet. _I_ am not sweet."

Darcy just placed a kiss on his jawline, giving it a little nip at the end. "I beg to differ, babe. You are _very_ sweet. Now give us some sugar."

She tugged his head down and kissed him until he stopped complaining.

He was so totally sweet.


	21. Chapter 21

Her body felt weird. Not painful - Loki saw to that – but _weird_. Alien. She could feel her insides expanding to accommodate the new guest, and her bladder had become smaller than that poor lady in the Detrol commercial (gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now). Except less funny, because it was _her_.

It might have felt more natural if it actually hurt. But since Loki had done his tingly-warm numbing spell of wonder, it felt like when the dentist novocaines your gums and you rub your tongue along it. You can tell that something is there, but you can't _feel_ it. Not really. Though when she tried to explain to Jane that Loki novocained her uterus, Jane had just assumed that was a good thing. And it _was_. Prior to Loki's return, Darcy had been in more discomfort than she had been letting on about – Tony was stressed enough and she was already seeing the best doctor money could buy. But now – now that she could actually _see_ the bump – well, she kinda wished she could feel it too. Especially because she was nearing the kicking stage. Or well, she _thought_ she was. And the idea that something could be moving inside you without your consent was both cool and horrifying.

Although, Darcy had a hunch that she wouldn't have been alive right now if Loki hadn't magicked her belly. She knew he did more than just numb her. Before he bespelled her, she had been getting colder and colder, her internal temp dropping too low. And puking her guts out hadn't been fun either. Morning sickness her ass – that had been morning/noon/night sickness. Granted, now that she was in the second trimester it would have probably passed anyway. Although, with her little-Loki, who knew? This wasn't like any pregnancy Dr. Spock had ever written about. She knew it wasn't, because she read that book. She read _all_ the damn books she could get her hands on - 'What to Expect When You're Expecting,' 'The Pregnancy Bible,' 'The Mother of All Pregnancy Books,' and 'The Pregnancy Countdown.' She tried to get Loki to read 'The Expectant Father' but he hocus-pocused it into 'Grimm Brothers' Fairy Tales' and said that would be more appropriate reference material for their offspring. Very funny, asshole.

But Loki could do what he wanted, because _she_ was going into this prepared. Hell, she even bought a dvd for prenatal yoga! Not that she did it or anything, but she spent money on it. That had to count for something. But Darcy realized there were still a few minor things she hadn't done yet. Or, well, super-major-fucking-important things. One: tell her parents she was preggo. Two: Introduce Loki to her hopefully-not-homicidal parents. Three: Build up the courage to ask Loki about the birthing process – because she had a feeling it wasn't going to be like the end of 'Nine Months' where Robin Williams runs around doing slapstick and there's some heaving and grunting and out pops a baby. Hell, it probably wasn't going to be like they'd described it in the books either - which may or may not be a good thing since some of the stuff she'd read was _weird_. Although, when she'd been doing her research on home birthing (it would presumably be safer all around if they weren't somewhere public when the child of the man who tried to enslave the Earth was born) she'd read about something called orgasmic birthing – now _that_ sounded like something she could get behind. She had bookmarked those pages for later research even though some of them made childbirth sound too pornographic-naughty-kinky even for her. And that was saying something.

Speaking of pornographic, Darcy was currently standing in front of the mirror on the closet door in nothing but her panties trying to become one with the baby bump. She had finally "popped" – and what a stupid-ass expression _that_ was. It was a cutesy way of saying that instead of looking like she'd hit the Chinese buffet one too many times, she was more obviously in the family way. Whatever. Try as she might, she couldn't even focus on the bump. Her goddamn fucking huge Pam Anderson tits were too distracting. She'd always been mammarily blessed, but now it was just getting ridiculous. Of course _Loki_ liked it, but her back was stiff enough. She did not need the extra weight on the front side of her body – she would tip right over one day and then her stupid sexy boyfriend would laugh at her (after making sure she didn't harm the progeny of course).

So she was _ready_ for the pregnancy. She was almost (maybe, hopefully, probably not) ready for the birth. What she categorically was _not_ ready for was the after part.

She would be someone's _mom_.

She was one of the least mature people she knew, and she was going to be responsible for a completely helpless, highly breakable, possibly blue, little person. There weren't enough 'Hang in there, baby' posters in the entire world to make her accept that one sitting down. And Loki was going to be her wingman. _Loki_. Now don't get her wrong, she loved him. There was a very finite list of things she wouldn't do for him. If she had to get knocked up by someone, she was glad it had been him and not, say, Steve – even though the Cap would seem like the safer bet to anyone but her. But Loki was…Loki. He was amazing and complicated and could do whatever he wanted. _Have_ whatever he wanted. And for some inexplicable reason, he wanted her.

But Loki as a _daddy_? That was a mindfuck of epic proportions.

Although the image of him decked out in full Asgardian regalia with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest would probably make her life complete. Especially if he wore the helmet. She wondered if their kid would get a cool helmet too. Thor and Odin also had one, so it was a family thing. Her baby's weird animal-themed helmet better be cool looking. Loki's was so fucking badass. (And the horny puns were an eternal source of entertainment for her.)

But still – he would be a dad. And she would be a mom. Mum. Mother. Madre. Mamma. Mommy. Fuck, that's really terrifying. She had enough trouble keeping her cactus alive. A baby?

Panic. Pure, unadulterated panic. Pregnancy was one thing – one scary, life-changing thing. But motherhood?

She walked on autopilot to the bed and sat down with a hitching little sob. She had to calm down. If Loki came home to her having a full-on meltdown, that wouldn't be so good. Naked and pathetic, with snot dripping down her face wasn't the look she wanted that man to ever see from her. Well, see from her _again_. Though she had to give him credit, he rolled with her emotional roller-coastering better than you'd think.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Wasn't. Fucking. Working.

They would make the most dysfunctional family since…well, ok – since Loki's family. That wasn't comforting though. The words of a poem she'd read in high school drifted across her mind. She only remembered it because it was full of cursing, and that was infinitely cool to a seventeen year-old (or current twenty-three year-old, whatever). Right now though – it was devastatingly poignant.

'They fuck you up, your mum and dad/They may not mean to, but they do./They fill you with the faults they had/And add some extra, just for you.'

Darcy rubbed the bump with a sigh. She really hoped there wasn't any truth in that. Because if so...

Damn, was their kid screwed.

* * *

><p>Loki watched from the shadows as Darcy broke down in sobs on the bed. He was doing his level best to keep her body well, but her emotional state was beyond his control. He knew that hormone fluctuation and the general upheaval her life had undergone were partially to blame. But he also knew that she found the prospect of motherhood daunting. He wished he could go to her – wrap his arms around his new family and tell her everything would be alright. But he had promised not to lie to her.<p>

What kind of father would he make? Just look at the role models he'd had – Odin stole him and lied to him for his entire life. And Laufey was a true monster, for reasons that had nothing to do with his race.

Loki supposed he should find comfort in the fact that he could do no worse than his own paternal influences. But still, the God of Mischief could offer no comfort today.

There was a conversation long overdue. Two conversations, actually. Father and son truly needed to talk – words both brutal and honest. But Odin would have to wait until Loki had convinced Darcy to travel with him to Asgard. Perhaps they would accompany Thor when he brought Jane. Not only would that take some of the attention off of the spectacle he and his pregnant lover were sure to make – it would also take some of the attention off of Thor. And any excuse to steal his brother's thunder…well, it appealed.

And speaking of Thor, that was the other conversation that needed to occur. There were a few things that needed to be said between the brothers. And one particular thing that needed to be shown.

But first, a drink.

With one last look at the girl on the bed, Loki sent himself to Tony's.

As soon as he arrived, Loki knew that Tony wasn't home. Rationally, he knew that he should not be annoyed at Tony's absence – the visit was unexpected. But he was. Tony's amusingly unwarranted narcissism and glib tongue would have been welcome distractions from the task ahead of him.

Ah well. It would be a shame to let good scotch go to waste. It was just sitting in that bottle, intoxicating no one. He was doing everyone a favor by helping himself to a glass. Or the rest of the bottle.

Loki eased himself into Tony's chair and propped his feet up on the desk. Closing his eyes, he mulled over the trajectory his life had taken of late. It seemed that he was constantly abandoning his plans on the very cusp of completion – world domination, making amends with his father, and so on. Was he becoming fickle or was fate simply determined to thwart him at every turn? For some reason, the latter was a more comforting option.

Time passed, but Loki gave it no notice.

Pouring himself another glass, he justified the excessive alcohol consumption as mere fortitude. Or what Darcy would call 'liquid courage.' He would meet with his brother today and show him his true face. It needed to be done. Thor only knew of his Jötunn heritage in words and ideas – he needed to look Loki in the eye and decide just what they were to one another. As much as Thor had grown lately, centuries of being conditioned to believe that Frost Giants were lesser beings in every way – vermin to be exterminated – may prove to be too much to overcome. Loki himself still loathed his Jötunn blood. Only Darcy…

He left her crying. He hoped that was not an omen of things to come.

Focusing, Loki reasoned that Thor would be with Jane Foster at the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. That presented a problem. If this encounter was going to go badly, Loki was not sure he wanted witnesses. Still, the likelihood that someone would panic at the sight of his true face had the potential to be quite humorous.

One last bracing shot and Loki sent himself to his brother.

He took a moment before corporealizing completely to assess his surroundings. He was in the middle of some sort of S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting. He had the feeling it had been in progress for just a bit longer than the attention span of the audience could last. This certainly explained where Tony had gone – the poor man was wearing his dark glasses in an attempt to hide the fact that he was taking a light nap. Loki figured that he would be doing the man another favor today by livening things up.

Standing on top of the table around which the group had converged, Loki made himself visible and enjoyed the scream (actual _scream_) that escaped Jane's lips.

He kept his voice neutral, "Am I interrupting anything?"

Tony let out an odd wheezing snore as he jolted awake due to Jane's epic lung capacity. "_Whuuu? _ Huh? What's going on?" Tony looked around and noticed the new arrival. "Oh. Hey Loki."

Fury's voice wasn't pleased, "Yes. You _are_ interrupting. So unless you have anything of use to contribute, you should take yourself elsewhere."

Loki's voice was droll, "You know, Nick? I'm starting to get the impression that you do not like me very much. How odd."

"Brother!" Loki turned to look at Thor. "I am glad that you are making such an effort to be part of this team. Come, sit by me."

Loki smiled at the innocent expression on Thor's face. Would he still look at him like that once he had seen what lurked beneath the surface? Only one way to find out.

"Sorry, brother. I did not come here to join your little band of heroes. There is something I must show you."

Thor's face became serious. "What is it, brother? Is something the matter? Is Darcy unwell?"

"Calm yourself. There is no new tragedy. I simply decided that it was time to show you my true face."

Loki could sense the crowd around him growing tense, but ignored them. He was here for Thor and nothing more.

Thor looked confused and Loki found a strange comfort in the familiarity of that expression on his brother's face. "I am afraid I do not understand what you mean."

Loki's smile was sharp, "You know that I am Jötunn."

Enlightenment poured over Thor's features. "Loki, you have nothing to prove to me. I do not need to see whatever you are trying to show me. If _you_ need me to see, I will. But do not cause yourself pain to ease a wound that is not there. You are my brother, Loki. Flesh and blood can be destroyed, but not the bond I have with you. You know this. You feel it too. If you did not, I would be dead and gone by now."

Loki kept his face expressionless and did not allow himself to feel the impact of Thor's declaration. They were just words. And while words had power, they also had the ability to exist without foundation. As the God of Lies, Loki knew the frailty of words better than anyone.

Loki tried to distract himself from what he was about to do by speculating about the volume of the scream that would leave Jane's lips after this little occurrence. Focusing, Loki let the illusion that had become an intrinsic part of him slip away to reveal the cold and the cobalt.

Jane did not scream. No one screamed. No one _breathed_.

Thor took an instinctive step back, but his face was unreadable.

Voice barely above a whisper, Loki demanded, "Call me brother now."

There was a pause and its length felt interminable to Loki. He needed Thor to say something. Anything.

Thor's voice was a bit shaky, "Well, you are still my little brother. Literally. Even as a Frost Giant, you are smaller than me."

_What_?

Loki's eyebrow rose so high it nearly merged with his hairline, "_That_ is your reaction? You say that I am _small_?"

Thor's attempt at a smile failed miserably, "Well, you are also blue. But Jane has taught me that one does not just point out the flaws of others." Thor seemed to immediately regret his word choice and hastily blurted, "Not that I think you are flawed! I am not saying that your skin is akin to a birth defect. I promise I am not."

Birth defect? That actually stung a bit. But Thor was trying. That simple fact was enough for Loki to forgive anything tactless that was sure to fall from his lips.

Loki was considering his next words - he'd not yet decided whether he would aim to goad or to thank. But he was interrupted as the door opened and a familiar figure wandered into the room.

* * *

><p>It had taken Darcy almost an hour to stop her sadgirl tears of fear and failure. Needing company, she cleaned herself up and headed to S.H.I.E.L.D. – Jane would be there. Or Tony. Or Pepper. Or Steve. Or fucking <em>anybody<em>. Cause who knew where Loki was? Not her, that's who.

The trip over was nice. She loved that she no longer had to deal with the trials and tribulations of public transportation. When Tony Stark offers to have a car service pick you up whenever your boyfriend can't poof you someplace, you say yes.

Walking into the nondescript building, flashing her ID at people who obviously knew who the hell she was, wandering aimlessly – no Jane. She asked a random soldier boy and he pointed her in the direction of the briefing room. Hmm…she hoped nothing bad was happening. She knew everyone would keep her out of the loop because of the bump – as if a little bit of bad news would make her spontaneously go into premature labor. Like she was that easily ruffled. Pfft!

She nodded to the guards at the door and they let her in reluctantly.

As she walked in, she felt like someone had hit the pause button. No one was talking or moving or…anything that connoted they were living people. And Loki was…blue. Loki was blue! Why was Loki blue? Why didn't he tell her he was going blue? She loved when he went blue!

Darcy felt herself get inappropriately aroused. And she couldn't even blame it on the pregnancy hormones this time. Damn.

She needed to cool off. Sweet tea. She wanted sweet tea. She wasn't sure if it was a pregnancy craving or just a Darcy craving, but she wanted it. Right fucking now.

She knew Loki would get it for her since he had been the one to laugh at her caffeine avoidance (demigods play by different rules apparently - but she still wasn't risking regular coffee just in case). So it would be all good except Loki was blue and everyone was staring at him in muted horror. Well, except Thor who was trying not to look horrified and was coming off as constipated. It was pretty funny.

She hated to break up the awkward-fest, but she had a craving. Turning to Loki, she said, "Sweet tea."

He raised a brow, "Is that some form of endearment?"

"Oh! No. I want sweet tea. Tea that is sweet. And not, you know, McDonald's 99¢ per gallon bunk. I want _authentic_ shit. I want it to taste like flannel and banjos. I want it to have been made by someone born and raised below the Mason-Dixon line. We clear?"

Loki still looked confused, "Not particularly."

Darcy sighed, "I have a craving for sweet tea. It's a southern drink thing. It's just tea and obscene amounts of sugar and possibly the tears of an old man in a rocking chair on a porch. I want that. Go get it for me."

Now it was Loki's turn to sigh, "How much do you desire?"

Darcy's smile was blinding, "A lot. A gallon maybe?"

"Fine. But sit down while I am gone."

Darcy was so pleased that he was getting her drink that she ignored his mothering. In fact, she was so pleased that she also ignored the audience and threw her arms around him for a quick kiss. Well, maybe there was a _little_ tongue…but she was only human. And the cold thing was so wickedly fun. He pulled back, shook his head and disappeared. Her arms fell back to her sides with no yummy Loki-shoulders to hold them up. Shame. But sweet tea!

Humming to herself, Darcy plopped down in the nearest unoccupied chair. It was then that she became aware of the silence around her. Everyone was now staring at _her_ with the muted horror expressions.

"Umm…is there something on my face?"

Jane finally spoke, "You kissed him!"

Darcy blinked, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Yeah. You've seen me kiss him before. What's with the look?"

Jane practically shouted, "But he was blue!"

Yes. He had been blue. She still didn't see what the big deal was. Loki _was_ a Frost Giant.

"Yeah, so?"

Jane just kept staring at her like she'd grown another head. Darcy surreptitiously checked both of her shoulders just in case - no extra head. So what was the problem?

Thor answered for the seemingly speechless Jane, "You displayed affection toward my brother while he was in his Jötunn form. That is…unexpected."

Oh! Darcy tried to look at it from their point of view. This might have been the first time any of them had seen blue-Loki. She remembered being a bit thrown by it herself. Aroused but thrown. Well, more aroused than thrown. Especially after she touched him and…mmm.

Focusing, she answered, "Ooohhhh. I see. Well, yeah he was blue. He gets that way sometimes. But I like it. His tongue gets all sorts of cold and naughty and sexy. Trust me, the blue thing is fucking awesome. Which could be how I got into this little bit of mischief in the first place." Darcy gestured to the bump.

Tony addressed her, "You fucked Papa Smurf?"

Well, that was rude. Although…Loki _was_ pretty comparable in the pigment department. Huh.

Thor cut in, "What Tony meant to say was that he is surprised that you have been intimate with Loki in his other form."

Tony gave Thor a look, "Yeah, but my way was funnier."

Jane sounded a bit unsteady, "You mean you…when he's like _that_?"

Darcy felt her lips turning up into a smirk. She guessed she'd forgotten to cover Jötunn sex during their little girl-talk. "Sure. It's mindbogglingly good. Like 'oohhh baby, spank me harder' good." Darcy was thoroughly enjoying the looks of fascinated revulsion on everyone's faces, so she simply had to continue. "You ever have a blue raspberry popsicle? An epically _big_ popsicle. Now picture taking said popsicle and sticking it-."

Loki returned. Still blue, but holding a pitcher of tea. Like, an actual pitcher. Weird.

He placed the pitcher on the table in front of Darcy and conjured a glass with a wave of his hand. "Here you are, my love. An elderly mortal woman gave it to me. Well, she screamed and ran - but I believe that was an invitation. And I assure you, I was in the southern section of this country."

Darcy poured a huge glass, but paused with it on its way to her lips. "She ran from you? _Oh_. You know you're still blue, right?"

He smirked before looking down at his hand as if shocked, "Well that explains it."

Darcy snorted, "Colorist. Wait, that sounds like a hair dresser. Speciesist – no wait, xenophobe? Fuck it, we'll just say she was racist." Darcy took a huge chug and actually made the post-drink throat clearing 'ahh' noise of happiness and refreshment. "Oh this is good. Thank you, babe!"

"You are welcome."

Loki looked around at the room of people all staring at them like they were freaks – well, like he was a freak and Darcy was a freak by extension. Why? Because she saw his true self and did not cringe, did not run or scream? Even his brother had backed away. His brother – who knew what Jötunn looked like and should have expected such. No, Thor should have expected _worse_.

Darcy had never run from him. She had only truly feared him once, but he had given her reason to do so. And people wondered why he loved her. Also, with Darcy here, his mood had lightened considerably. Everyone was bothered by his appearance, but there was humor to be found in their discomfort. Let them be bothered.

He once again turned to his brother, "So, Thor. I believe we were discussing whether or not you could still accept me as a brother despite my birth defect."

He noticed Darcy's eyes widen.

Thor seemed a bit thrown. Loki wondered what had transpired in the minute he was gone.

"Loki, I must admit that your current form is somewhat disconcerting. You know as well as I that we were raised on the stories of the evil of Frost Giants. But, you are my brother. Though I will not follow that up with a reassuring handclasp until I am certain my skin will not freeze and wither at your touch."

Well, that was about as good as Loki could have expected from Thor. Tactless and mildly insulting – but accepting. Loki couldn't prevent a pleasant warmth from easing through his veins. He let the blue fade and watched as Thor relaxed at the more familiar face in front of him.

"Thor, I am not exactly a novice in the magical arts. You can touch me in whatever form I am in without ill effects. Though I have been told that my skin is a bit frostier in my Jötunn form."

Tony snorted, "We know, you kinky motherfucker."

Loki gave Tony a questioning look before turning his gaze to the pregnant woman currently staring at her glass with a deliberateness that bespoke of her reluctance to meet his eyes.

Loki was amused and his voice reflected such, "Were you talking about our sex life again? If so, you know how I feel about words without visuals in situations such as these. I am thoroughly in favor of a dramatic reenactment. For educational purposes, of course."

He switched back to his Jötunn form.

Darcy barely had time to blink before Loki had appeared in front of her, grabbing her arm and using a bit of magic to have her be instantaneously (but gently) lying down in the center of the table, with his own body hovering above hers. The tea spilled. He could see the startled annoyance about to burst forth from her wicked lips, so he swooped in to silence them with a lick. He felt her tense and could almost hear the internal debate she was having. But she was his Darcy, and so after a few moments she gave in and kissed him back with an abundance of passion and very little shame.

A sinfully delicious minute later, Loki raised his head to survey the occupants of the room. All were pretending to avert their gaze while surreptitiously watching the lustful display playing out in front of them. Well, all except Tony, who appeared to be recording them on his phone again.

Loki was so genuinely pleased by the way this entire encounter had played out that he could not even find it within him to be annoyed at Tony's absurdity. In fact, he was in such a generous mood that he would do that odd man another favor. He just needed to figure out what he could get for the man who thought he had everything – a functional heart perhaps? No, too obvious.

Still debating, Loki addressed the gawkers, "Does this paint a clearer picture in your minds? Good." He turned his head to face Thor. "Farewell, brother. I thank you for your broad-mindedness."

Without waiting for a response, Loki and a dazed Darcy disappeared.

Tony shook his head at the empty table, "How does he do that? He was fetching her tea like a whipped bitch. Anyone else would've been completely emasculated. But Loki? Like a _boss_."

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Loki and Darcy sprawled on the couch watching a mildly amusing procedural. During a commercial break, Darcy sat up and said, "I think I should call Pepper. Maybe invite her to lunch tomorrow or something. I've got to expand my group of female friends. Right now I have Jane and…well, I guess Steve doesn't <em>really<em> count – but he does a mean cross-stitch and offered to babysit, so…yeah. But Pepper would be a good edition. She seems really mature, you know? And she obviously knows how to deal with infants, even if they are slightly bigger and richer than the average. It couldn't hurt to have someone like that around when I go all post-natal."

She went to reach for the phone, but Loki stopped her, "No point. She is indisposed at the moment."

Darcy blinked, "Pepper always answers her phone. An asteroid could be hurtling toward Earth and there's only 5 seconds before it all blows up, and she'd _still_ answer her phone."

"She does not have her phone with her at the moment."

Darcy looked suspiciously at Loki's innocent face. "How do you know?"

"I simply know that she is a bit occupied at present."

"Occupied?"

A small smile starting quirking the corners of Loki's lips, "With Tony."

Darcy wanted to squeal at Loki's broad hint that those two had finally gotten their acts together, but the look on Loki's face made her pause. He looked entirely too self-satisfied. She felt her jaw clench, "What did you do, Loki?"

His smirk came out in full force, "Merely followed your suggestion. I had been looking for a way to do something helpful for the man, and you were most useful in giving me the perfect idea."

Darcy looked confused, "Me? What did _I_ do?"

"When this show began, you said that the sexual tension was truly reaching a peak between the male writer and the female detective. While you were enjoying the banter, you felt that someone should lock those two in a closet and let them work it out. Then you compared the two characters to Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. I also see the parallels quite clearly – she is level-headed but grudgingly fond of the man. And he is immature yet compassionate. Therefore, I assumed the same suggestion would apply to their real-life counterparts. I could not lock fictional characters into a closet without expending a rather tedious amount of effort. But Tony and Pepper – infinitely easier."

Darcy was staring at Loki in shock, "You locked Tony and Pepper in a _closet_?"

Loki just nodded benignly, "Yes, I did. That is why both of them will be unavailable to reach by phone."

"Loki! You can't just lock people in a closet!"

He smirked condescendingly, "Apparently I can. But do not worry, I will not let them kill each other. And I will release them as soon as the pointless tension between them has been resolved. Preferably with orgasms. I doubt it will take very long considering the buildup. Food and facilities should not become an issue. In fact…"

Darcy watched in disbelief as Loki created a double, sent it somewhere, and then smirked widely.

"Ah. Do not fret, my love. They are well on their way to dealing with their issues."

Darcy tried to get mad at Loki. He couldn't just keep doing things like this. Well, he _could_, but he shouldn't.

But…

Tony and Pepper had been circling each other for what probably amounted to years. And it was becoming more annoying than amusing to watch the snarking and flirting that passed for dialogue between those two. While the closet seemed a bit drastic – it could turn out for the best. Hell, Tony might even thank Loki – the man certainly wasn't doing a very good job wooing Pepper on his own.

The commercial break ended. Darcy sighed and leaned her head back down on Loki's shoulder.

She quietly asked, "Is your double still watching them?"

"Of course. I need to ensure that this particular plan does not go awry."

Darcy hid her smile in his collar, but she knew he could feel it anyway. "Perve. What closet did you use?"

Loki ran his thumb up and down her neck and Darcy had to suppress a happy shudder. "The one beside Tony's study."

Darcy sat back up quickly. "You put them in the same closet that _we_ had sex in?"

Loki seemed amused by her agitation, "I had to make sure that it was a serviceable area for the desired activities. While Pepper is a bit taller than you and I am a bit taller than Tony, the height disparity should not render that one particular shelf unworkable."

Darcy went over his words in her head, "The shelf where I put my leg?"

"Indeed, now hush. I am trying to watch the program."

Darcy fell silent and eased back down onto his shoulder, mind whirling. It wasn't until the next commercial break that she opened her mouth again, "You know, babe? Depending on how this all turns out, Tony's either never gonna speak to you again or make you his best man."

Loki looked pleased, "_Best_ man? Now that is a title I can definitely accept."

* * *

><p>AN: My deepest apologies for the uncharacteristic delay in posting. Finals came...and they came hard. (Insert naughty pun). But, hooray! They are over now! So, back to our regularly scheduled programming! You guys have been so great and supportive. I'm closing in on 500 reviews - that's just ridiculous. Seriously. Thank you.


	22. Chapter 22

"Well that was pointless."

Loki smirked, "I told you it would be."

Darcy wasn't pleased, "I know you did. But I'm pregnant. Pregnant people go to doctors. That's just what we do!"

Loki was still smirking. She wanted to slap the look off his face.

He answered, "Not when you carry my child. I have created a barrier both physical and magical. Mortal instruments are not capable of picking up any proper readings."

"Yeah, well…I just wanted to see…you know what? Never mind."

Loki seemed to realize that she was more upset than angry and his face lost all traces of amusement. "This is about more than mortal routines. Darcy, talk to me. Or I will read your mind and take the information I seek."

She gave him an annoyed look, "What happened to my privacy?"

"It yields to your happiness. Tell me why you are distressed."

Darcy sighed, "It's just a mortal thing, ok? It's not important."

He approached her slowly and reached a hand toward her face, running his thumb along her lower lip. His voice was coaxing, "It is important to _you_. Therefore it is important to _me_. Tell me."

Darcy gave his thumb a soft kiss before stepping back. "I just wanted my own little uterine Rorschach test to stick in my purse and show to strangers, so that they have to pretend to see the baby-shape in the blur and coo over it accordingly. It's a ritual we mortals do. And it's a sort of bonding thing, I suppose."

Loki looked confused, "You have lost me, my love."

Patience dwindling, Darcy explained, "The sonogram, Loki. I wanted a picture of the baby. Our baby. Even though those pictures always just look like a Where's Waldo game of baby parts."

Enlightenment lit Loki's eyes, but otherwise his expression remained neutral. "I see. And this means a lot to you."

Darcy tried to act indifferent, "I just thought it would make it feel real. I still don't think it's really sunk in yet. Seeing is believing and all that. But it's ok. Really, Loki. It's not a big deal."

Loki smiled gently, "So it is the bonding aspect that you desire. Why did you not just ask me if you could meet our child?"

Darcy blinked, "Because…I didn't realize that was something I could do."

Loki looked slightly insulted, "Of course. That is simple magic. I communicate with our child daily."

"Daily! And you're just telling me about it now?"

He looked taken aback, "You said that you did not wish to know the gender. If I do this, it will be unavoidable. But if that is a concession you are willing to make, you can meet our child right now. Would you like to?"

Darcy didn't even need to think, "Um, yes. But I'm kinda scared that our definitions of 'meet' don't exactly coincide. I have a feeling this isn't going to involve a wand and jelly."

Loki looked disturbed, "A wand and…what are mortals _doing_ these days? No, this will involve neither."

Loki stepped close to her and lifted her shirt, putting his hand flat against her lower abdomen. His eyes unfocused and he smiled almost involuntarily before he concentrated on Darcy once again. "Now just stay calm."

Darcy sucked in a breath as Loki brought his free hand to her temple. For some reason, Darcy wanted to bat his hand away and run. She knew something monumental was about to happen and she wasn't sure if she was really ready for it.

Sensing her distress, Loki gave a soft kiss to her forehead and whispered, "I will make the communication one-way until you are ready. Just keep breathing."

And then Darcy felt something tickling along her consciousness. Something strange and wonderful and happy. So very happy.

Darcy let out a ragged breath. "Is that…?"

Loki didn't answer, but the presence in her mind became louder. There were no thoughts, just fleeting sense impressions. While the underlying emotions shifted every second, most were pleasant. Darcy felt overwhelmed - this was strange and slightly terrifying. That was her _child_ she was feeling.

Loki's voice sounded like it was coming from a long distance, "Now stay calm and say hello."

Darcy suddenly felt her own emotions added to the mix and forced herself to relax as her anxiety was reflected back at her. She realized that some of the overwhelming joy she had been feeling was from Loki. This was like some sort of weird three-way calling with her uterus.

The quieter presence, the one tiptoeing on the fringes of her mind, suddenly rang out with curiosity. It could tell she was there. Feeling a bit stupid, but not caring (Loki would never laugh at her for this), Darcy whispered, "Hi there. I'm your mom."

The little presence in her mind just stayed curious and happy, but Darcy couldn't help the half-laugh/half-sob that spilled from her lips. That was her _baby_.

Darcy met Loki's eyes and the corners of her lips turned upward to mirror his own. "God, Loki. She's so beautiful."

The tears were starting to pour down her face and Darcy could feel the snot stage coming on, but she still believed Loki when he said, "Of course she is. Beautiful like her mother."

Darcy laughed and the sound of it was an echo of the pure joy within. "This is real, isn't it? That's our baby. How did _we_ make something so perfect? And smart. Seriously - smartest fetus ever." Her voice lowered. "Smart like her daddy."

Loki looked a bit startled. He swallowed heavily and gazed at Darcy like she was the beginning and the end of his existence. At his look, Darcy's heartbeat began pounding in her ears.

No other words were spoken – none were needed. Loki and Darcy simply stood together, basking in the awe of creation.

* * *

><p>"I wish to take you to Asgard prior to the birth."<p>

Darcy froze, tortilla chip halfway to her parted mouth. "Say what?"

"You heard me. What will it take me to convince you to go?"

Darcy slowly lowered the chip and stared at Loki unblinking. "Asgard? You want me to go to _Asgard_?"

Loki nodded, "Indeed."

"Asgard? As in the place where your parents live? The parents that sewed your mouth shut and made you stand around like a zoo animal?"

Loki's neutral expression faltered, "My brother must learn to keep his own mouth shut." He cocked his head thoughtfully, "In fact, I still have the thread. Perhaps I could-"

"Loki!"

Loki paused in his contemplation, "Yes?"

Darcy was looking at him like he was insane, "Why the hell would you want me to go there?"

"I wish for you to meet my parents. Or more accurately, I wish for my parents to meet you."

"Really? _Why_?"

Loki answered as if it was obvious, "You are the woman I love and the mother of my child. Either would be sufficient reason to wish for such an introduction. But together, it is almost requisite."

Darcy melted a little bit at his words. Still, she was concerned.

"Is it safe? I mean, you're their son and they hurt you so badly. What would they do to _me_? I'm not good at that whole thinking before speaking thing. What if I say something rude to Odin and he does something to me that hurts the baby?"

Loki grabbed her arm and Darcy found herself sitting in his lap before she could blink. It was a testament to how accustomed Darcy had gotten to Loki's magic that she didn't react to his little poofing thing anymore. He ran his hand comfortingly along her spine. "Odin would never harm a pregnant woman in such a way. Especially not the woman carrying his grandchild. And even if he were to attempt such an action – I would destroy all of Asgard before you ever felt a hint of pain. You know I would let nothing harm you. Either of you."

Darcy felt her body relaxing at his words and his touch. He was right. Loki would never let anything bad happen to her or the baby. She pitied the fool who ever tried to hurt her. And of all the things Odin seemed to be, a fool wasn't one of them. (Douchebag on the other hand...)

Another thought occurred to Darcy.

Her voice was embarrassingly whiney, "What if they hate me? You're a prince! I'm a nobody - just some government flunky. And _mortal_. They make stories out of shit like this. But this isn't a fairy tale and I'm no Cinderella. They're gonna think I'm some tarty slut who trapped you into something. Oh man, they're gonna _hate_ me. Especially if I call your dad a shoe-in for the Asshole of the Year Award. Which he is."

Loki threw his head back and laughed, "Please do call him that. Tony has taught me how to take videos on my phone. That would be a memory to savor."

Darcy slapped his chest, "Loki, this isn't funny. What if I ruin everything?"

Loki tried to sober, but a smile kept lingering in the corners of his lips. "You could not ruin anything more than I already have. Even your most cutting words would be a balm to the wound that is my relationship with my parents." He took a long breath and let the sincerity seep into his words. "Please, my love. Come to Asgard with me."

Darcy sighed. Damn him with his 'please, my love' and smoldery eyes. Cheater.

"Fine. I'll go to Asgard and likely cause an intergalactic incident. But first you have to meet _my_ parents. If I'm going all the way to another realm, you can travel the two hours it takes to get to South Jersey."

Loki's look was calculating, "If I meet your parents, you will meet mine?"

Darcy nodded.

Loki's smile was a bit too satisfied for Darcy's comfort. "Deal. Brace yourself."

Before she could process what he meant by that, they were standing on her parents' steps. In New Jersey!

What the hell?

Darcy turned to Loki with panic on her face, "I didn't mean _now_! I can't just spring this on them – _bam_ I'm here and _bam_ I'm dating the God of Mischief and _bam_ I'm preggo! Talk about a triple whammy! I'm not even dressed to…," she trailed off as she realized that she was now wearing a pale green sundress – one that very clearly displayed the bump. Great, there goes the idea that she could ease her parents into it. Darcy looked back up at Loki and all thoughts of her own wardrobe fell to the wayside.

He looked like he raided Tony's closet. He was wearing a three piece suit that was really well-tailored – it looked black but you could see the green tint in the light. His hair was lighter and shorter. And was that…facial hair? And glasses! He was wearing glasses. What the fuck?

The only words Darcy could muster were, "Is this your idea of incognito? Because if so – _why_?"

The raising of Loki's brow was a welcome bit of familiarity. He answered, "Your parents presumably own a television, so I believe that the less I look like the man who was trying to enslave them the better it will be for us. In addition, they will make assumptions based on my apparel and therefore will not worry about your financial support. You can tell them I am mortal – obviously. I appear to be around thirty, so that will suffice. It would be best if you tell them that I work for the government so we do not have to go into the details. And I suppose you can choose the name that I will go by if you believe Loki will not be appropriate. Also-".

She interrupted, "No."

"Excuse me?"

Darcy's voice was firm, "You heard me. No. I don't want to introduce my parents to-," she waived her hands at the weird non-Loki standing in front of her, "-this. This isn't you. I love _you_ – leather and metal and megalomania. They can deal or else. Besides, you knocked me up. The fact that you once tried to conquer the world will be secondary. Trust me."

Loki was suddenly standing there in his more usual 'blending in with the mortals' outfit and his appearance was back to normal. Much better. He was also quirking a rather lopsided smile at her. He reached for her arms and pulled her toward him gently. She wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes, tilting her lips up to meet his.

"Sorry, my love. I would kiss you for that lovely bit of validation, but unfortunately your mother is watching through the window."

Darcy's eyes shot open.

"_What_? Oh shit."

Loki smiled at her gently. "Do not worry. I will be on my best behavior. These are my child's grandparents."

She calmed a bit, but still corrected, "_Our_ child."

His smile widened, "I know."

The door opened and a heavyset woman with curly brown hair and a large smile stood in front of the odd couple.

"Darcy! We had no idea you were coming!" She turned her head and shouted into the house, "Alan! Darcy is here! She brought her boyfriend!" She turned back to the duo on the porch. "You _are_ her boyfriend, right?"

Loki smiled at the woman's unusual greeting, "Yes, I am. It is lovely to meet you Mrs. Lewis."

Darcy's mom let out a little gasp, "Would you listen to that accent? Are you English? I have a certain weakness for a man with an English accent. Oh my, Darcy. Why have we not met this charming man of yours sooner? And please call me Donna."

Donna reached out to give Darcy a hug but paused with her arms spread wide. She was staring at Darcy's stomach. Her eyes darted up to Darcy's face and then over to Loki. She turned her head back into the house and practically screamed, "_Alan_!"

Loki assessed the situation and wrapped his left arm around Darcy's back, hand resting tightly along the curve of her hip. Darcy immediately reached down and linked their fingers.

Loki smiled his most charming smile, "May we come in, Donna? Darcy and I have some news we wish to share with you. Right, my love?"

Darcy bit her lip and nodded.

Donna looked back and forth between the two of them before taking a deep breath and stepping back to let them in. Loki leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Darcy's bare shoulder before ushering her in before him.

A tall, thin man with balding blond hair practically barreled them over as soon as they crossed the threshold. "Darcy! What the hell is your mother screaming about? She nearly gave me a heart attack." He shook his head and gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead before reaching a hand out toward Loki. Loki grasped it firmly for a handshake and gave Darcy's father a smile.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir."

Her father shook his head, "Alan, please. We don't stand on formality here. I see why she screamed though. Englishman, huh? She's always watching the damn BBC. I swear that's short for Bloody Boring Channel. All they do is talk. Now that CSI: Miami is a good show. You ever watch any of that?"

Loki gave the man his most interested expression, "Indeed I do. Quite fascinating. You Americans certainly know how to make an entertaining hour of television."

Darcy stared back and forth between the men before blurting, "Loki's not British! He's from Asgard. That's another realm. Or a different planet, really. He's an alien, although most people call him the God of Mischief. Oh, and he's that guy who tried to enslave the world a while back. I'm sure you heard about that."

She heard her mother gasp behind her as her father's eyes widened. Loki turned to look at Darcy with a half-smile.

"Subtlety, my love. We need to work on it."

Darcy ignored him, "I'm pregnant, too."

Loki looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I do not understand why Fury believes you to be a useless member of the organization. You have a secret skill for shock and awe. If honesty were a weapon, you would be a suicide bomber."

Alan looked dazed, "You're pregnant, kiddo?"

Somewhere behind Darcy's shoulder, her mother's voice sounded out a weak, "It really _is_ a baby?"

Darcy finally addressed Loki, "See – the alien thing is secondary."

Loki let out a little chuckle. He turned to the poor man in front of him, "Let us proceed to the living room and get more acquainted. I am sure you have many questions. I promise that I will answer as many as is possible."

Alan nodded absently, still looking a bit shell-shocked. Darcy grabbed Loki's hand and pulled him toward the living room, her parents following silently behind.

Darcy gestured for her parents to sit on the couch, while she and Loki stood in front of them with their hands linked – consciously presenting a united front. There was a long pause where everyone just stared at each other until Loki finally broke the silence.

"Donna, Alan – I understand that this is a bit unorthodox on many levels. As Darcy has opted for blunt honesty, I shall endeavor to do the same. I am indeed from a realm called Asgard – well, I was born in Jotunheim. That is a longer story though, and unimportant for the moment. All you need know is that I am Loki, Prince of Asgard. I became acquainted with your daughter several months ago through my brother, Thor. I am certain you have seen my brother on the news – he has a maddening tendency to save your world quite often. A while back, there was some family turmoil and I embarked on a path that I now regret. But I assure you that I have no further plans to enslave Midgard at this point – likely never. As for Darcy and I – all you need know is that I love your daughter and our child. I will protect and provide for them both until my dying breath. Now do you have any questions?"

Donna just stared at him, her hand fluttering near the base of her throat. Alan sat up straighter and took a deep breath before turning to look his daughter in the eye.

"Are you alright, kiddo?"

Darcy nodded cautiously.

Alan continued, "He hasn't hurt you or anything? Because god or alien or whatnot, I'll kick his ass."

Loki began laughing, but Darcy ignored him and answered, "No, Dad! He hasn't hurt me, I promise. He would _never_ hurt me."

Alan looked the God of Mischief over from head to toe, "And you love him too?"

She answered immediately, "Yes. I love the hell out of him. And I know this whole thing sounds crazy, but I'm happy. Loki makes me so happy, Dad. We didn't plan for any of this to happen, but it's kind of amazing now that it did. I mean, we're having a baby. And she's so perfect, Dad. You won't even believe it."

Alan sighed, "I suppose this shouldn't surprise me. You've never done things the usual way, kiddo. I shouldn't expect you to start now. But are you sure you're ready for a baby? Becoming a parent is the biggest thing that can happen to someone – trust me."

Darcy looked up at Loki and felt herself relax at the confident smile on his face. She answered, "We'll probably screw everything up. But we're both pretty awesome at learning from our mistakes. I think we'll be just fine."

Alan started to respond, but his wife let out a keening sob which drew everyone's attention. "I'm going to be a _grandma_!"

Donna was up on her feet with a speed that impressed even Loki, throwing her arms around her daughter and crying. "My baby is having a baby!" She pulled back to look Darcy over. "Oh, honey – you look so pretty. You've got that glow."

Then Donna pulled back and flung herself into Loki's arms. The startled look on his face made Darcy wish she'd been recording this. And the awkward way he raised his arms to pat her mom on the back? Priceless.

Donna pulled back and gave the disconcerted god a watery smile, "Loki, right? Now you better take good care of my little girl. And, oh my! Did you say you were a _prince_? My grandbaby is going to be royalty!"

Alan let out another sigh before standing and pulling his wife away from Loki. Darcy immediately stepped into the space her mom had just vacated and wrapped one arm around her man. He reciprocated a bit desperately, not bothering to hide his relief that Donna was no longer in his personal space.

Darcy asked, "You alright, Mom?"

Donna nodded but couldn't get words out over the tears. Alan answered for her, "She's fine. It's just a big day for her. Well, for all of us. We didn't plan on becoming grandparents so soon. Just give her a minute."

Loki addressed Alan, "Were there any further questions you wished to ask of us?"

"Oh yes. I think Darcy said something about a 'she' – so I take it I'm going to have a granddaughter?" He waited for Loki's nod of confirmation before continuing, "So how soon should we be expecting her?"

Darcy answered, "Well I'm a bit more than halfway there. So probably less time than you're thinking. Sorry, Dad. I just didn't know how to tell you. And things were sort of complicated in the beginning. But it's all good now."

Suddenly, Donna shouted, "I didn't even make a cake! I would have made a cake if I'd known. Or something nice for the special occasion. And I was making tuna melts for dinner! We can't eat tuna melts on a night like this! Oh, I think I have the ingredients for that pasta you like, honey. I'll go make that!"

Before anyone could stop her, Donna bounded out of the room and was banging pots and pans in the kitchen. Alan just shook his head.

"The woman is ridiculous. Just let her be." He gave his daughter a gentle smile, "And I suppose this is where I tell you congratulations, kiddo."

Darcy flung herself into her dad's arms in an odd imitation of her mother's actions from a few minutes ago. Loki felt an unexpected pang as he watched the woman he loved be embraced lovingly by the man who was her father in every way except blood. He refused to call it jealousy. But he was glad that they would be traveling to Asgard soon – he needed to have that talk with Odin.

* * *

><p>Darcy threw herself down on the couch, relieved to be home.<p>

"That went pretty well."

Loki smirked, "Now we just have to win over my own parents."

Darcy scoffed, "Piece of cake. If said cake was made out of impossibility and failure and potential death. You know, I don't like your dad. I may say something out of line. There is a strong possibility I will end up in an Asgardian jail. That would be terrifying. I've read stories about the butch Asgardian warrior-women. With these boobs, someone's gonna make me their bitch. You know you're the only girl I'll have sex with. I don't even know how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush! I'll be defenseless! Please don't let that happen."

Loki sat beside her and pulled her to his chest comfortingly, but she could feel the smirk he was hiding in her hair. "I would not let that happen. However, it would be impossible for you to be someone else's bitch."

She pulled back, "Is that supposed to be your sneaky way of saying I'm already _your_ bitch?"

"Are you not?" He raised his brow challengingly.

Darcy thought about it. Instinct and feminism made her want to deny, deny, deny. But…

"I'll accept mutual bitchitude. I own your ass already – branded like cattle. It's mine. You be sure to remember that little fact if _you_ ever end up in jail."

"Unlikely."

That was beside the point. "Say you're my bitch, Loki. C'mon, say it."

"I am not capable of being _anyone's_ bitch. However, if I were – you would be the obvious choice."

Darcy pouted, "But I own you. It says so on your ass."

Loki leaned in to whisper, "You own my heart. Nothing more. Be content with what you have."

Lies. All lies. Darcy could play this game. She reached out to grab him through his pants and Loki's whole body tensed. "You mean I _don't_ own this? Because I thought I did. It was my favorite toy – but if it's not mine…well, you'll just have to play with it by yourself." She ran her fingers up and down the stiffening length.

Loki's eyes widened before he threw back his head and let out a harsh laugh. When he met her gaze again, he was smiling. "You little cheater." The way he said that made it sound more like an endearment than a censure.

Darcy giggled, "Well…I was going to reward you for eating my mother's horrendous cooking. But I only give blow jobs to my bitches. So, I'm sorry. You'll just have to do it yourself." Darcy paused to think about that. Loki was probably the only man in the world who actually _could_ give himself a blow job. It was kinda sad that she found that idea more sexy than disturbing. Loki had corrupted her.

He was still smiling despite her words and her naughty fingers, "Empty threat. You enjoy my body too much to withhold yourself from the pleasure you derive from it."

Cocky bastard. She squeezed her hand a bit and amended - _very_ cocky bastard. But damn, he was right.

She was going to snark back at him, but there was something about the little playful smile on his lips that made Darcy lose control over her vocal chords for a second.

"Thanks for meeting my parents, Loki. I love you so much."

Loki blinked. Then his lips were on hers and her back was against a mattress. Not the reaction she was expecting, but welcome nonetheless.

He pulled back and whispered against her lips, "Cheater."

He kissed her once again, thoroughly. As clothes started disappearing, she heard his voice in her head. "I am as much yours as you are mine."

_Yup_, Darcy thought with a smile as Loki's own fingers started doing naughty things. He was totally her bitch.

* * *

><p>Later that night, Loki explained to Thor and Jane that he and Darcy would be joining them on their trip to Asgard. His news was met with far more approval than he had been anticipating. It seemed Jane was quite nervous to meet the prospective in-laws – understandably so, Loki had to admit – and the idea that Darcy would be there as well eased Jane's nerves. Loki acknowledged that out of the two mortal women, his own lover would be the one to cause any sort of incident. Darcy had a remarkable tendency to speak without thinking of the consequences. Her love for him could drive her to say truly dangerous things to Odin.<p>

How wonderful.

Jane would be sweet and demure, winning his parents over with her sensible nature and pretty eyes. But Darcy would blindside them. The idea of bowing and scraping were foreign to her. She would use sarcasm on the Allfather himself.

Damn, he loved her.

His mother would likely love her as well. Frigga understood that a powerful man needed a wife strong enough to stand up to him – and Darcy never backed down from a fight. Not that Darcy was his wife. Well, not _yet_. Anticipation began to build within him.

For the first time in what felt like ages, Loki was excited to go home.


	23. Chapter 23

There was a reason why Darcy wanted to tell Fury about the trip to Asgard by herself. It took quite a bit of convincing on her part, but Loki eventually agreed to let her handle Fury solo. She only hoped Fury would like her little present – he was pretty much the hardest person in the world to shop for.

"Make this fast, Lewis. People much more important than you are waiting."

Well that was rude. Still, she wanted to make nice with the dude – she was getting tired of dealing with his glowering.

She gave him her cheeriest smile, "Will do, Nick. I just wanted to tell you something and then I have a present for you."

He didn't smile back, "Why do I have the feeling that I'm not going to like whatever you have to tell me? If you're cushioning it with a gift, this simply can't be good. What did you do this time?"

Darcy decided to go with the band-aid approach, "Loki and I are going to Asgard. Now here!"

Darcy thrust her hand out and waited for him to grab his prezzie. He just kept looking at her.

"Asgard. You're going to Asgard. Together. Should I just get everyone ready now? The likelihood that the two of you will cause a war is pretty damn high. I'd forbid you to go, but your boyfriend doesn't do well with following orders."

Darcy smiled wider, "Well, maybe not _your_ orders. But mine definitely get followed – especially when they have to do with taking his clothes off. Or my clothes off. Or anything baby related. But, here – take your gift."

Fury tentatively took the object from Darcy. He twisted his wrist around to get a better look, then gave it an experimental squeeze.

Darcy couldn't contain her excitement and blurted, "It's a stress ball. I found this website that lets you make your own. See, I put a picture of Loki on it. Now you can take out all your frustrations on his sexy face! Best gift ever, right?"

She'd thought long and hard about this, so she hoped he liked it.

Fury was still staring at the ball in his hand, watching the way Loki's face became distorted as he squeezed. Slowly, Fury's mouth turned up into a startling grin. It was the first time Darcy had ever seen such an expression on the man and she instantly hoped it was the last. Talk about terrifying. He kept squeezing and his smile just kept growing wider and more scary.

Darcy's voice was a bit unsure, "It seems you like it. That's good I guess. Gotta keep that pimp hand strong, right?"

He didn't answer, just squeezed harder and faster. She internally giggled at the idea of squeezing Loki hard and fast, and then cringed at the fact that it was Fury doing the squeezing. Eww. Also, he was starting to freak her out with the intense concentration and the creepy facial expressions.

She backed away slowly, leaving the man to his weird self. Just when she thought she was home free, Fury's voice sounded out behind her.

"You're being debriefed when you get back. And if you start a war, I'll be very unhappy."

Like the man was ever happy to begin with? Whatever.

"Ok, dude. No problemo. I'll bring you back a postcard if I can!"

She hurried away before he could call her back. That wasn't so bad. Now she just had to find Loki.

* * *

><p>"But you've got other kids, right?" Everyone in the room pretended they weren't listening to Tony's question.<p>

"Pardon?"

"I thought I read somewhere that you fucked a horse." Everyone gave up the pretense and turned to stare at the God of Mischief. "Or that you were fucked by a horse. Or you were both horses? I'm not too clear on the details. Is it bestiality if you turn yourself into a horse before you fuck a horse? That's one of those things you never think you'll have to worry about. Well, except that time in Tijuana. I'm pretty sure that was a donkey though. Still looked painful."

Loki just stared at him, looking thoughtful, "I once gifted a horse to my father that I had created. Sleipnir. But there was no...physical contact with its sire. Equines are beautiful animals, but they do not really stir my libido."

Tony looked a little put out, "So you're _not_ a horse fucker?"

"I think I would remember such an encounter. The closest I have ever been to such is when Darcy favors a position called 'cowgirl style'."

Tony perked up, "She's a woman who prefers to be on top, huh? I can picture that. Very clearly."

A wry voice rang out from behind Tony's shoulder, "Well, you try to do missionary with this gut. I look like I've shoplifted a turkey."

Tony froze, looking nervous. Pregnant women were scary. A pregnant Darcy Lewis was even scarier. A pregnant Darcy Lewis carrying the God of Mischief's baby - fucking terrifying.

Loki just smiled serenely, "You are exaggerating. And beautiful."

She snorted, "You damn well better believe I'm beautiful. You did this to me, you potent ass."

Tony, curiosity overcoming self-preservation, turned to Darcy, "So, you never fucked a horse either? Like, he didn't turn into one? Or is 'cowgirl style' a kinky bestiality metaphor?"

She blinked, then laughed, "Nope. The only horseplay that goes on in the bedroom is the metaphorical kind. And the only resemblance Loki's ever had to a horse is that he's hung like one."

She leaned down to give the man in question an incongruously innocent kiss on the temple. She whispered in his ear, "We're good to go. I'll be in Jane's office when you're done here."

Then she strolled from the room, leaving an uncomfortable group of Avengers and a smirking God of Mischief behind her.

Loki asked, "Any more questions, Tony?"

Tony looked vaguely disgusted, "No. Thanks."

Loki stood up with a grin, "Good, though I feel it only fair – since you seem so concerned about my sex life – to congratulate you on finally succeeding in your quest to get the delightful Miss Potts out of those lacy panties she favors. Well done. And you do not need to thank me for my help with the endeavor. I knew that the closet would be the prime location for such an encounter. It makes an excellent spot for an impromptu rendezvous. Quite roomy. Strong shelving, soft carpets. Perfect, really."

Now everyone was staring at Tony. He squirmed, keeping his focus on Loki. "JARVIS said the door was malfunctioning. I should have known it was you. I'm not thanking you – we were stuck in there for over two hours! And why does it sound like you're speaking from experience with the closet thing? Please tell me you were making casual observations and not that you ever did anything…kinky…in my closet."

Loki feigned innocence, "You would not expect me to lock you in a closet that I was unsure would be appropriate for a romantic encounter, would you? I had to test it first." He appraised Tony. "You appear uncomfortable by such knowledge. Darcy did as well, but she soon saw the logic. And she agreed with me about the shelving – perfect height for her leg to rest on." He ignored the uneasy look on Tony's face and continued, "Now that you and Pepper have finally consummated the love that has been so obvious to everyone, will you be procreating as well? If you hurry, our children could have…I believe they are called _playdates_. You are not getting any younger."

Silence was the only response.

Satisfied, Loki addressed the group at large, "Well I really must bid you all farewell now. Darcy and I shall be leaving shortly. Try not to destroy the realm while I am gone. And just in case any of you were curious, Darcy and I have also had sex on this very table. Recently." Loki lightly patted the table they were all sitting around. Everyone seemed to recoil a bit from the offensive piece of furniture.

Steve's voice was soft, "I'll go find the Lysol."

The God of Mischief just smiled benignly and followed after his woman.

* * *

><p>There had been a rather heated debate over what would be appropriate attire to meet her baby-daddy's parents. Loki won, even though he had to cheat to do so. He had magicked her into a long green dress with a rather inappropriate neckline, which made her look like she'd dressed up as a Greek goddess for a Halloween party. Granted, she would have definitely won Best Costume – but still. She wasn't sure where his head was at with this one. Sif had been dressed like Xena, all form-fitting chainmail stuff. She had looked badass. Darcy looked…pretty. Kinda slutty too, with the boob situation and the preggo belly. When she kept bugging him about it, he'd said his mother would appreciate her clothing choice. Cheater. She wanted his mom to like her and he knew it.<p>

And don't think she missed the implications of wearing _his_ color of choice. That was a bit obvious, especially for Loki. Still, she supposed the dress was the nicest thing she'd ever worn. She could suck it up and deal.

He was unusually quiet during the hour before they were to meet Jane and Thor at the Bifrost site (Loki had nixed the idea that Darcy would actually travel by Bifrost in her condition, but they still wanted to leave and arrive together for solidarity). When they finally got to the random patch of sand with the weird glyphs, Jane was dressed in a similar style and Darcy felt herself relaxing a bit. Maybe Sif's fashion choices were an anomaly. And Darcy had to admit that the four of them made quite the picture – the women all soft and alluring and the men in full battle-gear. Darcy didn't like to admit it, but she had a kink for Loki in the helmet.

Darcy pulled herself out of her musings of banging Loki while he was wearing just the helmet, and noticed that poor Jane looked terrified. Darcy immediately reached out to hug the other woman. Darcy herself felt pretty calm, but she figured that wouldn't last for too much longer. Jane clung to her so tightly that Darcy could feel the way Jane's body shook with nerves.

With a reassuring pat on the back, Darcy stepped back and grabbed onto Loki as Thor called up to the sky and the winds began to blow. Darcy gave Jane an encouraging smile just as Jane was pulled up like something out of the Wizard of Oz. She felt Loki's arms wrap around her before his voice was in her ear, "Hold on to me and close your eyes." She obeyed immediately and there was a strange weightless sensation, and then the ground was once more beneath her feet.

"We are here, my love."

That was fast. Darcy opened her eyes and looked around at the gold and swirls and strange pedestal thing. And the giant black man with the cool helmet. Not Loki-cool, but still – badass helmet. There were black people in Asgard? Well, one of the dudes who came to visit was kinda Asian, but still. Surprisingly PC.

She addressed said dude, "You must be Heimdall. Loki told me all about you. I hope you haven't been watching me when I'm naked. That's super creepy. Although I guess I couldn't blame you if you were watching when I got groiny with Loki – we're pretty hot together." He didn't so much as blink. "You don't talk much, do you?"

Suddenly, Jane and Thor stepped out of some sort of swirly psychedelic tube. _That_ was Bifrost travel? She hadn't imagined it being so colorful. She was totally trying that once the bump was gone.

Jane sounded awestruck, "Thor, this is so beautiful."

His voice was filled with pride, "This is but the observatory. Come, see the true beauty of Asgard."

Loki rolled his eyes at his brother's dramatic words, but gestured for Darcy to join him as they walked out the door. Both mortal women froze at the strange bridge they were supposed to cross.

Darcy's voice was full of excitement, "It's like the back of a cd! You know, when you hold it up to a light? Iridescent. Or prismatic? Whatever. Cool beans, man."

Loki reached out and tilted her chin upwards, "There is a better view if you simply look up."

She actually gasped at her first view of the palace. It was like a giant pipe organ, with huge statues and weird symbology and something floating over to her right that looked like it belonged in a sci-fi movie. Sa-weet.

"Come, news of our arrival has likely reached our parents already." Thor's words spurred everyone into motion and they walked along the scary-awesome bridge (with no freaking railing) toward the palace. Darcy could hear Thor and Jane conversing in low tones, but she was too distracted to eavesdrop.

Without turning her eyes away from the view, Darcy asked, "You grew up _here _and you're crashing at my dinky apartment? Talk about slumming it."

Loki's voice was wry, "Trust me, I much prefer your little hovel."

She tore her eyes away from the scenery to look at him incredulously, "_Why_?"

He raised a brow, as if the answer should have been obvious, "Because you are there."

Darcy blinked. And melted. Stupid baby hormones.

With a small smile, Darcy pointed out, "You do realize that was romantic, don't you?"

Loki looked genuinely surprised, "That was no such thing!"

"Nope, sorry. You're wrong. It was romantic. My knees went weak and everything."

He scoffed, "Your knees weaken when I bring you ice cream. That is not a good indicator of romance."

"Yes it is! Bringing me ice cream _is_ romantic. I want something and you go get it for me without complaining. Romantic."

He shook his head, "You are being delusional again. I have never been romantic in my life."

"That's such a lie. We can agree to disagree, but you know I'm right. You're the most inadvertently romantic dude ever. Seriously, you're like one step away from being on the cover of a romance novel wearing a shirt without any buttons while a buxom maiden clings to your thigh."

Loki just smirked, "My current attire has no buttons. Please feel free to cling to any part of my lower anatomy that strikes your fancy."

She laughed, "It doesn't matter how pervy you get now, you're romantic. Deal with it."

"Am I romantic, Jane Foster?"

Jane answered, "I think Darcy has her own scale to measure romance by. But maybe."

Darcy blinked. She'd forgotten that the other two were walking with them. She also started noticing the random people running toward them, as if to get a better look. It made her feel like she was in a really small parade. Weird. And they were all dressed in that funky medieval/futuristic style. Darcy inwardly acknowledged that it was probably good that Loki won the clothing debate – she didn't want to give people another reason to stare at her today. Although the plunging neckline he'd insisted on seemed a bit naughtier than what was going on around her. Ah well. Borderline inappropriateness should probably be expected when you let the God of Mischief dress you.

Loki replied, "She is lying. I should have known better - women always band together."

It took Darcy a moment to remember what they were talking about – oh yeah, Loki being romantic. While he _wasn't_ romantic in the traditional sense, Darcy paid attention to the little things. Plus, this was Loki – you had to alter your preconceived notions of everything if you wanted to deal with him, and romance was just one of those things. Darcy knew she should let the conversation go, but their banter seemed to be a good distraction for him – for all of them. So she kept teasing him, "Seriously, that was the Loki equivalent of spelling out 'You Complete Me' in conversation hearts and leaving them in my locker."

Loki gave her a look, "Funny. If you were not with child, I would currently be spanking you for your insolence."

Darcy paused, "Oh, damn. Really? Can I get a raincheck?" Spanking sounded like all sorts of fun. She had been a very bad girl, after all.

He smirked, "Of course."

Thor's voice sounded somewhat strained, "Brother, do try to contain yourself – we have arrived."

Darcy stood staring up at the huge golden doors which opened slowly and revealed a stunning hall. And more people. Granted, not a lot of people – mostly guards and servants – but they all stopped and stared. Nerves finally started to kick in and Darcy glanced over at a nauseous-looking Jane. She sympathized. Darcy placed one of her hands over her stomach and latched onto Loki's arm with the other.

He turned to her with a smile that seemed to contradict the darker emotions swirling in his eyes. His voice was soft, "Just breathe, my love."

Darcy tried to smile back, but she knew it came off sorta weird. As Thor and Jane entered, Darcy took a deep breath and followed. Once inside, she looked around, "Woah. This place needs sound effects. Trumpets or something."

Loki obliged and she made a face at the noise. "No, no - something with more fire and brimstone."

A heavy drum sounded throughout the hall - _Bum_ Bum, _Bum_ Bum.

"Yeah! That sounds more like it." She smiled up at Loki.

"Brother, not now."

Darcy turned to call Thor out on being so snippy, but held her tongue at the expression on his face. He looked more nervous than even Jane. Huh. That was a new look on the big guy.

Smiling encouragingly, Darcy told him, "No worries. We'll be on our best behavior. Go on."

Thor turned to Jane and they shared a look that made Darcy feel mildly uncomfortable to witness. They were so freaking cute together, it was vaguely nauseating. Darcy sincerely hoped that she and Loki never got that schmaltzy. At least, not when others could see. Although she knew that babies had a tendency to make perfectly normal people turn into nonsense-spouting freaks. But Loki had yet to coo, so Darcy still felt like things were all right in her world.

They watched as Thor and Jane entered through the next set of giant doors. Showtime.

She mustered up every ounce of her courage and prepared herself to stand up to an all-powerful god-king. Who happened to be her boyfriend's dad. Easy-peasy.

Throwing a desperate grin up at Loki, Darcy said, "Let's go meet the disapproving parents."

Loki let out a quiet chuckle, "Just to clarify, which one of us will they not approve of?"

"While it's usually a toss-up, I think I win this one. You're the prince and I'm the tarty commoner who got herself knocked up."

"You are many things, but common is not among them. And relax - my mother will _adore_ you. You are carrying her first grandchild. My father will...well, do not expect much and you will not be disappointed. And remember that there is no need to fear him."

Darcy shrugged awkwardly, "Eh, I'm not scared. Although passing out is not entirely out of the question."

He turned to her, face bereft of amusement, "Darcy, it will be alright. And remember that if I were ever to choose between doing what makes them happy and doing what makes you happy - it is not even a choice. If I were romantic – which I am _not_ – I would say that you are my Yggdrasil, the center of everything."

She swallowed heavily, "Good thing you're not romantic."

He gave her an arch look, "Indeed. Now come along. We cannot let Thor have the spotlight."

Darcy shook her head, feeling that strange calm settle over her again. Knowing that Loki would take her side no matter what happened was comforting. While she wanted Loki's parents to like her, it wasn't vital. She had Loki and the bump – everyone else could go suck it. Head held high, Darcy checked that her boobs were still in her dress and then allowed Loki to wrap her arm around his and pull her along.

Holy shit, that was a _lot_ of people. Like a metric fuckton of people. She whispered up to Loki, "I should have invited the entire town to come watch you meet my parents. That would have been more fair."

Loki chuckled, "This is just the court. If we are not thrown out of Asgard, you can look forward to being gawked at by a great deal more of the citizenry."

"Lucky me."

Walking forward, silence descended as they passed and then whispers followed in their wake. Darcy felt the inappropriate urge to laugh and stick her tongue out at everyone. Or just have Loki turn and yell 'Boo!' at the nosy throng. Through the crowd, Darcy could make out a raised throne in the shape of some sort of hammer. Crazy Asgardians. Who the hell was their interior decorator?

Her amusement faded and her confidence faltered when she saw the man sitting atop the throne. Bling-tastic helmet that doubled as an eye-patch? Check. Big staff thing in his hand? Check. Scowl permanently etched on his face? Check.

So that was Odin. Definitely lived up to the hype.

She also recognized the warriors that had come over to help fight the big killer robot thing – not Loki's best moment. She wanted to wave to them or something, but was afraid that would look tacky. Although, judging by both the clothing and the décor – Asgardians loved tacky shit.

Then she was suddenly in front of the throne, and she watched in confusion as both Thor and Jane kneeled. She turned to Loki with her eyebrow raised, but he just lifted her hand off his arm, gave a quick kiss to her knuckles and then hurried toward the beautiful woman standing to the left. As the woman embraced him, Darcy realized that she must be his mother. His _mother_. Damn, what a MILF. Darcy would have been jealous, but she felt confident that she'd be one too in a few months.

Still, Darcy was faced with a bit of a conundrum. She looked down at the duo on their knees next to her and then at Loki. _Her_ man was still standing. Interesting. Darcy leaned down a bit toward Jane and whispered, "Am I supposed to kneel? Why are _you_ kneeling?"

It was Odin who answered in a voice that was deep and ominous, "She kneels before me because I am King."

Well, that was a stupid answer. Darcy pointed out, "You're not _my_ king."

Her words seemed to echo throughout the silent hall, creating a sense of foreboding. Oops? Darcy chanced a look at Loki. Unsurprisingly, he seemed delighted. Darcy relaxed, figuring that was a good sign. She had a feeling Loki wanted her to be a little mutinous toward his dad – just to demonstrate where her loyalties lie.

She addressed Loki just in case, "You dealt with my father giving you the stink eye all night _and_ you ate my mom's cooking – so if you want me to kneel, I'll do it. But I want it clear that you're the only person in this realm I'll get on my knees for – all sorts of puns intended."

There were shocked whispers throughout the hall and Loki turned his head to the side, trying to disguise a laugh as a cough. He failed. Darcy found herself smiling at his amusement. This was reminding her of the first time she spoke with Loki – standing out on Tony's balcony, beer in hand, knowing he could kill her at any moment but enjoying herself nonetheless. It was both dangerous and thrilling to mess with a god.

Loki kept his voice impressively neutral when he finally responded, "Kneeling is a sign of respect and obedience. I think the gesture would be meaningless coming from you. Do not trouble yourself with it. Jane Foster actually _cares_ what my father thinks. You do not."

Darcy shrugged and turned back to the man on the throne. He didn't look like he was going to behead her or anything, but he certainly didn't look pleased. Knowing it was too late, she tried for a bit of civility, "Nice digs. Asgard is certainly something."

He didn't respond and Darcy looked down at Jane, who had her face in her hands as if she was either mortified or horrified. Possibly both. Hey, Jane should be happy! After Darcy's rudeness, Jane would look like a damn angel. Hell, they'd probably make her one of the royal family immediately. Darcy would most likely be appointed as court jester.

Still, no one was talking. Loki should have helped her out, but she had a feeling he wanted her to do this on her own for some reason. Well, fine. There was still one person Odin hadn't met. It was her ace in the hole.

Darcy looked down and addressed her own stomach, "Hey, baby girl. This is your grandpa. Ignore the surly face and brusque manners, I'm sure he only _looks_ grumpy."

Odin still did not speak, but his eye shifted down to look at her protruding stomach. His face softened ever so slightly. Darcy felt triumphant – no one can fight the power of the bump. No one.

Loki cleared his throat and Darcy's eyes shot to him. "My love, I would like to introduce you to my mother. Mother, this is Darcy Lewis."

Frigga took Loki's hand and they walked down the few stairs to stand in front of Darcy. Since she knew how much Loki loved his mom, Darcy made certain that her voice was both kind and respectful, "It's an honor to meet you."

Frigga smiled at her so widely, Darcy thought her face might break. She was even lovelier up close. Without warning, Frigga was embracing Darcy. A lifetime with her own over-emotional mother had her returning the hug almost instantaneously. Frigga eased back, "No, my dear. The honor is all mine. May I?" Frigga gestured to the bump.

Darcy blinked, "Oh! Yeah, sure. Most people don't even ask anymore – they just start grabbing." Frigga reached forward and placed a gentle hand on the swell of Darcy's stomach. She made a soft cooing noise. With a satisfied look on his face, Loki walked around behind Darcy and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on her bare shoulder. Darcy willed herself not to have any inappropriate reactions to Loki's lips on her person – his mom was right there! Touching her belly! Grandmother-grandchild bonding moment! Do. Not. Get. Aroused.

Frigga let out a sigh, "Welcome to Asgard, Darcy Lewis. I have been looking forward to meeting you for quite some time."

Darcy smiled, "I'm glad to be here. Although I'm not sure how long I'm going to be allowed to stay. You know that filter that goes between the stuff you think and the stuff you say? I was born without one. Your husband doesn't look pleased."

Loki's voice was sly, "That is his usual expression."

Frigga gave Loki a good-natured slap on the shoulder and Darcy immediately knew they would get along. Anyone who dared to smack the God of Mischief when he was being cheeky was fine with her. Frigga shook her head at her son and then addressed the mortal girl whose stomach she was still holding, "You are welcome here, my child. _I_ say that you are. For as long as you wish to remain here."

Darcy smiled and then mocked-whispered into Loki's ear, "I like your mom."

Loki smiled back and then turned to address the still-kneeling duo. "Thor, do not be rude. Introduce your beloved to our father before her poor knees give out."

Thor took his cue and introduced Jane, who was both respectful and clever. Frigga eventually let go of the bump to embrace her other son and future daughter-in-law. As expected, all parties seemed suitably impressed by Jane. They seemed relieved that Thor had obviously chosen well, even if his choice was a bit unorthodox.

After the introductions were over, Odin finally stood and addressed the room at large, "My sons have returned. They have brought wives and heirs back with them from Midgard. Look well - the future of Asgard is before us all. Let us honor such an occasion. This is a day worthy of celebration."

Did he just say wives and heirs? As in _plural_? She wasn't Loki's wife and Jane wasn't pregnant as far as Darcy knew, so neither use of the plural form seemed appropriate. Still, that was a way nicer speech than Darcy had been expecting from the guy. Music started blaring out from somewhere and she smiled at the sudden rush of chatter and laughing and life that spun around her.

She felt a cool hand on her back as Loki started guiding her toward the only other people she knew – Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, and…crap, what was the Asian one's name – Hogun! Their path was suddenly blocked by the King of Asgard himself. Fuckballs.

His voice was deep, "Might I speak with your woman for a moment, my son?"

Oh super-fuckballs. The one place she didn't want to be was near Odin – especially without Loki nearby.

Loki looked down at her, asking with his eyes if she would be alright. He must have been satisfied by what he saw because he looked back up at his father and nodded, "Take care with her. Should she be harmed, in _any_ way, I will be displeased. Greatly displeased." Though his words seemed civil enough, the look in his eyes revealed the threat within them. Odin nodded gravely and offered an arm to Darcy. She took a deep breath and released her hold on Loki before grabbing the proffered arm. She wanted to pray for help, but she wasn't sure who exactly to pray to – Odin was a god himself. He started to guide her away and Darcy looked back at Loki's troubled face. She sent him a reassuring smile and thought '_I love you_' as loud as she could, hoping he'd pick up on it with his Jedi mind powers. You know, just in case Odin actually killed her. Or sewed _her_ mouth shut. Both were likely options.

They walked in silence until they reached a balcony, which emptied as soon as they stepped out on it. She let go of Odin's arm and leaned over the railing to get a better view. Looking down at the people outside the palace, Darcy had the strongest urge to raise her arms and start singing 'Don't Cry for Me Argentina' – but that would have looked weird. If it had been Loki with her, she totally would have done it.

She turned to find Odin staring at her intensely. Creepy. But life with Loki had made her a beast at staring contests. She met Odin's gaze and smiled benignly at him. He just kept looking at her. Damn, he was good. The man never blinked. Not once. Her eyes were starting to burn. She wouldn't give in though! Finally, Odin cracked a small smile and it was so startling that she immediately blinked and then internally cursed herself – if he did that on purpose so he'd win the staring contest, then he was Loki-level devious. Impressive.

His voice was softer than the one he'd used on her before, "You are not what I was expecting."

Darcy smiled wryly, "You were _exactly_ what I was expecting. I guess I was more prepared than you, since I actually talk to Loki. You do know what talking is, right? The free flow of communication between two people. Honesty is an important element of the whole talking thing, too. I talk to Loki all the time. I don't lie to him and I don't sew his mouth shut when he apologizes to me, unlike other people who shall remain nameless."

Odin didn't seem as angered by her words as Darcy had been expecting. Instead, he sounded tired, "I have failed Loki in myriad ways. He knows this. But there are two sides to every story. You need not hear mine now, as I doubt it would do much good. You love him completely. It radiates out of you. Whether you choose to believe it or not, this pleases me. I love _both_ my sons. I wish for their happiness. That they seem to have found it on Midgard is rather vexing, but nothing can be done for that."

Darcy tried to absorb the words, "Well, we Midgardian girls are pretty awesome."

Odin studied her again, gaze lingering on her stomach. "I am sure you are aware by now that Loki is Jötunn by birth."

"Yup."

"So any peculiarities in your child have already been anticipated and prepared for?"

Darcy gave him a slightly insulted look, "_Peculiarities_? You mean like the fact that she could be blue? Because that would obviously be the worst thing in the world, huh?"

If Odin badmouthed her beautiful baby girl, she'd kick his ass. Or she'd tell Loki and then he'd do it for her. Fury's face telling her not to start a war drifted through her mind. Damn.

Odin tilted his head appraisingly, "You are as insolent as you are beautiful. I can see why Loki was drawn to you."

Darcy felt a bit thrown off by that response – the whole 'beautiful' thing and the way he was looking at her were weird. She sincerely hoped Odin wasn't hitting on her. She didn't think he was, but just in case, "Um, I love Loki. Only him, ok?"

Odin smiled gently and it did not look as out of place on his face as she thought it would, "I love him as well, though I doubt he believes it. I merely wanted to be certain you knew what was coming. I would offer to assist in any way that I can, but I know that Loki would not be receptive of such an offer. You must understand that the child that grows within your womb will be my grandchild. Loki _is_ my son."

Darcy swallowed heavily, "Good. And I'm ready. Or as ready as I can be at this point. Everything beyond the birth is a bit of a question mark."

"I feel confident that you will handle whatever difficulties fate sees fit to throw your way. Loki has chosen well. You will make a fine Princess of Asgard." Darcy's eyes widened. _Princess_? Wait a minute. But Odin just continued, "And your point has been made. Loki comes first in your heart and mind. In the future, you need not be so overt in your hostilities toward me while in front of the people of Asgard. There is much worth in presenting a united front. Though I do hope that it would not be a mere pretense of agreement between us. Loki may be our only common thread, but it is a strong link. And your child may have need of me someday. I wish to be involved in her life. A girl-child will be a welcome novelty around here."

Darcy nodded slowly, "If Loki is willing to let bygones be bygones, then fine. And either way, you're my kid's grandpa – so you'll be involved somehow. But you and Loki really need to talk."

Odin seemed oddly pained, looking at something just over her shoulder, "I know. Especially since he has been here throughout this conversation. He does not trust me alone with you."

Darcy looked behind her and saw nothing, but Loki suddenly appeared smile first, like the Cheshire Cat. 'We're all mad here', indeed.

"Forgive me, Father. But I will not let Darcy out of my sight while we are here. Call it an instinctive need to protect my family."

Odin inclined his head, "I am familiar with such instinct."

Loki slowly walked to Darcy, cupping her chin to draw her eyes up to his. "Would you mind excusing us for a moment, my love? I know that my mother would be quite happy to regale you with stories of my youth. You should enjoy that. My father and I need to talk."

Darcy nodded, internally crossing her fingers that _this_ talk would actually do something beneficial for the pair. If Odin started playing seamstress again - god or not - she'd pluck out his other eye Kill Bill style. Darcy leaned forward to place a kiss on the curve of his jaw and then whispered 'I love you' into his ear. She was being a bit generous with her verbal loving, but she figured he needed the moral support. She started to walk away before quickly turning back to Odin, raising two fingers to her eyes and then pointing them at him in the universal sign for 'I'm watching your ass, buddy'. She heard Loki chuckle and knew that was her cue to leave.

Glancing around the throne room, she saw Thor immediately – he was easy to spot in a crowd. Then she noticed Frigga and Jane with him. That was a comforting sight. She slowly weaved her way through the throng to get to them, but found her path blocked. Again. This time it was Sif. When they'd met briefly back on Earth, they had gotten along just fine. Granted they'd exchanged about ten words, so they hadn't really had the time to build up any rapport. But by now she had gathered how much Loki disliked the woman. Instantly, Darcy became wary.

"Greetings, Darcy Lewis. It is good to see you again under more pleasant circumstances." Sif's smile seemed genuine, so Darcy returned it with one of her own.

"Nice to see you, too. Although I almost didn't recognize you. This is definitely a different look than the one you were sporting the last time I saw you." Darcy gestured to the dress Sif was wearing that made her look so beautiful that Darcy wanted to smack her.

"There is no battle today. Today is a time for _celebration_." There was something in the tone of Sif's voice when she said the last word that made Darcy nervous. Darcy remembered Loki mentioning Sif's infatuation with Thor. Watching him parade around with Jane couldn't be easy for her, so Darcy tried to subtly redirect onto a safer topic.

"Yeah, I suppose it is. Hey, you wouldn't happen to be good with children by any chance? Loki and I are trying to expand our pool of potential babysitters. Handy in a fight is one of the main qualifications."

Sif raised her brow in confusion and Darcy realized that she probably had no idea what a 'babysitter' was, though it seemed self-explanatory. But instead of seeking clarification, Sif asked, "You do realize that Loki is a Frost Giant, do you not?"

Oddly enough, Sif looked genuinely concerned. Darcy wasn't sure whether to be saddened or angered that Sif thought there was a chance Darcy didn't know the genetic make-up of her baby-daddy. Like Loki could have kept that from her? Like he would have even tried? She was having the man's _baby_ for crying out loud!

Trying not to sound overly sarcastic, Darcy replied, "Really? And here I thought the whole blue thing was a trick of the light."

Sif still looked concerned, "So you _are_ aware. I am merely attempting to assist you. You are in a difficult situation and I am unsure if you fully understand the hardships you are in for. Midgardians know nothing of the true nature of Frost Giants."

This whole racist thing was getting old. Yeah, Frost Giants were the 'enemy', but they were talking about _Loki_. "If Asgard had public transportation, you'd make Loki sit in the back of the bus, wouldn't you? Fine, whatever. Maybe my Jötunn knowledge is a bit rusty, but I know Loki. I know _his_ true nature. So I think I'm all set. But thanks for the unexpected and unnecessary concern."

Sif looked as if she was starting to get frustrated, "I am not trying to insult Loki, so there is no need to become defensive. I simply wanted to offer my assistance if you were seeking more information. To find out that your lover is a Frost Giant and that therefore the child you carry is half such a creature must be horrifying. That you remain so loyal to him is quite…touching."

Darcy was trying not to get angry. She understood that to the Asgardians, Frost Giants = monsters. But it wasn't like Loki was some sort of covert double-agent sent there to spy on them. He was kidnapped as a _baby_! They should be pissed at Odin. They should understand that Loki got a shitty deal here – finding out that everything he thought he knew about himself was a lie. It could have happened to any one of them.

"Again, thanks for the unexpected but still unnecessary concern. I knew Loki was Jötunn before he knocked me up. Thor spilled the beans on that one back when Loki was still being all villainous."

Sif seemed surprised, "So you were aware of his heritage _before_ you began your affair?"

The word 'affair' seemed a bit rude, but Darcy let that slide. "Yup. But man, if I'd known the whole extent of it, I'd have jumped him the second he crash landed. Seriously, he would have had a hard time taking over the world with my mouth attached to certain areas of his yummy body. See, when he goes Jötunn, he goes icy. Every inch of him. And not to overshare, but someone should build a shrine to his cold, naughty tongue. I'd do it myself, but I'm not really sure how one goes about building a shrine. So I worship him the Midgardian way: on my knees. Well, not so much lately – it's uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time with my new waistline. Loki doesn't mind if I get creative though. He's pretty damn creative himself."

Sif's eyes had kept getting progressively wider as Darcy spoke until it looked like a good jolt on her back would make them pop out completely. Her voice echoed the shock on her face, "You are quite crude for a woman. I do not wish to hear about whatever sport you and Loki choose to engage in. Although I will assume you are speaking so frankly in an attempt to force me into changing the subject. You have been quite successful. I now wish to converse about anything else."

"Um, I'm not that sneaky. Loki naked is one of my favorite topics of conversation. And Loki naked and _blue_ is my absolute favorite topic."

Sif looked disgusted, "Do you mean to tell me you have actually been intimate with Loki while his appearance was that of a Jötunn?"

Darcy really didn't understand why everyone got so weirded out by the idea of her sexing up Loki when he was blue. He really didn't look that different and he was a hot guy to begin with, so it just confused the hell out of her. Darcy gave Sif an artificial smile, "And I'm starting to get why Loki thinks you're a psycho bitch. But it's all good. So to answer your question, yes I've gone blue. Speaking of kinky times, are you banging any of the burly ale guzzlers around here?"

Sif scoffed quietly, "Most certainly not. And again you are attempting to change the subject. Frost Giants are fearsome in appearance. Does he not frighten you?"

Darcy sighed, "Lady, you are so not getting it. But no, he doesn't _frighten_ me."

"So you are comfortable around enormous blue creatures then? Is that a Midgardian trait?"

Sif didn't do sarcasm as well as either Loki or Darcy, but she got points for trying. Darcy calmly answered, "Enormous is a bit of a stretch. Loki's like 6'1". And I'm all good with the blue thing. More than good, really."

"You mean he does not grow into a true Jötunn?"

A _true_ Jötunn? What the hell did Sif mean by that? It suddenly clicked, "Oh, _yeah_ – he's kinda short for a Frost Giant. Or so I'm told. He's blue and bumpy though. I'm sure he'll show you later if you want."

Sif smirked slightly, "So he is small even for his own race."

Darcy smirked back, "Oh, I wouldn't say that. There are certain parts of him that are most assuredly giant-sized." Darcy winked at Sif conspiratorially. "You know what I mean? Seriously, it's _epic_."

Sif blanched. Darcy just kept smiling cheekily.

A cool pair of lips pressed against her shoulder and Darcy jumped. Damn, he was a freaking ninja. A deep voice whispered in her ear, "Poor Lady Sif looks quite disturbed. What have you two been discussing?"

Darcy tilted her head back to look him in the eye, "Your enormous manhood."

Loki's eyebrows rose quickly before amusement stole over his face. "Well, carry on then. Do not let me interrupt." He released her and inclined his head at Sif condescendingly. He disappeared without a sound, leaving Darcy staring at the empty space with a fond smile. A throat cleared next to her and Darcy turned to see Sif giving her an inscrutable look.

"So, the God of Lies has even more secrets. I had often thought that only an insane woman would bind herself to Loki. I seem to have been right. You both seem perfect for each other. I find that I am oddly pleased by it all. But I beg of you, no more talk of Loki's…attributes. Impressive though they may be."

Darcy smiled, "You're seriously limiting our conversation topics – we only have a finite list of things in common. And don't think I missed you calling me insane. But since I kinda am when it comes to Loki, I'll let it slide."

Sif raised a brow, "And you referred to me as a 'psycho bitch' earlier. Do not think that I have forgotten that as well."

Darcy smiled, "True. Good point. You know, if we become friends it'll piss Loki off. He really doesn't like you."

Sif tilted her head as if she were pondering something before she smiled slyly and stepped closer, linking arms with the mortal. "That is reason enough for me. Come along, my new friend. We must get you something to eat before Volstagg devours everything."

Pleased, Darcy returned the smile. Then she wondered what gods ate. Considering how snobbish Loki could be with food, it was probably amazingly delicious. And if it sucked, Loki would just conjure her up some tortilla chips and guacamole. Now _that_ was the manna of the gods. Om nom nom.

Darcy allowed herself to be tugged along by Sif, the promise of munchies like a siren's song. Unexpectedly, Loki's voice was in her head, '_Traitor_.' He sounded amused. Darcy giggled in response. She suddenly felt hopeful for the first time since Loki had told her they were going to Asgard. Judging by his tone of voice, there was an actual chance that the talk with his father was turning out well this time. Smiling, she ignored the looks that were thrown her way and began to prepare herself for the culinary delights of Asgard.

* * *

><p>AN: No excuses, just apologies for my tardiness. Also, fear not – Loki's conversation with Odin will be in the next chapter.

By the by, I saw Loki valentines in K-mart this past weekend. They were in a Thor-themed box of those little card-like valentines that you would give out in grade school. It says "Valentine, you are the Master of Mischief" and it has a picture of Loki looking like he wants to rape you. I shit you not. I totally bought it...


	24. Chapter 24

"You look well."

Loki appraised the man before him, "I wish I could say the same for you." In truth, Odin looked haggard.

Odin nodded, "Long nights. I must test Jane Foster and it troubles me that I may break my son's heart should she fail."

Loki felt bitter even though he knew it was irrational, "Yes, of course. I can see why breaking _Thor's_ heart would worry you."

Odin shook his head, "Loki, that is not-"

Loki cut him off, "No need to fret, Father. Jane Foster will pass whatever test you decide to give her." It irked Loki that he kept sticking up for the woman when she so obviously disliked him. _Still_ disliked him – even after all of his efforts to sway her.

Odin continued, "I worry for you as well, Loki. But fate has tested Darcy Lewis more than I ever could. Jane Foster has not been tried. I worry that…"

Loki tuned out a bit. He had been watching Darcy with half his mind and became nervous when he noticed that she was speaking with Sif. Alone. Since Odin appeared to be monologuing, Loki made a double near Darcy's shoulder and threw his consciousness into it. He would simply check on her quickly and be back before Odin even noticed he was speaking to a phantom. Probably. It seemed Loki's nerves were unfounded though, as Darcy apparently knew the correct way to deal with Sif. 'Your enormous manhood' – what a woman! With a smile, Loki threw his consciousness back into the double standing before the Allfather. Odin was silent and giving Loki a look that conveyed his annoyance. Ah well.

Loki smiled impertinently, "Sorry, I just wanted to check on her."

"I assume she is well. Loki, no one in Asgard will harm your woman."

Loki's smile turned brittle, "Not physically. Especially not after your little speech. Though you know I must ask - _wives_ and _heirs_?"

Odin tilted his head, "You mean to marry her, do you not?"

"Yes. Though we have but one daughter growing in her womb."

"For now." Odin gave an odd smile. "But I spoke of Thor."

Loki's face clouded with confusion, "Jane is not with child."

A quiet laugh from the Allfather, "That is surprisingly short-sighted of you, my son. Once they marry, I see many children in their future."

Loki's voice was tinged with sarcasm, "So you are an oracle now?"

The lightness of the conversation seemed to disappear immediately, "I am an old man, Loki. I am tired. And perhaps I am merely hopeful. I have wished for you and your brother to have children of your own for quite some time. Thor has never been ready for such a task as fatherhood. And you, my son, have never allowed yourself the lapse in control necessary for such an event to occur. Darcy must be quite special if she could make you lose your restraint for long enough that you would not protect yourself against this. All Asgard knows the pregnancy was not planned."

"She is different, Father. She accepts me." Loki's face became hard as granite. "All of me."

Odin leaned wearily against the railing and Loki had to stop himself from reaching out to him. Odin's voice was sorrowful, "What must you think of me, Loki? This hatred inside of you – I can feel it. I never meant to hurt you."

Finally. Finally Loki would have his answers. "Then _why_? Why did you lie to me? Why did you even take me to begin with?"

Odin did not answer immediately. He seemed lost in thought and Loki was about to prompt him again when he finally spoke, "You were so small, Loki. The battle was nearly over and we had won, but the price had been high. The cold air was so thick with blood. The blood of my people, of my enemies – it all tasted the same on my tongue – like metal and death. And there you were like a beacon. A strange, perfect little form. Life surrounded by death. I knew immediately that you were Laufey's son, and I thought I could use you. I could take you to torment him in some way. Or I could kill you with my bare hands and watch Laufey's face as I told him he was once more without an heir."

Loki's breathing stopped. His world stopped. Why was he saying this?

"I lifted you from the floor and held you. Your skin altered to match mine – instinctual magic. I knew then that you were powerful. Too powerful. _Dangerous_. It was to be death for you then." Odin's tone was unapologetic, but his face betrayed his regret. Loki felt his fists clenching so hard that his arms were shaking.

Odin continued, "But you smiled. You were so beautiful, Loki. I could not kill you. And I would not abandon you to a slow death from the elements, from hunger, from thirst. I was returning to Asgard, and leaving nothing in Jotunheim but the wastes of a once-glorious realm. I was not going to leave you there to suffer for the crimes of your father."

Odin tilted his head, forcing Loki to meet his eye – forcing Loki to understand. "I had not intended to make you my son. I never intended to hide your past from you. I merely hid you from the gaze of others until I could return to Frigga and tell her what had occurred. But holding you to my chest, feeling your body steal the warmth from my own – Loki, I wanted to protect you. And once your mother beheld you, there was no other option. To keep you safe, I made you my son. And all of Asgard believed it. It was easy to do so in those times, everyone looking for a bit of joy after the desolation of war. And you looked every trace the perfect Asgardian baby – healthy, happy, clever even then. Your mother loved you the first time she looked into your eyes. She has loved you every day since."

A broken whisper, "And you?"

"Loki, you need never ask that. You have been part of myself since I held you. You are my son, Loki. You _are_ my son. I am sorry for not telling you the truth sooner. I just wanted to protect you from the world which I knew would not accept you easily. But in protecting you from others, I failed in protecting you from yourself. The evils you have done…the blame lay at my feet."

Loki's voice cracked, "No, Father. No. I brought it all on myself."

"I cannot be your father and the king at the same time. One must come first. The people _must_ come first. This is why I have to punish you when you err, Loki. The people require at least a pantomime of justice. It is for your own sake. You are a strange, mercurial creature. You can be cruel beyond all comprehension. Yet you can love so deeply that you would face death laughing to protect those you care about." Odin smiled wearily, "You get that from me, my boy."

Loki's mind whirled. _Odinson_. Loki _Odinson_.

The words spilled from Loki's lips without forethought, "Do you forgive me now, Father?"

"Are you sorry for what you have done?"

Loki wanted so badly to lie, but he would not. "No."

Odin nodded gravely, "Do you understand where it is that you failed?"

Loki answered in barely more than a whisper, "Yes."

"That is all I can ask. I forgive you, Loki." The sheer relief Loki felt at his words was staggering. He gripped the handrail tightly and tried not to buckle beneath the weight of it all. Odin continued, "Can you do the same for me? Can you forgive me, my son?"

Loki wanted to scream. The rage – he needed to hold on to the rage. It had been feeding him, bolstering him, goading him since that fateful day when his world changed. But Loki knew he had to let it go. He had to move on. So many mistakes were made on both sides. It was too hard to condemn someone for the wrongs against you – not when you were so flawed yourself.

Loki's voice was strong, "I forgive you, Father." Absolution was as breathtaking in the giving as the receiving.

Odin reached out and clasped Loki on the shoulder. Loki could feel his father's hand through the layers of metal and fabric, soothing like a salve on a burn. They stood staring at each other, their gazes open and honest for the first time in Loki's life. The wound that had been festering between them had now scarred over. It would never be the unblemished and pure thing it was before, but it was mending. Altering. And different _did_ sometimes mean better.

Loki refused to feel unmanned by the tears easing down the hollows of his cheekbones, catching in the corners of his lips, dripping off the angles of his jaw. After all, Odin Allfather had his own tears to shed.

* * *

><p>Darcy was <em>loving<em> the Asgardian food. It was all sorts of delicious. There were these creamy tart things that she ate about seven of - and they weren't small. Sif had commented that the only other person she had ever seen eat so much was Volstagg. It didn't sound like a compliment, but Darcy shrugged it off. Not only was she eating for herself (and she'd always had a hearty appetite), but she was eating for a demigod. Jenny Craig could go suck it.

In a happy food haze, Darcy barely heard the words spoken behind her. "Sweet Allfather, they have actually become _bigger_!"

Another voice answered the first, "What has become bigger?"

The first voice again, "Her _eyes_! They are like two luscious dreams. How did Loki do it?"

That was just weird enough to pull Darcy's attention away from her plate. She found Fandral and Volstagg standing a few feet away from her. And Fandral's riveted attention to her cleavage made it quite clear that it wasn't her eyes he was referring to. Stupid Loki and his stupid beautiful dress. She knew she should slap Fandral out of feminism and righteous indignation, but Darcy had to admit that her boobs were pretty rocking tonight. She couldn't really get mad at the horny dude for noticing the blatantly obvious. Seriously, if her arms got tired she could rest her plate on her chest at this point. Still, Loki would eviscerate Fandral for looking at her like that – eyes bugged out and mouth gaping. And since Fandral had sorta helped Thor out that one time, she felt obligated to try to save him.

Raising her voice, she addressed Fandral, "Hey there, buddy. You might want to raise the gaze a few inches before my boyfriend makes your insides into your outsides."

Fandral blinked, obviously thrown off at having been caught ogling her girls. Then a smooth smile graced his face and he bowed, reaching out to take her hand and place a kiss upon it. Darcy just looked at him in bewilderment, amazed that he was still putting on the gentleman act after being caught calling her boobs 'luscious.' He was either delusional or…no, pretty much just delusional.

"Lady Darcy, it is a great pleasure to see you again. You are looking exceptionally lovely tonight."

Darcy wanted to roll her eyes, but she fought the urge down and answered, "Thanks. And you look…nice, I guess. And you Asgardians sure know how to do a buffet."

Volstagg smiled and chimed in, "Indeed we do! Have you tried the mutton? It is so delicious that I wish to weep from the sheer joy of living in a world where such taste exists."

Oh, she liked this guy.

"I haven't! Which one is mutton?"

Volstagg led her over to a platter of some sort of stewed meat in a yummy-smelling broth. She grabbed a plate and heaped some onto it with relish. Volstagg watched her with a pleased look as he followed suit.

Fandral spoke from behind her, "I must admit to being most disappointed that we missed our chance, Lady Darcy."

Oh merciful Buddha, this mutton shit was quite possibly the best thing that she ever put in her mouth that wasn't attached to Loki's body. Distracted by the orgasms occurring on her taste buds, Darcy asked, "What chance?"

"Our chance at love, fair Darcy."

_That_ got her attention. She turned to look at Fandral, "I repeat, what chance?"

He seemed confused, "Why, do you not remember our moment of passion - of possibility?"

Darcy stared at him as if he was a crazy person. "Umm...no, not really. Can you describe the alleged 'moment'?" She absently noticed Jane and Thor walking toward her, engrossed in conversation with Frigga and Sif.

Fandral explained, "When we parted, I placed a kiss upon your hand and you stared at me with much intensity."

Suddenly, it clicked in Darcy's head. "Oh! Yeah. I was trying to figure out if the facial hair was necessary. You look like you're either gonna go buckle some swashes or lure teenage girls into your van with candy."

There was an odd choking noise behind her and Darcy recognized it as Jane – she often made that noise whenever Darcy said something inappropriate. Darcy didn't understand what she'd said wrong this time. For some reason, poor Fandral was looking at her in horrified disbelief – as if she'd just told him she was born a man.

His voice was urgent, "I assure you, my dear, my facial accoutrements are quite appreciated by Asgardian maidens."

Darcy nodded, "Well, there you go! I'm not Asgardian, so I remain immune to the lure of the 'stache. And the pointy beard."

Fandral just kept looking at her like _she_ was the freak. Darcy started to feel bad even though he had been kinda hitting on her while she was pregnant and meeting her boyfriend's parents. He just looked so pathetic.

She added gently, "I think you might actually be cute underneath all of that Errol Flynn facial craziness."

He let out an incredulous scoff, "Cute?"

Darcy smiled, "Totally."

He sounded miffed, "Cuter than _Loki_?"

It was Darcy's turn to scoff, "Loki isn't cute. Well, not usually."

"You are with a man you do not find attractive?" Fandral looked confused but pleased – an expression that reminded Darcy of Thor.

She giggled, "Um, _no_. I just don't often look at Loki and think 'cute.' Puppies are cute, babies are cute, LOLcats are cute. Loki? Not cute. Now do I find him _fuckhot_? Umm...not to state the obvious, but you do know where babies come from, right? Trust me, if I were to tell you just how sexy I found that man, you'd blush to the roots of your creepy facial hair."

Fandral's eyes widened, "Truly?"

"Truly what? Truly is your facial hair creepy? Yes. We established that already."

He shook his head, "You truly find Loki _that_ appealing?"

This guy was denser than Thor – she wanted to bring him back to Midgard so they could study how he was able to function without special assistance. Darcy suddenly remembered that offhand comment Loki had made about the way he was perceived on Asgard – lesser than Thor in every way and not so popular with the ladies. He had nonchalantly explained to her that she was the first woman to want to bed him because he was _Loki_ and not the God of Mischief or the Prince of Asgard.

Darcy thought to herself - fuck it. Loki would find it funny. Completely deadpan, she answered, "No, of course I don't find him appealing. I just use him for the awesome sex."

She heard a snigger come from somewhere beside her and suddenly realized that Loki's _mom_ was listening. Oops?

Darcy felt arms wrap around her from behind and jumped a bit before relaxing into the familiar embrace. Loki's voice drifted over her shoulder, "I too find your hideousness unparalleled. I am only with you for your delectable bosom. It is...what is it that you say? Ah, _epic_."

She giggled at Loki's words and the look on Fandral's face. He was giving them the you-both-are-fucking-freaks look that they'd been getting a lot lately. It hadn't gotten old yet.

Loki's solemn voice was in her ear again, "Our poor child will be so unattractive."

She snorted. They both knew their baby would be the most beautiful baby ever. There was simply no way their individual DNA of hotness could combine to form anything less.

Matching the sincerity in his voice, she agreed, "A face only a mother could love."

Thor's voice rang out, "Ignore them. This is their form of foreplay. One gets used to it eventually. Hopefully, they will leave the room before proceeding to the physical stage."

Darcy giggled and let her head fall back onto Loki's shoulder. She met his gaze and mouthed the words 'read my mind'. He raised a brow but complied.

"_Yes, my love?_"

"_Are you and your dad ok?_" She squeezed the hands wrapped around her stomach and tried to convey her concern with her eyes. His own face softened.

"_For the first time in my life, I can answer that question in the affirmative. We just need time._"

Darcy smiled widely and raised herself up on her toes to kiss his lips.

"See what I mean?" Thor's voice sounded uncharacteristically droll.

Darcy pulled away to apologize for the PDA, but Frigga looked so damn happy that she debated kissing Loki again just to keep that smile on her face.

Sif's voice was curious, "It almost seemed as if you were having some sort of conversation."

Loki answered, "We were. I was telling Darcy all about how beautiful my brother looked on his wedding day to Thrym."

There was an awkward silence until Jane's voice let out a shocked, "_What_?"

Loki smiled mischievously, "Brother, I am most surprised. You never told your blushing bride about your _own_ experience as a blushing bride? I assure you, Jane, he was truly a vision in jewels and lace. And the veil was divine!"

Everyone watched as Thor blushed bright red. Darcy suddenly threw her head back and screamed with laughter. "Oh my god! _Oh my god_! I can't breathe! Thor…you looked…oh man!"

Thor's voice was gruff with anger and embarrassment, "Brother, what have you done?"

Loki laughed, "Just gave my lovely girl a visual."

Frigga's voice was soft but sly, "Did you show her what a pretty bridesmaid you were that day?"

Darcy's laughter cut off abruptly as her jaw dropped open. She spun around. "Dude! Show me!"

Loki sighed before tilting his head and complying.

Darcy broke out into a smile again, "You _were_ a hot bridesmaid. But you were a woman! Thor was just…Thor in a dress." She pivoted and grabbed Jane's arm. "You've got to see this. Loki, show Jane. _Please_."

Jane protested, "Oh, I'm not sure I really want…oh. Oh!" Jane bit her lip and made a valiant effort not to laugh as the picture of her fiancé wearing a wedding dress slipped into her mind. She turned to face the blushing God of Thunder, "Should I be worried about bigamy?"

Thor practically shouted at her, "I did not actually marry him! He had my hammer!"

His words, combined with the indignant look on his face, were the last straw. Everyone cracked up – even Sif.

Riding out the giggle fit, Darcy absently glanced over Loki's shoulder. Odin was standing several feet away, but he was watching the laughing group intensely. He noticed her gaze and nodded at Darcy with a small smile on his lips. Darcy winked back and spontaneously threw her arms around Loki's shoulders, latching onto the horns of his helmet with both hands. She tugged his head down so she could kiss him again. From behind her, she heard Fandral's voice shouting out jokingly, "My eyes! My eyes! Make them stop before I am rendered blind!"

Pulling back, she giggled against Loki's lips. This was a nice moment. She wanted to remember it in case not-so-nice moments followed it. Laughter still around her, she whispered into Loki's ear, "Thank you, babe."

He leaned back and raised a questioning brow, smile still stretched across his face. She shrugged, unable to explain. Tucking her head into the curve of Loki's neck, Darcy smiled at Thor's stilted attempts to explain to Jane why he had pretended to be Freya. On her wedding day. Complete with dress, veil, and a bridesmaid. Surprisingly, it wasn't even Loki's fault.

Yes, Darcy thought to herself, this was nice.

* * *

><p>AN: Felt the love on the last chapter. You are all amazing. Also, the Loki valentine is up on my profile. I just…it's so…there are no words. His expression is saying, "I will rape you. You will enjoy it." And that's not what I think of when Valentine's Day pops into my head. (Or is it…?)


	25. Chapter 25

"I am _not_ naming my daughter Thora." The God of Mischief continued to stare down a hopeful-looking God of Thunder.

Thor smiled encouragingly, "But it would bring me much honor. And it sounds…pretty. Please, brother."

Loki rolled his eyes, "No. For the last time – no."

Thor's lower lip trembled ever-so-slightly even as he crossed his enormous arms over his even more enormous chest. "But she would be named after the thunder! And her uncle, who will love her dearly. What other name is so very special?"

Loki sighed, "Darcy and I have decided on Astrid. Divinely beautiful; a fair goddess - which is exactly what she will be." A small smile lifted the corners of Loki's lips against his will. "My beautiful, little goddess."

Thor looked distressed, "_Astrid_? That is a terrible name! What woman wants to be known for beauty when she could be known for thunder itself! Thora! It is perfect, my brother."

"Darcy thinks Astrid is retro-chic…whatever that means. She likes it. And I _love_ her. Not to mention that the meaning suits the soul that will bear it. I am sorry, brother. I promise to seriously consider the name Thora should we have another daughter." Such a lie, but a relatively harmless one this time.

Thor still didn't look appeased, "But…_Loki_. It would be a wonderful way to fortify the bond between us. And I shall name my firstborn daughter after you: Loka!"

Loki stared at Thor in semi-horror. "_Loka_! That is not even a name! It makes no sense and it is _hideous_." Loki paused and then tilted his head thoughtfully, thinking about Jane's reaction should she find out Thor was promising to name their daughter _Loka_. "Actually, now that I have let the name marinate in my mind – it is strangely appealing. Loka. It certainly makes a statement! If you insist on naming your daughter such, I would be so very flattered."

Thor smiled with his whole body, nearly vibrating with happiness, "Then it is settled! You name your daughter Thora and I shall name mine Loka!"

Loki let out an internal sigh. Allfather help him, he loved his brother – but this was trying his patience. Being in Asgard had put him on edge despite receiving a moderately warmer reception this time around. Darcy was still sleeping deeply – a food coma as she liked to call it – and Loki had been caught by Thor on his way out the door of his chambers. Apparently Thor had waited outside for almost an hour, not wanting to disturb the sleep of either Loki or Darcy. But also not wanting Loki to walk the halls alone. Not for protection, of course – Loki could more than handle himself. But for a show of solidarity and acceptance. They _were_ brothers, and Thor would not let anyone think otherwise.

With that thought in mind, Loki held his tongue. He would not be naming his daughter _Thora_ – Darcy would kill him. But he did want to demonstrate how much his brother's thoughtful actions meant to him. Compromise; Loki had always been good at that.

"Her middle name."

Thor's brow raised, the smile fading a bit. "Middle name?"

"On Midgard, a child has three names." He paused to think about how to sell this idea. "The first is what the child is known by – or a lengthened version of such. The second is traditionally for someone the parents wish to honor. It is a symbolic gesture of respect and…regard. The last is the family name."

Thor looked hopeful again, "Astrid _Thora_ Lokidóttir? That is a bit long, but quite lovely."

Loki grimaced, "'Lokidóttir' is an argument still ongoing. Darcy will cave eventually, though I hope you understand that 'Thora' does not help my case in that regard. And I am not promising anything until it is approved by Darcy. Midgardian ideas on naming are very unusual. Darcy was named after a male that her mother desired romantically."

Thor's eyes widened comically, "And her father was not bothered by such a slight?"

"The male was fictional – a character in a book. Which makes me quite nervous. I fear Darcy will try to talk me into naming our firstborn son 'Severus'."

Thor looked confused but sympathetic. "That is most unfortunate. I hope Jane has no such ideas."

Loki smiled wryly, "Oh, I am not so sure about that. Copernicus Thorson sounds quite lovely. Jane does so love her stars."

Thor cringed and Loki couldn't contain his chuckle. Thor reached out to push Loki jokingly, but underestimated his strength – as per the usual – and Loki stumbled a step before regaining his footing. He continued laughing anyway.

Thor gave his brother a peeved look, "You are teasing me again." He seemed to pause as if something had suddenly occurred to him. "You are _teasing_ me again. You are my _brother_ again. This pleases me." He let his own mischievous smile curl his lips, "Cow."

Loki rolled his eyes, "Not that again. I shall have you know that Darcy _loves_ the helmet. She often imagines me leaving it on while we are being intimate. I have yet to indulge her, but now I believe I must. You have insulted my helmet and it must be mollified."

"Your helmet is not sentient, Loki."

Loki couldn't keep the surprise off his face at Thor's appropriate use of the word 'sentient'.

"At least horns are manly. Feathers? Are you a bird? If _you_ fell off the Bifrost, would you simply flutter up like a butterfly? Oh no, wait – you are useless without Mjolnir!"

"Children!" Loki and Thor both turned to look at the source of the shout. Frigga was giving them a half-amused, half-disapproving look. "Must I separate you?"

"Loki started it!"

Loki gave his brother a look, "Oh, very mature. Telling on me to Mother."

Frigga's voice was pitched low with censure, "Loki."

Loki sighed, "Sorry, Mother."

"Do not apologize to me. Apologize to your brother."

Loki sighed louder and turned to give Thor a grudging, "Sorry."

Frigga finally let her faux-disapproval fade and smiled brightly at her boys. "Good! Now I need to speak with Loki for a moment, Thor. Would you mind giving us a bit of privacy?"

Thor looked confused but he smiled, "Of course. I shall be eating breakfast if you are looking for me, Mother." He turned to give a small smirk to Loki, "Cow." And then he was off and running in the direction of the dining hall. Frigga just shook her head at the childish display.

Her voice was resigned, "He will never grow out of that, will he?"

"I hope not."

Frigga turned her head quickly to catch her son's expression after such a statement. He seemed almost wistful. Her voice was careful, "You two seem to have made amends."

Loki turned to Frigga with an odd expression. "He has forgiven me. Mother, I tried to kill him. Not actively, but…my plans called for his death. Yet he still forgives me. Had he done such a thing to me, I would not have been so generous."

Frigga's voice was patient, "Because he is Thor. And you are Loki. And there is nothing wrong with that." She stepped closer and reached up to frame Loki's face with her hands. "Son, I am so proud of you. For realizing that you erred; for saving your brother; for coming here to face your punishment with honor. And your Darcy Lewis is quite special. I can see why my efforts at matchmaking have failed so miserably in the past. She is unlike any woman in Asgard."

Loki reached up to grab his mother's wrists and gently tugged until her hands were clasped between his, resting against his chest. He smiled, "Indeed she is. I was not very kind to her in the beginning. And then it was all a game – to both of us, I believe. But it became serious before I had even realized it. She wormed her way into every aspect of myself – my life, my bed, my heart, my soul. It was invidious. She is the Goddess of Mischief for pulling off such a trick on me: making me love her without my permission."

Frigga smiled, "A coup worthy of a Princess of Asgard. You will marry her?"

Loki nodded, "In time. I must ask her first. And there is something I must do before that can occur."

Frigga smiled with satisfaction. "And you are to be a father. Soon, I believe – judging by the roundness of her stomach."

Loki laughed, "Oh please, Mother. Do not call her 'round' to her face. But yes, quite soon. In two months, you shall be a grandmother."

"And you a father."

Loki smiled, but Frigga was able to see behind it to the fear lurking in his eyes. Her voice became serious, "Loki, you will be a wonderful father. I have faith in you, my son. You are so intelligent. You will not make the same mistakes that were made with you. And Darcy will be with you – she seems quite adept at keeping you in line. And keeping you happy, which is all I have ever wanted for you."

Loki's smile was genuine this time, "I _am_ happy, Mother."

Frigga nodded, but her face quickly took on a hesitant expression. "Your father explained to me that he apologized to you last night. And I realize that it is now my turn. So Loki, I must say that-"

Loki cut her off, "No. No, Mother. You never have to apologize to me." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her temple. "Never."

Frigga's eyes filled with tears and she let out a little, desperate laugh. "You amaze me, my son. You always have."

Loki shook his head at her sentimentality, but allowed a smile to grace his face. His voice was wry, "We need to raise your expectations. But alas, it may be futile at this point. Now I could use some breakfast before Volstagg awakens. And I must save some sustenance for my love or she will be displeased. Although she actually _likes_ Volstagg. Can you believe such a thing?"

Frigga smiled, "Yes, because he is a lovely man. But I am afraid I must detain you from your repast just a bit longer. Father requires your assistance with something."

Loki raised an inquisitive brow, "Indeed? Should I be concerned?"

"It depends upon how much faith you have in Jane Foster."

Loki's eyes widened. The test. Father required _his_ help in testing Jane? Loki was both concerned and relieved. It had to be something unusual if his help was needed. But also, he would know in advance what the test would entail.

Jane Foster would pass this test, even if Loki had to perform a touch of manipulation. As annoying as he found the woman, Thor loved her. A brief memory of Thor covered in blood flashed before Loki's eyes.

Jane _would_ pass the test. Loki would never let his brother feel that much pain again.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry this was so short. I wasn't intending on ending the chapter here, but I had to let you guys know the amazing thing I found out…wait for it…

There is going to be a Loki cologne. I shit you not. First the Loki valentine and now Loki cologne – I can't even make this stuff up! There's going to be a whole Avengers line. But Loki's is _priceless_. It's called 'Mischief' and the tagline is "Made to Rule".

When I found out about this amazing bit of mindfuckery, I got in a texting debate over what Loki would smell like. Sex and Daddy Issues seems to be the winner. Then there was a debate over what Daddy Issues smell like. I say grapefruit and tears – she said disappointment, the Bifrost, and Anthony Hopkins' hair gel. Either way, I'm totally buying it and spraying it on my pillow. I'm not even ashamed.

Ok, I'm a little ashamed. But I'll upload a link to the cologne information on my profile. The website descriptions are hilarious. Who wants to smell like Hulk though? Or Nick Fury? And 'Thor' must smell like B.O. and an entitlement complex. Whatever…to each his own.


	26. Chapter 26

She was trying to maintain her zen-like calm, "_Thora_. Like Thora Birch?"

Loki's brow furrowed, "A tree?"

"An actress."

His face cleared, "Ah. No, like a feminine form of my brother."

Zen-like calm was slowly drifting away, "Seriously? You want to name our little girl after the man-beast that is _Thor_?"

Loki expelled a frustrated breath and Darcy realized that something else was going on here. He explained, "It seems important to him – to cement our bond once again. And he agreed to name his own daughter after me one day."

Darcy blinked, "Do I even want to know what name _that_ would be?"

"Loka."

Darcy tried to wrap her head around it. She failed. "_Loka_? That's actually even worse than Thora!"

Surprisingly, Loki cracked a naughty little smile. "I know. It is quite brutal."

Oh. Her man was being an asshole again at poor Thor's expense. Still…_Loka_. "Please tell me you didn't come up with that beauty."

Loki's smile widened, "No. That was all Thor."

Oh dear. Darcy was sure she knew the answer, but she asked anyway, "Does Jane know about this?"

"Not at present."

Poor Jane. Not even pregnant yet and already saddled with a daughter named _Loka_. Which would be painful enough on its own, but Jane wasn't Loki's biggest fan. Naming a kid after him?

Darcy tried to keep her face stern and disapproving, but she kept picturing Thor explaining this to Jane. Oh to be a fly on _that_ wall. Against her will, Darcy let out a little giggle. Loki looked delighted.

Trying valiantly not to smile, Darcy said, "Jane's going to kill him."

Loki threw his head back and laughed, "I know!"

Darcy reached up to smack his chest, "Loki! This isn't funny! Think about Jane."

Loki kept laughing, "I am. And she cannot even blame me. This was all Thor's idea."

"Yes, but I'm sure you goaded him into this. Whenever Thor does something this mind-bogglingly stupid, you influenced. You're a stupidity enabler!"

Loki stopped laughing, but his smile remained, "How else is he supposed to learn?"

Darcy sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

Loki's eyes became oddly serious, "Love me for all eternity."

"Well, that's a given." Darcy shook her head, "But _Thora_? Seriously, babe?"

Loki reached up to tangle his hand in her elaborate hairdo, wrecking some palace flunky's handiwork. Darcy didn't seem to mind. "Not a fan?"

"_Astrid Thora_? Loki, child services will arrest us for abuse! We're supposed to love our daughter, not punish her with a train wreck like that!"

Loki's face finally seemed to lose its mirth. "I thought you liked Astrid."

"Of the twelve options you gave me, it did have the least amount of unnecessary vowels. But it's still a name only a celebrity baby could ever pull off." Darcy tilted her head thoughtfully, "Though you _are_ somewhat of a celebrity."

Loki corrected, "I am a _prince_. Have you decided to go with Liv again? That was your alternate choice for her name. Correct?"

Darcy sighed, "Yeah. But..." Her voice faded out. But, but, but. While she liked Liv better, she knew Loki _loved_ Astrid. Asgardian names held meaning here in weird ways. Liv meant something about protection, which didn't really fit. Between Loki, Thor and the Avengers – their baby would be one incredibly protected baby. But Astrid meant she was a fair and beautiful goddess. Seemed a bit cliché to Darcy, but she understood where Loki was coming from on this one. He wanted to let people know that their daughter would be beautiful - blue or not.

Still, Astrid Thora was a pretty heinous name. Although their baby was obviously going to be awesome enough to own it. Darcy thought hard about this. She knew it mattered to Loki in ways she didn't completely understand. But she couldn't just let Loki win everything. Hmm…an idea occurred to her.

Compromise. She would give here and wait for the payoff.

Steeling her nerves, Darcy reached out and let her fingers walk up the grooves on the crazy chestplate Loki wore. Her voice was soft, "I have a proposition."

Intrigue and suspicion immediately lit the eyes in front of her, "I am listening."

Darcy took her free hand and placed it on her stomach, "We'll name baby girl here whatever you want."

Unfiltered surprise came over Loki's face, "If…"

Darcy tried not to let her internal chaos show, "If I get complete naming privileges on any future offspring."

Loki's eyebrow rose sharply. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately, seeming a bit lost for words. Darcy wasn't sure if she wanted to vomit or giggle. She was skipping steps again, and she wasn't sure he was going to be ok with it this time. Finally, he tilted his head appraisingly, "You plan to bear _more _of my children?"

Possibly. Probably. Someday. If she didn't die giving birth to this one. Although, she might change her mind as soon as contractions started. But that's why this was a gamble. There was only a slim chance that they'd have more kids, but if that slim chance happened – she had all the power.

Keeping her voice calm, she answered, "Maybe. Not anytime soon, but you never know. So should that happen - _very _far down the line - I get to name our kids anything I want. No input from the peanut gallery."

Loki still looked stunned, "Peanut? Never mind, that is unimportant."

"So?" Darcy held her breath.

Finally, a smile started playing about the corners of his lips, "I will agree to this if any children we have is a Lokison or Lokidóttir." He reached his hand out and placed it atop Darcy's own, resting on her stomach. "Including her."

Ugh...crazy Asgardians. "I still don't get the whole last names situation. It's impractical. What if there's like eight hundred people named Bob? How many Bobsons would there be in the phonebook? Wait, does Asgard even _have_ a phonebook?"

Loki just gave her a look.

She sighed, "That's a no. But still – I'm so glad I'm not Darcy Alandóttir. Although Jane's kinda bummed that she has to stay Jane Foster. I think she wanted to be Jane Odinson."

Loki shook his head, "Midgardians are so unusual. The very idea of surnames…patronymics simply make more sense. You are always your father's daughter, but you may not always be your husband's wife. Something as intrinsic as a name should not change." Loki's face became oddly vacant, "It is your identity."

Oh shit. Darcy suddenly realized that they had wandered into a fucking emotional minefield. She should have noticed the 'Proceed with Caution' sign that she blazed past when she started mentioning last names.

Loki Odinson. Loki Laufeyson. Damn.

Before he could start brooding too deeply, Darcy popped up on her toes to give him a kiss. He froze, startled, before kissing her back gently. After a slow minute, she pulled away to whisper a grudging "fine" against his lips.

Loki pulled back completely and looked into her eyes, trying to gauge her level of honesty. "We have an accord?"

Darcy nodded. Poor little Astrid Thora Lokidóttir.

Loki let out a pleasant hum as he slid his thumb across her bottom lip, wiping away the wetness from their kiss. "Thank you, my love."

Darcy smiled. "You're welcome. Now fix my hair before I go get breakfast. I don't want your mom to see me all mussed and get the wrong idea of what we've been doing."

"The wrong idea? Yes, of course." Loki looked down at his hand on her stomach, "Because she is already under the impression that you are pure as untrodden snow."

"Hey!" Darcy gave him an ineffectual shove. "Everyone knows you seduced me."

Loki chuckled deeply, "Oh yes, _I_ was the one buying naughty lingerie in your favorite color."

Darcy's mouth dropped open. "Low blow!" She pointed her finger in his face. "You stalked me, babe! And then you said naughty things and kissed me and it was all sexy and shit. Now _that_ is seducing someone."

Loki smiled in the way he did when he was about to win an argument. Darcy's stomach clenched in anticipation and dread. "The first time we formally met you brought me a drink, told me I had a pretty laugh, complimented my helmet, invited me to spend time with you socially, and asked me for my telephone number. So the way I see it, you have always been the sexual aggressor in our relationship."

"That was flirting at best! No seducing. You were dangerous."

"I am still dangerous."

Darcy shivered at the tone of his voice. She tried to focus, "_You_ stole my panties."

Loki's smile was annoyingly relentless, "I will admit to being a willing participant in your seduction schemes."

Frustrated, Darcy sighed, "Fine. I was a vile seducer. Your mother has every right to think of me as a big ol' slut."

Loki chuckled, "Vile? No, my love. You were a naughty temptress. A vixen. I was powerless against you. Still am."

Darcy started perking up, "Yeah?"

"Yes, quite. But do not tell anyone."

Smiling, Darcy answered, "The word is mum. But, seriously Loki – fix my hair."

* * *

><p>Hogun sat in silence, watching the way Thor's eyes lit up every time he looked at Jane Foster. No one could see the internal debate going on within the stoic warrior.<p>

Less than an hour prior, Loki had cornered him and asked a favor – a very, very dangerous favor. Jane Foster was to be tested and Loki was ordered to assist Odin in the creation of the test. But he was not to interfere in its outcome. Odin should have known better – Loki was never one for obeying orders. For once, Hogun almost agreed with the God of Mischief and Lies.

It seemed that Odin was a great and benevolent ruler to all Asgardians.

Except his sons.

Loki had been brief. Jane Foster would be tested and she would fail. Unless someone – someone no one would ever expect to disobey an order from Odin – warned Jane of what was coming. And Hogun _always_ followed orders. He had marched into the jaws of death on more than one occasion based on nothing more than a single word from the Allfather's lips. He was still alive only due to a combination of miracles and friends. Friends like Thor.

And Loki.

Loki had always been complicated. In battle, there was rarely a better ally to have at your back. But outside the bloodshed, Loki was devious and slippery as the snakes he commanded. More illusion than man in every sense. But they _had_ been friends once. They had fought together; bled together; celebrated victory together. And now Loki asked a favor. Not for himself, but for Thor – a man they both loved like a brother even if neither truly was one.

Again, Hogun watched as Jane laughed at something Thor said and the God of Thunder smiled wider than when he won a war. If Jane Foster failed, would he ever smile like that again?

No. No, he would not.

Hogun did not like to dwell upon his own past – it was filled with nothing but blood and death and regret. Long ago he could not save the people he loved, so now he fought hard to save those he loved in this new life. Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, Thor…and Loki. They were his family now.

Did he dare disobey his king to see his brother smile? Loki would. Loki _did_. And so would Hogun.

Quiet as a ghost, Hogun stood up and walked the short distance to stand behind Jane Foster. Silence descended as Jane turned to stare up at him curiously. She truly was beautiful – flawless really. And she was a good woman with a pure heart. She had changed Thor from a selfish boy into a selfless man. Into a king.

He tried to smile, but was sure it looked out of place on his features. He was called Hogun the Grim for a reason, after all. She still smiled back at him sweetly. The poor girl would fail and Odin would send her back with no memory of Thor or of Asgard. And Thor would mourn her even after her life ended. He would mourn her for longer than she could have ever lived – mortals were so easily dispatched through age, disease, and folly.

He spoke gently, "Jane Foster, I wish to borrow you for a moment. I believe there are certain…things…of which you must be made aware about the God of Thunder. Before you bind your life to his, you should have the benefit of making a truly informed decision."

Thor looked nervous, "Hold on a moment, Hogun. I do not think this is such a good idea. Jane knows me."

Jane looked between the two men before speaking to Hogun, "Will it embarrass him?"

Hogun again attempted to smile, "Most definitely."

Jane giggled, "Then count me in." She jumped up with surprising speed and grace. Thor grabbed her arm gently.

"Jane…you should stay." Thor looked at her desperately before blurting, "Hogun lies! Whatever he says – all a lie."

Jane laughed while unpeeling the fingers from around her bicep, "I thought your brother was the liar. I think I absolutely _must_ hear what Hogun has to say now."

Hogun offered Jane Foster his arm and she latched onto it with a smile. "Where to, kind sir?"

Hogun led her out toward the balcony, watching over his shoulder as a laughing Fandral held Thor back from following. Sif was yelling something about how this 'served him right'. Hogun shook his head at the familiar scene and knew he had made the right choice.

Once on the balcony, Jane turned to him with a grin, "So, just what naughtiness was Thor up to before he met me? I know he was quite the ladies' man. And he loved a good party."

Hogun reached out and took her hand in his. Jane froze, looking at him askance. "Hogun?"

With a final look around to verify their privacy, Hogun leaned in toward Jane. She tried to back away from him, but the railing prevented her from moving more than a step and his hold on her hand was too tight for her to attempt to break it. Her eyes filled with fear almost immediately. Loki was right. She _would_ fail.

Hogun leaned in even further and wrapped his arm around her in a strange embrace, placing his lips against her ear. Ignoring her feeble attempts to wriggle out of his grip, he whispered, "You are to be tested, Jane Foster. And you will fail. Loki asked me to come speak with you."

Jane froze against him as the words sunk into her mind. "What?"

"Shhh…quiet. Odin's ears are everywhere. If he were to discover this conversation, both Loki and I would be punished most severely. Do you understand?"

He felt Jane's nod against the side of his face, so he continued, "Good. Now listen to me, Jane Foster. If you wish to be with Thor, you have to do but one thing. It will be nearly impossible, but you must do it anyway."

He felt Jane's free hand come up to grip his arm, as if bracing herself for the news. Hogun paused, savoring the moment before he betrayed Odin for the second time. He hoped this time did not turn out as the last had – with Loki becoming a stranger, Thor becoming a mortal, and war with Jotunheim banging at the door. Still – for his family, he would speak.

"Jane Foster, your impossible task is this: whatever you see, whatever you feel, whatever happens…," Hogun closed his eyes and spoke treason, "Do not scream."

He placed a kiss upon her cheek and pulled away. Jane Foster was white as snow. Poor child. It truly was an impossible test.

Assembling his facial expression into something vaguely pleasant, Hogan commanded, "Smile, Jane Foster. Thor must believe that you are well."

The answering smile she gave him was a shadow of the beaming glow that she had directed at him before. But it would have to do. Hogun had done his part. Now she would have to do hers.

Jane grabbed the arm he held out to her desperately, needing to feel a solid form beneath her own trembling hand. While Hogun wasn't Thor, he would do for the moment. She allowed him to walk her back to her love and his friends, but her mind was elsewhere. Thor picked up on her distress, but she waved him off with a forced laugh. Then she tried to smile as convincingly as possible as Volstagg made clever jokes at Thor's expense, but still she couldn't focus on the present. Instead, three words echoed through her mind endlessly.

Do. Not. Scream.

Oh God. What were they going to do to her? What if she failed Thor? He was so sure of her – so sure of _them_.

And Hogun had done this because Loki wanted to warn her. _Loki_. He didn't like her and was pretty bad at hiding it. But she trusted him enough now to believe that he wouldn't deliberately trick her into failing this test. He wouldn't hurt Thor like that. Which meant this was real. This was all real. Oh God.

Do not scream.


	27. Chapter 27

The door closed behind her with a clang leaving Jane in complete darkness. This was not a darkness to which her eyes would ever adjust – a blackness so deep it was almost existential. But even as a child, Jane had never been afraid of the dark. While this was certainly disorienting and unsettling, it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Jane stayed still, waiting for the test to begin.

A rustling caught her attention. It was soft and innocuous, not immediately setting off any alarm bells in her head. Still, that was strange. She strained her ears, trying to make out where exactly it was coming from. Wait…

Breathing. Something was _breathing_.

She wasn't alone in here.

Now Jane was starting to panic. Darkness may not scare her, but the things that hid in it certainly did. No, she was being ridiculous. This was a test and so she needed to stay calm and think. Nothing in here was going to kill her. Hell, it was probably just Loki playing tricks on her. Both he and Darcy had been conspicuously absent from the group of people waiting around outside to cheer her on.

"Loki? I'm not scared of you." She made her voice sound amused.

The breathing was suddenly directly behind her, ruffling her hair. It wasn't human – too deep, too heavy, too primal.

She spun around, trying desperately to make out the presence in front of her. Darkness and nothing more. She was overreacting. It was still probably Loki playing a trick. Trying to scare her like he always did – probably laughing at her quietly.

"Cut it out, Loki."

Even though the breathing was directly in front of her, Jane felt something touch the back of her neck. Just a feather-light brush of something warm resting against her skin. Jane's nervous system shut down at the contact.

Fear – stark and raw and absolute – enveloped her body. The touch burned right down to her soul as if every bit of happiness she had ever felt was being forcibly ripped from her through that one little inch of flesh. This wasn't right – this wasn't natural. Something was taking all of the light inside of her and replacing it with darkness.

She was lying naked in a coffin full of snakes and they were writhing all around her, trying to find a way inside her body. No, she was back in the hospital with her father, watching her mother die slowly and painfully. No, she was bound with chains and thrown into the water. Sinking. Drowning. She was drowning! She clawed for the surface, but found herself once again surrounded by blackness.

Some part of Jane recognized that she was still in that room – still being tested. But her mind was drifting from one nightmare to the next. She was following bloody footprints to her bedroom, pausing at the door, knowing Thor was waiting for her to find him – his body cold and already stiffened with rigor mortis. No, she was being chased down an alley by a man in a mask, held down and helpless while he hurt her in the cruelest way. No, she was with Darcy, watching helplessly as the girl bled out from between her thighs, crying for Loki and her dying child. No, she was watching her father put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger. No, she was in a coffin again, this time alone but hearing the _thump thump_ of the dirt hitting the wood above her as she is buried alive.

No. No. No.

Help her. Someone help her. Thor!

Her mouth opened to call out for help, to call out for her lover. But the words caught in her throat.

Loki. There was something she needed to remember about Loki.

Loki…

Loki wanted…

Hogun's voice saying, "Loki wanted me to tell you…"

Do not scream.

Do. Not. Scream.

Jane snapped her jaw shut, putting both hands over her mouth to muffle the whimpers escaping.

This was a test. Fear. Every fear she had ever had, and some she never could have imagined. But it wasn't real. Thor would never let her truly suffer.

_Wouldn't he?_, a voice whispered in her mind.

No! No, he wouldn't!

_Isn't he already? Aren't you suffering right now?_

No! Thor wouldn't hurt her. Thor loved her. She loved Thor. She believed in him.

But it was a year ago and Thor was bleeding on the pavement, Loki hovering over him and laughing at his pain.

No! No, Loki didn't do that. Loki _saved_ Thor. This wasn't real.

But she was falling off a building, watching the ground get closer and closer.

This wasn't real! She was in the dark room. She had to remember that this was a test.

But she was watching as a little boy with her eyes and Thor's smile ran into the street to chase after a ball, not noticing the truck.

No! This wasn't real. This wasn't real.

Do not scream. Hogun told her not to scream. No, _Loki_ told her. Because Loki knew that she would want to. Because Loki knew what the test was. Thor didn't know. Why would Loki know? _Think_, Jane. Because he's involved somehow, right? Didn't she already guess that?

But she was only a little girl, lying alone in bed, watching as her closet door slowly creaked open. Something was coming to get her.

She shoved her hands even more tightly against her mouth. Loki warned her not to scream. Screaming meant losing. It was too hard to think. What was she supposed to do? What was this test really about? Was she supposed to say she wasn't afraid? That would be a lie. And judging by their treatment of Loki, Asgardians didn't appreciate liars.

An hour. She was supposed to last an hour.

An hour in the car that was sinking, slowly being filled with water. No, an hour in the basement, trying to hide from the man with the knives. No, an hour in the burlap medical tent, watching as a harried army doctor took her arm off with a dull saw and an apologetic smile.

No! No. _No_.

This was a test. Thor. Think of Thor. Focus on Thor. Think of his smile and the way it always made her heart skip a beat. Think of the first time they kissed, ignoring the people around them, desperate to have that one perfect moment before he had to go face his brother. Focus on the first time they made love, how gentle he had been – so afraid he would hurt her. The way he looked in the mornings, hair mussed and faced lined with creases from the pillow. Think how happy he was when she accepted his proposal. Think of the look in his eyes when he explained that he would always forgive Loki because he was his brother, and that's just what brothers did. Think of the time she tried to teach him how to drive and how cute he had been trying to explain to Tony why his Mercedes needed a new door. Think of that first time she saw him when he finally came back from Asgard. The way he had looked at her. The way he _always_ looked at her.

Jane kept her hands tightly over her mouth and focused on everything she loved about the God of Thunder. Even as monsters and disease and accidents and thugs tortured her in various ways.

An hour. Odin said an hour.

Do not scream. Hogun said not to scream. Loki said not to scream.

Thor said he loved her. She could do this. He was worth it.

* * *

><p>While it took a great deal of his focus to keep the creature under control, Loki kept part of his mind focused on Jane's thoughts. She was impressing him with her ability to remain quiet. She was amazing him with her ability to remain sane.<p>

When Odin had mentioned what his part was to be in this test, Loki had lost his temper a bit. While he didn't particularly like Jane, he loved Thor. And this whole affair was unbelievably cruel. This was a test designed for her to fail. In fact, the only woman who might ever be able to pass such a test would be Sif. Odin had never made it a secret that he thought the warrior-goddess was a good fit for his eldest son – and a good fit for the role of the future Queen of Asgard. But this was cheating.

For once, Loki wished he didn't understand Odin. Thor would certainly never understand. And if Jane failed, Thor would certainly never forgive. But Loki understood Odin all too well. Odin had an endgame and he was moving whatever pieces he needed to move in whatever direction he needed to move them in order to arrive at the desired outcome.

It wasn't that Odin didn't like Jane. And it certainly wasn't that he doubted Thor's love for her, or vice-versa. It was simply that he did not believe her to be the Queen that Asgard needed. So he rigged the game. But he made one fatal miscalculation. If Odin had asked Loki a few years ago to contain the creature in the room while it tore into the mind of Thor's ladylove, Loki would have happily agreed. But that was then. That was before Loki almost killed Thor. That was before Darcy.

Putting aside the excruciating pain Thor would feel at Jane's failure, Loki couldn't help but imagine Darcy being the one in the room with the demon. Darcy's brain being picked apart and her fears played upon. Darcy trying not to scream.

Fuck that.

Loki knew his brother would do everything in his power to help Loki's lover. And so Loki would return the favor. After all, Jane didn't stand a chance. She was to face her fears – to face Fear itself. An hour in the room with the creature. The others would be listening at the door, straining to hear some clue of what was going on within, some clue of what the test was. And if Jane screamed, Thor would find a way in to save her – and Jane would fail. Then Odin would banish her, scrubbing her mind clean of any memory of Thor and anything connected with her time with him – from her journey to Asgard to her work on Einstein-Rosen Bridges. She would even forget about Darcy. Jane Foster would return to Midgard as nothing more than a shell, losing years' worth of memories and any chance she had at happiness.

So Loki had done what he could to help both her and Thor. He gave her the only advice he could give her. There was no real way to prepare her for this and any attempt he could have made at explaining what was going to happen to her would have only ended with her panicking. In truth, it would be best if she never found out what exactly it was in the room with her today.

Regardless, Thor was going to be furious. Odin was underestimating the wrath that he was to face once Thor found out what was being done to his beloved in the darkness. Loki could have found some way for Thor to learn beforehand, but that would have only hindered any chance his brother had to keep Jane Foster. Jane _needed_ to pass the test in order to partake of Idun's apples. Thor could rant and rave all he wanted just as soon as Jane was immortal. That was safest for all involved.

Loki grimaced as he watched Jane try to tell herself that the tarantula crawling up her leg wasn't real. Nor the scorpion in her mouth or the python trying to wriggle between her thighs. Nor the child bleeding on the floor, nor the wolf tearing through her flesh, nor the lava burning her body from the feet upwards. Inside her head was a maelstrom of horror and Loki felt genuinely sorry for the part he had to play. But he'd done the best he could to help her.

He _had_ done the best he could.

_Hold on, Jane_, Loki urged. _Hold on for my brother_.

* * *

><p>Odin's face remained blank as the time wound down. Any emotion he might have been feeling at Jane's unanticipated victory was kept carefully hidden behind his neutral expression. Thor just kept getting more and more fidgety, smiling wider as every second ticked by without anything happening. He didn't know what Jane was doing in that room – what test she had to endure. But he knew she would pass. She was brave and intelligent, loyal and caring, resourceful and determined. She would pass.<p>

And then they would marry. And he would be able to wake to Jane's beautiful smile every day for the rest of eternity.

A loud clang drew everyone's attention. Fandral was the first to understand what the sound meant, "An hour! It has been an hour! Has Jane Foster passed the test?"

Odin did not answer, merely watched as the door slowly opened. Jane didn't emerge immediately and Thor turned to his father with concern etched on his face. Then a hand came out of the darkness, pale and shaking, and grabbed the open door. The rest of Jane slowly came into focus. Thor took two swift steps to reach her with a smile, but froze while still several feet away at the expression on Jane's face. Everyone seemed to hold their collective breath at the sight of Jane Foster's pale skin and horrorstricken eyes.

Thor's voice was urgent, "Jane?" She didn't respond, just stared somewhere beyond him as if she couldn't hear him.

Suddenly, Loki appeared directly in front of Jane, startling everyone. He reached out slowly and placed his hand on Jane's temple, easing into her mind. He whispered into her consciousness that it was over, that she had passed, that Thor was waiting. Her eyes turned to him and seemed to finally focus.

Her voice was a broken whisper, "Is this real?"

Loki let his hand slide from her temple to her shoulder, leaning down so she could see his eyes clearly.

"Yes, Jane. This is real now. It is over. Come back to us."

Her lower lip trembled and her voice was that of a child, "Thor?"

Thor went to step toward her but Loki held up his hand to stop him. Off-balance, Thor paused, waiting for his brother's instructions on how to help his love.

Loki turned to Odin. "She passed. Announce it to all."

Odin looked at him steadily, but Loki could feel the suspicion lurking behind his gaze. Loki hardened his voice and demanded, "Announce that she passed. She will partake of the fruit and become immortal. Sanction their union. Father, sanction it!"

Everyone seemed torn, not knowing what was going on. Frigga placed a hand on her husband's arm and spoke softly, "She passed, Odin."

Odin's gaze slid from his youngest son to his eldest. His voice was firm, "Jane Foster has passed the test. She is worthy of Thor, of immortality, and of the throne. If it is Thor's wish, she will be the future Queen of Asgard. I have spoken and so shall it be."

Loki released a breath, then pivoted to look at his brother. "Thor, she is broken in mind. I will help as best I can. Make Father explain what she had to endure. I will calm her down until you can join her."

Thor looked confused and worried, "Loki, what is going on? What has happened to Jane?"

Loki sent a grim smile of satisfaction at Odin, "She passed." Then Loki's body shifted, becoming bulkier, until Thor stood looking at himself. Loki, wearing Thor's face, leaned down to Jane, "Come, my love. Let us rest now."

Jane blinked and then threw herself into Loki's broad chest. Loki reached down with one arm and pulled the mortal woman off her feet and into his arms. The real Thor looked on in shock.

"Loki, what are you doing? I do not understand. Jane…"

Loki gave his brother a soft look, "Let me ease her distress. Give me an hour and then come to us. For now, direct all your questions to Father."

Without any further words, Loki and Jane disappeared.

* * *

><p>Loki disliked playing with someone's mind. While he was all in favor of illusions and general trickery that made one's mind trick itself, it was quite another thing to actually poke about in someone's brain. But Jane needed a bit of help if she was going to come out of this without years of therapy. He took her, nightmare by nightmare, through her experience in the darkness and reinforced her belief that it wasn't real. Halfway through the process, Jane seemed to come out of the fog and realize that the man in bed with her – holding her in his lap like a child – wasn't actually Thor but was Loki wearing her lover's face. She took that shock with a great deal of grace considering her rocky relationship with the God of Mischief.<p>

Loki allowed his own face to slip back on, but kept her in his arms while he finished walking her through her memories. It became easier as she became more cognizant of what he was doing and why he was doing it. When he reached the end, he took one final look around her mind to check for any lingering horrors hiding in the shadows. It seemed all clear, so he retreated completely.

He removed his hand from her temple and absently wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of his wrist. She was looking at him strangely, but he had spent too much time in Jane Foster's head that day for him to venture back in just to find out why.

Her voice was soft when she finally broke the silence, "I didn't scream."

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. "I know. I was there. You should be quite proud of yourself, Jane. Thor will make you the Goddess of Courage and Fortitude for this. Even I have found myself impressed with you today."

"Thank you, Loki." Her tone was sincere. Loki blinked, surprised by the ease with which the words slid from her tongue.

"You need not thank me. I have caused my brother much pain these past few months." He shook his head, "These past few _years_. It is gratifying to be able to cause him happiness instead."

Jane studied his face until Loki raised a questioning brow. She seemed to measure her words, "Thor loves you. You've done…horrible things. You've killed and destroyed without blinking. And you still don't seem very remorseful about it. I berated him for trusting you – for believing in you when he'd already had such vivid examples of why he shouldn't. You weren't a good guy, Loki. But Thor still loved you. I could write that off as a family thing. A sort of 'I don't like him, but I have to love him' thing."

Loki just watched her silently as she spoke, letting her have the floor.

"But then I found out about you and Darcy. I thought it was lust – I mean you're both pretty attractive and things happen. But when she told me she _loved_ you, I thought she was crazy. She didn't have any reason to. You're a sociopath and a tyrant. I thought she was confused, or simply delusional and hopeful since she was going to have a baby with you. But for a quirky girl, she's pretty level-headed. She does love you. She's made that _very_ clear to everyone. But I could never understand why."

Jane's hands trembled as she brought them up to grab onto Loki's shoulders. "I do now."

Her breath came out on a whimper, "I get it. I get why she loves you. I'm sorry for doubting you; I won't anymore. Thank you. Thank you, Loki. I was…I can't…" Her words became unintelligible as sobs began racking her frame.

Loki felt the tension in his spine ease for the first time since his brother's love walked into the testing room. These tears were catharsis – Jane would be alright.

Though she would probably regret being quite so effusive in her gratitude later – once she remembered that she didn't actually like Loki.

With a resigned sigh, Loki shifted his position so that he could wrap his arms around the woman in his lap. She just kept bawling and mumbling about Thor and snakes and blood. Loki hoped that his brother would get here soon so they could switch off. If a woman was going to be crying all over him, he'd prefer it be Darcy. Not that he ever wanted his love to cry, but he wasn't fond of allowing people into his personal space. Still, Loki ran his hands up and down Jane's back as he did whenever his own mortal love became overwhelmed by life and hormones. He was glad that Darcy had actually listened to him when he asked her not to go to Jane's test. She had pressed for a reason, but he had simply said 'please' and she knew by looking at him that she really shouldn't go. He was both irked and pleased at how well his love could read him these days.

Finally, Loki heard the door creak open slowly and saw Thor's head peek around the frame. It seemed to take the blond a moment to comprehend the sight of his fiancé crying in his brother's lap – on their bed.

Thor's voice was hoarse, and Loki knew immediately that he had spoken his anger to Odin. Loudly.

"Loki, is Jane alright?"

Jane's head spun around to look at Thor and Loki could feel the relief rushing through her. She scrambled out of Loki's embrace and ran toward Thor, who held his arms out to her and crushed her to his chest.

"Thor, I love you. I love you so much, baby."

Loki watched as Thor's face hovered between being on the verge of tears and being on the verge of ecstasy, "My Jane. My sweet Jane. You were so brave. I am so sorry for what happened to you, my dearest heart."

"It was awful, Thor. It was so scary and dark and the things I saw were so-"

"It is over, Jane. It is all over now. We will be together forever and I will spend every day of eternity making this up to you."

Loki was going to gag at this nauseating display.

Jane pulled back, "You're worth it. You're worth anything. I love you."

Thor lifted her off her feet and smashed their lips together in a sloppy kiss. Loki cringed at the lackluster technique, but he supposed that the emotional turmoil of the moment overcame the poor form. Mostly.

When Thor finally let Jane come up for air, he spoke urgently, "Are you alright, dearest?"

Jane nodded looking a bit dazed, "I think so. Loki helped. He really, _really_ helped. I wouldn't have even passed if it weren't for him."

Thor brought his head up sharply and pierced Loki with a stricken gaze. "Brother? You have…again you have saved me. Jane is my life and so again I owe my life to you. Loki, I-"

Loki cut him off, "No! All people can seem to say to me lately are 'I am sorry' or 'Thank you' or 'I love you' and it is getting ridiculous. I have a feeling you were about to say all three. If you do, I might actually be sick."

Thor gave him a shaky smile, "Brother, I will not say it. But I will think it very loudly."

Loki gave a chuckle. "Fair enough. Now make love to your future wife and do it properly. I will have Darcy get the truth from Jane, and if I find you are as boring in bed as you are outside of it, I will stage an intervention. And believe me, there will be diagrams and a written test."

Thor shook his head at his brother's teasing, "Worry about your own woman's satisfaction, brother."

Loki smiled before allowing the gravity of his next words to darken his face, "I have done the best I can, Thor. But she will have nightmares for a while. Take care of her. And congratulations – you are as good as married."

Thor placed a kiss on the top of Jane's head and then nodded at his brother. Loki smiled and disappeared. He reappeared in the throne room, which was empty save for the King and Queen themselves.

His parents seemed to have aged a century in the last hour. A deep and weary voice asked, "Are you here to berate me too, my son?"

Loki walked closer, standing beside his mother and taking her shaking hand within his own. He turned his head to face the throne, "No, Father. You know where I stood when it came to this test."

Odin nodded, "And it has been returned to its cage?"

Loki sneered, "Of course. As soon as Jane's time was up, I bound it. _I_ would not let such a creature roam freely around those I care about."

Odin sighed, "Loki, it was the proper test. I have argued with you and with Thor about this. But I am King of Asgard and I say that it was just. She will not merely be immortal, she will be a Queen. The Queen of us all. She had to be exceptional."

Loki's voice was soft, "She was, Father. All could see it save you. You almost destroyed your son. Thor would never have forgiven you if she failed. He may not forgive you even now."

"I am tired of having my decisions questioned. Why do you and your brother never understand your place?"

Loki laughed without humor, "Because we were both born to rule. Not to be ruled."

Odin responded, "Regardless, she has passed the test. She will wed Thor and be Queen one day."

Loki stared hard at Odin, "Good. She has earned it."

"You cheated." Odin's voice was certain. "I do not know how, but you aided her. Jane Foster could not have won on her own."

Loki smiled with genuine humor, "Perhaps. But since she could not have won on her own, I think it more apt to say that it was _you_ who cheated."

Odin did not say anything in response.

Loki continued, "But she did pass, Father. An hour with pure evil. She walked in the door just as she walked out, on her own feet. She passed. All heard you say it."

Odin sighed. "I know. Jane Foster is surprising in many ways. Now she will marry Thor. And then you will marry Darcy Lewis. Your mother would like to see that occur before the child is born."

Loki's voice was deceptively calm, "You are not testing Darcy. You have already said you were not."

Odin nodded, "I have no intention of testing her. If she survives the childbirth, then she is worthy of becoming a Princess of Asgard. It will not be easy for her despite all of your magic. Creating life is so much harder than taking it."

Loki leaned toward his silent mother, removing his hand from her grip so that he could wrap his arm around her shoulders, "That is surprisingly generous of you, Father. Why such a boon for me and not Thor? Simply because Darcy will never be Queen?"

Odin gave Loki a long look before answering, "I may be an old man, but I have no desire to die today."

Loki thought over his father's words. Finally, he nodded with understanding, "Thor respects you as much as he loves you. He would never wound you in any way save emotionally. But if you tried to hurt Darcy, I would kill you. I would mourn you and feel genuine sorrow, but I would kill you nonetheless." A terrifying light appeared behind Loki's eyes, "And you fear me."

Odin shook his head slowly, "No, my son. I have never feared you. I merely fear what you can do."

"You are a wise man."

Odin finally let a smile grace his lips, "That is why they made me King."

Loki smiled back then leaned down to place a kiss on his mother's forehead. He would go check on Darcy and let her know that he was going to be gone tonight. She wouldn't be pleased, but it was necessary. Loki needed advice and there was only one person he felt comfortable enough to go to for it. Although considering the emotional toll today's events had taken on Loki's patience, Tony Stark damn well better watch his mouth.

After all, Loki still had the thread. And Nick Fury would probably _thank_ him for getting the loudest Avenger to actually shut up for more than a minute.

Thinking about it that way, it was win-win.

Loki took a cleansing breath and then focused. To Darcy and then to Midgard. And hopefully by this time tomorrow, Darcy would have agreed to be his wife.

* * *

><p>AN: I feel like I need to explain that Jane's test is pulled right from the comics – I wasn't just being unnecessarily cruel to poor Jane. For those who don't know, Jane's test was to be locked in a room with the 'Lurking Unknown'. She freaked out, called for help, Thor saved her, she failed, Odin wiped her mind clean, he forbade Thor from ever seeing her again, then she was sent back to Earth…yup, that's it in a nutshell. I think Thor then started banging Sif actually. I don't read comics, I Google – so my info might be a bit wrong. But I wanted to stick somewhere near the vicinity of canon and when I read about the 'Lurking Unknown' – I thought it sounded like something in a horror movie. Hence the hopefully disturbing test. But next chapter has Tony Stark being glib, so it'll lighten up soon. Well, sorta. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me as my updates get slower and slower. Your kind words keep me going and I'll NEVER abandon this story until the end.

So, kids, the moral of today's chapter: Odin is a douchebag.


	28. Chapter 28

When Tony Stark entered his office and found Loki sitting with a glass of scotch in one hand and a black rook in the other, he had to control the involuntary smile that threatened to come out. He couldn't let the God of Mischief think that he _missed_ him or something ridiculous like that.

"Didn't expect you back so soon. Did you two get kicked out? If so, _why_? This is very important. I put money on Darcy telling Odin to 'fuck off'. Clint said it would be because you tried to kill someone. I think Nat has money on the interspecies PDA freaking everyone out."

Loki didn't look amused, "Darcy and I are still welcome in Asgard."

Tony didn't bother trying to hide his disappointment, "Oh. Well in that case, do you think you could get Darcy mad at your dad? I'll split the winnings with you."

Loki ignored the question, looking strangely nervous, "I need to ask you about Midgardian customs again."

Tony poured himself a glass of scotch and took his place on the other side of the chessboard, "Oh goody! Last time was interesting. 'Tony, what does it mean to Google someone? And does it hurt?' Man, that was priceless."

Again, Loki ignored him and asked, "You plan to marry Pepper, do you not?"

Tony nearly choked on his scotch, "_Marry_? Where would you come up with an idea like that?" He suddenly looked very interested, "I mean…did she say something? Because I don't think that's such a…I mean…_shit_. Maybe?"

Loki smiled, happy to once again have the upper hand, "That was wonderfully coherent. I will assume that you have at least considered marrying Pepper."

Tony still looked a bit nonplussed, "Considered it? Sure. I consider a lot of things. I consider converting my yacht into a pirate ship and scaring tourists on cruise lines. Doesn't mean I'm going to _do_ it."

"Well you should. Both the pirate ship and Mrs. Pepper Stark. But that is not why I am inquiring into the subject. There is a specific protocol one must follow when asking for a Midgardian woman's hand in marriage. Can you elaborate on that? The internet was…overwhelming. I would rather hear about this from someone I can...," Loki paused to contemplate his next word.

"Trust?" Tony actually looked touched.

Loki shook his head, "_Blame_. Should anything go wrong."

"Nice. Well, first of all – _calm down_. I get nervous seeing you wound up so tight. She'll say yes."

Loki cleared his throat. "Perhaps. She does not yet know what marriage to me would entail. Immortality is a double-edged sword."

Tony's eyes bugged out, "Oh shit! Darcy would be _immortal_? That's a scary thought."

Loki made a noncommittal noise and asked, "The protocol?"

Tony took a deep breath before leaning back in his chair. "Well, how old-fashioned do you want to be here?"

Loki tilted his head, "Old-fashioned? She is quite a modern woman, so I am not sure if that would be appropriate."

Tony waved his answer off, "Not true. When it comes to weddings, _everyone_ is old-fashioned. Trust me. Buy her a ring, ask her dad, and then kneel."

Loki raised a brow questioningly, "I can easily buy her a ring, but I am unclear what her father or kneeling has to do with any of this. Am I to buy Darcy from her father with jewelry? That seems _very_ antiquated. And kneeling…must I fall upon my knees and beg her to marry me? Or is there a sexual component that I am misunderstanding?"

Tony let out a little snigger, "I wanna laugh at everything you just said, but it's not too far off. Look, Loki – we'll figure it out. Just listen, ok?"

Loki nodded.

"Now, you get her a ring. Men usually go with diamond, but there's a lot of leeway there. Get her something she would love to wear – that's the important part. Maybe even some sort of family heirloom from Asgard. Got it?"

"Get her a ring. What then?"

Tony made a face, "Next, you go ask her dad for permission to marry his daughter. It's old-fashioned, but it will show Darcy that you're serious about this and making an effort to play by her rules. Good so far?"

"But Darcy is her own woman. She does not even live with her father. Why would I ask his permission?"

Tony sighed, "It's more of a blessing than actual permission. But it doesn't matter where she lives. Daddy's little girl. Think of your own daughter. Even when she moves away, aren't you gonna want whatever brave soul that dared to date her to ask for your permission before popping the question?"

The look on Loki's face made Tony slightly nervous, "Yes. He should come to me first." The 'so I can kill him before he ever has a chance to ask' was left unsaid.

Tony quickly redirected, "Then, at the perfect moment – which I _can't_ help you with – you get down on one knee and ask her to marry you. Nicely."

"So I _do_ get down on my knees and beg."

Tony nodded, "Pretty much." He took another long sip of his drink. "I can't believe you're proposing. That's so…serious of you."

Loki gave a crooked smile, "And a baby is casual?"

"Touché. But a baby is accidental. Marriage is very deliberate. And apparently very _permanent_. Immortal Darcy Lewis – the worlds may not be ready. But good luck, man."

Loki raised his glass at Tony, "Thank you. And you as well. I am certain Miss Potts will also say yes. She loves you for reasons I have yet to comprehend. You must be quite gifted in bed – that is the only viable justification."

"First off, I _am_ that good in bed. Second, I'm not proposing. So just take that off the table right now. I mean, we just started dating! Who gets married that quick? Idiots. _Divorced_ idiots."

Loki smiled impishly, "How long have you known Pepper?"

Tony sat up straighter, feeling wary, "A long time."

"And how long have you loved her?"

Grudgingly, Tony answered, "About a day less than a long time."

Loki smiled and leaned back, "So…is Pepper a diamond type of woman or are you going with a Stark family heirloom?"

"Look, I get your point. But I'm not the marrying type."

Loki gestured to himself, "Oh yes, of course. Because people look at me and think 'obviously that man is someone's husband.' Do be serious. What are you afraid of?"

"Myself." Tony looked down at the empty glass in his hand. "I have a truly spectacular track record for taking all of the good things that come into my life and fucking them up."

Loki's smile was as understanding as it was bitter, "We are always our worst enemies."

"Yeah, well at least you seem to be getting your shit together. I'm still a complete mess."

Loki poured the mortal another drink, "You have Pepper, so you have love. You have the Avengers, so you have a purpose. What more does a man need?"

Tony laughed bitterly, "Everything. I have a bad case of the 'want, take, haves'. It's the worst of my many flaws."

Loki shook his head, "You sound as if you are reading verbatim from my diary."

Tony blinked, "You have a _diary_?"

Loki looked at him like he was an idiot, "No."

Disappointed, Tony leaned back, "Damn. That would have been hilarious. Monday: attempt world domination - change my mind at the last minute. Tuesday: get a haircut because I'm starting to look like a girl. Wednesday: throw my devilishly handsome friend out a window. _Again_. Thursday: Yoga. Friday: turn an entire city block into ice cream."

Loki smiled, "Darcy said she wanted a _lot_ of ice cream. Given such vague parameters, I was forced to guess. I may have gone a bit overboard. But the people seemed to enjoy that one."

Tony chuckled before suddenly looking very serious, "Now Loki, there's one very important thing we haven't talked about yet."

Loki put down his glass and leaned toward Tony, giving him his full attention, "Yes?"

"The bachelor party."

Loki looked confused, "What?"

Tony repeated, "The bachelor party. You're a prince, man! We have to go all out."

Loki still looked confused, "What is a bachelor party?"

"The point of no return, my friend. The last hurrah of your life as a single man before the shackles of marriage clamp down – before your freedom is giftwrapped and handed over to Darcy along with your balls."

Loki started to understand, "I see. We do have an Asgardian equivalent of such. What is involved in the Midgardian tradition?"

"Naked women and a shitload of alcohol."

Loki looked incredulous, "You have inebriated sex in celebration of an impending marriage?"

Tony shook his head, "No, you don't actually sleep with them. Well, sometimes you do but you never admit it. Technically, the naked women just dance for you. There's usually a pole involved."

"I see. And you wish to be invited to my party of naked women and alcohol?"

Tony laughed, "Invited? No, I want to throw it for you! I'm sure Thor is gonna be your best man since he's your brother. That's cool. But _I _get to throw the bachelor party. And since you're a god and I'm pretty fucking god-like myself, it will be epic. High-class, my friend. Only silicone implants. The saline ones never jiggle right."

Loki ignored the mortal's narcissism and asked, "Implants?"

Tony used both hands in an explanatory gesture. Then he tilted his head, "Darcy's are real, aren't they?"

"Darcy's _breasts_?" Loki gave Tony a confused look, "Of course they are real. Women truly have false breasts in this realm?"

Tony shrugged, "I know we're both New York men at heart, but you really have to visit LA. So, can I throw you a bachelor party?"

"I doubt Darcy would appreciate that."

Tony groaned, "Whipped! C'mon, man. You've gotta take a stand now or she'll walk all over you later. And she'll have her own bachelorette party. I'll get Pepper on that."

"What does a bachelorette party entail? Naked _men_ and alcohol?" Loki's tone was flippant.

"Yeah, pretty much."

That made Loki's eyes widen, "Are you serious?"

"Very rarely. But yeah."

Loki shook his head incredulously, "If Darcy would like such a party, she may have one. As for myself, I do not imagine finding it stimulating. Why would I want naked women dancing around me when I have Darcy waiting for me in our bed? But if it is tradition, then so be it."

Tony grinned triumphantly, "Yes! Now go propose so we can get cracking."

Loki looked off into the distance as if pondering something. Then he focused back on Tony, "You have no siblings, correct?"

Tony seemed a bit thrown by the non sequitur, "Nope, only child."

"So you have no brother?"

Tony gave Loki a look, "That's what 'only child' means."

Loki smiled, "So _I_ will be your best man?"

Tony let out a cough, "_What_?"

Still smiling, Loki explained, "You said that Thor would be my best man as he is my brother. It implied that if I had no brother, you would fill such position. Therefore, since you have no brother, I should be your best man. Darcy has explained such a term to me before, though she did not go into much about what such a position entails."

Tony just stared at him without blinking. Then he let out a little chuckle, "You know what? If I ever propose to Pepper, you can be my best man."

"Good." Loki looked pleased. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to New Jersey."

"Why would you want to do a thing like that?" Tony was genuinely confused.

"Darcy's parents reside there. I would like to ask Darcy to be my wife as soon as possible and therefore I must gain her father's permission tonight. Do you have any advice?"

Tony looked him up and down, "First, lose the armor. You're not going into battle, it'll freak him out. Emphasize that you're very rich and can take care of her. You might want to point out that you love her – that always helps."

Loki shifted his clothing into something resembling Midgardian fashion, "Is this more appropriate? Though you should know that Darcy was quite adamant that I go as myself when dealing with her parents previously."

Tony raised a brow, "You met her parents before?"

"Of course. They will be the grandparents of my daughter. It is only natural that I meet them."

Tony let out a surprised laugh, "Well I'll be. That must have been some meeting. I really wish I could have caught that on film. Any chance I can tag along this time? I promise I'll just stand in the background with my phone, quiet as a mouse."

Loki didn't respond. He just drained the remnants of his scotch and disappeared.

Alone in the room, Tony sat back and let a small smile creep onto his face, "Mrs. Pepper Stark. Huh."

* * *

><p>It would be a gross understatement to say that Alan and Donna had been surprised when the doorbell rang so late at night and the God of Mischief stood alone on their porch. But after establishing that Darcy was fine and was visiting his own parents, they let him in and offered him coffee and crumb-cake. Loki politely declined both.<p>

After a few minutes of awkward chitchat, Loki turned to Darcy's father.

"Alan, I wish to marry your daughter. Apparently I must gain your permission to do so. You should know that I have unlimited funds and so she and your granddaughter will want for nothing. And I love her most sincerely."

Alan placed his cup of coffee back on the table with a shaking hand. "Oh. Well I thought something like this might happen. Not you asking me like this, but the actual marriage. You have to forgive me, but I looked you up on the internet. It said you were already married. Are you divorced?"

Loki sighed. Who the hell was Snorri Sturluson? The bastard should have gotten his facts straight before he told the world. Although how he knew about Thrym's theft and Thor's stint as a cross-dresser was beyond him.

"I am not married. Nor have I ever been. Do you have any other objections to the union other than confusion over my marital status?"

Alan looked uncomfortable, "Well, she loves you. And she's pregnant, so there's that. But you have to see why I would be hesitant to hand over my baby girl to the man who tried to kill us all."

"I had no intention to kill you. I was merely going to enslave you."

"Yeah, that's not much better. But I guess the fact that you're here and you're asking should count for something."

Loki let his silver-tongue go to work, "Darcy has made me a better man. I will admit that I am not yet a good man, but I am getting there. I will not hurt her – ever. I will protect her with my dying breath and I will love her fiercely. Her happiness is my endgame. Her smile is both my aim and my reward. All I ask is that you allow me to possess her as completely as she has possessed me. I have given her my soul and in exchange all I ask is her hand. Please, sir." Loki kept his smile hidden as he allowed his words to do their work.

Donna's sigh was audible through the crack in the door where she stood eavesdropping. Alan sat up straighter and looked him in the eye.

"Well, I guess that's all any father can ask for. Welcome to the family, son." He held out a hand and Loki shook it firmly. Donna squealed and burst into the room. She threw her arms around Loki, who was more prepared this time. He lightly patted her back as she squeezed him with a staggering amount of strength.

She practically screamed with excitement, "Do you have a ring? I want to see it."

Loki thought quickly and held out his hand. A ring appeared in his palm and Donna snatched it up with a gasp. It had an ornate band with intricate detailing and a row of pale green stones leading to a central stone that seemed alive – the colors swirling within it. It was a ring made for royalty, but it was also just quirky enough for Darcy to love it. Loki felt certain it was perfect.

"Is this some sort of green diamond? It's too pale to be emerald. I've never seen anything like it before. It's stunning! I can't even _breathe_ it's so pretty."

Alan shook his head at his wife's words before leaning in to take a closer look himself. Loki answered, "It is neither diamond nor emerald. It is a stone found only on Asgard and that particular ring has been in my family for centuries." In fact, the ring was _still_ on Asgard. Loki wasn't going to travel all the way to another realm to get the original when a duplicate would suffice for the moment.

Donna gasped, "It's the crown jewels!"

Loki wasn't sure what that meant, so he simply smiled and nodded. Without warning, Donna started sobbing. Before Loki could ask what he'd done wrong, Donna blurted, "My baby's gonna be a princess! An honest to goodness _princess_." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "She found her Prince Charming."

More tears followed. Loki was at a loss. He turned helplessly to Alan, who simply shrugged, "Ignore her. She's just a bit emotional at the moment." He wrapped his arm around his wife with an air of fond indulgence.

Loki reached out to take the ring back, before making it vanish with a flourish, hoping the magic trick would distract his future mother-in-law from her tears. No luck.

Before he could articulate some sort of soothing assurance for the woman, Loki heard a voice that chilled his blood.

'_Loki! Please, Loki…I need you_."

Darcy was calling him. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. Without a word of explanation, Loki disappeared.

* * *

><p>Darcy wasn't pissed.<p>

At all.

She wasn't pissed that Loki asked her not to go cheer Jane on. She wasn't pissed that he was using his 'serious-face' when he asked and so she knew something bad was going down. She wasn't pissed when he refused to tell her what the hell was going on. She wasn't pissed that she listened to him and stayed in her room all day, biting her nails. She wasn't pissed that apparently Jane had been fucking _brutalized_ by Odin's little game. She wasn't pissed that Jane then locked herself in her room with Thor and had ridiculously loud and satisfying sex which could be heard from the hallway. She wasn't pissed that she couldn't have any form of sex herself (not that she wanted to anyway) because of the lack of a partner. She certainly wasn't pissed that Loki told her he had to do something 'important' tonight and wasn't going to be there. It wasn't like she came all the way to Asgard to meet his parents and then he just up and left her there while he went and did whatever secretive shit he felt like doing.

So that was where her general mindset was at: screw you, Loki.

Darcy tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position in the big bed. The big, _empty_, bed. With a sigh, she slid her legs over the edge and stood up. Something twinged in her lower stomach and she immediately sat back down. It had been so long since she'd experienced cramps that it took her by surprise. Feeling a bit confused (but not yet scared), Darcy laid back down.

Another twinge in her stomach, a little bit longer and harder than the last. It didn't really hurt, but it certainly felt weird. She moved cautiously into a fetal position, but that only made another cramp seize her stomach. Thinking back to the days of actually having a period, Darcy slowly eased herself up onto her knees – that was always the most comfortable position for the crazy-bad cramp days.

At once, she felt better. Darcy breathed a small sigh of relief. She would just stay in this position until Loki got back from wherever he went. It was a bit awkward, but she would make due.

Pain.

Staggering, blinding pain.

Darcy let out an involuntary yelp, falling forward until her forehead hit the mattress.

Oh god.

It really hurt. Something was squeezing her insides, like a heavy throb. It was quickly followed by something more sharp and raw, like she was being stabbed right in her lower abdomen.

Pain. So much _pain_.

Still kneeling on all fours, Darcy tilted her head down so she could look at her stomach. The sight that met her eyes caused the panic to finally set in.

Without thought, she pushed herself up to her knees and screamed into the ceiling, "_Loki_! Please Loki…I need you._"_

He appeared in front of her almost immediately, concern dripping off his form. He froze as soon as he saw her.

Loki's eyes fixated on the terrifying image of the dark red blood dripping down the inside of her pale white thighs.

Her voice was laced with fear and pain, "Loki? It hurts."

The world stopped.

* * *

><p>AN: Calm down, everyone. Just…calm down. Show a little trust.


	29. Chapter 29

He was at her side instantaneously, reaching out for her stomach with one hand and the back of her neck with the other. He could feel his child alive within her womb, so the worst had not yet come to pass.

Darcy let out a scream of pain and Loki quickly sent a numbing spell through her abdomen. The spell disintegrated before Darcy could even register any easing of her discomfort. Confused, Loki tried again – concentrating harder. Again, the spell wouldn't stick.

What was going on?

Darcy made another sound of agony and Loki began throwing every ounce of his strength into the magic. Still, it wouldn't work.

Mind racing, Loki eased Darcy onto her back and sent a double into his parents' chamber.

His panicked voice spoke through the double's lips, "Father, awaken! Please!"

Frigga shot up in the bed quickly, and upon seeing her son's stricken face, began shaking the slowly waking god beside her.

"Odin! Something is wrong!"

Odin sat up wearily, "Loki? What is the matter?"

Loki's double had to search for words, silver-tongue faltering again in the face of such disaster, "Darcy. She bleeds and I cannot stop her pain. My powers…they are failing me."

Frigga brought her hand to her mouth. Odin turned to his wife sharply, "Send for Eir. Darcy Lewis needs a healer."

Still in bed with Darcy, the real Loki heard his father's words and echoed, "A _healer_."

He leaned down to place a kiss on Darcy's forehead before disappearing. He reappeared at her bedside less than a minute later with an older mortal man.

"Wher-where am I? What did you do!" Dr. Finklestein was frantically looking around, eyes wide with shock. He paused at the sight of the familiar woman writhing in pain on the bed. Doctor's instincts kicked in and he raced toward her, already reaching out to grab her hand.

"Darcy? Darcy, can you hear me? Where does it hurt?"

Loki stepped back and watched as the doctor examined the woman he loved. After a minute, the door slammed open and a tall woman with flowing blonde hair seemed to glide into the room.

Loki breathed, "Eir."

She turned to meet his gaze solemnly before studying the scene before her, "A mortal healer?"

"He treated her in my absence and has been overseeing her medical progress while on Midgard."

Eir nodded, "A useful source of information then."

She walked gracefully toward the bed, ignoring the man between Darcy's legs. "Hello, my dear. I am Eir. I will help you as best I can. When did the pain begin?"

Darcy tried to answer, but a sharp ache in her lower stomach caused her to gasp instead.

Dr. Finklestein answered for her, "About ten minutes ago. But she doesn't seem to be in labor. She's hemorrhaging." The last word was spoken with a significance that Loki wished he didn't comprehend.

Eir's voice was calm, "Let us not be hasty. The child is still alive."

The doctor looked skeptical. Eir explained, "I can feel her soul."

"Her _soul_?"

Eir smiled softly, "Indeed. Hmm, I fear the Jötunn side is fighting for dominance now." As if in response to her words, Darcy's teeth began chattering and her body shivered so hard it appeared that she was having some form of mild seizure. A vague part of Loki's consciousness registered the irony of _Darcy's_ lips being blue for once.

Loki's voice betrayed his fear, "What can I do to help?"

Eir looked at him with understanding, "Let me do my duty."

Helpless, and angered by it, Loki backed out of the room. He couldn't be in there, seeing Darcy suffer like that, without being able to help.

Odin and Frigga stood in the hallway as if waiting for him. Frigga looked as worried and frightened as Loki would have expected, but Odin had a surprising amount of apprehension in his own gaze.

His father questioned, "Loki?"

Loki shook his head, unable to offer an explanation – afraid that if he opened his mouth, all that would escape would be screams of rage.

Time seemed to drag. Every so often, Darcy's pain could be heard through the door. Frigga had curled into her husband's side while Odin stared resolutely at his youngest son, troubled and wary. He alone understood that if Darcy died, Loki would be a threat. A truly monstrous threat.

After what felt like an eternity, Eir walked out into the hall – a small stain of red sullying the bottom of her sleeve and sending chills down Loki's spine.

It was Odin who spoke first, "How fares Darcy Lewis?"

Eir's face was apologetic, "She is not well. The child is killing her."

At those words, Loki practically shouted, "Why can I not heal her? My spells are useless! I do not understand."

Eir turned kind eyes to his, "That would be the work of the baby."

It took Loki a minute to comprehend such a thing, "You mean to tell me that a _fetus_ is cancelling _my_ spells?"

"So it would appear."

Loki shook his head incredulously, "That is impossible! I weaved those spells together, layer upon layer, individualized and perfect. It is not like pulling a loose thread and unraveling the tapestry – it is like nesting dolls."

Eir remained patient as she explained, "It seems that the baby has become aware of her surroundings."

When she didn't elaborate, Loki demanded, "Explain what you mean!"

"You placed spells upon the mortal woman so that the baby would survive, yes?"

Loki nodded.

"But the majority of those spells were to protect the _mother_ from the _child_. The pregnancy was wounding her. If she did not die from the cold, she would have bled internally as soon as the child started moving within her."

Loki snarled, "Yes, I know this. What does this have to do with…", Loki's voice tapered off as he suddenly connected the dots. He would have understood immediately had he been more calm, but the panic had rattled both his nerves and his cognitive skills.

Eir nodded at the look of realization on Loki's face.

He spoke as if to himself, "She could feel that magic was around her that was not there to help her. In truth, it was inhibiting her growth. So she removed the impediments. The spells I had originally cast as well as the additional that have been unsuccessful today." His voice dropped to a whisper, "Instinctual magic."

Loki thought back to Odin's explanation about how his own skin had changed when Odin held him for the first time. Self-preservation, adaptation, survival – even before the brain can truly comprehend such things. Astrid would be _very_ powerful. But he could not allow her to harm her mother any longer.

A scream echoed off the walls and Loki's head jerked toward the open door. Darcy…

Loki turned startled eyes back to Eir, "Why is she still in pain? You were to numb her!"

Eir spoke softly, "I cannot numb her completely. We need her aware of what is happening to her body so that we may address the issues as they arise. She is in far less pain than she would be without my assistance, I assure you. Both your mortal healer and I have done all we can for your woman. Her body was not built to carry a Jötunn. Even an Asgardian would have a difficult time with such a pregnancy." She reached out a hand and placed it gently on Loki's arm. "I greatly dislike being the one to bear such news, but you will have to make a choice. And soon."

Loki shook his head, not wanting to hear any more grim words fall from her lips. His treacherous mouth voiced the question anyway, "What choice?"

She squeezed his arm, "The mother or the child. I cannot save both."

Loki's mind whirled. Unacceptable. He couldn't make that choice. He _wouldn't_. He was Loki! He was the God of Mischief and Lies. He was chaos and power and menace and brutality. Darcy was his strongest link to his morality. If he lost her…

Ragnarok. He would kill them all.

_No_.

Loki met Eir's eyes and she shuddered at the unholy light within them. His voice was a promise and a warning, "I will _never_ make such a choice."

Gently, Eir reiterated, "The longer you take to decide, the less chance I have to save either of them. I cannot save both, Loki."

"You do not understand, Goddess of _Healing_." His tone was caustic and cruel, "They both live or everyone dies." He leaned in until their foreheads nearly brushed, "Starting with you."

Eir paled but didn't flinch, "I am sorry. But I cannot save them both."

Loki continued to think. Instinctual magic…so powerful…so powerful already. An idea occurred so suddenly that he almost staggered. It was a desperate gamble, but he would try. A strange feeling bubbled up in his stomach.

The opposite of despair is hope.

He appeared in the bed with Darcy, causing Dr. Finklestein to let out a startled yelp. Loki ignored him, straddling Darcy's thighs and positioning his hands over her stomach.

"Whatever you have been trying to do to her has been unsuccessful. Miss Lewis is-"

"Silence," Loki interrupted the mortal man. "My love and I need to concentrate."

Loki met Darcy's eyes and pushed his plan into her mind. Immediately, Darcy's hands unclenched, releasing the sheet that she had been gripping in white-knuckled fists. She latched onto Loki's wrists, squeezing tight but giving him a nod. He linked their minds before they both descended into the still-forming consciousness within Darcy's body. They were met with confusion and fear and contentment and happiness and hunger and fever.

Loki tried to channel serenity. He tried to sooth his daughter. He failed.

Taking a deep breath, he refocused. Then he again attempted to calmly project his thoughts and emotions in such a way that the baby would be able to glean some form of understanding. Again, he was unsuccessful. In truth, it backfired. The attempt at emotional manipulation only made the confused baby fight harder in self-preservation.

Darcy suddenly screamed in agony and Loki's heart clenched.

Wait…

Silence. The child's mind had gone silent.

Loki suddenly realized that Darcy was linked as well – her pain was being projected directly to their daughter. _That_ had gotten her attention.

In a reckless moment of hope, Loki let all of his love for Darcy spill out through the connection. Everything about the silly girl that stole his heart. And his desperate fear that he would lose her.

That he would lose _both_ of them.

Though he knew she wouldn't understand the words, Loki whispered, "You are killing your mother, Astrid. And I cannot lose her. But I can help you both. You just have to let me. _Please_, Astrid – let Daddy help you."

With a silent prayer to his own father, Loki once more tried to reapply his spells. He placed the magical barrier between the child and Darcy and then dropped the temperature within. Loki held his breath, waiting and hoping.

It held. The spell held.

Loki slumped forward, his relief cascading over the connection, causing Darcy to let out a questioning whimper. Loki didn't take the time to respond as he slowly weaved his magic again – letting his pleasure and gratitude accompany each successful layer. Darcy's pain decreased slowly but surely and Loki almost buckled under the weight of his relief.

With the final spell cast, Loki sent his happiness and pride through the link.

Their daughter was so smart.

She was also very, very powerful. That thought made Loki smile.

"Loki?" Darcy's voice was puzzled.

He lifted his gaze to the woman he loved, thankful that pain no longer tightened her expression.

"It will be alright, my love. Our daughter cannot completely fathom what is going on, but she comprehends that I am here to help. You will be alright. You will _both_ be alright."

Darcy slid her hands from Loki's wrists to her stomach, letting out a shuddering breath.

"She's gonna be okay?"

Loki gave her a reassuring smile, "Yes. You both will. Now sleep, my love. You have had much excitement this long night."

Loki reached forward and brought his hand to her temple, sending Darcy into blissful unconsciousness.

Loki turned to the mortal doctor standing next to him and barked, "Leave. Tell my parents that Darcy and the child are safe for the moment. I wish to be alone."

"Whatever you need, Loki." Loki's head shot around at the sound of his mother's voice and he noticed the crowd at the doorway. His mother smiled softly, tears in her eyes, and pulled the door closed as soon as the doctor walked by her.

Alone, Loki stared down at Darcy before letting his head fall into his hands. He had never felt fear like that before. He had never had a reason to. Love _was_ a weakness – but he could do nothing for that now. All he could do was try to protect them, even from themselves.

* * *

><p>Tony Stark felt like a smacked ass.<p>

This might be the most ridiculous thing he'd ever done.

But since he had started banging Pepper – to which both his heart and his dick said 'finally!' – Loki had filled in that gaping spot labeled 'friend'. Rhodey was always so fucking busy these days that he practically never got to see him anymore. And Loki was…there. And funny. Wickedly funny.

So when Pepper had called him on his way into S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters and told him that Dr. Finklestein had been kidnapped – Tony had been uneasy. When he found out the distraught wife claimed that her husband was stolen out of bed in the middle of the night by a tall, pale man who made him disappear into thin air – Tony was pretty damn concerned. That was definitely Loki. Which meant that Darcy needed Dr. Finklestein. Which meant bad fucking news, considering it was way too early for her to go into labor.

That was how he found himself standing in the middle of the desert, talking to the sky.

If the paparazzi caught him now, they'd have a field day. Granted, he'd been caught doing weirder, but that was before he allowed the whole 'Iron Man' thing to rehab his image. This would be a major set-back.

Still, Tony kept up his commentary with the clouds, "So if you wouldn't mind, I would really appreciate going up there. Now. Right now. See, I think Darcy is in trouble. And I like her. Not in a funny way or anything…I mean, she's hot. Those lips and that ridiculous frontal area she has going on. But Loki would castrate me. Probably with a spoon. And I've got a girlfriend actually. It's pretty new, but serious – which, trust me, is very shocking to anyone who's met me. So can I come up now? Or could you just let Loki know that I'm looking for him? We're friends, you see. Good friends. If there's something wrong with Darcy, I'd like to be there for him. Well, for them. So…beam me up, Scotty."

Still nothing. Tony looked down at the glyphs in the sand beneath his feet, making sure he was standing in the right spot. _That_ would be awkward.

He pulled out his Blackberry and ran a quick search for 'Asgard Gatekeeper' and came up with the name Heimdall. If there was one thing Tony could do amazingly well (other than, well, _everything_) it was annoy people.

"Heimdall? Yeah? That's you, right? I'm not sure you know who I am. I'm Tony Stark – I'm _Iron Man_, bitch. I know people. I know people that rank higher than you. Thor? You ever hear of Thor? Future King of Asgard? We fought aliens together last weekend. Did you know that? You think if he knew I wanted to come up and you weren't having it, he'd be happy? No. _Hell_ no. How about Loki? Ever hear of Loki? He's number three on my speed dial. He's going to be my best man – you know, if I ever get around to the whole marriage thing. I'm his best friend. Yeah? Did you know that? Think _he'd_ be happy?"

Still nothing. What the fuck did a guy have to do to get into Asgard? He was _Tony Stark_! He'd never been left off an invite list in his life.

His phone chimed and he pulled it up to read the text from Pepper, '_Loki was with Darcy's parents. Disappeared without saying anything. They're worried._'

Shit.

Tony put his phone back in his pocket and let out a deep breath before tilting his head back. Being humble never felt natural to him, but he aimed for it anyway, "Please. I care about them. Please let me up there."

Winds began to blow and before Tony could figure out what was happening, something was pulling him up in the air. Flying was a feeling he was very familiar with, but not without the suit. There was a part of him that was very glad no one was around to hear him scream like a girl. After being sent through the disco tube of sparkly death, Tony found himself landing in a heap on a hard surface. After ascertaining that he still had all his limbs, he looked up and around.

Damn. That was a shitload of gold. And he thought Vegas was tacky.

"Have you injured yourself, mortal?" Tony froze at the scariest voice he'd ever heard. He slowly tilted his head in the direction of the sound, half-expecting Darth Vader to be standing there.

Whoa. That was one _big_ black dude. Bigger than Thor, and Thor was practically a beast.

Tony clambered to his feet with as much dignity as he could muster, "I'm going to assume you aren't Odin. Or maybe genetics are odd in Asgard. I mean, Loki's _blue_, so you could potentially be Thor's dad."

Scary-as-fuck dude opened his mouth, "I am Heimdall, the Guardian of Worlds."

Tony nodded sagely, "Oh, well thanks. I was beginning to worry you weren't going to let me in."

"Follow the path to the palace."

Guess this guy wasn't much for chitchat, "Okay…any chance you could clue me in on what's going on?"

Heimdall tilted his head, "You should hurry. The God of Mischief could use a friend today."

At those words, Tony started running.

Half of Tony's mind was goggling at the ridiculous blingtastic magnificence of Asgard. He had assumed it would be pretty amazing just judging by the armor that Thor and Loki wore. I mean, if Loki considered his stupid horn helmet as a good fashion choice, then Asgard was probably a bit ostentatious in every respect. Still, this was more than he'd anticipated. He'd been expecting something more along the lines of ancient Rome – this was straight-up science fiction.

But the rest of Tony's mind was freaking out. If a big scary man tells you that Loki needs a _friend_, that's not a good thing. So Tony ran as fast as he could, trying not to get distracted by the people staring at him and the weird shit he was passing. (Were those statues just _floating_? Unimportant, Tony. Unimportant.)

He finally reached the palace and ran up the steps, stopping in front of the guards at the door trying to catch his breath. They were wearing ridiculous helmets too. Apparently that was a _thing_ here. Whatever.

"Hey…," pant pant, "Looking for Loki," pant pant, "Or Darcy," pant pant, "I'm Tony." Deep breath, "Can I go in?" They just stared at him like the British fuckers with the bushy hats in front of Buckingham Palace. He pointed to the door, "Look, I'm Loki's friend. That Heimdall guy sent me here. So I'm just gonna go in. Okay?"

They stared at him blankly. He slowly reached a hand out toward the door, hoping they wouldn't cut it off or something. With eerie precision, they moved aside to allow him to pass. Tony pushed the doors open and wound up in a huge hall bustling with people. Everyone seemed to pause when they noticed him – a three-piece suit was a bit unusual around here. He looked around, trying to find someone who seemed friendly enough to ask for directions. Wait, was that a _throne?_ He really needed to get one of those. In his periphery, he suddenly noticed a very large man with a very large beard stand up from a table and head in his direction with an intense expression on his face. Tony really wished he had come as Iron Man. Not doing so was a dumb move on his part.

As the man got closer, Tony braced himself but the giant just paused a few feet away and stared at him expectantly. Then he said, "You are Midgardian. Are you a friend of Thor?"

Tony let out a little sigh of relief, "Oh! Yeah. We're pretty tight. I'm Tony Stark." He paused to see if the name registered but when he received nothing but a nod, Tony added, "I'm actually looking for Loki. I'm a friend of his. Do you know where he is?"

That caused the large man to gape at him, "You are a friend of _Loki_? I see."

The look on his face made it clear that he really _didn't_ see. Regardless, Tony asked, "Yeah, so can you point me in his direction? And…I mean, Darcy. Is she okay?"

At this, the big man grimaced and Tony's heart stuttered behind the arc reactor in his chest.

"Lady Darcy is not well. I have not heard how she and the child fare. Last I saw, Loki was with his family – in his chambers with the healers."

Tony nodded, trying to stay calm, "Okay then. Where are his chambers?"

"I shall take you, Tony Stark. And I am Volstagg."

Tony recognized the name, "Oh, yeah? From the Warriors Three? Loki told me about you guys. And there's a chick, too. Sif, right?"

Volstagg seemed surprised, "Loki speaks of us?"

"Sure he does. You guys are friends, right? Or you were anyway."

Volstagg nodded, looking thoughtful, as he gestured for Tony to follow him down the hallway. "Yes, we were friends once."

Tony got the whole situation from that answer. Channeling his inner-Loki, he pointed out nonchalantly, "You know, he threw me out a window once. His brother caught me; saved me. But I still like the guy. Just saying."

"Loki threw you out a window?"

"Sure did. Defenestration is the technical term for throwing somebody out a window, but it sounds too much like defecation for me to feel comfortable using it in a sentence."

Volstagg was side-eyeing him pretty intensely. While he prided himself on being unflappable, Tony had a slight tendency to babble when he was out of his element. And since he was currently on another planet with his friends in some kind of unknown trouble – his element was nowhere to be found.

They turned another corner and came upon a group of people standing in a hallway, looking nervous. Tony immediately recognized Thor towering above the others. Next to him was a pale-looking Jane, clinging to his arm. And there was Dr. Finklestein talking to a statuesque blonde. Volstagg walked closer and then kneeled quickly in front of the older man in the eyepatch. So _that_ was the infamous Odin. Tony hovered in the back, trying to figure out the proper protocol for meeting a king from another planet – Miss Manners never covered that shit.

Suddenly, Thor spotted him, "Tony!" He gently eased Jane off his arm and jogged toward the mortal. "What are you doing in Asgard?"

"Found out that Darcy might be in trouble. What's happening?"

Thor looked tired, "She had difficulty with the child. It was dire, but Loki seems to have been able to assist her in some way."

"So she's still…alive?"

At Thor's nod, Tony felt the tension in his body finally ease. "She is resting. Loki is still in with her. It has been several hours, but he has asked to be left alone."

Tony smiled, "Yeah that doesn't surprise me. Which one is he in?"

Thor looked hesitant, so Tony prompted, "Trust me. He'll want to see me. Which one?" Thor gestured toward the door at the end of the hallway and Tony stepped around him and started walking toward it.

"What do you think you are doing?" Tony turned to look at the man who had spoken. Odin. What a dickhead.

"Going to see Loki." He tactfully left the 'duh' off the sentence.

"Loki has asked to be left alone. How did you come to be in Asgard, mortal?"

"I asked nicely. Now if you'll excuse me."

Odin's voice halted him before he could move past, "Do you know who I am?"

Patience gone, Tony answered glibly, "Yeah, you're the bastard who lied to Loki all his life and then took a nap when the real shit went down." With a patronizing smile, Tony continued walking toward the door, shocked silence in his wake. As he reached for the handle, he tossed over his shoulder, "Oh and I'm Tony Stark. Charmed, I'm sure."

He pushed the door open and walked in slowly, eyes averted. He wasn't sure what had been done to Darcy and he didn't want to see anything that would make Loki want to kill him. Or something that would ruin his sex drive – he still had nightmares over that birthing video his father forced him to watch when he found out 'Little Tony' had finally seen some action. What a nightmare _that_ had been for a teenage boy. It was like a combination of amateur porn and the Chestburster scene from Alien. Hell, it was probably one of the reasons that Tony had been able to whore himself from coast to coast without having a single paternity suit stick. Even eight sheets to the wind, he still used a condom.

Loki was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. Darcy was lying on her back, seeming to sleep. There was blood on the sheets around her thighs. Damn, that was a haunting visual.

"Loki? You alright, man?"

Loki's head shot up, eyes bloodshot and face ashen. "Tony? How did you…why are you here?"

Tony slowly walked closer, "Pepper told me Dr. Finklestein was kidnapped by a goth Houdini – figured it was you. Put two and two together. Had myself a nice chat with Heimdall, who is one scary mofo by the way. He's got that James Earl Jones voice and his facial expressions have all the range of a Terminator. And thanks for telling me that Bifrost travel is reminiscent of having an acid flashback while watching a Lady Gaga video. I think I'm traumatized."

Loki was still staring at him blankly, "That does not answer why you actually _came_ here."

Tony sat down beside Loki on the bed, "Thought you might need a friend."

Loki gave a strained smile, "Careful, Stark – your kindness is showing."

Tony pretended to look insulted, "Shh…I'm a narcissistic asshole. Don't ruin the illusion for anyone."

Loki shook his head before looking back down at the floor. Feeling awkward, Tony said, "I can go if you want. Your dad isn't my biggest fan, so I'm sure he'd be happy to show me the door."

At that, Loki raised his head, "You met my father?"

"Called him a bastard."

Loki let out an amused little laugh, "I wish I had seen that. Darcy was very vocal in her disapproval as well, but I do not believe she actually called him any names."

"Yeah, well. She's going to be his daughter-in-law, so she was probably aiming for tact. I'll most likely never see the guy again."

"For your sake, I hope that is true."

They both fell silent. Tony tilted his head to look back at the girl on the bed. She was almost unnaturally still. He kept his voice soft, "She alright, Loki?"

Loki nodded.

"And the baby?"

Again, Loki nodded.

More silence. Tony wished he'd thought to bring a bottle of scotch.

Loki spoke so suddenly that Tony nearly jumped, "I lost my mind."

Tony answered sarcastically, "_No_! You? That's unbelievable."

Loki sounded oddly detached, "When I thought I was going to lose her. Lose them both. I almost…the darkness beckoned. Can you understand?"

Tony was silent for so long that Loki actually looked over at him. When he noticed the gaze, Tony said softly, "I thought I lost Pepper once. Well, I thought I was _going_ to lose her at any rate. I almost did. If I was a second slower…I don't like to think about it. But trust me, even the calmest, most rational man in the world will turn into Dirty Harry when the woman he loves is in danger. It's a primitive need to protect your mate, to protect your family. It makes you dangerous."

Loki spoke as if confessing, "Part of me regrets ever loving her. I have so much more to lose now."

"I get that. I really do. But not to blow sunshine out of your ass, but you also have so much more to fight for. A friend of mine was telling me about how all a man needs is love and a purpose. Seems both of yours are lying in this bed."

Loki smiled weakly, "Your friend sounds like a smart man."

"Yes, you are. That's why you'll be okay."

Tony reached up and grabbed Loki on the shoulder nearest him in a show of camaraderie. Loki said nothing, but after a moment he put his head back down in his hands. Tony wouldn't have known anything was wrong if he hadn't been touching him, but he could feel the god's shoulders shaking beneath his palm. Shit.

"Hey, man. It's okay. She's fine; the baby's fine. You just told me they were all fine. Though you _are_ the God of Lies." Astounded by how much he sucked at being comforting, Tony quickly continued, "But I'm sure you wouldn't lie about that. And yeah, Darcy's kind of fragile right now. But that's temporary. She's going to be immortal soon, right? And the baby – well, this is _your_ kid we're talking about here. She'll be just fine. So be cool. Just…be cool."

Loki didn't lift his head and his shoulders continued to shake softly. Tony felt himself losing his own shit a little bit. He took a deep breath and slid the hand on Loki's shoulder further across his back so that he could give the god a one-armed quasi-hug.

Loki finally looked up at the gesture, eyes red but cheeks dry. His voice was confused, "Why are _you_ crying?"

Tony sniffed loudly, "I don't know, man! I was fucking worried. And then _you_ were crying…and just shut up." Tony used his free hand to wipe his face. "And don't you dare tell anyone."

Despite the sorrow of the moment, Loki had to smile at that, "Do not worry. Trust me, I am an expert at keeping my lips sealed."

Tony snorted, "Whatever. This is fucking ridiculous. I haven't cried like this since 'A Walk to Remember'. Well, _sober_ at least."

Loki's voice was sly, "Would you like a hug?"

"Fuck you." Then Tony seemed to think about it, "Maybe." His tone conveyed the fact that he was only half-joking.

Loki shook his head, reaching up to pat the hand that still rested on his shoulder, "I love you too, sweetheart."

"You're such an asshole. I can't believe I came all the way to another realm to see if you were alright. Standing in the desert like an idiot, yelling at nothing. Falling on my face in front of the Guardian of Worlds. Telling your father off. And what do I get? Mockery." He pretended to be insulted, "Very nice, Loki."

"Thank you, Tony." Loki met his gaze, eyes conveying the sincerity in his words, "Thank you."

Tony shrugged it off, "Yeah, yeah. I'm amazing. God, this is so fucking bromantic."

Loki's tone was conversational, "Speaking of such, while I do enjoy your presence more than any other mortal save Darcy…would you kindly stop embracing me? It is making me a bit uncomfortable. You are a wealthy, intelligent, somewhat handsome man – but you are really not my type. And what would Pepper say?"

Tony removed his arm from around Loki's shoulders and used it to push the god. "Seriously, I have no idea what Darcy sees in you."

"While I'm sure it would be more appropriate to say his sense of humor or his charming smile, it's pretty much the sex." Both men swung their heads around to stare at the girl smiling weakly at them from the pillows. "Especially the kinky blue sex."

Loki was up on his feet and cradling Darcy's face in his hands. Tony had never really seen this side of Loki before – those two were always sarcastic and uncomfortably sexual whenever in public. It was disconcerting to see them so tender. So of course Tony had to make a joke, "Dammit, Lewis. I was trying to go to my happy place. And now you've ruined it all. You put Loki's blue penis in my happy place!"

Darcy broke her intense gaze with the God of Mischief to give Tony a saucy wink, "Umm…no. I put Loki's blue penis in _my_ happy place." She gestured to her very pregnant belly.

Tony made a gagging noise, "And there goes my lunch."

"How do you feel?" Loki's voice was quiet, but there was an urgency underlying the words.

"Better." Darcy tried to keep smiling, but her lower lip quivered and her eyebrows pulled together. Tony realized that she was going to cry – well, she'd certainly earned the right to. And for once, he wouldn't intrude on their privacy.

Backing toward the door, Tony called out, "Alright, guys. I'm just going to go poke around. See if I can get someone to take a picture of me sitting on the throne before your dad catches me and kicks me out Thor-style. Hopefully a hot astrophysicist will conveniently be there when _I _land. Fingers crossed."

He shut the door behind him, leaving the two lovers alone together. But he hadn't been joking – he _was_ going to sit on that throne before he left. He needed a new profile photo anyway.

* * *

><p>"That was scary," Darcy's voice was a broken whisper.<p>

Loki used his thumb to wipe away the tears pooling beneath her eyes. "I know. And I am sorry. Had I simply been Asgardian, you would be alright. But I am Jötunn and for that you must suffer. It is not fair."

Darcy snorted indelicately, "You're such an idiot."

"What?"

"Not everything is your fault. If only _I_ was Asgardian, this would be much easier. So we can just as easily blame this on my weak mortal uterus. And I probably wouldn't even like you if you were Asgardian."

Loki smiled skeptically, "Indeed. Why not?"

"You're not the only one who gets bored easily. Without all your issues, you'd probably be Thor. And as pretty as he is to look at, I'd be bored of him in a week. But you? I'm pretty sure I could spend the rest of my life in a padded cell with you and still be entertained. And you know the Jötunn thing is hot."

Loki smiled at her thinly veiled attempts to cheer him up. As if _he_ was the one needing the consolation, "You would be safer without me."

"If I wanted safe, I would have initiated Steve into the world of carnal pleasures ages ago. I don't want safe. Well, I don't want unsafe either. It's just…you. I want you. However you are. _Whatever_ you are. I thought we established this."

Loki brushed his thumb across her lush lips, "It is hard to protect you when I am the thing you should be protected from. I am too selfish to ever let you go."

Darcy kissed his thumb before replying, "Good. I'm too stubborn to ever let you let me go. So there."

"You will have to be careful from now until the birth. I know you will fight me on this, but bed rest would be the safest option."

Darcy looked annoyed, "Safest for _me_?"

"Safest for you both."

Darcy looked deep into Loki's eyes, judging how honest he was being here. Bed rest would suck, and if he was just being overcautious, she'd say no. But…he was sincere. Damn. She'd do anything to protect their daughter.

"Fine. I'll do my best."

Loki looked surprised at having won so easily, "Good."

She explained, "Loki, I thought I was going to lose her. If I have to veg out for a few weeks, so be it."

That haunted look began creeping over Loki's face again, "I thought I was going to lose you both. I find the idea…unpalatable."

"Hey, I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. And since baby girl is still inside me, she's not going anywhere either."

Loki leaned forward to kiss her softly and Darcy reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair. She pulled back suddenly.

"That reminds me. I'm mad at you! You're doing that thing where you kiss me and I forget that I'm supposed to be mad. That's cheating."

Loki smiled, "What did I do this time?"

"Where the hell were you last night?"

"New Jersey."

Darcy blinked, taken aback, "What? _Why_?"

"Because I had to receive your father's permission to ask for your hand in marriage. Or so Tony says."

Darcy stopped breathing. It wasn't until her lungs began to sting that she finally remembered to inhale, "Marriage? You want to…"

Loki smiled casually, "Marry you? Yes. Of course I do."

Darcy still appeared gobsmacked, "Of _course_ you do?"

Loki explained as if she was a child, "I love you and I have every intention of spending eternity with you. While I will admit that we have gone about things a bit backwards, that should not matter." Since she didn't appear too happy at the suggestion, Loki had a sudden unpleasant thought, "But if you do not wish to marry me-"

Darcy cut him off with a shout, "No! I do! I mean, yes. Or…well, you haven't actually asked. But when you do…yes."

Loki smiled widely and let out a relieved breath. "Wait, there is a protocol I must follow." Loki disappeared for a moment, but returned with something shiny in his palm. "If I do anything incorrectly, it is Tony's fault. This would work better if you were standing, but I shall improvise." He kneeled at her bedside, and Darcy's eyes widened comically, "Darcy Lewis, will you marry me?"

Darcy took a moment to process before laughing happily, "Yes! A world of yes." She thrust her hand out, waiting impatiently for the feel of Loki's ring on her finger. She was engaged!

Loki smiled in return before suddenly realizing his error, "Oh wait! I had wanted to mention Idun's apples before I proposed. I am a bit distraught today."

Darcy stared at him, hand still out, "Understandable. But why are we talking about fruit instead of making out?"

Loki lowered his tone to impart the gravity of his words, "I am a Prince of Asgard. In order to marry me, you must partake of the fruit."

Darcy was still confused, still holding out her hand, "Okay, so I eat an apple and I can marry you? Not seeing a problem. Gimme my ring."

Loki smiled at her impatience before explaining, "The apples bestow immortality with every bite."

_That_ got Darcy's attention. It took her a second before she completely understood what he was trying to say, "Wait, I have to be _immortal _to marry you?"

He seemed nervous, "Yes."

Darcy took a minute to let that sink in. She looked down at her baby bump before looking up at the man still kneeling beside her. She took a deep breath. "Okay then."

Loki hesitated, "Okay as in…yes? You will partake of the fruit and become immortal so that we may marry?"

Darcy nodded, looking a bit dazed, "Yup. So we can get married now? I mean not _now_, this very minute, but in general – we can get married?"

Loki was more than a little confused by her reaction, "You do not mind immortality? It can be a curse as much as a gift. Many long for death eventually. You should truly take the time to think it over."

Darcy had a strange look on her face and Loki desperately wanted to read her thoughts, but he allowed her the chance to explain with words. She tilted her head, "You think I haven't thought about this before?"

He blinked in surprise.

She continued, "Loki, you're immortal. And we're having a baby which will most likely be immortal too. Which meant that the two most important people in my life would stick around forever while I got old and wrinkly and faded away. I'm sure immortality is hard. I mean, you can never really know what the future will hold and I'm sure that you get to a point where death seems like a vacation. But I would be with you. Forever. Call me selfish, but I can't think of anything I could want more."

Loki smiled shakily, "So you want me forever?"

"And a day. Although I'm not sure how this is gonna work. Do we wait until after the baby is born?"

Loki brought his hand to her stomach, "While my mother would certainly prefer for Astrid to be born in wedlock, I believe it would be much safer to wait until after the birth to undergo such a startling transition. With the way our daughter protects herself, she might lash out instinctively and that would be quite a problem."

Darcy giggled. Then she started laughing. It was borderline manic, and Loki was looking at her in concern, "Darcy? What is so amusing?"

She had trouble getting the words out over her laughter, "Just don't tell me you'd shove an apple down my throat mid-birth if it starts going badly."

Loki added confusion to his concern, "Why would I do that?"

She was still laughing, "Just…tell me you don't sparkle."

Now Loki was more confused than concerned, "_What_?"

"Scary, quasi-human baby; metric fuck-ton of pain; immortal marriage. Look, I don't care how much I love you - I can deal with a blue penis, but there's no way I could deal with a sparkly one." She sobered a bit at the look on Loki's face, "But I suppose I can't throw stones."

His voice was solemn, "I understood _none_ of that."

"I know." She smiled impishly before holding her hand back out and wiggling her fingers. "Ring please."

Loki shook his head at his crazy girl, "So you will partake of the apples and be my wife for all eternity?"

She smiled widely, "You're so dramatic. But yes. I love you. I will always love you. I may not always _like_ you, especially when you're being an asshole. But I'm sure there will be times when you'll want to smack my bitchy mouth shut too, so I think we're pretty even there."

A smile started spreading across Loki's face, "You will be my wife? You are certain?"

She giggled, "Yes! Seriously, babe – I'll tattoo it on my forehead." She reached up with the hand that wasn't still out waiting to be blinged, and pointed to aforementioned forehead, "'Yes, Loki, I will marry you' – right above my eyebrows."

He threw his head back and laughed in triumph, "Unnecessary. Thank you, my love. Thank you."

Darcy smiled, "Thank me? I thought I had you for another couple decades and now you're giving me forever. I can't top that."

"You already have. You are giving me a daughter."

She beamed, "Oh yeah – well we're giving her to each other really. Although you just got to have an orgasm, while I have all this crazy pain and expanding waistline and leaky boobs. Doesn't seem fair."

"Well, that is life for you."

She smacked him with the hand she was _still_ holding out, "Wiseass. But I guess you're _my_ wiseass, huh?"

"You should practice saying 'your husband' instead."

She laughed again, "I would if you'd put the damn ring on me!"

He smiled mischievously as he took her hand and slid the ring on the appropriate finger. Then he placed a kiss on the knuckle above it. She pulled her hand up to her face and gaped at the fucking gorgeous bit of jewelry she was sporting.

"Wow. This is…wow." She looked up at him and let out a girlish squeal, "Sorry! I just…it's so much prettier than Jane's! Not that it matters! But it's totally prettier. And perfect." She giggled, "And green."

He smiled, "Of course it is nicer than Jane's. I would like to think I have more taste and style than _Thor_."

"My man knows how to accessorize."

"Your husband," he corrected. His words caused the lightness of the moment to dissipate. He seemed almost awed.

She bit her lip and stared back at him. This was real. This was happening. She was going to _marry_ him. How insane was that? Wonderfully, amazingly insane.

Her voice was barely above a whisper, "Your wife."

He smiled widely before leaning down to seal his lips to hers. For this moment, at least – everything was perfect.


	30. Chapter 30

"I can't believe he came all the way to Asgard because of a hunch."

Loki smiled, "His logic was quite sound. Well, in this instance at least."

"I didn't realize he liked us that much. I mean, he's called me a little-sister type before but I thought that was just so you wouldn't think he wanted to sleep with me." Darcy readjusted her head on his shoulder, "But you guys are really close, aren't you?"

"Not physically."

She giggled, "I thought I heard you say he was _embracing_ you? Sounds pretty physical to me."

"He was attempting comfort, I believe. It was awkward all around. But I suppose I appreciated the gesture. Not many would have dared to offer such to me."

Darcy tried to hide her smile, "You don't exactly put out the warm and fuzzy vibe. But Tony's got balls. I mean he does the whole superhero thing without the whole super_power_ thing. Although I guess his brain could be his superpower."

"Or his lack of tact. It is truly quite impressive. He called my father a bastard."

Darcy's jaw dropped open, "_What_? Okay, Tony Stark has reinstated himself as my second favorite person. Volstagg had snuck in there with the mutton, but this totally tops that."

Loki smiled as he continued to absently play with her hair, "Second favorite? Would it be egotistical for me to assume that _I _am your favorite person?"

"Yes, it would. But in a 'you're so vain you probably think this song is about you' kind of way. Because the song _is_ about the guy. So he's rightfully vain."

"And I am rightfully egotistical?"

She nodded, her face rubbing against his neck, "Yup. I love when you can follow my logic."

"It is difficult, but not impossible. I relish the way your mind works. It is bordering on incomprehensibility at all times."

"You sweet talker." She shifted again, back getting stiff, "So...you and Tony. Should I be afraid that you're going to throw me over for him? He _is_ rich and powerful."

Loki's voice was amused, "But his breasts are not anywhere near as perfect as yours."

"Oh, good point! So you still want me? Forever?"

He slid his hand down from her hair to the small of her back, sending warmth through his fingers to soothe the ache building there, "Yes, surprisingly. But who knows how I shall feel tomorrow. You know how changeable I can be. Oh, that reminds me - I was going to ask you what being a best man entails."

"A best man? Like in a wedding? Well, he stands up there with the groom offering moral support or something. Oh, and he handles some of the little things that need to get done behind the scenes, like tuxes and stuff. Bachelor party too, usually. Why? You gonna ask Tony to be yours?"

"Tony has already informed me that it would be traditional to ask Thor to serve as such."

Darcy hummed, "Oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense."

"Although I will be Tony's best man when he finally proposes to Pepper."

Darcy lifted her head to meet Loki's eyes, "_What_? He's popping the question! Awesome. And _you're_ gonna be the best man? That'll be a ceremony to remember. Damn."

"So…the best man. It is an honor then?"

Darcy was still mentally giggling at the image of Loki in a tux, "Mmm...a pretty big one. Oh, hey! I have an idea. Since you've got Thor as your best man, how about we make Tony the godfather?"

"The godfather? He is neither a god nor a father, though he might argue the former."

She snickered and kissed his jaw, "No, it's like a best man thing. An honor. But it has to do with Astrid. He'd be her godfather."

He still sounded confused, "And what does that entail?"

"Oh, it would just mean he'd have to look out for her. Take care of her if anything happens to us." She tried to think about how to explain it, "Kind of like an uncle – well, more or less. It would make him family."

Loki's voice was droll, "I like the man, but I do not know if I want to be related to him."

"Not _actually_ family. He'd be an honorary member."

Loki turned the idea over in his mind, "Hmm...I suppose he would appreciate being given a title with the word 'god' in it."

Darcy tried out a very bad Brando impression, "Yeah, you be making him an offer he can't refuse."

"Hmm?"

She shook her head, tucking it back in the crook of his neck, "Movie quote. We'll watch that one later. You'd probably like it."

Loki resumed playing with her hair, "So do I simply appoint him godfather or must he accept the position?"

"You should ask him. Actually, we might want to make Pepper the godmother while we're at it. I'd say Jane, but since we're not going with Thor, we can tell her to convince him that only non-family members can be the godparents. She'll be Astrid's aunt anyway."

"Godmother? I see. Well, at least I know that Astrid will be safe should they need to take care of her. I trust Pepper more than I do Tony when it comes to childcare. Very much more."

Darcy giggled before a thought occurred to her, "It's a shame that Steve can't be the godmother. He probably wouldn't even be insulted. Oh well, we'll just have to make sure we call him 'Uncle Steve' around Astrid. I think he would like that. He's been really cool about all this."

Loki smirked, "How about Uncle Nick?"

Darcy snorted loudly, "Oh man..._yes_! That would be hilarious! And Uncle Phil."

"Uncle Clint, Uncle Bruce, Aunt Natasha."

Darcy giggled, "Man, our kid will have such a big family. A big, weird, dysfunctional, heavily-armed family."

"Good. Especially the heavily-armed part."

Darcy paused a moment before asking, "Why is that good?"

"I have made a few enemies in my time. It is good to have people you…well, trust is going too far – people you _value_ watching out for your family."

Darcy smiled, "You value Nick?"

"Of course. Someone has to play the daddy role with that many egos in the same room."

"Wait, what does that make Coulson?"

"The mommy of course."

Darcy burst out laughing, "Now _that's_ a visual."

Loki smiled, tilting his head to place a kiss on her hairline. A pleasant silence descended.

After a minute, Darcy's voice rang out, "You don't think Tony is really going to try sitting on your dad's throne, do you?"

"Yes, I am sure he is."

Darcy sighed, "You should probably go save him. He did travel all the way here just to check on you."

"To check on _us_."

"Mmm-hmm."

Loki groaned, "Fine. I will go protect Tony from my father."

Darcy struggled to keep her face straight, "Told you that you'd make a better hero than Thor."

"Shh…you're delirious again. Get some rest." He eased himself off the bed, careful not to jostle her. With one last lingering look, he left the room in search of his friend. He mentally chastised himself about the Tony situation. Now there was yet _another_ fragile creature he had to protect because of…feelings.

How irritating.

* * *

><p>"Seventeen stories. Not too bad."<p>

Sif shouted, "But you could have died! You _should_ have died."

Loki tilted his head, trying to follow the conversation he had stumbled upon. Tony was alternating between swigging from a tankard and talking enthusiastically to the captivated Warriors Three and Sif.

Tony continued, "Thor caught me. He was doing that weird propeller thing he does with the hammer. I still don't understand how that works. Simple aerodynamics should make it impossible for him to achieve such directional shifts. But I know, I know – he's a _god_. I can't tell you how many times Loki does weird shit around me. I'm learning to deal, but it's hard. I like explanations that make sense. Magic isn't one of those explanations."

Loki interrupted, startling everyone, "That is because you think too literally. You and Jane Foster, people of _science_. It is frustrating trying to explain to you how I am able to do such things if your response is the metaphorical equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears. You have to open your mind. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

"Oh, Billy Shakes? _Nice_. How's Darcy?"

Loki smiled, "Resting. She wanted me to check on you."

Tony flashed a crooked grin, "She doesn't trust me?"

"Of course not. She knows you too well."

Tony conceded that one with a nod, "Well, sit down and join us. We were talking about you anyway."

Loki stayed where he was, still not certain he would be welcome at the table with his old friends. There was an awkward silence until Hogun shifted slightly, motioning for Loki to take the seat beside him. Loki had to refrain from smiling, not wanting them to catch on to how much such a little gesture meant to him these days. He walked over slowly and eased himself down with as much careless grace as he could muster.

"What about me were you discussing?"

Sif answered, sounding peeved, "The time you threw this _friend_ of yours out a window."

Ahh…now he understood. He turned to Tony, "That was only seventeen stories? It seemed much higher." Turning back to Sif, he said calmly, "In my defense, I was not his friend at that point in time. And he was being _very_ cheeky."

Tony snorted into his tankard, "Cheeky? You popped up in _my_ building and taunted me. 'I have an army.' Who says things like that?"

Loki smiled wryly, "Well I _did_ have an army. I was giving you fair warning. But that mouth of yours is relentless. It will be your downfall one day. You may be a god among men, but you are no longer among _men_. Now you are but a man among gods."

Tony gave him a look, "Hello Mr. Ego, we meet again."

"What is that Midgardian saying about pots and kettles?"

Tony laughed, "Touché, my friend. Though I've got to say you were totally wrong about Sif. She looks nothing like the wrong end of a horse. And my balls are still toasty warm despite being within a few feet of her – so that whole theory that she freezes them off with her frigid bitchiness is just patently untrue."

Sif glared daggers at the God of Mischief. He merely smiled benignly and answered Tony, "I also said she had no sense of humor."

"That one might be true," Tony acknowledged. Sif turned her unhappy glare on the mortal. He jerked, head spinning back around to Loki, "Never mind. You were right. Balls are definitely feeling the chill now. Although…wait a minute. She said you cut off her hair once. Is that true?"

Loki's eyes unfocused as he smiled fondly, reminiscing. "Oh, the good old days."

"_Loki_!" Thor's bellow carried across the hall, causing everyone to turn and look at the God of Thunder. He and Jane – who still seemed drained and haunted from her experience in the darkness – were making their way to the table where the motley group sat.

Loki waited until Thor and Jane had reached him before responding, "Yes, brother?"

"How fares Darcy?" Thor's concern was echoed in Jane's eyes.

"She is doing well. I have left her alone to rest, which she could not do without knowing that Mr. Stark was behaving himself."

Thor let out a relieved laugh, "An impossible task, right Tony? But I am so very glad that she is well, brother. I was most worried for her. And for you."

Loki smiled tightly, "Thank you for the concern." Uncomfortable with the sentimental display, he changed the subject, "Tony was wondering how Mjolnir enables flight. Explain it to him, brother."

As Thor made a sincere attempt to enlighten Tony, Loki felt a hand touch his arm through the layers of leather and fabric he wore. Jane was staring down at him, face attempting to smile. She had not yet gotten over the emotional fallout from her test – but Loki had faith that she would. He looked down at her delicate hand on his arm, realizing that this was an unprecedented occurrence. Excluding her post-test breakdown, Jane Foster had never voluntarily touched Loki before.

He kept his voice soft so he would not be heard over Thor's booming speech, "Yes, Jane?"

She answered equally softly, "I'm glad Darcy's okay. If she wants some company, just let me know and I'll go see her."

"I am certain she would like that. I will send for you as soon as she is feeling up to visitors."

Jane nodded, giving his arm a squeeze before releasing her grip. Loki resigned himself to the fact that Jane would be his sister – and she wasn't quite as useless and weak as he'd imagined. Boring? Yes, very. But so was Thor. They suited each other. Loki stood quickly, reaching for Jane's hand and placing a kiss upon her knuckles. All conversation ground to a halt at his actions.

He smirked at the expression on Jane's face, "Sister." Her eyes widened.

Then Loki turned to Tony, "Now is the appropriate moment. Father is in his chambers. We must hurry."

Tony just stared at him, "What?"

"Get up; move quickly. Would you like to borrow my helmet? Although I think you would look better in Thor's. No offense intended though."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Loki smirked, "You wanted a picture in my father's throne, did you not?"

Tony jumped up immediately, "No shit! You think I could get away with it?"

Loki just started walking quickly toward the open door to the throne room and Tony hustled to catch up with the god's longer strides.

"Wait, Loki! Are you sure your dad isn't going to kill me?"

Loki turned his head to catch Tony's gaze, "I will protect you. After all, I cannot have my daughter's godfather dying before she is even born."

Tony nearly tripped over his own feet. "Wait! What? _Godfather_?"

Loki reached back, deftly sliding one hand into Tony's coat and pulling out his Blackberry. He flipped it over in his hands, trying to figure out the camera function. He finally answered, "Yes. If you would consent to such."

Tony's voice was odd, "Hey." Loki looked up. Tony continued, "You really want me to be her godfather?"

Loki smiled, "Are you not my best friend? I thought I heard you bragging about such a thing earlier."

"Yeah, I just…," Tony seemed lost for words. "Wow."

"Is that a yes?"

Slowly, a cocky smile slid over Tony's face, "You _like_ me. You totally like me."

Loki shook his head, "It was Darcy's idea."

Tony nodded patronizingly, "Sure it was."

"You still have not accepted the position."

Tony smiled genuinely, "I'm too busy being touched. Of course I'll be the godfather. I'll spoil your little brat rotten. What's the age minimum on a bouncy castle?"

Loki ignored his question, "That reminds me – do you think Pepper would consent to be the godmother?"

Tony laughed, "Yes. Although she'll probably try to hug you when you ask."

Loki thought it over, "I shall let Darcy inform her then."

"Good move. And thank you, Loki. I'm genuinely honored by this, you know? Even a little flattered."

Loki smirked, "Try not to let it go to your head."

Tony threw his hands up, "Oh! Speaking of heads – I'm thinking a helmet might be interesting. You don't think it'll clash with my suit though, do you? Or is it overkill?"

Loki looked up at the imposing golden seat and then back down at Tony. "If overkill is your concern, I do not think the _helmet_ is what you need to worry about here." Loki reached out a hand and a helmet flew off of the head of the nearest guard and into his outstretched palm. The guard took one step toward him before Loki looked up and smiled threateningly. The guard stepped back and broke eye contact – smart man.

Loki threw the helmet to Tony, who caught it and put it on. He held out his arms, "How do I look?"

Loki tilted his head appraisingly, "More ridiculous than you did a moment ago. But less ridiculous than you do any time you are Iron Man."

A voice shouted out behind them, "Loki! What do you think you are doing?" Sif sounded both incredulous and furious.

He didn't spare her a look, but answered, "Repayment."

Loki gestured for Tony to climb the stairs and he did so quickly. The mortal paused just before the throne. Everyone seemed to freeze at the blasphemy that was occurring.

Loki grinned, "Quick, Tony. Someone is bound to be informing my father as we speak."

Tony sat down gingerly and the hall broke into shocked whispers. Loki held the phone up to his face, frowning at the screen.

"Own it, Tony. You are sitting on a damn throne. Do not perch – sprawl."

Tony loosened up, slouching over in what he assumed was a devil-may-care fashion. Loki considered the pose, "Better." He snapped off a few pictures. "Now move quickly."

Tony didn't need to be told twice. He hopped up and ran down the steps, detouring to the right to hand the poor guard back his helmet. "Thanks, man."

Suddenly Loki was holding Tony's arm. He had a manic grin on his face, "Now say goodbye to everyone, Tony."

Tony looked up at him confused, "Umm…goodbye?"

Just as Odin came through the door, Loki and Tony disappeared.

* * *

><p>Pepper screamed as the duo suddenly reappeared in Tony's office. She had been sitting at the desk, a chewed pencil in one hand and her cell phone in the other. After gathering her wits, she jumped up and nearly vaulted over the desk in her haste to get to Tony. He opened his arms as she got nearer, but instead of an embrace she simply shoved him.<p>

"Where the hell have you been? And why is _Loki_ bringing you back? If you tell me you went to Asgard…just don't. Don't even think about telling me."

Tony stared at her with an apologetic smile. She let out a groan of frustration.

"You don't even have your suitcase with you! These are the people who threw Thor out on his ass and sewed Loki's mouth shut!"

Loki tilted his head, "Does _everyone_ know about that? Thor is a worse gossip than my mother."

Pepper turned her blazing eyes to Loki, "And you!"

Loki blinked, "And me?"

Pepper took a moment to collect herself. When she spoke again, her voice was astonishingly caring, "Is Darcy alright?"

"Oh. Yes, she is. It was a very long, very harrowing night. But she is well now. How did…oh yes. The doctor. I forgot about him. I shall return him later, I promise."

"You should call Darcy's parents. They were worried when you just left without saying anything. They didn't think you'd be that rude without a reason."

Loki took a deep breath, "Indeed. I would like to tell them that everything is fine, but I know that Darcy would not want me to lie to them. They are my future in-laws, after all."

Pepper gaped, "You're proposing!"

"I proposed," he corrected with a smirk.

It was Tony's turn to gape, "Damn, you really stick to the schedule. I'm assuming everything turned out okay."

"She said yes." Loki tried not to sound too happy.

"Of course she did." Tony mused, "And now she'll live forever. Scary thought."

Pepper's face became confused and she turned to look at Tony questioningly.

He whispered in her ear, "I'll explain later." She just nodded, still looking a bit stunned.

Loki spoke suddenly, "I actually need a favor. From you both."

Tony smiled, "Oh yeah! Guess what, Pep? I'm going to be a godfather."

"That was not what I was referring to."

Tony ignored Loki and continued, "And guess who they want to be the godmother?"

Pepper opened her mouth to speak, but Tony cut her off by shouting, "You!"

Her mouth closed with a smack. She turned wide eyes to Loki. "You want me to be your child's godmother?"

Loki sighed at how far off-topic they had gotten but still replied, "Yes. It would mean a lot to both myself and Darcy if you would consent to such."

Pepper let out a shrill squeal, "_Really_?" She stepped forward and threw her arms around Loki. From over the woman's shoulder, Loki could see Tony smirk and mouth the words 'I told you so'.

Smug little mortal.

Loki sighed and gave Pepper a perfunctory pat on the back. She pulled away and smiled at him with tears in her eyes. _Women_.

"I'd be so honored! Thank you."

Loki gave her an artificial smile, "No, thank _you_. And now back to that favor I need…."

As he outlined his plans, Loki couldn't help feeling that he was tempting fate. The future was still so uncertain. The birth…

But Loki Odinson would not focus on the horror of what could be. He knew what he wanted the future to hold and he would find a way for it to happen. And if he could find no way – he would _make_ one.


	31. Chapter 31

It took Tony a day and a half to do everything that Loki had asked of him. Well, it took Pepper a day to do it and Tony another half-day to get around to actually telling Loki. Although how Loki's cellphone still worked in Asgard was beyond him – the roaming charges alone…

After dropping Tony off, Loki had traveled back to Asgard to diffuse his father's anger over the whole throne thing – it had just been a bit of fun after all. Then he popped back down to Midgard to drop off Dr. Finklestein and felt compelled to break the doctor's distraught wife out of the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Admittedly, her confinement_ was_ probably Loki's fault for using teleportation to fetch her husband, but the situation had been urgent. He hadn't had the time to stop and explain that he was a god and his lover was near death from a difficult pregnancy. If the other mortal doctors thought she had suffered a nervous breakdown…well, that was unfortunate but not Loki's problem. Still, he knew Darcy would appreciate him "rescuing" the poor woman. Not to mention that Dr. Finklestein's gratitude could only come in handy down the line.

After returning Mrs. Finklestein to her husband, wiping a few memories, and quickly forging some electronic release papers for the woman, Loki then headed over to his future in-laws. He explained that Darcy had experienced a few hiccups in the pregnancy – but nothing to be alarmed about. If her mother had assumed he was talking about Braxton-Hicks contractions, Loki simply let her. He was able to deftly distract them from their worry by announcing that Darcy was now his fiancé (apparently "betrothed" was a bit outdated). They had been pleased if apprehensive about it – it seems they weren't _quite_ over the whole world-domination thing. Loki felt confident that they would get there eventually. After all, he would have to invite them to Asgard for the wedding. He had a feeling that would put everything into perspective for them. It certainly had for Darcy. Darcy had explained the concept of an heir and a spare, and did a pseudo-psychological evaluation of him after their first night in Asgard. She said that he went for the universal dominion thing because, '_Growing up as a prince made you feel entitled. Growing up as the spare made you resentful. And anyone who grew up in the ridiculous luxury of a place like this must feel freaking unconquerable. Plus the weird futuristic-Renaissance thing must have messed with your head. How can you have intergalactic travel but no wi-fi?_' Loki had indulged her until she tried to address the whole adoption angle. While Darcy knew his backstory, he had immediately corrected her on that little mislabeling. Loki hadn't been adopted. He'd been kidnapped. There was a rather unsubtle difference between the two.

Still, Darcy's parents would be properly awed by Asgard. Darcy had pointed out that her mother would love the fact that he grew up in a castle – apparently that was a prerequisite for princes. Or Disney princes. Loki understood the concept of a Disney prince – Darcy had made him suffer through a few such movies – and while the idea of animation was rather remarkable, Loki could think of no prince worth his title who would spontaneously burst into song. And he could never understand why they always fell for the reclusive girls who talked to animals. That was just _bizarre_.

After getting the call from Tony, Loki interrupted Darcy's girl-talk with Jane…and _Sif_. Loki knew that Darcy had only befriended the vile she-beast just to get on his nerves, but he couldn't rise above his irritation. Although Darcy would always defend him completely and viciously, he still worried about the stories each could tell. He tolerated the relationship forming between the two females solely because he knew that while Sif might try to lower his love's opinion of him, she would fail. Darcy had seen Loki at points even lower than Sif ever had – and she loved him still. Even more miraculous was that she forgave him, accepted him, and supported him. She _believed_ in him. He hadn't realized how much he had needed such a thing.

And if Darcy ever became annoyed by someone unaccepting of him, her default response was to say something outrageously inappropriate about their sexual relationship. It was a damn good thing that Loki wasn't shy. Thor would have committed ritual suicide by now if Jane had started using _his_ dirty little secrets as weapons. Granted, he and Darcy probably had a much better sex life. That almost went without saying. He and Darcy had always possessed a certain sexual synergy he had never experienced with another. Satisfaction was achieved and pleasure lingered on multiple levels. Perhaps that was because genuine emotion was involved this time. When the momentary pleasure of orgasm is stripped away, all that was left of his past sexual encounters were the selfish and mercenary intentions behind them. With Darcy, he'd initially used her to bring himself pleasure and nothing more. Then it had evolved to being as much about her pleasure as his own. Then it had been more about her pleasure than his own. Then her pleasure _was_ his own. Perhaps that was what falling in love looked like when focusing solely on the sexual component.

Still, he would allow her to fraternize with Sif if she wanted to. He knew which battles were worth fighting and this wasn't one of them.

"Excuse me, ladies. I believe it is time for this little gathering to break up."

Jane looked at Sif and made a completely absurd facial expression. Loki really needed to teach Thor's woman some subtlety. Luckily, Sif's response was to roll her eyes and nod much more inconspicuously.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something?" Darcy's voice was curious. Apparently she'd noticed Jane's facial gymnastics. Lovely.

"I am going to need to borrow my dear Sister and my dear friend for a few minutes." Loki enjoyed using those monikers as Jane always looked like she swallowed lemon juice every time Loki called her his sister. And referring to Sif as a friend just annoyed her so badly that her eye twitched. Wonderful.

"Okay, what's going on?" Darcy sounded less curious and more demanding. Loki tried not to leer, but he always found it sexy when she got imperious with him. So few women did. In truth, _no_ woman ever had. (Sif was categorically _not_ a woman).

Loki smiled, "Do you trust me, my love?"

Sif rolled her eyes again – no surprise there – but Darcy responded almost instantaneously, "You know I do. But you're invoking the infamous 'trust me' on this? That worries me."

His smile never faltered, "No need to worry. I shall be back momentarily."

Loki gestured for Jane and Sif to exit ahead of him. As they left, Jane turned her head to smile widely at Darcy while Sif never looked back. Loki closed the door behind him and put his hand to it, a silencing spell radiating from his fingers just to be extra cautious.

"Is everything ready?" Jane sounded more excited than the occasion really warranted, but Loki nodded.

"Are you sure she's up to this?" Ah Sif…always the prudent one.

Loki gave her a condescending look, "No, I would purposefully overstress her body while she is in such a fragile state. You know how much I love to see her suffer."

Sif remained silent.

He held his arm out to Jane, "Shall we?"

Jane latched on quickly, tucking her body close against his side and squeezing her eyes shut. With a sigh, Loki held his other arm out to Sif. She took it slowly and with obvious reluctance. They disappeared silently and swiftly. Within moments, he had reappeared back in the hallway alone. As he reopened Darcy's door, she turned her head on the pillow and leveled a suspicious glare at him.

"Am I supposed to guess what's happening? I assume it's something good since Jane has been bouncing around all day like she's been snorting Pixy Stix. And considering the fact that she's spent the rest of the time since your douche of a dad fucked with her head looking like someone only Haley Joel Osment should be able to talk to – well, something's obviously up. So spill."

Loki walked toward the bed, not saying a word. While she eyed him warily, he leaned over her slowly and brushed his lips against hers. Pulling back slightly, he breathed the words, "Always so impatient. Trust me."

She sighed, "I do. I will. I'll be patient."

Loki raised a brow until she amended, "Okay, I'll _try_ to be patient."

Loki straightened and then pulled the sheet off her body. She was dressed in the sleepwear he preferred her in – short and silky. She never seemed to mind wearing such garments although he had a feeling that it had more to do with her being happy to please him and less with her actually enjoying the feel of silk against her naked skin. Prior to their relationship, she _did_ own an awful lot of flannel and sweatpants. This was a drastic improvement. Loki wondered absently if Darcy also knew which battles to pick. With a flick of his wrist, she was dressed in a soft, flowing gown in an Asgardian style. Green, of course. And pale with a shimmer in the fabric.

While she gave him a look for the costume change, Loki placed his hands on her stomach. He did a quick check to make sure that all of his spells were in place and his daughter was content. Once that had been established, he slid his hands beneath her body and pulled her up off the bed and into his arms.

"Whoa! What are you doing?"

Loki smirked down at her, "Hold tight to me. I hate to ruin any aspect of the surprise element, but there will be several people where I am taking you. But I told them not to shout anything as I wish for you to remain calm for your health. And if you do not find this enjoyable, blame Tony. You know how Midgardian customs bewilder me. Most of this was his idea."

With those confusing words still playing through her head, she and Loki disappeared.

* * *

><p>"This would be the part where we all yell 'Surprise!', but Loki threatened me very creatively if I ended up scaring you. So in this instance I'll just go ahead and say it for everybody. Surprise, mommy!" Tony was giving her a big smile.<p>

Darcy looked around at the various people filling up the unfamiliar room. All of the Avengers and their significant others, her parents, a few S.H.I.E.L.D. underlings who she'd gotten friendly with, and her new Asgardian pals.

She looked up at the face of the man still carrying her, "What the hell?"

Tony answered instead, "It was going to be a baby shower. But since Loki decided to make an honest woman out of you, I guess it's also a bridal shower."

Just when Darcy thought she had finally caught up, Pepper added from beside Tony, "And a housewarming."

"Housewarming? For who?"

Loki answered, "For us. What do you think of our new Midgardian residence?"

"What do you mean 'ours'?"

"I mean it in the traditional sense. Yours and mine combines to form ours."

Darcy's jaw dropped, "This is _our_ place? Seriously!"

"Yes. Do you like it?" While his tone was casual, it was clear that her answer was exceedingly important.

She practically yelled, "I can't see it from here. Put me down!"

Loki considered before walking to the couch and placing her upon it gently. He gave her a pointed look and commanded sternly, "Stay."

"I'm not a dog."

He smiled, "There is a bitch joke lingering in that statement, but I shall leave it alone. You can look around later. For now, say hello to _our_ guests."

Darcy looked around at all the people staring at her, "Oh! Hi guys! Umm...thanks for coming? I hear this is all Tony's fault."

Loki smiled indulgently as his lover was embraced by her parents, her friends, her coworkers. He even tolerated when the Captain placed a kiss on her cheek if only because of the perky looking redhead holding the man's hand. There was quite a backstory on that one...but he'd let Rogers figure it out on his own.

Darcy smiled at Jane, "So this is why you were being such a goofy dork today?"

Jane put her hands on her hips, "Hey, I'm not a dork!"

Darcy answered drolly, "You're an astrophysicist. And you _like_ it. You're a dork."

From behind Jane's shoulder, a voice asked, "What is a dork?" Thor sounded innocently curious.

Darcy grinned wickedly, "Urban Dictionary says it's a whale's penis."

Loki had to laugh at the expression on his brother's face. "_What_? But...why would you refer to my beautiful Jane as such a vulgar thing?"

Darcy answered matter-of-factly, "Because she's a dork. You're a dork too. A ripped dork, but still a dork." Thor looked insulted. Darcy added, "Hey, it's a step up from hobo. Which is what I used to call you."

Thor seemed to weigh his words, "I believe it would be better not to ask for an explanation of a hobo."

Darcy just smiled mysteriously and caught Loki's eye, still shocked but happy.

Unnoticed, Frigga stood quietly in the corner, looking around at the loud strangers and strange contraptions that surrounded her. Then she looked at her youngest son and the ease with which he fit into the chaotic scene. It was strange to feel like an intruder in her own child's home. But even Thor looked out of place here - his body too big, his movements too much like a warrior, his words too formal.

But Loki...her youngest boy was ever the chameleon. His ability to adapt to new environments was remarkable. His ability to thrive in those environments was unparalleled. He was presently staring down at his mortal lover with a smile that grew as hers did, as if he was feeding off of her positive energy, as if her happiness was his own. She was looking up at him in fond exasperation. It was obvious that the events of today were a true surprise to her - but a pleasant one nonetheless.

Why did Odin still question Loki's choice?

While Jane was kind, intelligent and cautious - perfect qualities to balance out Thor's brash ways - Odin had always valued courage above all. And Darcy was obviously the braver of the two women. Thor was so very easy to love. That was why everyone _did_ love him. But Loki...her amazing little boy...he was so very complicated. It took courage to love him. And faith. It was hard to love a man when you could never really understand him.

Mother's love was a strange thing - a powerful thing. And Frigga had always loved Loki. Always.

But Darcy's love for her little boy was so very different. Frigga tried to equate it to her own love for Odin. The two men were more similar then either would ever admit: stubborn, deadly, powerful, convinced that they were always right, yet always waiting for the worst to happen with a sense of inevitability. And they both loved so fiercely.

But Frigga's own relationship had started so very differently than her son's – than either of her sons'.

Frigga's marriage to Odin had not been born out of love. Love came slowly to them through the years as she learned more and more about the man he was, as he let her in deeper and deeper. Respect, trust, partnership - that was where their love was formed. From her understanding of Loki and Darcy's courtship, it had been strictly sexual in nature - until it suddenly wasn't. And the alteration seemed to have been entirely against their wills. They fell for each other despite themselves, despite their better judgment. Frigga was as jealous as she was concerned. Love like theirs - love rooted in passion - was a violent thing. It was also a beautiful thing. Love that comes suddenly is no less enduring than that which builds over time. But it is so much more volatile.

And the girl knew he was Jötunn, knew he was dangerous, knew his sense of morality was less clearly defined than most Midgardians would find acceptable.

But she loved him in spite of it. Perhaps _because_ of it. Frigga would never presume to guess at the workings of that girl's heart. But it was clear to all that she _did_ love Loki. Completely.

And now she was carrying his child.

Frigga feared deeply for the life of Darcy Lewis. The child would live, of that there was little doubt. But the girl was mortal...

A mortal would have difficulty carrying an Asgardian child. It had happened before, but it was always difficult. And an Asgardian would have difficulty carrying a Jötunn child. It had happened before (though none would admit to such a thing in these times), and that birth would too have been difficult. But a mortal bearing a Jötunn? And not just any Jötunn, but a child of one as strong as Loki? With the child's powers already so impressive and terrifyingly unpredictable?

Darcy had almost died once already. Loki had saved her somehow. He would not explain the details of what he had done other than that he had told his daughter to calm down and to trust him. And she _listened_. But that was then. During the birth? With the stress and the confusion and the trauma...the child's instinctual magic would lash out. And Darcy's mortal womb was so very fragile. Her whole mortal body was fragile. There was a greater chance she would die than that she would live.

Odin thought Frigga was willfully blind when it came to Loki. He had always thought she played favorites with their children (as if Odin had never been obvious in his preference for Thor). But Frigga knew that if something happened to Darcy...

Loki was so unpredictable. He could laugh it off. He could run away to lick his wounds. Or he could kill them all. She greatly feared it would be the latter. But perhaps becoming a father would make him hang on to his sanity long enough for him to realize that such ruthless actions were not consistent with the path he wanted to take. Frigga could see how much he was trying to improve himself. She could see his struggle to change. Loki had always understood his own selfish nature - his own preoccupation with his self-interest. It was a flaw both her boys shared. It was the reason why Loki had never truly wanted to rule Asgard - not until he actually held the power in his hands. Power can be so seductive. But Loki always knew he was not the ruler that Asgard needed. But he, unlike his brother, also knew that Thor was not such a ruler either.

Then life changed. Jane appeared. Lessons were learned, sacrifices were made and Thor finally became a man all Asgard could be proud to call King. A man Loki would be proud to call King. And now Loki was trying to follow his brother on his journey to becoming a better man - taking a different path but reaching the same destination. And Frigga was so very proud of his efforts. He was fighting his very nature. He was fighting it for the mortal girl. And he did it despite knowing that she loved him anyway - that she would love him no matter which path he chose to follow. Darcy had a pure heart, but her love for him was too strong for her to ever refuse him if he embraced his darkness again. She would be at his side regardless.

Frigga _adored_ her for that.

"Mother! Come meet Darcy's parents."

Frigga smiled and eased out of the shadows. Loki was holding his hand out to her with a smile and she swiftly walked over to him and reached her own hand out. He placed a kiss on her knuckles before tucking her arm in the crook of his own. Then he walked her over to a middle-aged mortal couple. The man looked a bit uncomfortable around so many colorful people, but the woman was smiling widely.

"Mother, these are Darcy's parents. Alan Lewis and Donna Lewis, please meet my mother, Frigga."

Donna's eyes widened, "You're the Queen aren't you? It's an honor to meet you, Your Majesty. Should I curtsey?"

Loki laughed deeply and shook his head, "That will not be necessary, right Mother?" He was giving the couple his most winning smile.

Frigga smiled back at her boy, amused by his obvious attempts to be charming to these mortals. She answered, "Of course not. And please call me Frigga. We are to be family. It is an honor to meet you as well. I must say that I have been quite taken with your daughter. She is lovely inside and out. And we all shall be grandparents together soon enough. I cannot tell you how long I have waited for such an occurrence."

Alan's voice was a bit gruff with anxiety, "Well I can't say we'd been holding our breath. Darcy's still just a kid to us. But we're getting pretty excited now. I can't believe I'll have a granddaughter so soon."

Donna cut in, "Well, I can certainly believe it! But Darcy just looks beautiful today, doesn't she? We really surprised her with this. It was such a lovely idea, Loki."

"Oh no, I cannot take the credit. Tony told me it was customary. And Pepper was the one who found us this lovely apartment."

Donna shook her head with an incredulous smile, "I still can't believe that I'm at a party with _Tony Stark_. And with princes and queens and gods. It seems so surreal."

Frigga smiled gently, "I know what you mean. This is certainly unlike any party I have been to on Asgard."

Loki looked back and forth between the two women with a critical eye. Then he turned to Alan, "Sir, have you been formally introduced to my brother? I do not believe so. Come, let us allow the ladies to gossip." He winked at the women to show that his words were meant in jest, then gestured for Alan to walk with him. Alan gave a nod to Frigga before following Loki over to the blond behemoth in the corner. Alan said a quick prayer of thanks that Darcy had at least chosen a man who didn't look like he could bench-press a Buick. He knew Loki could do such things, but at least he _looked_ relatively nonthreatening.

"Brother, have you met Darcy's father? This is Alan Lewis."

Thor smiled and the tension in Alan's shoulders dissipated. The big man was much less threatening when the dimples came out.

"Mr. Lewis! It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Thor, brother of Loki."

Alan reached his hand out politely and Loki quickly jerked his head to grab Thor's attention. He mouthed the word 'gentle' and Thor nodded, reaching his own hand out to _gently_ shake the mortal's. It wouldn't do for Thor to forget his strength at this particular moment.

Loki looked back at Darcy sitting on the couch next to Pepper, one hand on her stomach and a smile across her lips. As if she could feel his gaze, she turned her head and caught Loki's stare. Her smile widened. Something Pepper said grabbed her attention and the moment was broken.

Loki scanned the room, watching as his mother and brother spoke with Darcy's parents, as Natasha said something to Steve's woman that made the poor Captain blush, as Tony laughed too loudly at Bruce's joke, as Pepper cooed over Darcy's ring. What a strange assortment of individuals.

And he was one of them.

Loki was bemused to find that this was his life now. And he didn't even mind.

* * *

><p>"I feel like a queen with you carrying me everywhere."<p>

The presents had been opened, the food and drinks devoured, and the stragglers finally kicked out. Now Loki was giving Darcy that tour she had wanted.

He smiled at her words, "Well, you _are_ to be a princess. Although if you have your heart set on queen, I am certain Thor could meet with some sort of unfortunate accident."

"Very funny."

"I live for your amusement."

Darcy giggled, still marveling at the space around her. "I can't believe we live here. I can't believe you didn't tell me! This is one of those things couples discuss before doing." Despite her words, she didn't seem too angry.

Loki smiled, "This was a necessity if you wish to continue living on Midgard. There was simply no room for all three of us in your apartment."

"I know. It's just…this place is amazing. How could you afford this? You don't even have a job, you slacker."

"You seem to have forgotten that I am a prince, a god, and a conjurer of anything I damn well want." A Loki-double appeared and slid his thumb across his forefinger, a span of $100 bills trailing behind like playing cards.

Darcy gaped, "_Damn_. Why the hell were we living in squalor?"

"That was not squalor – believe me I _know_ squalor. And you loved your apartment. It was the first place you were able to afford without parental assistance. I was not going to make you give up a rite of passage so that I could have more leg room. Anyway, your bed was fantastic and that was what truly mattered."

Darcy smiled and kissed his jaw before going back to gawking at her new home. "Loki, this place is seriously amazing. That view! How did you find it? And if you say 'magic', I'll elbow you in the throat."

Loki chuckled, "Pepper is not magical, though she may seem to possess certain superhuman abilities."

"Pepper? She found this place?"

Loki nodded and moved down the hallway, pausing in front of the final door. "Yes. I asked her for a favor. She was so excited at being named godmother that she truly went above and beyond. I am quite impressed. That woman is terrifyingly efficient."

"She didn't tell me! I would have thanked her."

Loki smiled wryly, "You thanked her enough."

"Well, the party was really thoughtful. Baby showers are so…normal. I didn't think I'd have one. Although some of those presents were pretty unique."

Loki chuckled, "Most were pointless – as I said, I am a conjurer – but some were certainly interesting."

"That framed picture of Tony on the throne is priceless. I can't believe you helped him take that! We're totally hanging it somewhere."

Loki shook his head but didn't contradict her words.

Darcy looked around, realizing they had been standing in front of the last door for a little while. "Are we waiting for something?"

Loki smiled, "Just your full attention."

Her eyes widened, "Well you've got it now."

With a tilt of Loki's head, the door opened. Darcy gasped audibly as they slowly made their way into the room.

Loki's voice was soft, "It is the nursery."

Darcy let out a little whimper that was half-laugh, half-sob. "Loki…it's perfect."

The walls were a mural of an Asgardian mountain leading into a perfect sunset – all soft tones of gold and pink and green. In one corner, a large tree seemed to grow straight up to the ceiling, its branches stretching widely, looking so real that you would swear it was bark instead of paint. An ornate rocking chair made from a dark wood that seemed to glow almost golden sat in the opposite corner next to a wide dresser made of the same. But Darcy couldn't stop staring at the crib. It was pure art. Matching the other wooden pieces in the room, it glowed – its shape reminiscent of Odin's throne, of a Viking ship – so seemingly appropriate for the daughter of an Asgardian god.

"Do you like it, my love?"

Darcy took a deep breath, "I'm gonna cry. But I promise they're happy tears."

True to her word, she tucked her face close to his chest and let out a little sob. Loki walked over to the rocking chair and sat gingerly. He adjusted the woman on his lap, tilting her head up so he could see her face clearly.

"So you _do_ like it."

Darcy nodded, still unable to form words.

Loki smiled, "Good. This is the only room I decorated myself. Pepper had it all done in shades of pink."

Darcy snorted a laugh, "That's because Astrid is a girl. Girls' rooms are pink."

Loki tilted his head, surveying his handiwork. "Well, there _is_ a great deal of pink on the walls. But it is natural pink, true to the skies of Asgard at dusk. Not that odd color Pepper used. It was reminiscent of that liquid medication Coulson always takes."

"Pepto?"

Loki nodded. "I debated whether Yggdrasil was too much, but I like the idea that Astrid be connected to the world tree. After all, she will bring together three of its branches."

Darcy's voice was a whisper, "It's perfect. The whole room is perfect."

Loki ran his thumb below her eyes, wiping away her tears. "All it is missing is an occupant."

Darcy cradled her stomach, "Not much longer now."

Her words sent chills up his spine even as they brought a smile to his lips. She was right. The child was developed enough now that she could be born without any true dangers. But Darcy was just as breakable as she always had been. Loki wrapped his arms tighter around the woman on his lap as if he could protect her. She needed to be alright. She _would_ be. There was no alternative.

Not much longer now…

* * *

><p>AN: Saw a girl on the subway the other day wearing a 'Made to be Ruled by Loki' shirt. Smiled widely and made eye contact…thought we were having a moment of secret fangirl solidarity. Then she gave me the 'why are you staring at my boobs, you creeper?' look and I realized I had been mistaken. So if said girl is reading this (which is honestly not THAT farfetched), I promise I wasn't checking you out. Seriously. Also, where did you get that shirt?


	32. Chapter 32

A/N #1: Putting this note up top for once just to give a tiny warning – it's about to get a little intense. After the reaction to Jane's test, I figured it's better to be safe than sorry. So hold on to your butts, kids!

* * *

><p>Loki didn't like the sound of a Caesarian section. Excluding the fact that Julius Caesar had been a self-righteous little bastard (who cheated at dice), the procedure seemed barbaric. He understood that Dr. Finklestein felt it would be Darcy's best – perhaps her <em>only<em>– chance.

But cut her stomach open? Reach in and pull the baby out? He'd heard of such things but only after the mother had died, done either in an attempt to save the child or to give it a separate funeral. Midgardian medicine had seemed so modern and impressive, but this was simply insane.

He would do whatever was necessary to keep them both alive. But his Darcy? Cut open?

Despite Dr. Finklestein's advice and Darcy's assurance that it was pretty usual these days, it was Bruce Banner who had finally convinced Loki to allow such a procedure.

While Tony was the Avenger Loki liked the most, Bruce was the one he respected the most. Not that Loki would ever admit such a thing to the man. Though quiet and unassuming, the mortal had a truly terrifying power within him, a force of pure chaos which could never be controlled. Tony called it 'The Hulk'. It wasn't an unapt description. But somehow Bruce kept it contained. It was a constant struggle for the man but he did it with composure and a dry wit. Loki could relate to that more than he wanted to admit. So when Bruce had concernedly asked whether they were delivering the baby via C-section and gave his opinion on the matter, Loki listened.

But that didn't mean he liked it.

Still, he allowed Dr. Finklestein to schedule the appropriate day for the procedure. Loki had put his foot down and made it clear that his daughter would be born in Asgard. Not only would the privacy and familiarity of the environment ease him, but Eir needed to be there. And the Goddess of Healing was tethered to Asgard so there wasn't really a choice. Darcy had readily agreed. And after a few chilling looks from Loki, Dr. Finklestein also agreed. On the scheduled day, the doctor and his colleague – a man with some sort of pain numbing specialization – would bring their Midgardian medical equipment and meet Loki at the new apartment so he could transport everyone up to Asgard.

Once the plans were finalized, Darcy and Loki never spoke about the procedure. She seemed to know how much the very idea of it bothered him. Personally, Darcy didn't really care. The baby was coming out one way or another and at least with a C-section there was a greater element of control. She was fine as long as she didn't have to watch. And Loki had told her any scars she gained from the procedure would disappear along with the others she had accumulated through the years just as soon as she swallowed the apple. Not that she was vain or anything, but that news certainly didn't hurt.

But the best laid plans of mice and men…

* * *

><p>Two nights before the delivery was scheduled, Loki and Darcy slept soundly in their bed. It was their last night on Midgard. In the morning, they were to visit her parents and then head up to Asgard to settle in for the birth. Despite the anxiety of the upcoming events, both had fallen asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillows. But they didn't stay asleep for long.<p>

A strange chill woke Darcy up. She shivered, tucking her body closer to Loki's and pulling the blankets up to her chin. Still, the cold seemed to creep in from somewhere. It took her a minute to realize that the room itself was much warmer than her actual skin.

Oh.

The strange pressure Darcy felt near her bladder made the dots start to connect. Was she…?

Darcy tried to roll over to face Loki, but the movement ended up being a big mistake. Liquid seemed to run down her thighs and an uncomfortable tightness started radiating beneath her belly button around to the small of her back. Her hand shot out behind her and she inadvertently smacked Loki in the face.

His voice was rough with sleep, "Wha-what?"

"Loki?"

The helplessness in her voice was like a bucket of cold water to Loki's sleeping brain.

"Darcy? What is wrong?"

She didn't move to look at him, afraid that the pressure would become unbearable again. "I think I'm in labor. Not sure. Something's happening. I think my water broke. Or else I just peed the bed. Honestly, I'm hoping for incontinence at this point."

Loki bolted upright, his hand pulling the blankets back.

"Oh." For once, he seemed to have no words.

A familiar twinge ricocheted off her spine and settled near her uterus. She remembered this feeling just before all hell broke loose the last time. After the tightness and the spasms had come the excruciating pain.

Son of a bitch.

"Seriously? Less than two fucking days and _this_ happens? Come on, Astrid. Work with me here."

Darcy's words broke the spell that had fallen over Loki. He jumped up from the bed, not bothering to dress, and was suddenly easing his arms beneath Darcy's body.

"Just hold on, my love. We must get to Asgard."

As he gently lifted her from the bed, the movement caused the pain to finally kick in and any vestiges of calm left Darcy's body. She tried not to scream, but as he blinked out of their apartment and into his bedroom in Asgard, she found herself failing miserably. It wasn't just the pain which she had experienced last time. No, now it was the cold. She was so _cold_. She felt as if she was freezing from the inside out.

Her grunt of pain turned into a moan as Loki placed her down as gently as possible.

"I shall go fetch the doctor. Just hold on, my love."

Loki appeared in his parents' chamber again. As Odin and Frigga awakened to their son's panicked face and his words of Darcy Lewis' pain, they felt a strange sense of déjà vu. His mother pointed out that he was wearing nothing but undergarments and Loki rectified that with an incredulous look, as if he couldn't believe she'd care about something so trivial at a time like this. Then Loki threw himself to Midgard as Frigga once more fetched Eir from her quarters. After grabbing the doctor from his bed and nodding to his wife, who smiled weakly in return, Loki pulled the man back with him to Asgard.

The mortal took one look at Darcy writhing on the bed and turned to Loki, "You need to bring Dr. Brown. He's got the equipment we need. And he's going to administer and monitor the epidural."

None of that seemed to register in Loki's panicked mind, "There is no time! She is in labor now. Deliver the baby!"

Dr. Finklestein grabbed Loki's arm, forcing the god to focus on him, "Look, Mr. Odinson. Your fiancé is in a lot of pain. He can lessen that. You need to calm down."

Loki nearly snarled, "Calm down? When it is the woman _you_ love, you can try to be calm!"

The doctor sighed before making his way over to the bed, "Hello, Darcy. It'll be okay now. I assume you're experiencing contractions. How far apart are they?"

Darcy whimpered, "I don't know. It's cold. It's so cold it burns."

The doctor frowned, reaching his hands out to press gently on her stomach. The startling hardness he encountered caused his head to whip around to Loki. At that moment, the door opened and Eir glided in.

"So the baby is coming?"

Loki nodded, not taking his eyes off of Darcy. "She is in pain."

From his peripheral vision, Loki could see Eir nod. Then the goddess walked toward the bed, greeting Darcy kindly as she pulled the girl's knees up so that she could kneel between them. Nodding politely to the mortal doctor, Eir asked, "And how are you, Carl?"

Dr. Finklestein was oddly pale, "Fine, fine. But there's something unusual going on. Feel this." He took Eir's hands and put them on Darcy's lower stomach. For a moment, the goddess went completely still. Then she took a bracing breath and made eye contact with the girl moaning beneath her hands.

"Darcy, how cold are you feeling right now?"

Darcy's chattering teeth seemed to answer the question, but she forced out a breathless, "Cold. It hurts. It _burns_."

Loki's hand reached out toward a nearby pillar for support. The stone cracked beneath his palm and he pulled away, absently fixing it. He hated feeling helpless. Damn both his fathers. Damn everyone. Why did he have to be Jötunn?

The doctor was speaking again, "Mr. Odinson was supposed to bring my anesthesiologist, but he seems a bit too distraught at the moment. Do you have some sort of godly epidural?" Eir gave him a soft look before sliding her hands lower and closing her eyes in concentration.

Darcy screamed.

Eir sat back with a frown before turning her head to look at Loki, "I cannot numb her. Have _you_ tried to ease her pain?" Loki shook his head. She continued, "Perhaps you should attempt that which you did last time."

Loki just stared at her for a moment before walking closer, kneeling down beside Darcy on the bed. Her body was shaking and there was an odd bluish hue to the skin around her navel. Loki tried to smile encouragingly, but Darcy's eyes were screwed up in pain and his attempt went unnoticed. He placed his hands on her stomach, trying to link in to his daughter.

Chaos. Panic. Anger.

Astrid was not a happy little girl.

Loki's heart skipped a beat as he realized just why Darcy's stomach was so hard…why it was turning blue. Fear in his eyes, he turned his head to the mortal doctor, "Deliver the baby _now_. Perform the procedure."

Dr. Finklestein's eyes widened. "I can't perform a C-section without an analgesic."

"Medication cannot ease her pain now. Nor can magic. You must get the child out of her immediately!"

The doctor seemed to realize that something terrible was going on – something beyond even the remarkable power of the man standing before him. With a slow nod, he reached down into the bag beside him, pulling out a bottle of brown liquid, cotton, a blade, a strange pair of scissors and other unsettling equipment. He looked up at Loki, "I can't do this. Not here. This needs to be done in a hospital. Somewhere sterile. I don't even have the proper implements, the proper medication. No IV, no heart monitor. Dr. Brown-"

Loki cut him off with a shout, "Midgardian medicine cannot help her now!" He sounded almost lost as he added, "Not even my magic can help her."

Again, the doctor tried to explain, "But the dangers of doing-"

Loki grabbed him by the collar, "There is no time! She is _dying_. Deliver the child!"

When Loki released him, Dr. Finklestein locked gazes with Eir who stood up and helped him straighten Darcy's legs. He positioned himself at Darcy's side and watched as Eir mirrored him. Then Eir stretched her own body, placing one arm on the top of Darcy's thighs and the other just beneath her breasts. She looked up at the doctor with a nod.

Dr. Finklestein looked at Darcy's frightened, pained face, "This will hurt. Don't try to fight unconsciousness."

Darcy's body was shaking even more violently, "Just get her out of me! I can't handle…I can't. _Loki_." The God of Mischief moved to place a kiss on Darcy's cool forehead. He whispered words of encouragement and love into her hair as the doctor cleaned and prepped Darcy for the procedure as best he could.

After a few minutes, Dr. Finklestein took a deep breath, "Alright. Hold her still. I'm sorry, Miss Lewis, but you need to just bear with me and hang in there."

The doctor's hand was steady as he brought the scalpel to rest several inches below her belly button. He went to make a small horizontal incision, but he stopped the second the blade pierced Darcy's flesh. He watched in muted horror as frost formed on the tip of the blade and slid upwards engulfing half of his hand. He screamed in pain, falling backwards off the bed. Eir pulled her own hands away quickly, staring down at the doctor in shock. With a strange sense of numbness, Loki watched as every inch of his skin that was touching Darcy's own turned blue – turned Jötunn. He slid his gaze down to Eir, who had moved to kneel beside the injured doctor. She gave Loki a grave look, "There is nothing I can do now. I heal with my hands. I cannot touch Jötunn flesh." She brought the doctor's frozen hand to her lips and breathed upon it until she could remove the scalpel that had frozen to his skin.

Dr. Finklestein tried to talk over his pain, "I can…I can try to walk you through it. If _you_ can touch her."

Loki's voice was calm – too calm, "I do not need your guidance. Do you think I did not conduct my own research?"

"Loki?" He looked down at Darcy. She seemed to be in shock. "It hurts but I can't feel…anything. I can't feel _anything_."

Darcy stared up at Loki, trying to focus on his beautiful face. Sif had complained that his lips were too thin, but Darcy didn't think so. She loved his mouth. She loved…she…

Darcy became vaguely aware of an argument going on around her. The mouth she loved was spitting vitriol at the beautiful goddess. Something about cutting her open. He was yelling about how she would die – how he wouldn't let that happen. The goddess was explaining how that was the only way to save the child.

The child.

Astrid.

Save Astrid.

Loki had to save Astrid. He just _had_ to.

Darcy's voice was ragged, "No, Loki. You save her. Whatever you have to do. Please. Please just save her."

He spoke to her slowly, as if she didn't understand, "Darcy, you will die."

"I don't care!" And in that moment, she truly didn't. "_Please_. Please, save her."

Loki took a shuddering breath, "I cannot. I cannot live without you! Please do not make me try."

A warm hand gripped Darcy's own, but she couldn't focus on who it was or what they were doing. The deep voice belonging to that hand cut through her pain.

"Listen to her, my son. She knows of what she speaks."

"Father! I cannot. I will not!"

Odin...so _he_ was the one holding her hand. _Why_? Darcy couldn't focus. Black spots cropped up around the corners of her vision. Then little splotches of white light. Was she going blind?

Eir's voice came as if from a distance, "She is fading, Loki. You have to remove the child."

Loki looked from Eir to Odin, his face almost painful to behold. "Father, I cannot...I must save her."

Odin's voice was patient, "My son, she has made her choice. Let us focus on saving the child."

"No! I am not losing either of them! I am not losing her!" He looked down at Darcy's form, barely clinging to consciousness. His face took on a hint of madness and he quickly leaned down to whisper something in her ear that sounded like, '_I am sorry_'.

Then he was reaching up his sleeve to the knives he always kept there. He pulled out a slender dagger with a wickedly sharp blade. He positioned the point of the blade at her navel and then looked up at both Eir and his father. Eir nodded grimly, pushing Odin out of the way so that she could sit beside Darcy on the bed. Odin stepped back to allow room, but kept his arm extended so that he wouldn't lose his grip on Darcy's hand, his fingers squeezing her wrist and counting the slowing heartbeats.

Loki's voice was ragged and dangerous, "I love you, Darcy. You are not allowed to leave me yet. You are _never_ allowed to leave me!"

Then he slid the blade into Darcy's body and she bucked up automatically, a scream piercing the night. Without faltering, Loki's blue hands eased the blade down until it scraped against her pelvic bone. There was an unsettling grating sound as he sliced, as if he was cutting through something far more solid than flesh. A mist rose from the incision, like warm breath on a cold night. He kept his eyes closed throughout the process, keeping a mental track of the baby's location so that he would not nick her with the blade.

Unconsciousness hit Darcy like a blessing.

Odin watched the grim determination on Loki's face as he bisected the woman he loved and pulled the child out of her. The cavity left behind didn't bleed – it was too dry and brittle. The baby had frozen its mother's womb, like living liquid nitrogen. Loki quickly handed the baby off to Eir who had wrapped her arms in swathes of fabric and took care not to touch the child's flesh. Odin watched as she carefully inserted something down the baby's throat. Gurgles, splutters, and then cries emanated from the little body.

Loki's voice was panicked, "Eir, help me! You can touch her now!"

Eir passed the child off to Odin, who had to let go of Darcy's wrist - the last heartbeat too long ago for his comfort. As Jötunn flesh had never affected him, Odin immediately cradled the little form to his chest almost instinctively. Then he looked down at it. The eyes were no different than an Asgardian, but the skin had a blue hue - paler than Loki's had been, but still startling. As he watched, the skin began to fade to pink. He was struck so deeply with an almost visceral flashback of a moment so like this one that he nearly dropped her. _Loki_...just like Loki.

Odin looked up at his son, watching the frantic way he ran his hands along his lover's body – thawing the flesh, reviving it, healing it, yelling for the mortal woman to come back to him. Eir was removing viscera from the woman's stomach cavity with more haste than Odin had ever seen the graceful goddess move. Just when Loki's panic hit fever pitch, a noise like a wounded animal left Darcy's throat. Odin watched in horrified fascination as Loki's face was overwhelmed with grief and joy simultaneously. He could hear Loki shouting to Darcy, telling her to stay with him as Eir nodded confirmation that her task was finished. Loki pushed the Goddess of Healing off of the bed roughly and placed his hands over the two halves of Darcy's lower stomach, holding them together and whispering, chanting, praying for her to heal. Odin heard some of his prayers with a vague sense of bemusement. Loki was _praying_ to him. How unprecedented. Loki had always made it a point never to pray to Odin – never to pray to any god. He had only done such a thing twice before - once when Darcy nearly lost the child and, before that, when Thor nearly bled to death on Midgard. Now his son was once again praying to him to save this woman.

Odin kept his eye on the scene before him. There was nothing he could do for the girl now, but he wished he _could_ assist in some way. Contrary to the opinion of nearly everyone in Asgard, Odin took no pleasure in seeing his children suffer.

The King looked back down at the creature in his arms. It was wet with blood and fluids, wrinkled, writhing, screaming, alien.

But beautiful. Just as Loki had been so very beautiful.

Odin unconsciously held the girl closer to his body, giving her the warmth she needed to steal - the warmth her little half-Jötunn body could not yet generate. He was not sure how much time had passed when he finally noticed the silence and looked up again.

Loki had his head pressed tightly against Darcy's breast, his hand near her throat - doubly assuring himself that her heart still beat. Eir was smiling serenely once again.

So the mortal woman _had_ survived the birth. Against his will, Odin felt a smile curl the edges of his lips. Time was once more bringing change. Darcy Lewis would be a goddess after all. He let his bitterness and disappointment drift away as he looked back down at the child. Both females had earned their immortality this day.

He kept his voice low, "Loki?" Loki looked up, face blank but wet with tears. "Hold your daughter."

Loki shook his head erratically, "I...Darcy needs-"

"Darcy needs you to hold your daughter. Eir will watch over your future-wife."

After a moment of stillness, Loki leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his lover's parted lips before standing and crossing over to Odin on shaky legs. Odin watched Loki's face as he took his first true look at his daughter. Pure awe slid over the mask of numbness and grief. Then a shocked laugh fell from Loki's lips as he reached out to take the child from his father, cradling her as gently as he could. Her cries eased at his touch and the delighted smile that Loki suddenly gave him made Odin's old heart skip a beat.

"Father…have you ever seen anything so perfect?"

Odin smiled, "She is beautiful, Loki."

"Astrid. Her name is Astrid."

Odin nodded approvingly, "That is most appropriate."

Loki brought his lips to her little wrinkled forehead, placing a soft kiss upon it. The child stared back at him with wide eyes, as if fascinated. Loki's expression made it clear that the feeling was mutual.

Unnoticing or uncaring of the tears dripping down his face, Loki spoke softly to the little girl, "I finally understand what your mother means when she says I cheat. I wish so much to be mad at you for hurting her so badly, but I cannot remember to feel such harsh emotions when you look at me with that beautiful face." He smiled as the child let out a little cry, "I am your father, Astrid. Welcome to the world. Your mother will be very excited to meet you just as soon as she can awaken. You were not kind to her for these past several months. But she will forgive you easily, I would think. You truly are perfect."

Eir had situated the blankets around Darcy's sleeping form. She now stood near the door, the mortal doctor standing beside her and cradling his injured hand. Eir's voice was as calm as always, "I believe there is a very worried grandmother and a very impatient uncle who will wish to hear the news. May I go inform them, Loki?"

Loki nodded, not removing his eyes from the miracle in his arms.

From his daughter.

* * *

><p>AN #2: Heavy stuff over with - back to the generally pleasant. I couldn't believe how many reviews were foreshadowing this chapter. Yes, there was going to have to be a C-section. (But this was Asgardian style, bitches.) And yes, here's as much of Odin's POV as I can handle at this point. And yes to just about every other question people asked. You are all amazing – and _psychic_.

The praying thing is a tiny homage to StarTrekFanWriter – who remains far more talented than me.

And thank you DeadEnd (and others) – CafePress _does_ have the shirt. I totally bought it. Now if I see that girl again, I can gesture to my own shirt. Although, she might just think I'm pointing to my boobs or trying to flash her. My life is awkward…


	33. Chapter 33

Loki sat on the bed, his sleeping daughter in his arms and his betrothed lying beside him. He couldn't get over how amazing Astrid was. He'd seen plenty of babies before, but none of them had been _his_. It was something infinitely different. Ten fingers were suddenly extraordinary; ten toes were breathtaking; two eyes a near miracle. Those miraculous eyes were a foggy grayish-blue that Loki already knew would turn into his own bright green. The fine down of hair covering her little head was dark and he already knew it would grow into Darcy's rich chestnut waves. With a bit of concentration (and a touch of magic), Loki could already see the beautiful woman that the beautiful baby would become. He wondered if he should share the image with Darcy or allow her the gift of discovering it for herself with the passage of time.

"Loki?"

At the sound of her voice, he turned to look at his lover. Her eyes were still unfocused as she struggled to find her way back to consciousness.

"I am here, my love. You are alright now."

Blinking rapidly, Darcy's voice turned frantic, "The baby? Where's the baby?"

"Right here," Loki soothed. He stood up, leaning down so that Darcy could see the bundle in his arms.

Darcy's eyes widened as she caught her first glimpse of a little hand. She tried to sit up, but Loki stopped her by leaning further, "No, remain still. There is someone who is quite anxious to see what you look like from the outside. Here my love, meet your daughter."

As he placed the child in Darcy's arms, he smiled at the look on his lover's face. Awe, disbelief, joy, contentment, relief, fear, love – everything he felt within his own heart was being played out on Darcy's expressive countenance.

Her voice was breathless, "Oh. Oh _wow_. Hi there, baby. Are you the one who's been giving me so much trouble? You're such a little thing. You're so…so beautiful. I knew you would be, but still." She took a deep breath. "Hi, Astrid. I'm your mom." Her voice broke on the last word as tears started leaking from the corners of her eyes.

Loki smiled gently, "You did so well, my love. She is perfection."

Darcy let out a little laughing sob, "Yeah, she is. I can't believe we made something so perfect." She looked up at Loki like he too was something divine, "_We_ did this."

Loki smiled, watching as a tear dripped from her lashes, down her cheek and slid into the corner of her lips. His thumb followed the path, wiping away the salty trail. Darcy smiled unsteadily and went back to examining the baby.

Loki's words were like a vow, "I have made many mistakes in my life. I have erred countless times. But this?" He gestured to the girl in her arms, "This is my redemption. I have never done anything so right and good in all my days. She is a wonder."

Darcy nodded in agreement and placed a gentle kiss on the top of the little head. At the contact, the child squirmed slightly and then let out a loud cry. He smiled at Darcy's frown and announced, "She is hungry. Eir said you should put Astrid to breast as soon as you awaken. Shall I fetch her to assist?"

Darcy looked up startled, "Oh right! I knew that. No, it's okay. I can do this." Darcy shifted the baby, trying not to jostle her too much. She looked up at Loki to ask for help, but he was already reaching out to her shoulder. The straps of her nightgown disappeared and he pulled the fabric down to expose her chest. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Darcy brought the baby's mouth to her breast and tried to coax her into latching on like she'd read – the steps cycling through her mind like flash cards: bottom lip to chin, mouth opens, bring baby to breast (not the other way around), as much as possible in the mouth, and so on. Darcy knew that it often took several tries and so was prepared to be patient and persistent. But Astrid never did anything according to plan and so Darcy shouldn't have been surprised when the little mouth opened up and latched on straightaway.

Oh.

Darcy tried not to cry, but this was her _daughter_. She was feeding her from her _body_. She was someone's _mom_. She took a shaky breath and tried to collect herself. Darcy had loved her daughter before she was born, but now? Holding her in her arms? She felt complete.

The tugging on her nipple was as unusual a sensation as she'd expected. It also hurt a bit, but she was pretty sure she'd done it right. And after the nightmare of a birth, this minor pain seemed pretty relative. Still, Darcy watched carefully to make sure everything seemed okay. It did. Again, she knew she shouldn't have been surprised.

Darcy spoke to Loki without looking up, "She's a genius. But I guess that was going to be a given with you for a father. I didn't know I could ever be this happy. Thank you, Loki. I just…thank you. I love you. God, I love you both so much."

Those words eased the ache from wounds Loki had never even realized he sustained. As he watched the woman he loved hold his daughter to her breast, he was flooded by an unfamiliar emotion: contentment. _True_ contentment.

Every bit of pain and regret and humiliation he had suffered in his long life had been worth it if it had led him here. To this perfect moment. To his family.

* * *

><p>After the baby had been fed, Loki eased the door open to find eight anxious faces waiting in the hallway.<p>

Frigga spoke first, "Are they alright? Do I need to fetch Eir again?" Loki assumed the Goddess of Healing was busy making sure the mortal doctor regained proper use of all of his fingers. Thawing flesh is a delicate process.

"No, Mother. They are both fine. And if you can control yourselves, you may come in now. There is someone I would like for you to meet."

Frigga reached out a hand to Loki and he grabbed it gently, tucking it in the crook of his elbow. The two of them led the way into the room, Thor and Jane following on their heels, Sif and the Warriors Three trailing behind more hesitantly. No one noticed as Odin fell back and lingered in the doorway.

Darcy was still pale and drawn, but her smile glowed as she gazed intently at the sleeping form cradled in her arms. Frigga started crying almost immediately, but like a sunshower, she smiled through her tears. Even Sif's eyes were suspiciously misty. That was certainly unexpected.

Frigga's voice was a broken sigh, "Oh, Loki – she is so beautiful."

Darcy looked up at the guests and encompassed everyone in her smile. Then her eyes found Loki's and entire volumes seemed to pass between them.

Frigga spoke again, "May I hold her, Darcy?"

Darcy bit her lip as if reluctant to part with her precious bundle before nodding with a small smile. Frigga stepped closer and eased down to sit beside her on the bed. She lifted the child from Darcy's arms with the effortlessness of an experienced mother. The child shifted but didn't awaken. Frigga looked from the girl in her arms to the man standing beside her, "What have you named her, my son?"

Loki smiled, "Astrid."

Frigga's smile widened and she looked back down, "Hello, Astrid. You are as beautiful as your name implies. Even more so, I believe."

A deep voice came from behind Loki, "Astrid _Thora_, right?"

Loki shook his head in exasperation, "Yes, brother. Though you owe me for that one. Do not forget." He smirked a bit at Jane, who looked up at Thor with confused eyes. Thor pointedly ignored her gaze.

Fandral was suddenly standing at Loki's side, giving him a hearty slap on the back, "Congratulations, Loki. Allfather help us, you are a _father_ now. The worlds tremble." At Loki's raised brow, Sif stepped forward and dragged Fandral back a few feet, giving the swordsman a stern look. His face turned immediately repentant under her glare.

After a few minutes of grandmotherly bonding, Loki stepped forward and kissed Frigga on the cheek as he took his daughter back into his arms. Frigga reached back and placed her hand in Darcy's, smiling at the girl who had brought her granddaughter into existence. Astrid in his arms, Loki slowly spun around to face Thor and Jane.

He smiled, "Come hold your niece, brother."

Thor stepped closer, but didn't reach for the child. Instead he smiled peculiarly, "Remember when we were children and you knocked over that statue of Bestla while we were playing a game? I caught it and I was so pleased with how quick my reflexes had become that I laughed with the statue still in my arms. And it shattered. It shattered because I had held it too tightly. I did not mean to break it, but I simply did not know my own strength."

Bemused, Loki nodded, "Yes, of course. I remember it quite clearly because _I_ took the blame for that. You told Father I was the one who knocked it over."

"Well you were!"

Loki raised a brow, "Yes, but _you_ were the one who broke it. Why are we discussing this?"

Thor looked uneasy as he gestured to Astrid, "She is much more fragile than a statue."

Loki's face lost its annoyance as he locked eyes with his brother. "Thor, you will not hurt her."

"But Loki, I could."

Loki smiled gently, "So could I. But I will not. Nor will you. I trust you, brother. You must simply trust yourself."

After a moment, Thor nodded. Then he reached for the child awkwardly. Loki chuckled before stopping him, "Just position your arms and I shall hand her over." Thor arranged his massive arms into the closest possible approximation of the position Loki's were currently in. Then Loki gently placed the baby in his arms and stepped back to admire the view.

He had to contain a laugh at the sight of huge Thor holding little Astrid. Even Frigga looked like she was holding back a teary giggle. But from the melting look on Jane's face, it was obviously a sight they should all get accustomed to. The pathetic woman was practically swooning.

Loki supposed that some part of him was touched at Thor's concern – at the gentle way his brother was holding his little girl. But he still couldn't contain his mirth when Astrid let out a wail and Thor's face turned ashen.

"Brother! I did something wrong! She is crying. Oh, what did I do? You should not have let me hold her. I broke her!"

With a fond sigh, Loki stepped closer and ran his finger down Astrid's cheek. "You did not _break_ her, Thor. She is a baby. Babies cry. It is their primary means of communication. She is simply trying to convey a message. Right now, I think she is saying that her uncle is a fool." Thor didn't respond to the jibe, simply continuing to look between the crying child and his brother with a helpless expression. With a smile, Loki took Astrid from his brother's arms, and Thor practically sagged with relief. Loki added teasingly, "Besides, had you injured her in some way, she would have left you with a nasty case of frostbite."

Thor looked surprised, "Truly? I did not realize she could do such a thing."

Loki gave him a mocking look, "Ask the poor Midgardian doctor. He almost lost a few fingers. Have you forgotten that she is half-Jötunn, brother?"

Thor gave him a look, "She may be half-Jötunn, but you are _entirely_ irritating."

Loki smiled widely, "Have you been saving that insult up for me since you first learned I was to be a father?"

Thor just shook his head at Loki's teasing.

Jane closed the distance and smiled gently at Loki. She brushed her finger gently across the little hand as the child began to quiet in her father's arms. Her voice was soft, "She really is beautiful, Loki." She looked up suddenly and gave Loki a surprisingly wry smile, "Congratulations, _brother_."

Loki's eyes widened and he smirked in spite of himself. Jane Foster was growing on him…like a particularly exasperating fungus. Ah well – at least Thor was happy. Loki watched as Jane went over to the bed and leaned down to give Darcy a kiss on the cheek. Sif sidled over to stand beside Frigga and the women proceeded to do the sacred post-baby ritual of giggles and tears and sighs.

Loki looked up and met his father's gaze as the King stood immobile in the doorway like a sentinel. The moment stretched until Odin's face softened and he nodded to his son. The King spoke softly, but Loki heard as if the words were spoken directly into his ear, "I must go deliver the news to the people: a Princess of Asgard has been born today. And her mother has been tested and found worthy. How quickly our family is expanding." A fleeting smile ghosted over the elder man's lips and then he was gone, striding down the hallway with purpose.

As Thor's arm came up to rest on Loki's shoulder, the God of Mischief looked back down at his girl with a smile. He knew that was as close to a blessing as Loki and Darcy would ever get from the Allfather.

It was more than enough.

* * *

><p>Darcy was nursing the child again when a knock on the door caught Loki's attention. He eased it open a crack and caught sight of his mother's face. She seemed to be puzzled.<p>

"Is something the matter, Mother?"

A quick smile calmed Loki's nerves, "No, nothing is wrong. But you may want to come out of the room for a moment. There are a few…unexpected guests." With that cryptic message, Frigga turned and walked down the hallway. Loki turned back to look at Darcy but she nodded and shooed him out with a quiet, "Go see what's up."

Distracted, Loki wandered down the hallway in the direction his mother had gone.

"Please tell me everything is okay." Loki's head shot around at the voice of his friend.

It took Loki a moment to register what he was seeing, "_Tony_?"

"Your mom said it's all good, but I don't trust her. No offense. So is the baby here? Is Darcy okay? Don't keep me in suspense, man!"

Loki blinked at the mortal before slowly answering, "The birth is over and both Darcy and my daughter are fine."

Tony smiled, shoulders sinking, and let out a loud whoop of happiness.

"That's some damn good news! You have no idea how worried I've been. I was biting my nails _and_ pacing. I was about a minute away from pulling my hair out, and you know how tragic that would have been. My hair is magnificent. Now where's my goddaughter?"

Bewildered but amused by this strange turn of events, Loki looked at the figure sheepishly standing beside Tony. Pepper looked equal parts awed by her surroundings and chagrined by Tony's behavior. Her voice was apologetic, "I'm so sorry, Loki. Dr. Finklestein went missing again and we just assumed…you know. And then Tony got the brilliant idea he should come up here to make sure everything was alright. And I don't trust him doing things like this on his own." Tony scoffed, but Pepper ignored him and continued, "We can leave if you'd like. I can imagine that this must be a-" she turned to glare at Tony, "very _personal_ time for your family. And we certainly wouldn't want to intrude."

Apparently Heimdall was getting lax in his gatekeeper duties. Still Loki smiled, deciding he was pleased by the unexpected presence of more people he actually liked. "No, you are not intruding on anything. You are correct that this is a time for family. But I do believe that you both constitute as such. You are Astrid's godparents after all."

Pepper gave a sweet smile at Loki's words, but Tony's eyebrow nearly hit his hairline, "Astrid? _Seriously_?"

Pepper immediately elbowed him in the solar plexus and he let out a wheezing cough. Loki's voice became deceptively calm, "Do you not like my daughter's name, Mr. Stark?"

Tony blinked, sensing the danger he was in, "Like it? Are you kidding? I _love_ it!"

Loki smirked, "Good."

Pepper shook her head at Tony before smiling again, "Can we see the baby?"

"Darcy is feeding her at the moment."

Tony cocked his head, "Breast feeding?" At Loki's nod, he added under his breath, "Damn, that is one lucky baby."

Loki gave him a warning look, but it was Pepper who elbowed him again. Tony seemed to realize what he'd said and turned to the woman beside him, "I mean…just that…breastfeeding is supposed to be better for the kid. I think I read that somewhere. I wasn't implying that Darcy's breasts are…" He couldn't seem to find the right words, so Pepper supplied, "Any of your business?"

Tony nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Loki shook his head before gesturing for them to follow him, "I shall check on Darcy and my daughter. You may see them as long as she is feeling up to it."

Pepper nodded, "Of course. How _is_ Darcy?"

Loki was silent for a long moment. "It was an exceedingly unpleasant birth. I had to hurt her very badly in order to save our daughter. I know Darcy would be annoyed with me if I apologized, but I still hurt her. It will take her some time to recover from the emotional scarring."

Loki felt Tony's hand on his shoulder and turned to give him a crooked smile, "Are you trying to comfort me again, Tony? I believe the last time you attempted such, _you_ were the one who ended up requiring comfort."

Tony blushed almost imperceptibly before making the universal gesture for 'cut it out,' hand swiping across his throat. Loki chuckled as Pepper asked quizzically, "Why did _you_ need comfort?"

Tony puffed out a breath of air as he shrugged, remaining silent.

Turning the corner, Loki held up his hand as he approached his room, "I shall be right back. Remain here."

As he closed the door behind him, his eyes fastened on the breathtaking sight of the two most important things in his life asleep on the bed. He slid closer quietly and took a moment to enjoy the peace on the faces of his lover and his daughter. He knew Darcy needed her rest so he ran his fingers down her temple and whispered, "Sleep."

Then he lifted his daughter as gently as if she were made of spun sugar. With one last lingering look at Darcy, he made his way to the door and out into the hall.

At their first look at Astrid, Pepper immediately started bouncing on the balls of her feet and Tony's mouth formed a wide smile. Loki kept his voice low, "She is sleeping."

Pepper bit her lip, tears filling her eyes as she leaned closer to get a better look. After spending a minute examining the baby, she spontaneously popped up on her toes to give Loki a kiss on the cheek. Loki used every ounce of his control not to flinch. Why did women become so demonstrative in their affection when babies were present? It must be instinctual.

He sighed before looking at Pepper, "Have you ever held a child?" At her nod, he shifted his body. "I can see how much you wish to hold her. You may do so." Pepper's smile was blinding as she gently took the child from Loki's arms. After a few minutes of oohing and aahing, she looked up at Loki again. "Can Tony hold her?"

The man in question took a step back, "Whoa! Hold on a minute. I don't do babies." He paused, thinking over the words he'd just said. "Wait…that came out wrong."

Loki held back a laugh. All of these big, strong men – _heroes_ – and they balked at the idea of holding a child. But Loki knew exactly which button to push here, "You are not _scared_ of my little girl, are you?"

Tony's back stiffened as he reflexively bit out, "No! Of course not."

"Then hold your goddaughter."

Tony gave Loki a look filled with a strange combination of pride and dread. Then he let Pepper hand the little body over, nodding at Pepper's anxious whispers of "support her head!" and "she's not a football, Tony!"

Once the child was situated in Tony's arms, Pepper took a step back and Loki took a step forward – it wasn't that he didn't trust the mortal to hold his daughter correctly without Pepper's help, it was just…well, alright – maybe he _didn't_ trust him just yet. After all, the man was holding very precious cargo.

Tony studied the baby, "She's cute in a Benjamin Button sort of way."

Loki had no idea what that meant, so he just nodded and continued to watch carefully. He was almost as afraid for Tony as he was for Astrid. Truthfully, the child was the more durable of the two. Not to mention her dormant Jötunn powers. He really didn't want to have to explain to Pepper why Tony needed to be thawed out for squeezing his daughter too tightly.

A sigh behind him made Loki turn to look at Pepper. She was giving Tony the same look that Jane had given Thor earlier. Apparently, there was just something hardwired into female brains to find the image of their man holding a baby irresistible. It was like a trigger for their own latent desire to become mothers. Poor Tony.

He smirked and leaned closer to whisper in the man's ear, "I do believe that you are next, my friend. Pepper's…what did Darcy call it?...oh yes, her 'biological clock' is ticking."

Tony's head shot up so fast, Loki had to jerk his own head away before it collided with his nose. "_What_?" Tony caught Pepper's melting look and froze. Loki let out a little chuckle at the pure fear that began to leak from the man's pores.

It took Tony a few seconds before he could actually speak. Once he could, his voice was accusing, "This is _your_ fault."

Loki just smiled.

* * *

><p>Astrid was back with her mother, resting as they healed from the trauma of the previous night. Loki spent hours watching the two of them from his position on the bed beside his lover. He would reach out occasionally, running his finger gently down the soft, little form that lay comfortably sprawled on her mother's chest. Suddenly, a whisper ran across his mind and he knew that Tony Stark was worried. A quick check with a double proved that the mortal was now in the same room as his father. That wasn't going to go over well. With a sigh, he eased out of bed and quietly made his way to the throne room.<p>

Voices raised in greeting when Loki entered, which was a pleasant surprise. It seemed people were willing to put aside their differences for the moment, the joy of new life fresh in the air. Groups stood talking animatedly, everyone laughing and smiling. Everyone except Tony Stark.

"What is bothering you, Tony? I could feel your anxiety from halfway across the castle."

Tony leaned close and whispered, "He's looking at me again. Every time I turn around, he's looking at me. It's fucking creepy, man!"

Loki turned his head and, sure enough, Odin _was_ staring at the mortal. He smirked at his father before turning back to Tony.

"You are just paranoid, my friend."

Tony snorted in disbelief. They were quiet for a moment as they watched Pepper and Sif discussing something with warm smiles on their faces.

Tony suddenly said, "She's amazing, Loki. Your little girl."

"I know."

Tony chuckled, "Well, I hope she gets her mother's sense of modesty."

Loki let that one slide – no son of Odin could ever be _humble_.

Tony added, "But not her mom's tits. Or, I mean, breasts. Shit, I should start censoring myself. I shouldn't curse in front of your kid. Oh I just said 'shit' too." He paused, "And I said it _again_! This is going to be hard."

Loki was puzzled, "Why should she not have her mother's chest?" He was wondering just how much ale Tony had been able to consume in the time he was away from him.

Tony snapped his fingers, "Chest! That's a much better term. And for safety reasons, of course."

"Safety?"

Tony spoke as if this were a perfectly ordinary topic of conversation, "Well, yeah. I mean I don't consciously ogle Darcy's rack – shit, I mean _chest_! Oh man, I did it again! I'm never going to be able to keep it PG. You know, that's another good reason not to leave me alone with your offspring – her first word would be 'shit'. I guess that's better than Fury though. If he had kids, their first words would've been 'motherfucker'. Four syllables or not, there'd be no alternative."

Tony was oblivious to the look Loki was giving him. The god's voice was tense, "We shall worry about your language later. Go back to my lover's chest and your tendency to stare at it."

Still oblivious, "Oh, well I don't make it a point to stare. But I do sometimes. I mean, they're right _there_. It'd be like a sin not to look. Kind of like slapping whatever deity that's responsible for making her right in the face."

Tony finally turned his head and noticed that Loki didn't look pleased, "But see! Your face right now! You look at me like that when I just _talk_ about your girlfriend's breasts. What would you do if it were your daughter? My balls wish they could actually retreat inside my body for safety just thinking about it."

Loki gave him a long, chilling look, "You are telling me that you are planning to stare at my _daughter's_ breasts?"

Tony's mouth dropped open as he realized that was pretty much exactly what he was saying, but not at all what he meant. Shit! Where the hell did Pepper go? She was supposed to use her bony elbows to prevent him from saying things like this. What was the point of her following him up here anyway if she wasn't going to stop him from putting his foot in his mouth? Since he was all alone, he tried to explain, "No! Of course not! I would never. I'm going to be her _godfather_. That would just be creepy. And I'm not creepy. I'm lots of things – mainly awesome things – but definitely not creepy. I was just thinking about other – _creepier_ – people. People that stare. I'm sure I'd be furious if anybody did that to my daughter. But that's me. You? Well, you would probably kill them. Painfully and slowly, and definitely creatively. That's all I meant."

Loki's brow raised, "I am only refraining from hurting you right now because the woman I love enjoys your company. Know that." Then he paused to actually let the words sink in. "Although you quite crudely bring up a good point." Astrid _would_ be breathtakingly beautiful. Men would one day desire her. How would Loki handle that? The answer seemed simple: Astrid wouldn't be allowed alone in a room with a man who wasn't related to her until…well, _never_ seemed like a good time. Loki smiled, pleased with his plan.

Then he turned to look at a nervous Tony, "And if I ever catch you staring at Darcy's chest again, I will turn you into a woman yourself. That way you can satisfy such a longing merely by looking in the mirror."

Tony paled, "Can you _do_ that?"

Loki's smile was unsettling.

Suddenly, a heavy hand smacked Loki on the back, jarring him and causing him to take a bracing step forward. Obviously, it was Thor. The God of Thunder seemed to have been enjoying some celebratory ale.

"Brother! Everyone, look at my brother! He is a father now!" People cheered and laughed at the slightly slurred words. Loki shook his head at the display. Thor turned his goofy smile on Loki again, "My niece is one very lucky little girl to have _you_ for a father. I can think of no finer man for such an extraordinary task."

Loki blinked at the words. They felt surprisingly nice to hear fall from Thor's lips. He reached his own arm up and patted the larger man on the back. "And she is blessed to have _you_ for an uncle."

Thor's smile became impossibly wider. He started tugging Loki over to the Warriors Three who all smiled and teased and congratulated him again. It felt like old times. No, it felt _better_ than old times because now there was no veil of dishonesty between them.

Again, that foreign emotion trickled into Loki's consciousness. Contentment. Family. Belonging.

_Finally_.

* * *

><p>AN: I'm closing in on 1,000 reviews. What? _WHAT!_ I don't know how to process this. Thank you? Pinch me? Anyway...there's more to come with this story, so I hope you keep enjoying.


	34. Chapter 34

With the baby no longer preventing healing magic, Darcy was up on her feet by the next morning. Once it was clear that both Darcy and Astrid were healthy, Loki popped down to Midgard to pick up the worried grandparents. Knowing that Asgard would be a bit overwhelming to the mortal couple, he brought them directly into his bedroom where Darcy and Astrid had been staying.

There were tears and squeals and sloppy kisses and manly handshakes. It seemed the mortal ritual was not much different than the Asgardian one.

While Donna and Alan got to know their new granddaughter, Loki went to fetch his own parents. As they were to be in-laws, he felt they should become better acquainted. Unlike his wife, Odin had yet to even meet the mortals. While Frigga had insisted on coming down to Midgard for the baby shower, Odin had claimed that someone needed to remain in Asgard to protect the realm. As far as excuses went, that one was particularly flimsy in Loki's opinion. So, Odin would meet Darcy's parents today and he would do it with a smile even if Loki had to take control of the Allfather's body and force him to comply like a surly, one-eyed marionette. Loki didn't relish the thought of making an aggressive power play with his father while their relationship was still so tenuous, but this was important.

Searching for his parents, Loki found them deep in conversation with Hogun. The stoic warrior was the first to notice Loki's presence and the words froze on his tongue.

Odin turned to see what had captured Hogun's attention. "Ah, Loki. Is something the matter?"

Loki took a cautious step into the room. "Not at all. I hope I am not interrupting anything."

Hogun answered quickly, "Nothing of importance. Are your woman and daughter well?"

Loki nodded before directing his attention to his mother. "Darcy's parents are here. I would greatly appreciate if you were to go welcome them." He turned to his father, "If you _both_ would go welcome them."

Odin's voice was strange. "So there are yet more mortals in Asgard?"

Mindful of the sudden tension, Hogun went to silently excuse himself, but Loki quickly shook his head and raised a hand to entreat the warrior to stay. Then Loki turned back to Odin and rallied his patience. "Yes. My betrothed is mortal. Her parents are mortal. And it should not matter that they are here now as they were going to attend the wedding anyway."

Odin's rigid expression never faltered. "I am unsure just what Heimdall's duties are these days. It seems that _you_ have suddenly appointed yourself gatekeeper. Who will you bring here tomorrow?"

Loki immediately decided that every damn member of S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to be invited to the wedding just to annoy his father.

Before Loki could answer, Frigga cut in, "Odin! We must not quarrel. I will go greet Donna Lewis and Alan Lewis. You may join me if you wish."

"He is going with you." Loki's voice allowed no argument.

Odin's jaw clenched almost imperceptibly. "I think you forget that I am still king, my son."

To everyone's surprise, Loki smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile. Shivers danced down Frigga's spine at the combination of her son's upturned lips and the cold look in his eyes. His words were like poisoned honey. "How could I forget, Father? But you will still go." He stared hard into Odin's eyes and sent his next words directly into his mind, "_Do not force my hand here, Father. You remain king because I allow you to do so. You would do well to remember that Thor is ready to take the throne now. Go meet Darcy's parents._"

Odin's body tensed before he released his breath on a sigh. Loki expected some form of anger or resistance, but Odin simply turned to his wife and said, "Come, Frigga. We must welcome the mortals to Asgard."

Frigga threw a confused glance between the two men before answering with a hesitant nod. She took Odin's arm and allowed him to guide her from the room. At the doorway, Odin turned and gave Loki an inscrutable look. Though it seemed absurd, Loki thought it almost looked like pride. Before he could figure out what that meant, his parents were gone.

"It is strange to see you so happy."

Loki turned to look at Hogun as the warrior continued, "Not that you are particularly pleased at the moment. But since you returned here with your woman, you have been truly joyful. I had not realized just how much of an act you had been performing before Thor's banishment. You wore false smiles every day." Hogun sounded vaguely repentant, "I feel as if I owe you an apology though I do not know why."

Loki studied the man before him, "You owe me nothing. You did not see because I did not want you to see. Let us move beyond the past." He stepped closer and hesitated a moment before reaching out to Hogun and wrapping his hands around the shorter man's biceps. "I believe it is time for the both of us to let go of what is gone and embrace the future that is enfolding before our eyes."

This wasn't the first time Loki had referred to Hogun's past. He (and perhaps Odin and Heimdall) were the only ones privy to what had befallen the silent man. Loki had read the man's mind long ago when the skill was still new and required more and better test subjects to master it. It was Loki's first taste of the guilt that could stem from the use of his unique powers. He never ventured back into Hogun's mind, but the experience had made a severe impact. What Loki had seen in the warrior's mind had forced him to respect Hogun more than he had thought possible – he was a man who had lost literally everything but refused to break. And Loki had always respected resilience. Still, there were reasons why Loki would never ask Hogun to hold Astrid. He would never be so cruel. Not when the phantom of childish giggles and puddles of crimson spread beneath tiny bodies still haunted the silent warrior's dreams. But Loki had decided long ago that he would be there for this man, doing whatever he deemed necessary to reinforce the knowledge that Hogun was no longer alone. After all, Loki was intimately familiar with the fact that some families are not born; they are made. And Hogun was family.

As Hogun reached up to clasp Loki's arms and return the embrace, the corners of the silent warrior's lips quirked up into a small smile. Wordlessly, Loki returned the expression with a grin of his own.

* * *

><p>Odin had been perfectly civil to Darcy's parents, though that might have had more to do with their borderline reverent behavior than Loki's threats. The mortals had been obviously and a bit humorously awestruck at the Allfather's presence. While they had already met Frigga, the Queen had a gentle air to her that put those around her at ease. And Thor and the other warriors they had met had been boisterous but polite. Loki himself, while never completely dropping the aura of danger that surrounded him, was damned charming when he wanted to be and had worked hard to make them comfortable in his presence. So with those examples, the poor mortals were unprepared for the moment when Odin swept into the room in an explosion of gold and power, leaving awe and reverence in his wake.<p>

Odin seemed _especially_ pleased when Donna asked if she should kneel. Frigga assured her that wasn't necessary, but that simple, honest offer had been a nice icebreaker. Odin welcomed them to Asgard with grand words and a lukewarm smile, while Frigga jumped in to welcome them to the family. Odin's jaw clenched at that pronouncement, as if involuntarily objecting to the upgrade in the mortals' status, but he let it go when Astrid decided to let her presence be known with an impressive howl. After that, softly murmured words and teary smiles dissolved any lingering tension in the room.

Frigga proposed a tour of Asgard for the Lewis family, but Darcy quickly bowed out with an excuse about naptimes and feeding. Odin waved his wife and the mortals away, claiming to desire a moment alone with Darcy and his granddaughter. Darcy knew her face clearly reflected her dislike of that idea, but before she could voice any complaints, Frigga ushered her parents out into the hallway and the door closed behind them with an ominous click.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Darcy tried her best to preserve that silence by not making eye contact, but that only increased the awkwardness level around her. Moving surprisingly quietly for an old man in ostentatious armor, Odin crossed the distance between them and silently took Astrid from Darcy's arms. Her fingers twitched as if to steal the child back, but she let her hands fall to her sides and finally looked directly at the face of the man before her.

His gaze was intent on the little body in his arms and his expression was far more gentle than she had anticipated. Without taking his eye off the precious bundle, he addressed Darcy, causing her to jump at the sudden noise.

"You are good for my son."

Darcy blinked, trying to interpret that. She had a bit of difficulty because it sounded rather like a compliment and Odin would never say anything of the sort to her. Still, she figured she ought to respond.

Her voice was hesitant. "Thank you?" It was a question, not a statement.

He finally glanced up and pinned her with a look that made her want to step back and cross her arms over her chest defensively, but she held her ground and tipped her chin up to better meet his gaze.

He added, "That does not mean I believe you are good for Asgard."

That was much more like it. Insults and the like were more suited to their particular relationship.

Darcy tried not to smile, but she had a feeling she was failing. "Well, the way I see it, what's good for Loki is good for Asgard. And fatherhood will hopefully calm any of those lingering homicidal impulses."

Odin acknowledged the words with a nod, before cocking his head to the side. "I cannot tell if you love him because he is a killer or despite it."

Darcy suddenly had the uneasy feeling that this was some sort of fucked up Odin-style heart-to-heart. Treading lightly, she replied, "I don't see why it has to be an either/or situation."

He remained silent, but the look he gave her seemed to demand clarification, so she continued. "I love him. That's not going to change if he does something horrible. I may love myself a little bit less for loving someone who can do something like that. But…I mean, don't _you_ still love him? It's obvious how pissed you were at him when he decided to go to the dark side, but you still love him, right?"

"He is my son. And in that particular instance, I loved him despite what he had done."

Darcy let that marinate in her mind for a moment. "Well, that's just not very fair. If you love someone, then it should be completely. It shouldn't be in spite of anything. That seems to taint it a bit. Granted, I'm pretty hormonal at the moment, so I might be getting a bit mushy on you." She took another moment to think it over. "But I guess it is kinda fair. Loki loves you in spite of the fact that you were an enormous, lying jackass to him. So I guess you can love him in spite of the fact that he didn't obey your every whim."

Odin gave her a curious smile. "You enjoy being insolent to me."

"It's not insolence, it's honesty. Though I can see how you could get those confused."

Astrid let out a quiet whimper and Odin adjusted her in his arms before shifting his attention back to Darcy. "Did Loki seduce you immediately, or take his time?"

Awkward. So awkward. And she thought _her_ dad was good at the uncomfortable questions. But she had just promised the man honesty, so she replied, "I think we accidentally seduced each other."

He raised a brow, "Do explain."

"Well, I approached him first. And I was a bit tipsy so I think I inadvertently hit on him. It was just that he got the shitty end of the stick and he still saved Thor. I felt like instead of ostracizing him, we should reward that kind of positive behavior. Not that he's a dog or anything, but someone needed to acknowledge that it was a good thing that he didn't enslave the Earth and kill all my friends and co-workers. Then he stole my panties, followed by my bra, and he just kept popping up out of nowhere for a while. We would chat and he tried my guacamole. I think we were friends." Darcy bit her lip remembering what came next, "Then something happened which he's never really explained to me. I assume it involved his very uncool pastime of reading my mind and my very embarrassing habit of picturing him naked. So he got all stalkery and shoved me up against a door…and…yeah. It was pretty hot. But I still take half the credit for that. I think he only went after me once he knew I was perving on him."

Well that was about as honest as Darcy could get. Odin didn't appear to be uncomfortable with the overshare. "So you were friends before you were lovers?"

Darcy nodded. "Granted, we were only friends for a relatively short amount of time. Especially to someone who's immortal. But yeah. And then I think we were friends who _were_ lovers. And then we both found ourselves in over our heads before we even realized we were drowning. Or at least that's what it was like for me."

"Knowing Loki as I do, I assure you that he must have felt similarly overwhelmed. Love is power. You have more power over my son than anyone in any realm, save perhaps this little girl." Odin inclined his head toward Astrid.

Darcy let one of Loki's mischievous grins slide onto her own face. "Well then, it's probably in your best interest to play nice with me. I'm not sure if you've noticed what a badass my man is, but staying on my good side would probably work out best for you if I've got so much power over him."

Odin studied her face with an air of quiet amusement. "Are you threatening me?"

Darcy had the irrational urge to giggle. "Nope. I was being honest again. You really do have a problem with telling the difference."

Odin didn't respond. He simply adjusted Astrid in his arms again so that he could pull a hand free and stroke the back of one finger down the soft pink skin of her cheek.

Feeling heartened by the conversation, Darcy decided to push her luck. "You like me, don't you?"

Odin never lifted his gaze, but she could see the upward quirk of his lips. "Now what ever would make you say such an irrational thing?"

Darcy took a step closer and then reached out to cover the hand that was still making its way up and down her baby's face. The man before her seemed to freeze almost imperceptibly as she tightened her grip on his fingers.

"You held my hand."

Odin finally lifted his head to meet her eyes. "Pardon?"

"When I was giving birth. It's all a bit fuzzy. There was a buttload of pain and yelling and I really thought I was going to die. But I remember that you held my hand."

"I was monitoring your heartbeat through your wrist. Nothing more."

Darcy smiled widely, "Liar." Before he could speak, she continued, "And I'm not being insolent, I'm being _honest_. You're a liar. Maybe even to yourself. You _like_ me."

Odin searched her face. "Perhaps I like the effect you have had on Loki."

She snorted indelicately. "What effect? Loki is Loki and no one can change that. Though I do try to follow that rewarding-the-good-behavior system I was telling you about."

Odin gave her a patronizing look. "With you, he has accepted himself. Even his true nature as a Frost Giant seems to no longer cause him such distress. That is _your_ influence."

"Maybe, maybe not. He needed time to readjust his entire outlook on who he is and was and would be. Because _someone_ didn't tell him certain very important things about himself. Being brought up thinking that Frost Giants were evil bastards and then finding out you are one really helps to redefine the meaning of self-loathing. But there's nothing wrong with being Jötunn. He's really beautiful when he's blue. It's almost magical or something."

Instead of looking angered at her accusations, Odin smiled wryly. "And you still ask what effect you have had on him?"

Darcy smiled back. "Doesn't change the fact that you like me. Admit it. You don't get enough insolence in your life."

Odin's smile shifted into something more genuine. "Insolence? I thought you were being _honest_."

Now Darcy did actually giggle. "Maybe I'm both. You still like me. Come on, say it. Say 'Darcy, I like you.' You know that I know that you like me. Man up and admit it."

Odin didn't answer, but she took his amused expression as confirmation. She kept her grip on his hand so that he couldn't pull away, but he never even tried.

Yeah, he totally liked her.

She wondered how he'd react if she started calling him 'Dad'. Hmm…she was going to have to make sure Tony had the camera phone ready when she tried that one out. The Allfather's facial expression was sure to be priceless.

* * *

><p>AN: I suck. I'm sorry. I will finish this, I promise! There's not too much more now. Thanks for all the encouraging reviews and messages. I'll do my very best to update quickly. Sorry for the delay!


	35. Chapter 35

"Stop fidgeting."

Darcy leveled a glare at Jane, who simply shrugged it off and added, "And get your fingers out of your mouth."

Darcy intensified the glare, but reluctantly pulled the thumb from between her lips and absently noted the spot of red around her cuticle. So she bit her nails when she was nervous. So what? She was marrying her baby-daddy today. And he was a former (not exactly reformed, but definitely _former_) supervillain. And a prince. And an alien of sorts. And after the ceremony was over, she'd be immortal. That was heavy shit. Even James Bond would be cuddling with his blankie over that one. Jane was lucky that Darcy wasn't curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth. But if being with Loki had taught Darcy anything, it was how to embrace the insanity. And cloak the hysteria. She put her game face on.

"I can't believe I'm getting married before you. You and Thor have been attached at the lips since pretty much the moment you met. Which was like years ago. _Years_!"

Jane's mouth turned up into the small smile that made Darcy like Thor just a little bit more every time she saw it, "We have all the time in the world."

That was true. In a literal sense.

Said world suddenly seemed to shift just a bit off its axis and Darcy had to throw a hand out to brace herself on the mirror in front of her.

"Whoa, Darcy! You alright?"

Darcy blinked rapidly at the reflection before her, but no matter how many times she opened her eyes, the woman in the mirror was still wearing a wedding dress.

"Yeah. I'm ok. Just…this is really happening. I mean, I'm actually _marrying_ Loki. As in 'til death do you part'. Except without the death. Talk about an Unbreakable Vow."

Jane let out a little sigh of relief, "That's just the nerves talking. Every bride gets cold feet."

"No, my feet are toasty warm! I want to marry Loki. Trust me, I do. I am more sure of that than pretty much anything. But it's still intense. I mean, he's…_Loki_."

Jane nodded thoughtfully, "Yeah, the whole world-domination thing is a pretty big skeleton in the closet."

"Actually, I was more concerned that I'm marrying the guy who tattooed his name on my hip the first night we slept together. But I guess you have a point."

Jane's mouth did that thing it did whenever Darcy casually mentioned some of Loki's more questionable quirks. "He did _what_?"

Darcy smiled playfully, "Don't worry. I got even. Now my name is-"

Jane held up a hand, "Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Why do you always assume I want to know these things?"

Darcy giggled, meeting Jane's eyes in the mirror. She sobered as she picked up on the serious vibe the woman behind her was radiating. "What?"

Jane shook her head, "It's just…you look happy. I'm glad. If I look half as happy as you do on my wedding day, I'll be blessed." She reached up from behind and let her hands rest on Darcy's shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze.

"Don't go there, Jane. I _will_ cry, and I promised myself I wasn't going to do that today. I am not going to be that bride. The one who cries. That is _not_ me. I am already living every other damn cliché imaginable. I'm the poor, young girl from the wrong side of the Bifrost who got knocked up by the bad-boy prince. And now we're getting married. If I have a drunken uncle hit on Sif, or one of Loki's exes tries to stop the wedding…it'd be Hollywood-level cliché. Oh god, if my life were a movie I'd be played by Reese Witherspoon. How did that happen? _How_?"

Jane rubbed her hands over Darcy's shoulders soothingly, "No, not Reese. You'd be someone much edgier. Rooney Mara, maybe? Or at least Ellen Page."

"Really?"

Jane nodded decisively, "Absolutely."

Darcy let out the breath she'd been holding. "Thanks. Who'd play Loki?"

Jane cocked her head, thinking hard. "That's tough. Viggo is a bit too old. Fassbender? He smiles like a serial killer, but everyone still wants to sleep with him."

Darcy spun around quickly, wrapping her arms around a startled Jane, "Oh, you do understand me! You're the best friend a girl could ever ask for! Fassbender, that's so inspired….he's even anatomically accurate! Oh crap, I really _am_ going to cry. I love the shit out of you."

Jane hugged her back with a chagrined smile, "It's amazing how many of our conversations end up revolving around Loki's manhood."

Darcy's smile was hidden in Jane's shoulder, "Would you prefer we talk about Thor's 'hammer' instead?"

"You're being downgraded to Rachel McAdams."

Darcy gasped, "No! You called me edgy! I won't mention Thor's package for the rest of the day, I promise. Please upgrade me! At least to Emily Blunt level. Selma Blair even. Please? I'll make sure you're played by Michelle Williams…," she smiled both desperately and enticingly.

Jane paused, considering. "No package talk of any kind for at least a week."

"Fine, done. Phew!"

Jane shook her head, "You do realize they're not actually making a movie about you, right?"

Darcy quirked a grin, "I'm marrying a prince who tried to enslave Earth when he found out he was adopted from a supposedly evil alien race, until a crisis of conscience made him save the day and now he gets contracted out by a shady government organization full of gods and superheroes. And Tony Stark. They made a movie about the guy who invented the _windshield wiper_. Do you seriously think we're not going to be portrayed on film at some point? And not just that amateur porn stuff Clint found. Although seriously, some of those women were very creatively inspired by my man's helmet. I mean, personally I would never stick it _there_. Talk about unsanitary. Though I guess you could put a condom on one of the horns and-"

"Oh my god, stop talking! Seriously! I can't even…you're sick."

Darcy looked affronted, "_I'm_ sick? I've never stuck any part of Loki's outfit _in_ me. Those women were freaks!"

Jane still looked aghast, "I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened."

Darcy tried to interject, but Jane cut her off with a firm "_No_" and raised both her eyebrows for emphasis.

Darcy sighed, "Fine. But you should know for the record that I think this whole prude thing you have going on is just a cover. I bet you and Thor are closet deviants who roleplay nightly. The Viking and the Tavern Wench?"

"We do just fine being ourselves."

Darcy giggled, "Kinky. The Prince and the Scientist? Loki and I played that once, but he kept breaking my glasses with his pelvis."

"Ok, that's it! Enough. No more slutty talk. You're a mom now."

Darcy raised a condescending brow, "And how do you think I became a mom? Immaculate conception? Loki might be a god, but I don't think that's _his_ M.O."

Jane looked her up and down, "The white dress is more ironic on you than on any other bride I've ever met."

"Hey, don't mock the white. Mom would have killed me if I didn't do this at least somewhat traditionally. I'm just glad everyone here was alright with this dress. Asgardian fashion is definitely avant-garde."

Jane made a face, but otherwise didn't say anything. She didn't really have to. They were both obviously thinking about the necessity of the helmets.

The door opened and Pepper Potts and her eight miles of leg strode into the room with a babbling Donna in tow. Pepper had a clipboard in one hand and her cellphone in the other. She took her role as godmother seriously, meaning she felt both entitled and obligated to run the show during every aspect of Astrid's life. This included mommy and daddy's wedding. Pepper in full control-mode was an amusing experience for Darcy. She figured it must be what Tony experiences all the time.

Donna was the first to speak, flinging herself at Darcy, "Oh, my baby! You're just so beautiful! So, so beautiful." Darcy found herself engulfed in her mother's arms while she muttered incoherent sentence fragments about Darcy being beautiful, Asgard being shiny, and Loki being such a nice, young man. Darcy let all three pieces of ridiculousness go.

Pepper stepped in confidently, "Alright folks. Showtime."

Jane gave a happy, little hum while Donna stepped back and smoothed a piece of hair off her daughter's forehead.

Darcy took a deep breath, then nodded. "Let's do this."

* * *

><p>"I'm just glad my goddaughter won't be a bastard anymore. Wait, what's the female form of bastard? Bastardess?"<p>

Loki looked up and caught Tony's eye, "Did you just refer to my daughter as a bastard?"

"I meant it in the literal sense. Illegitimate."

Loki continued to stare the man down. Tony hastened to add, "In the sense that you weren't married when you knocked Darcy up."

Thor's voice cut in, "I believe if Pepper were here, she would tell you to stop doing things that get you into trouble. And trouble is exactly what seems to occur every time your mouth opens and words come out."

Loki let out a deep chuckle, throwing an appreciative half-grin in his brother's direction. Thor's occasional attempts at humor were met with varying degrees of success, but in Loki's opinion it was always acceptable to poke fun at Tony.

Heedless, Tony said, "Eh, he's not going to kill anyone. It's his wedding day."

Loki smirked, "It could be a wedding gift to myself. Call my daughter a bastard again, I dare you."

"Pfft! Kill me? Fat chance. I held you while you cried. That practically makes us brothers." Tony thought about the complicated nature of the sibling relationship between the gods in the room and threw out a hasty, "No offense, Thor."

Loki's head tilted, "It is funny, but that is not how I remember that event happening. Tears? Yes. From _my_ eyes? No."

"You cried, Tony? When?" Thor looked amused.

Tony stood up straight and poked Thor in the chest to emphasize his point, "Manly tears. _Manly_. And it wasn't liked I sobbed or anything. It was perhaps one lone, masculine te-…oh for fuck's sake, you make me feel like a girl anyway. Stupid tall Asgardians with your stupid macho armor over stupid macho muscles. Just standing next to you makes me feel like I should be watching 'Beaches' and wondering if the new Mark VII armor makes my ass look fat."

"You know, it is a good thing that you are such a manwhore or comments like that would be raising little rainbow flags."

Tony was demonstrably not amused, "Fuck you, Loki."

"No thank you. But see what I mean?" Loki's tone was glib. "People could misinterpret that. And I have seen you looking at the Captain's body quite closely when he is suited up in his spandex."

Tony blustered, "Whoa, no, that's…_no_. Not that there's anything wrong with…I mean, I went to college. But no. He was my hero when I was a kid and seeing the costume is…just no." Tony took a moment to visibly compose himself. "You're a shmuck. I don't know how Darcy can stand you. It's a good thing your daughter is so cute or I'd abandon you after such harsh treatment."

"My bastard daughter, you mean?"

Tony sighed, "Fine. I apologize for referring to the status that is designated to your daughter by being born out of wedlock. Even though it's in the dictionary."

Thor just shook his head. He'd always thought his brother was odd. But then he met Anthony Stark. It was no wonder that the two got along so well. Such men would either be the closest of friends or kill each other. Thor was glad it ended up being the former. Well, mostly glad.

Tony continued by asking, "And speaking of my favorite little lady, where is the perfectly legitimate fruit of your loins?"

Loki's face was expressionless, "With my father."

Tony blinked, "Holy shit. _Really_?"

Loki shook his head mockingly, "Of course not, you gullible imbecile. Steve is looking after Astrid."

Tony's face cleared and he looked like all was once again right in the world.

A knock on the door and then Fandral's head was poking around the frame, "Tony, the lovely Lady Potts has informed me that you were not answering her call. She bid me to tell you gentlemen that it is time. And did I mention she was lovely? Your betrothed truly is a vision in lavender. You are a lucky man."

Fandral was gone before Tony could even stutter out an exasperated, "She's not my…oh never mind."

Loki smiled wryly, "Resignation? Interesting. So you are finally ready to kiss bachelorhood goodbye as well?"

Tony gave him a somewhat uneasy look, "Maybe. Possibly. Hell, if anything, Stark Industries stock would probably rise. People seem to think she's a stabilizing influence on me. Which, you know, is pretty funny if you think about it considering how all over the place I am when it comes to her."

Loki sighed, "Stock prices. And here I thought my brother was the most inept romantic of my acquaintance. And it turns out, he is not even the most inept romantic in this room."

Both Thor and Tony shouted '_H__ey!_' in sync and then turned to give each other mildly insulted looks.

Loki smiled and started to head for the door, "Now hurry along. I have a beautiful, flexible, sexually-adventurous woman who is willing to bind herself to me for eternity. And she was telling me all about what occurs on the night of the wedding. To say I am eagerly awaiting the setting of the sun would be an understatement of truly majestic proportions."

Speechless, Thor and Tony followed the God of Mischief out the door. Well, they couldn't argue with that.

* * *

><p>Odin presided over the ceremony. Darcy supposed he had to since she was becoming all godly and shit.<p>

Still, it made her want to giggle inappropriately and make some sort of lewd gesture just to get a reaction. Every time she looked over at Loki, she knew he was thinking the same thing. Astrid must have subconsciously picked up on her parents' amusement since Darcy could hear Astrid's sweet laugh and see her chubby, smiling face out of the corner of her eye. Seriously, Astrid was the most perfect baby ever. Darcy figured she might be biased, but it seemed pretty obvious to her.

The ceremony itself appeared vaguely like a normal wedding in the sense that they were standing at the top of the altar-like throne room and several hundred of their closest friends were gathered around them. Well, 'closest' was a stretch, but Loki was a prince so everyone in Asgard wanted to stand there and gawk. Darcy didn't mind. She felt pretty, Loki looked delicious and everyone she ever cared about was around her.

She still thought it was hilarious that Loki sent a personal invitation to every single member of S.H.I.E.L.D. from Fury right down to the janitorial staff. And to the consternation of Odin, most of the mortals took them up on it. Heimdall had never had so many visitors. She supposed it wasn't every day that you got an invitation to visit a different realm. Talk about a destination wedding!

This place was certainly amazing enough to keep the visitors in awe. And she was going to be part of it. She was going to be Princess Darcy of Asgard. Wife of Prince Loki of Asgard. And possibly – _ridiculously_ – she would also be Queen Darcy of Jotunheim once Loki got that situation settled. Apparently, regicide which is also patricide makes for an unusual hiccup in the line of succession. But due to the fact that Loki's birth-dad was a real douche, the remaining Jötunns seemed much more forgiving of Loki's attempted genocide of their people. Sif told her that they were probably just glad to have someone powerful to lead them. Loki simply seemed bemused that he was going to end up being a king after all. It's pretty funny how life works out like that.

Darcy had been half-listening to Odin's blathering about joining of hearts and lives and whatever, when Frigga stepped forward and handed Darcy an apple.

It was an actual apple. Huh.

Darcy wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. But Idun's apples bestowed immortality and such, so she'd at least assumed it would look special. She glanced over at Loki and found that he was smiling with only the very corners of his lips. That mouth. That face. That man.

Forever.

She couldn't wait to get started.

Darcy took a deep breath and a big bite.

* * *

><p>AN: Um, the end. (Except the epilogue which will pop up eventually.) This was a beast. Seriously. 140K+ words. 1K+ reviews. I can't wrap my head around it. I had more places where this was going to go - dealing with Loki's surprise at being made king of Jotunheim. And Steve's girlfriend had this whole nifty (and shady) backstory that I google-researched so it would be all canon-compliant. And Tony was going to continue being awesome. But then life got real, and it was either finish this here and give you all closure, or leave it on hiatus for the foreseeable future. I chose option one. That way all my plans could still occur in a fanfic reader's favorite word: sequel!

Anyway, thank you all so much. I read every review with a huge smile on my face and a great deal of shock in my heart. And the fact that some lovely people made fanart blows my mind. You were all wonderful to me. Now I'm heading out to finally see the Avengers (you lucky non-US readers have had me at a disadvantage). So perfect timing all around! Feel free to drop me a line, and as always: THANK YOU!


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